BEHIND LOCKED DOORS
WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.
OK this one is going to be a bit shorter than usual…but I promise the next one will be longer!!!
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Chapter Nine: Don't let the tears show
Draco marched to the Prefect's bathroom, holding his head high so the tears that were threatening to flow would be less obvious. Not only was he hurt, he was enraged, but more at himself than anything.
//It's my fault any of this happened; I might as well admit it. I was stupid enough to break the Malfoy code of trusting nobody outside of the family…//
"Password?" Said the painting blocking the door.
"Soap bubbles." He muttered, and the door swung open. He walked in, almost zombie-like in manner as he stripped and began to fill the bath with hot, almost scalding water and silvery bubbles, the kind that smelt strongly of lemons and mint.
Draco sighed as he slid into the huge tub, and closed his eyes. The water was almost painfully hot, adding to the emotional pain he was feeling and making it all seem a little sadistic.
"Gods! Why did you have to do this, Blaise?" He said to himself. "And of all people, why Pansy? Wasn't a Malfoy's virginity enough for you to claim?"
He scooped up handfuls of the water and poured it over his head, trying to wash away the memories of how Blaise had touched him, made certain parts of him come alive and feel like his skin was made of molten lava. The sensations that had been so congenial just days before now made Draco shudder in revulsion and pain.
//How many times did he fuck me before Pansy? Was he fucking her first? Did she deliberately do this to spite me? Gods…I hate them so much, but I hate myself even more. This is my entire fault. I let him into my heart and my system and now I'll never be able to get him out…//
Draco stared blankly into the oval mirror hanging on the wall. It reflected a tall, young man, slender but with well-defined muscles. His pale blonde hair was slick with water and his silvery eyes brimming over with pain and hate.
"Get out." He whispered, digging nails into his arms. "Get out. Get out. I need to make Blaise get out of my system." His head slumped forward and was supported with his hands.
"How do I get him out? I need to be pure again. I need to punish myself for breaking the Malfoy code…"
Draco looked up at his reflection again, and realized the answer was quite literally in front of him. Inhaling deeply, he stood up and rammed his fist right into the center of the mirror. It began to shatter, but the pieces remained intact and Draco could still see his cracked reflection.
//I'm broken, just like the reflection…Oh, Gods! A Zabini has broken me and made me this weak! This isn't right…I NEED TO BE PURE AGAIN!!! I CAN PURIFY MYSELF AND BE STRONGER, HARDER!!! I WON'T LET ANYONE IN AFTER THIS!!! I'LL BE A MALFOY RIGHT DOWN TO THE CORE!!! HARD, COLD, PURE AND PERFECT JUST LIKE I'M EXPECTED TO BE!!!!//
Draco punched the mirror again, and this time, pieces of the glass fell onto the ledge of the tub in a mixture of long, thin slivers, small, sharp and smooth points, and a few large, jagged pieces. Draco selected the sharpest one.
"Clean." He muttered, bring the sharp edge quickly across his left forearm. A long line of blood appeared.
"Pure." Another cut, this time closer to the wrist and right across an old wound.
"Strong." The crook of the elbow. Blood flowed more from there.
"Hard." The right arm.
"Unbreakable." The chest, right across the heart.
"Cold." Another cut across the chest. Draco was starting to look like he had been painted red, the blood was flowing so freely. The water around his hips was beginning to take on a pale red tint.
"Perfect." Draco's hand was shaking now from the blood loss, but he continued, the urge to purify himself once more overriding any logical thought about going back down the path of no hope.
"I AM A PURE MALFOY!!!" He screamed, making a cut that extended from the crook in his right elbow to the bottom of his middle finger. Finally, the blood loss and exhaustion overtook him and his legs seemed to collapse as he slumped onto the ledge, and onto fragments of broken mirror-glass.
Seconds later, the bathroom began to fade slowly out of sight as the blackness of unconsciousness took over…but not before his now-hated Blaise came into his rapidly-tunneling vision and gathered him into his arms, naked, blood-soaked and dripping from the bathwater. His mouth was overflowing with apologies and (what Draco believed were declarations of love as tears flowed from his brown eyes,
And the only reason Draco didn't shove him away was because he was now too weak. Finally, the blocked tears came forth, sliding down pale cheeks in silent distress.
His attempts to purify himself had failed.
I would say
I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I have said too much
Been too unkind
I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
Because boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that it's too late
And now there's nothing I can do
So I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try to laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
Because boys don't cry
I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away
Misjudged your limit
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more
Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
Because boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
Boys don't cry
"Boys don't Cry" – The Cure