Mario Working for SNK chapter 6- Let's get settled in then, lads.
After taking care of the whole situation with the Koopa brothers, Mario, Terry and Kim get off their plane and are in the Mushroom Kingdom airport. After willingly and happily allowing himself to be frisked, groped and stripped down to his skivvies by a very attractive security guard at the metal detectors stand, Mario leads both Terry to the exit point, where they see Mario's taller and much slimmer brother in green, Luigi, on a Rickshaw, which is being carried by a giant Para-beetles with wings. Luigi is holding a sign with "Mario Kim and Terry" written on it. He goes and greets his brother, whom he hasn't seen for quite a while.
Luigi- Mario! It's-a-good to see you again. Tell me how-a-was-a-your flight?
Mario- MAMAMIA!! It was fucking awful, not only did we get hi-jacked, the movie showed that disastrous "SUPER MARIO BROS." Movie. But, I at least got to score with 2 of the flight Stewardesses during.
Kim- and here's me thinking that you had real bad case of diarrhoea.
Mario- no, but they'll probably have rectal problems after I gave them some "staff" assistance.
Luigi- looks like you haven't changed a bit, Mario. But tell me, why do you not come back to Mushroom kingdom no more? Why do you not work for Nintendo?
Mario- I've been kinda busy with work, since, what Nintendo fired ME! Their fucking franchise, just because of my addiction to drugs, that and I sexually harassed that Nurse from Pokemon. Well fuck Shigeru, cause I'm now in SNK, where people treat their staff with a lot more respect, and we have a lot more fun too. By the way, these are my co-workers, Terry, an up and coming star, and Kim, a TKD kicking god. Oh god, these guys rule, and their great to have a laugh with. Like one time, Terry got so drunk, he did his "okay" pose whilst wearing a traffic cone on his head, and Kim once beat up that vanilla ice poser, John Cena when his family went to see WWE Smackdown, because he thought Cena was a bad influence on his kids, which may explain John Cena's bar fight incident, where he was stabbed in the kidneys.
Kim (guilty)- come on, that couldn't have been me. I know he sucks, but I'm way too moral to stab him. Besides, everyone knows he's just using it as an excuse so he can fuck off to go film his movie. And it's insulting since Johnny Devine was the real victim.
Luigi- anyway, let's get a move on shall we get going?
And so the crew along with Luigi set off to the Mushroom Kingdom. On their way there, they spot a few well-known landmarks.
Terry- wow, I never knew you had ties with Donkey Kong (sees a poster of the old Donkey Kong game).
Luigi- well, that was a when Donkey Kong had a reputation as a misogynistic wife beater, plus he was a crack dealer, who smuggled 50 million gold coins worth of Marijuana bananas in his barrels. Mario was paid a shit load of cash to take him in to the Nintendo police. He was known as "Jump man" in those days.
Kim- wow, Mario. I never knew you studied Ninjitsu (spots a statue of what looks to be Mario in a Ninja costume).
Mario- oh, that? No it's just my ancestor, Dr Yang wasn't it? He used to fight ancient Japanese baddies with his apprentice Goemon.
The gang briefly see a picture of a boo-diddly ghost with a sad expression on his face, as they turn away, the ghost's picture comes to life (or in this case, after-life) and starts to follow them, intent on murder homicide, and other ghastly stuff. As it moves in for the kill it is then hit by a speeding truck, and ends up splattered on the windshield.
Truck driver- shit! No again. (uses the windshield wipers to smear the ghost off) that's better…AAHH!! (crash into a wall, the truck explodes).
Meanwhile, Mario, Terry, Kim and Luigi finally reach their destination, which is Mario and Luigi's home, after they moved out from their flat (see chapter 1). It looks like a typical Middle American penthouse with, Mushroom type roof, a swimming pool in the backyard, along with a Jacuzzi, and other such Luxuries.
Terry- Is that the house we're supposed to share?
Kim- It's nice. It's got a Jacuzzi and even a swimming pool.
Luigi- If it wasn't for the money we've been making from the end, we'd never been able to pay for it.
Mario- It's quite a nice mushroom, man. The garden's lovely, look, we've even got cool mushroom plants.
Kim- Uh yeah, Mario. Anyway I bet it's even more exciting inside. Let's go look.
Indeed they go look inside, and for a drugged up plumber, he's got fucking nice penthouse, kind of like the ones you see on MTV cribs. Well, expect for the horrible Mushroom patterned wallpaper. Mari and Luigi guide them around the house. They enter the first room through the hallway.
Mario- This is our living room. You'll notice that it has a luxury sofa, and a "toad-stool", with a Gameboy-shaped TV set courtesy of Nintendo.
Terry- nice, I like the theme here. Very Nintendo-ish.
They then go upstairs, and to their special room, and most interesting one in the house. It is like an office-sized room, with various Nintendo and Mario type memorabilia surrounding it, from posters and videogame titles, to even action figures with the kung fu grip. Terry and Kim are impressed.
Luigi- and this is where we store our most prized possessions. Here you see some of the old Super Mario titles.
Kim- solid. (sees a framed picture of Mario in a steel cage hitting Pikachu with a barbed-wired steel chair, whilst Luigi is Piledriving Wigglypuff through a table). What's with this picture?
Mario- oh, that this is when we went to CZW's "Cage Of Death 4"™ we wrestled in a hardcore tag match, we were promoting "Super Smash bros Melee" on the Gamecube. But the tour was nice, and the guys in the back are pretty friendly once you got to know them.
Terry- (Sees the Dr. Mario cartridge) so how did Dr. Mario come about?
Mario- I have no idea what I was thinking, or smoking at the time, but I can tell you one thing, that game cost me my job (see first chapter)
Terry- (sees a CD cover with Mario dresses as John Cena) wow, I never knew you did a rap CD.
Mario- to be honest, I completely forgot about it. I remember doing a rap song or the "Super Mario Land" theme tune, but little else I remember.
Kim- (sees a rolled up poster of the "Super Mario bros movie) hey, guys. Look what I found.
Mario (quickly scrunches up the paper, and quickly throws it in the bin) err, okay then that concludes the tour of the house. Lemme show you to your rooms.
Mario and Luigi show their guests to their own rooms, each of them looking like normal rooms, except for the fact that the furniture is all mushroom shaped, and the wallpaper has the horrible Mushroom, leaf, star and flower patterns on.
We leave our heroes for now, as they get ready for another fun-filled adventure, where anything, amazingly cute, and completely trippy goes on in the Magic-Mushroom Kingdom. See you next time folks (does the teeth sparkle sound effect, as credits roll).
Note- the John Cena/stabbing thing, oh fuck here we go. For those that watch WWE, the story according to them is that John Cena (the piss poor White boy rapper) was "stabbed" in a bar, and suffered several "punctures" to his kidney, when in truth it was just a work (which in wrestling terms means that this isn't truth, it's staged) and an excuse to go film a movie in Australia. For some stupid reason, WWE fans started to send "Get well" cards to him, and in the WWE they did this stupid angle where Carlito Caribbean Cool (the guy who beat Cena for his US title) was the main suspect. This stupid storyline has been going on for weeks, and despite evidence proving otherwise (the Bagpipe report admitted this, and even Wrestling journalist, Bryan Alvarez stated this) some people (mainly guys in my college) STILL believe that John Cena was legitimately stabbed. To make matters worse, NWA TNA's Johnny Devine (of the Team Canada faction) was legitimately stabbed in a in a bar fight, so my guess is that the WWE are just really taking the piss at the expense of another person's legit injury. How low can they get?
Note 2- Super smash bros. Melee, a brilliant, All-Star Nintendo themed scrap-fest for the Gamecube. It had characters from Mario and Luigi, to Kirby and Samus-Aran from Metroid. The whole "Cage of Death" thing was based on Combat Zone Wrestling's PPV extravaganza "Cage of Death" and also a picture I once drew of Mario smashing Pikachu with a steel chair, which my sister found hilarious.
Note 3- the "Mario rap" thing I vaguely remember. I can't remember the group name, but they did a rap song using the "Super Mario Land theme", and I remember that there was a Mario mascot in the music video, but I can't remember if it was good or completely crap. Boo-diddly was the ghost villain in Super Mario bros, that stands stil when you face it, but as you turn your back, it start to follow you.
Note 4- This was kind of a Nintendo history lesson. Mario used to be known as "Jump-man", and Donkey Kong used to be a wife-beating, barrel throwing thug. Dr Yang was the sidekick of Goemon from Mystic Ninja on the SNES. He basically looked like Mario in a Ninja costume.