"I am not happy…"

Jack couldn't help himself – he snickered.

Teal'c glared at him.

"This is not what I-"

"It was the only costume they had left that would fit you Teal'c," Daniel said, defensively, and still hiding behind Jack. "It was that or an elf – and you told me you didn't want to be an elf."

"I did not want to be O'Neill's wife, either, Daniel Jackson."

"Hey. Not my wife," Jack said, putting his hand up. "Mrs. Clause. Santa's wife. I'm just representing the big guy for the night…"

"I still have an elf suit that-"

A snort of amusement from the door interrupted Daniel and all three of them turned to see Sam at the entrance, her eyes on Teal'c and her hand in front of her mouth as if to hold back another laugh.

Teal'c scowled, and looked over at Daniel, plainly telling him that he'd better fix things, or he was a dead man.

"What have they done to you, Teal'c?" Sam asked, walking into the locker room. "You look so…"

"Adorable?" Jack interjected.

"Noble?" Daniel added.

"Gay."

Jack couldn't help but smile again. There were so many ways that could be taken – although he'd assume she meant festive.

"This is the only costume Daniel Jackson could find for me," Teal'c told Sam, still scowling as she walked over to stand by Jack.

"Where's your costume, Carter?" O'Neill asked.

"I just haven't put it on, yet, Sir. Where's yours?"

"I was getting ready to change when I was interrupted by the arrival of the little woman…"

Teal'c made a noise deep in his throat, and the thunderous expression he tossed at Daniel made the Archeologist squirm.

"You could be an elf, Teal'c," Daniel suggested, lamely. "I have the costume…"

"Hey! I want a Mrs. Clause," Jack protested. "There are a lot of toys to be handed out."

"Major Carter can wear my outfit," Teal'c suggested, pulling off the wig and handing it to Sam, who looked at it, dumbly. "I will be an elf."

"Wait a minute," Sam said, looking at Daniel and Jack. "I'm supposed to be an elf-"

"Children…" Jack held up his hands to stop them all. "Teal'c? Carter? You can't both be elves. One of you has to be Mrs. Clause. Figure it out."

Teal'c looked at Daniel.

"Convince her to allow me to be the elf, Daniel Jackson…" His tone clearly added 'or else…' even though no one actually heard the words.

Daniel looked at Sam, his blue eyes pleading with her.

"Come on, Sam… just this once…?"

She sighed, and looked down at the wig.

"Fine."

Teal'c started pulling off the robe, revealing that there were pouches to hold the stuffing that had made him look so chunky. That was convenient, because it would work just as well for Sam.

"You can keep your tights," Carter told him. "I'll just wear the ones I was going to wear for my elf costume." Luckily, they were red. Besides, Teal'c's wouldn't fit her, anyways.

"Give us a few minutes to get changed, and you can have the locker room," Jack told Sam. She nodded and left, and Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. He'd probably live to see the morning, after all.

Jack smiled, and reached into his locker for the Santa suit that had been hanging there for the last couple of days.

OOOOOOOO

"That's a little better…"

Teal'c was still scowling, but he had to admit that O'Neill was correct. It was far more comfortable to be in an elf suit than in a Mrs. Clause suit. Well, no. Not more comfortable. Just less uncomfortable.

"You're going to have to work on that smile, Teal'c," Daniel said, putting on his elf hat at a jaunty angle, and handing Teal'c his own. "We're cheerful, happy elves, not brooding, glaring, moody elves."

"I am a Jaffa elf," Teal'c said, gathering what little dignity he had left and drawing himself up to his full imposing height. "I am not-"

"Come on, Teal'c," Jack told him, adjusting the red hat he was wearing and brushing his long, curly white hair back away from his face. "It's only going to be for the night – and then you can make Daniel make it up to you. Think of the kids… we don't want them peeing themselves when they see you. I know I don't, anyways – especially if they're going to be sitting in my lap."

Teal'c scowled, glaring at Daniel once more, and then making a resigned noise deep in his chest.

"Fine. I will endeavor to be a… cheerful… elf. For the evening."

"That's the spirit."

Jack slapped his thighs and stood up, "Come on, let's clear the room for Carter so she can get changed and we can get going."

Places to go, people to see, little kids to fill up with sugar before bedtime.

OOOOOOOO

Carter was lounging against the wall outside the locker room when they made their appearance, and her blue eyes danced with amusement. Oh, God, they were all adorable. Daniel's elf costume was the best – probably because he looked most comfortable in his. Green tights that weren't too tight, a cheerfully decorated elf jacket that hung to about mid-thigh and boots that had curled up toes on them with little bells on the tips.

Teal'c looked like a mutant Keebler elf gone bad, she thought – to herself – although she couldn't help but grin when she saw him. His outfit was similar to Daniel's – although his massive shoulders strained the fabric of his jacket, and his elf jacket didn't hang down so low on him as Daniel's did on him. Of course, Teal'c was a lot bigger than Daniel, so that certainly had something to do with it. His hat was set on his head perfectly straight, and the tip hung down between his eyes with a little bell dangling from it that jingled merrily each time he moved his head. Far more cheerful than the expression on his face, anyways.

Jack's costume looked good on him, Sam had to admit. The outfit was red leather with fake fur lining, and a wide leather belt that had afake belly hanging over it. His Santa hat was just as jaunty as Daniel's elf hat, and looked just as cheerful, and even the heavy beard and all the curly hair didn't hide the gleam of good humor in his soft, brown eyes. He hadn't wanted to do this, but he had said he would, and he was going to make the most of it.

"You guys look great," she told them, meaning it. "We should get a picture."

"No we should not," Teal'c said, scowling.

Jack smiled, and gestured towards the locker room with one white-gloved hand.

"Go get dressed, Carter. Santa needs his missus."

And she was a lot better looking than Teal'c was.