BEHIND LOCKED DOORS
WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.
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Chapter Six: Peeling the onion
"Do you know that right now, you are my only reason for living?" Lucius said, breaking the silence. A fine line appeared between Draco's eyebrows.
"Your only reason? What about Voldemort, what about Mother?" Lucius shrugged.
"Your Mother and I do not love each other, Draco. We never have, we never will, and I must admit, that even the friendship we decided to forge before we were married is wearing thin. We are together because of an agreement between our families, that is all." He paused for a moment. "When you are a Malfoy, Draco, it is extremely rare to be in a marriage that is not loveless. All marriages are chosen by the head of the family, which means that when you are of age, I shall have to choose you a wife, and I am loathe to break this to you, but she may be a distant relative. All of the pureblood families in society are related in one way or another through marriage or genetics. However, if I do not arrange a marriage for you, then that job shall be passed onto your beloved Grandfather, Othello Malfoy." Draco blanched slightly at this, then paused for a moment.
"But what about Voldemort, Father? Now that he has returned, are you not happy to be serving your Master once more?" Lucius looked at Draco and laughed humourlessly.
"Happy? Well, I guess I should be happy, but I am not. Just a year beforehand, I would have gladly traded my soul thrice over for Voldemort to return. Now that he has returned, I realised that I no longer feel the same way. I have no desire to be the follower of an egotistical, melodramatic madman, regardless of how much I agree with his views. I'm older, sadder and wiser than I was fifteen years beforehand. I found my conscience not long after Voldemort's resurrection and I came to realise that, regardless of how I used to feel, becoming a Death Eater was one of the biggest mistakes of my life." The alcohol had obviously begun to loosen Lucius' tongue.
"Why was it such a mistake?" Draco asked, wanting Lucius to say more. Maybe if he pressed hard enough, he could uncover the information that would be the key to his Father's unhappiness. Lucius stared at his alcohol for a moment, then took a heavy swig of the strong-tasting liquid.
"I gave Voldemort my soul, my dignity and my undying loyalty. In return, he murdered the first and only person that I ever fell in love with." His voice was tinged with age-old bitterness. Draco's eyes widened momentarily in surprise at this sudden revelation but his face maintained its impassive surface.
"Voldemort murdered countless people, regardless of their bloodlines. Who was it that you loved?" Lucius turned slightly pink - an unusual thing for him - and muttered his answer into the glass he was holding. Draco raised an eyebrow in bemusement.
"My Father is blushing and mumbling like a teenage girl. What could be so embarrassing for him that he has to act like this?" Lucius glared at him icily.
"Do *not* make fun of your Father, Draco." There was a hint of malice in his voice that made Draco shrink back slightly before nodding.
"Sorry, Father, but who was the person? Could you please tell me?"
"A pureblood and Gryffindor by the name of James Harold Potter." Lucius answered coolly, staring straight at Draco. A smirk grew on his thin mouth. "Judging from the stunned-house-elf look on your face, Draco, I can honestly say that he was not one of your potential suspects."
"You were right." A brief pause "Are you-"
"A homosexual?" Lucius interrupted. "No, I can honestly say that I am not, Draco, otherwise you would not exist. I, like you, am a bisexual. Why did you think I was so apathetic towards your confession of your sexuality?" He didn't wait for an answer, but instead chose to continue talking.
"I knew I was bisexual by the end of my third year, but I chose to keep quiet about it, lest my Father became aware and attempt to purify me with the Cruciatus. I developed feelings for James Potter sometime during my Fourth Year but with the exception of my close friend, Severus Snape, I told nobody. I must admit, Snape was not happy with my choice. James had always been very unpleasant towards him, but his friend, Lily Evans always stepped in before things got really carried away. However, there were times when not even Lily's words of warning were enough to make James cease his actions, and I would have to step in and defend my friend. This usually resulted in the both of us serving detention together."
"And time for you to spend with the boy you liked." Draco added, trying to lighten his Father's mood. It seemed to work for a moment.
"Yes." Lucius nodded absentmindedly, a tiny smile on his face. "Time with James. Time to really see how much I could stir him up. I was still very insecure about my feelings for him, so I took it out on him by making jibes about his inability to have Lily and the fact that he hung around Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, who were rumoured to be a couple. Nobody really knew about Lupin but Black was known for being very openly bisexual."
"So what happened with James?" Draco interrupted, wanting to know more.
"He finally cracked after our twenty-fifth detention in our Fifth year." Lucius' laughter was filled with mirth. "I was commenting on the unusual amount of time Black and Lupin spent together at certain times of the month and whether or not he liked to join them on their monthly rendezvous to make a threesome and he just snapped. He shot around like a bullet, slammed me against the wall and the next thing I remember was him calling me an arrogant, homophobic little brat before kissing me like I had never been kissed before." He paused again, seeming lost in memories that were so many years in the past. "I kissed him back, of course." He finally added, that faraway look still in his eyes. "I wanted that kiss, no, that entire moment, to last forever. It changed my life, that kiss."
"How can a kiss change your life?" Draco, though he did believe in the power of love, did have a sceptical side to him. Lucius' face wrinkled slightly in thought.
"It changed the way I saw things. Before James, my opinions, as well as my path for my life, were set in stone. I would graduate as a pureblood Slytherin, become a Death Eater and marry Narcissia Black in order to produce an heir for the Malfoy bloodline. I despised all those outside of my exclusive group of pureblood, Voldemort followers and love was a thing that I heard the girls giggle about in the common rooms."
"And after that kiss?"
"I slowly began to see things differently. But I fell completely and utterly in love the moment he kissed me, which taught me that there were people outside of my exclusive circle that would matter to me. "
"What happened between you both? I mean, after the kiss?"
"Well," Lucius spoke slowly, carefully. "It started out as a liaison. We met in the Astronomy Tower to fool around. I thought that he was only out for sex until about two months into it, he said 'I love you.'" Something seemed to light up in Lucius' eyes when he repeated those three small words. A happy memory resurfaced within him. "It was as if the Gods had blessed me. Ina very un-Malfoy manner, I confessed my love to him and what was a liaison became a proper, though very private, relationship. We went on secret dates, we made love under the stars during the twilight hours, had formal dinners for special occasions…"
"Well what happened if everything was so perfect?" Draco asked a tad impatiently, only to receive a scathing glare.
"I never said it was perfect." Lucius snapped irritably. "No relationships are. We were very much in love, that is true, but we both saw love through very different eyes. To James, love was sweet nothings, candy hearts, and holding hands at sunset. To me, love was that sensation of fire and ice spreading through your body. It was the most extreme pain with the most exquisite aphrodisiacs and pleasures all rolled into one. To be in love was to be two halves of a whole. For us to be separate nearly drove us insane, but when together we also nearly drove each other insane."
"But what happened to you both? If love is that strong, you couldn't just suddenly fall out of love again, could you?" Draco was quickly becoming desperate for more of Lucius' story.
"We never fell out of love. I still love James to this very day, but I lost him through my own stupidity and the need to protect him from Voldemort. Instead of starting anew with James, I gave myself up to Voldemort, but it's not as if I would've had a choice either. If I had refused, Voldemort would have taken me by force. Plus, I was young and stupid back then. Regardless of how much I love James, I didn't love his views. Voldemort's words and ways were my life, and I chose to follow them avidly, even after hearing what James had to say on ranks in society and blood. I admit, I did give his opinions some thought, but they made no sense to me. Of course your rank in society mattered. Of course money and material goods mattered. Of course your bloodline purity mattered. How ironic that I would throw away all of these just for one more day with James. Voldemort was the biggest mistake of my life."
Quite suddenly, Lucius reached over and grabbed Draco by the shoulders.
"Draco, listen to me and listen well." His voice carried more than a note of urgency. "You only have a few years left before Voldemort calls upon you to join his ranks. Please, *please,* do not follow Voldemort as loyally as I have done. It will ruin everything in your life. I truly enjoyed my time as a Death Eater, but now I cannot think of anything - apart from living in a society of pure Mudblood wizards and witches - that I loathe more. Voldemort's ways are not for you and I will do everything in my power to ensure that he will *not* ensnare you in his web of darkness and despair. Just please, *please* promise me that you will not be a loyal follower of Voldemort."
Draco stared directly, unblinkingly at his Father, trying to take in everything he had said.
"I swear, Father, that I will not be a loyal follower." He answered finally, staring into his eyes. He meant every word. Lucius sagged with relief.
"Thank Merlin." He rasped. "Thank Merlin my son has more sense than I did when I was his age." He poured them both more alcohol, barely noticing that Draco's glass was still half-full. He gave his son a weary smile. "You have no idea how much better I feel to be able to finally open up to somebody. I 've been keeping everything locked inside for so long." Draco smiled back, putting a hand on his Father's shoulder.
"I'm always here if you need me, Father."
Sometimes in our lives We all have pain We all have sorrow But if we are wise We know that there's always tomorrow Lean on me When you're not strong I'll be your friend I'll help you carry on For it won't be long 'Till I'm gonna need Somebody to lean on Please Swallow your pride If I have things You need to borrow For no one can fill Those of your needs That you wont let show Just call on me brother When you need a hand We all need somebody to lean on I just might have a problem that you'll understand We all need somebody to lean on Lean on me When you're not strong I'll be your friend I'll help you carry on For it won't be long 'Till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on You just call on me brother When you need a hand We all need somebody to lean on I just might have a problem that you'll understand We all need somebody to lean on If there is a load You have to bear That you can't carry I'm right up the road I'll share your load If you just call me Won't you just call me? If you need a friend Call me Call me uh-uh Call me If you need a friend Call me If you ever need a friend Call me Call me Call me Call me Call me If you ever need a friend Call me Call me Call me Call me You know what you got to do yeah! Call me "Lean on Me" - Bill Withers