Mario working for SNK chapter 4- Mario and Leotards are a weird
combination!
The year is still 1994, and after the decent success of Top Hunter, Kawasaki decided that he'd let Mario get involved in another SNK project. Mario enters the office, where the Big boss us in the middle of doing one of his favourite hobbies, shotoclone-torturing. He has the overrated pretender to the fighting game throne, Ryu gagged and tied to the chair, and is poking him with a sharp electrified, poisonous stick. Ryu is in real pain, and would be screaming his fucking head off if he actually had the ability to express himself.
Kawasaki- DIE, DIE, DIE, YOU EMOTIONLESS BASTARD!!! It's people like you, Ken and that fossilised bastard Akuma that give main characters like Terry and Karate characters like Ryo a bad name. SCREAM!!! (Sees Mario walking into the office) Oh, Hi Mario, just the guy I wanted to see.
Mario- uh oh have I come at a bad time?
Oh no, you've just caught me in the middle of one of my hobbies, Ryu torturing.
Mario- COOL! Do you mind if I have a go on what you're doing
Kawasaki- oh by all means, go ahead.
Mario has a go of "Torturing Ryu", and he shoves the stick so far up his arse, that he starts to vomit out his own excretions, and his reproductive organs (not that he had any need for them, and if he'll ever use them). Unnoticed to them, the rest of the SNK employees give him a standing ovation for killing beat 'em up's unworthy icon/hero and weakest link. Kawasaki then talks to Mario about the last couple of weeks since Top Hunter.
Kawasaki- Mario, I'm here to talk about the last month since Top Hunter.
Mario (looking nervous)- hey, I'm telling you, Lara came onto me first, not the other way round.
Flashback to 2 weeknights ago, and Mario is has just woken up from another magic mushroom fuelled sex romp, this time he finds himself next to Videogame sex icon, Lara Croft. Needless to say, Mario is quite chuffed with his "accomplishment".
Mario- OH yeah who's the man. I scored with Lara Croft, which makes me the original tomb Raider, or is it womb raider?
Lara (waking up)- oh, fuck, where am I? (sees Mario next to her) oh shit, what have I gotten myself into now?
Mario- hey you're awake now. Do you wanna play a tune on my magic flute, if you know what I mean?
Lara croft isn't impressed with the Italian fuckwit. And proceeds to kick 7 shit of shit out of him, and shoved a harpoon gun up his arse.
Back to the present day and Kawasaki surprisingly is uninterested in Mario's scandals.
Kawasaki- anyway, about "Top Hunter" now, the wasn't perfection, but at least it made a good amount of profit, which is good for your first ever non-Nintendo project, so good in fact that we decided to take you on again.
Mario- cool, what am I doing this time, kart racing, Tetris-style rip off games, quirky Japanese puzzles?
Kawasaki- no, this time we're doing something completely different. This time we're doing something a little more "Extreme".
Mario- what are you talking about?
Kawasaki- this is what I'm talking about. (throws a Luchadore mask to Mario), I hope you like wrestling, cause it's time to get READY TO RRRRUUUMMMBLE!!! (gets overexcited and does the Stone Cold Steve Austin Beer swilling realises that his employees are looking at him, embarrassed) ahem, anyway you'll be one of the main wrestlers in our new project, called "3 count bout". It should be a fucking slobber knocker for the fans, and you'll also be working with Terry Bogard, Kim Kaphwan and a few volunteers.
After a week of rehearsing, we now go into the Employee locker room, where after a 5-minute look through the keyhole of the female changing rooms, Mario talks to Terry, and Kim about their upcoming project
Terry- as fucking cool as our boss is, he sure as hell can come up with some really crazy crap. I mean look at me, I look like Hulk Hogan in this thing. And boss decided to call me Terry Rogers, really fucked up. I think the whole wrestling idea has gone to his head.
Mario- tell me about it, he bloody made eat lard for the past week, and I would be lying if I said it only went straight to my thighs. Even gave me a really ridiculous name, I mean what the hell is Blues Hablam supposed to mean, anyway?
Kim- if you think you look foolish, look at me, they made me put on face paint, make me spit out green mist and call myself the red dragon, which really is out of character for me. I mean I'm Korean for fuck's sake. And making me Japanese is not funny.
Mario- hey, check out the volunteers. Hey what's your name? (talks to a white guy with chains, white hair and a denim attire)
Leo- Well, my stage name's Leo Bradley, but my real name's Birdie.
Mario- I remember you. You we're Street fighter 1 cannon fodder.
Leo- True, but since Capcom were too busy promoting losers like Ryu, Ken and Gouki, they didn't have much use for cannon fodder characters like us, so I became unemployed for 7 years, and my tuberculosis was growing worse, so I ended up here, cause at least they could give me a bit of cash.
Terry- Hwa Jai? They're finally giving you a part in another SNK game. I thought you got banned from Fatal Fury games after you got so drunk from your potion that you made love to one of the dragon statues to in the Pao Pao café.
Hwa Jai- well, after being the boss' limo driver since my embarrassing incident, the boss decided that he'd give me another chance. But I still question his choices. I mean I'm Thai, so why is he making me dress like an Indian, and why did he have to name me the Gandhara?
Nameless Stage manager- you're on in 5 minutes. So get your asses ready.
Terry- okay everything's set, are you all ready?
The rest- OH FUCK YEAH!!!
So the wrestlers get ready for a slamfest that is 3 Count Bout, but how well will this project go? Will it make a good profit for SNK, and will Mario's performances help the game? Find out next time, after I apologise to the readers for being to short.
Note- sorry for the short chapter, but due to lack of inspiration, I couldn't push this chapter any further, but don't worry, as this'll be a 2 part chapter, so don't despair. some of the volunteers for 3-count bout were basically my idea, although a few were inspired by wrestlers. Terry Rogers, as far as I'm concerned, is a Hybrid of Hulk Hogan and Terry Bogard. That's all I know so far, I'll probably fill you in on a little more next time.
Note 2- birdie before street fighter Alpha, was a cannon fodder character for Street Fighter 1. He dressed like a punk in denim attire, and Mohawk (though I'm unsure whether he wielded chains or not) and he was a white man. Leo Bradley was a wrestler from 3-count bout, who also wore Denim attire and he wielded chains, but wore a white mullet.
Note 3- keeping with the Cannon fodder theme, Hwa Jai was also cannon fodder character, but for Fatal Fury 1. He was basically a bald Joe Higashi with a headband, who drunk a drug like potion, and turned into a huge fireball. You can see why he never came back to Fatal Fury, but he can be seen in cameos in many Fatal Fury games with Joe Higashi. The Gandhara dressed similar, but he had a more Indian attire and spat fire from his mouth.
The year is still 1994, and after the decent success of Top Hunter, Kawasaki decided that he'd let Mario get involved in another SNK project. Mario enters the office, where the Big boss us in the middle of doing one of his favourite hobbies, shotoclone-torturing. He has the overrated pretender to the fighting game throne, Ryu gagged and tied to the chair, and is poking him with a sharp electrified, poisonous stick. Ryu is in real pain, and would be screaming his fucking head off if he actually had the ability to express himself.
Kawasaki- DIE, DIE, DIE, YOU EMOTIONLESS BASTARD!!! It's people like you, Ken and that fossilised bastard Akuma that give main characters like Terry and Karate characters like Ryo a bad name. SCREAM!!! (Sees Mario walking into the office) Oh, Hi Mario, just the guy I wanted to see.
Mario- uh oh have I come at a bad time?
Oh no, you've just caught me in the middle of one of my hobbies, Ryu torturing.
Mario- COOL! Do you mind if I have a go on what you're doing
Kawasaki- oh by all means, go ahead.
Mario has a go of "Torturing Ryu", and he shoves the stick so far up his arse, that he starts to vomit out his own excretions, and his reproductive organs (not that he had any need for them, and if he'll ever use them). Unnoticed to them, the rest of the SNK employees give him a standing ovation for killing beat 'em up's unworthy icon/hero and weakest link. Kawasaki then talks to Mario about the last couple of weeks since Top Hunter.
Kawasaki- Mario, I'm here to talk about the last month since Top Hunter.
Mario (looking nervous)- hey, I'm telling you, Lara came onto me first, not the other way round.
Flashback to 2 weeknights ago, and Mario is has just woken up from another magic mushroom fuelled sex romp, this time he finds himself next to Videogame sex icon, Lara Croft. Needless to say, Mario is quite chuffed with his "accomplishment".
Mario- OH yeah who's the man. I scored with Lara Croft, which makes me the original tomb Raider, or is it womb raider?
Lara (waking up)- oh, fuck, where am I? (sees Mario next to her) oh shit, what have I gotten myself into now?
Mario- hey you're awake now. Do you wanna play a tune on my magic flute, if you know what I mean?
Lara croft isn't impressed with the Italian fuckwit. And proceeds to kick 7 shit of shit out of him, and shoved a harpoon gun up his arse.
Back to the present day and Kawasaki surprisingly is uninterested in Mario's scandals.
Kawasaki- anyway, about "Top Hunter" now, the wasn't perfection, but at least it made a good amount of profit, which is good for your first ever non-Nintendo project, so good in fact that we decided to take you on again.
Mario- cool, what am I doing this time, kart racing, Tetris-style rip off games, quirky Japanese puzzles?
Kawasaki- no, this time we're doing something completely different. This time we're doing something a little more "Extreme".
Mario- what are you talking about?
Kawasaki- this is what I'm talking about. (throws a Luchadore mask to Mario), I hope you like wrestling, cause it's time to get READY TO RRRRUUUMMMBLE!!! (gets overexcited and does the Stone Cold Steve Austin Beer swilling realises that his employees are looking at him, embarrassed) ahem, anyway you'll be one of the main wrestlers in our new project, called "3 count bout". It should be a fucking slobber knocker for the fans, and you'll also be working with Terry Bogard, Kim Kaphwan and a few volunteers.
After a week of rehearsing, we now go into the Employee locker room, where after a 5-minute look through the keyhole of the female changing rooms, Mario talks to Terry, and Kim about their upcoming project
Terry- as fucking cool as our boss is, he sure as hell can come up with some really crazy crap. I mean look at me, I look like Hulk Hogan in this thing. And boss decided to call me Terry Rogers, really fucked up. I think the whole wrestling idea has gone to his head.
Mario- tell me about it, he bloody made eat lard for the past week, and I would be lying if I said it only went straight to my thighs. Even gave me a really ridiculous name, I mean what the hell is Blues Hablam supposed to mean, anyway?
Kim- if you think you look foolish, look at me, they made me put on face paint, make me spit out green mist and call myself the red dragon, which really is out of character for me. I mean I'm Korean for fuck's sake. And making me Japanese is not funny.
Mario- hey, check out the volunteers. Hey what's your name? (talks to a white guy with chains, white hair and a denim attire)
Leo- Well, my stage name's Leo Bradley, but my real name's Birdie.
Mario- I remember you. You we're Street fighter 1 cannon fodder.
Leo- True, but since Capcom were too busy promoting losers like Ryu, Ken and Gouki, they didn't have much use for cannon fodder characters like us, so I became unemployed for 7 years, and my tuberculosis was growing worse, so I ended up here, cause at least they could give me a bit of cash.
Terry- Hwa Jai? They're finally giving you a part in another SNK game. I thought you got banned from Fatal Fury games after you got so drunk from your potion that you made love to one of the dragon statues to in the Pao Pao café.
Hwa Jai- well, after being the boss' limo driver since my embarrassing incident, the boss decided that he'd give me another chance. But I still question his choices. I mean I'm Thai, so why is he making me dress like an Indian, and why did he have to name me the Gandhara?
Nameless Stage manager- you're on in 5 minutes. So get your asses ready.
Terry- okay everything's set, are you all ready?
The rest- OH FUCK YEAH!!!
So the wrestlers get ready for a slamfest that is 3 Count Bout, but how well will this project go? Will it make a good profit for SNK, and will Mario's performances help the game? Find out next time, after I apologise to the readers for being to short.
Note- sorry for the short chapter, but due to lack of inspiration, I couldn't push this chapter any further, but don't worry, as this'll be a 2 part chapter, so don't despair. some of the volunteers for 3-count bout were basically my idea, although a few were inspired by wrestlers. Terry Rogers, as far as I'm concerned, is a Hybrid of Hulk Hogan and Terry Bogard. That's all I know so far, I'll probably fill you in on a little more next time.
Note 2- birdie before street fighter Alpha, was a cannon fodder character for Street Fighter 1. He dressed like a punk in denim attire, and Mohawk (though I'm unsure whether he wielded chains or not) and he was a white man. Leo Bradley was a wrestler from 3-count bout, who also wore Denim attire and he wielded chains, but wore a white mullet.
Note 3- keeping with the Cannon fodder theme, Hwa Jai was also cannon fodder character, but for Fatal Fury 1. He was basically a bald Joe Higashi with a headband, who drunk a drug like potion, and turned into a huge fireball. You can see why he never came back to Fatal Fury, but he can be seen in cameos in many Fatal Fury games with Joe Higashi. The Gandhara dressed similar, but he had a more Indian attire and spat fire from his mouth.