BEHIND LOCKED DOORS
WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.
**********************************************************
Chapter Eleven: Peacefully
Lucius Malfoy;
I regret to inform you that your son, Draco Malfoy, attempted suicide some hours ago by self-inflicted cuts. He is currently in a critical condition and under the watchful eye of Madam Pomfrey.
Once again, I am truly sorry that I was the one who had to tell you this, as Dumbledore was intending to keep this a secret from you and your wife. As much as I didn't want to, I thought it would be better that you are aware of your son's condition. I am aware that the two of you have begun to grow closer to one another as he writes to you frequently. Why he was driven to do what he did remains a mystery to me. He has displayed no signs of his former depression during the term, and if anything, I had never seen him in a better mood.
I urge you to visit your son as soon as possible, Lucius. Maybe a visit from you might answer some questions and help him to recover sooner. You know that the Floo network is connected to my study fireplace. I shall be awaiting your arrival and making sure Draco is taken care of.
Your friend and associate,
Severus Snape
"Oh no! Gods no!" Lucius rasped, staring fixedly at the letter. "This must be a nightmare. Draco was so happy when he last wrote…why? Why?"
His hand tangled worriedly in his long, silky hair as he bit his lower lip in anxiety. Then, his eyes set themselves in an expression of determination as he strode towards the nearest fireplace, grabbing a small amount off Floo powder.
"Snape's Study room!" He said in a loud, clear voice. The powder flew up around his face, and he felt the strange, whirling sensation that always overtook him before everything became an emerald haze.
When Lucius opened his eyes again, he could see a familiar room. It was large, dimly lit by enchanted oil lamps and had a large black rug on the cold, stone floor.
"That was quicker than I thought." Said a familiar voice. Lucius smirked.
"Good to see you as well, Severus." His smirk quickly faded. "Take me to Draco."
Severus nodded silently and motioned for Lucius to follow him out of the small room, through a winding corridor, and up one flight of steps until they were standing at the entrance of the hospital wing.
"Poppy…ah, I mean Madam Pomfrey is in here. She will be able to inform you of Draco's current situation. I'd come with you but I believe you would like some privacy."
"Yes, I would actually. Thankyou, my friend." Lucius nodded gratefully towards Severus who gave him a rare smile of encouragement before turning on his heel and going back down the stairs.
*****************
Lucius strode into the Hogwarts hospital wing, tall and imposing against the small, ageing Madam Pomfrey.
"I'm here to see my son." It was not a request. The small medi-witch frowned in irritation.
"No visitors. All my patients are asleep." Lucius raised an eyebrow, his hand tightening on the silver top of his cane.
"I *said* 'I'm here to see my son.'" Lucius snapped impatiently. "Is Draco in your hospital wing or is he not?" The Mediwitch's eyes suddenly widened in realisation.
"Mister Malfoy? My apologies, I should've noticed the resemblance between you. Of course Draco is here. But he *is* sleeping. I gave him a deep sleep draught, so I'm unsure as to whether he will be waking up for awhile. He needs it for tonight…Poor lad really, he-"
"Madam! I would kindly thank you to cease your blabbering and tell me *where is my son?*" Madam Pomfrey frowned again at the elder Malfoy's apparent rudeness, but her eyes bled sympathy.
"Third screen on your left." She answered bluntly before going back to measuring out another potion.
A wreck. Those were the only words that Lucius could think of to describe his only child when he first saw Draco just lying there.
Draco's white-blonde hair, normally slicked back out of his face, was now a tangled mane, falling all over his face in sweaty, messy clumps. His skin…well, there was nothing he could think of to describe it. Draco had always been naturally pale, now he was almost grey, there was so little colour in his skin, and he appeared so vulnerable, curled on his side in a ball. The blankets were pulled up to his collarbone. Carefully, Lucius eased the blankets down to Draco's waist, and bit his tongue to prevent any emotions escaping in public as the heavy bandages, tinted with bloodstains, became visible on Draco's forearms.
"Oh, my dragon. My poor dragon." His voice was barely above a whisper. "What drove you back down this path?"
He was more than aware of how ridiculously melodramatic he sounded, but it didn't matter right now. All that mattered was that his only child had attempted suicide and very nearly succeeded. In a way, it was ironic that Draco had spent most of his summer holidays trying to stop his Father's cutting habits.
"Madam!" His low, smooth voice sounded strangely loud in the near-silent room. Poppy Pomfrey's head appeared between the curtains that enclosed Draco's bed.
"Yes, Mr. Malfoy?"
"I shall be staying with Draco tonight, I thought it would be convenient that I inform you of that." Poppy nodded, but her mouth screwed up a little in disagreement.
"That's all very well, Mr. Malfoy, but you cannot stay in the hospital wing. This wing is for students only." Lucius narrowed his eyes and looked down at the small, plump witch from his perfect nose.
"Madam, in case it has slipped your feeble mind, I am Lucius Malfoy, and there are *always* exceptions for Malfoys. Am I right in assuming that it has *also* slipped your mind that the Malfoy family happen to be a highly influential lot who donate generous sums to what we deem worthy education facilities?"
This was all said in a smooth, monotonous voice, but there was no mistaking the dangerous glint in Lucius' silvery eyes. Poppy was nobody's fool, remembering quite well how the Malfoy name and influence had not only nearly cost Dumbledore his job, but also had a perfectly harmless Hippogriff executed some years ago. She didn't want a hands-on experience of the damage a Malfoy name could inflict, so she simply bit her tongue and nodded civilly.
"Will you be requiring any bedclothes, a mattress maybe?" She asked in a forced polite voice. Lucius shook his head.
"I am an insomniac, Madam. I obtain my rest plentifully, but I have not actually experienced sleep for a long time now."
"Very well then, Mr. Malfoy. I bid you good night."
***********************
When Draco awoke, it was to warm sun filtering through a gap in the curtains and cutting a slim line onto his face. His eyes seemed glued shut for a brief moment, and then they opened slowly. He could hear a faint tapping sound against the windows. It had started to rain too. There wouldn't be sun for much longer.
"I'm in the hospital wing." He murmured to himself. "Why am I here?"
Then, the memories of last evening came rushing back and hit him like a punch to the face. Blaise fucking Pansy in an abandoned room. Confronting Blaise and throwing punches as well as words. Hot, scalding water. A broken mirror. Blood. Blaise's arms wrapping around him. Then… …nothing.
Draco could feel the tears pricking in his eyes again and he inhaled, his breath shuddering as he did so, and making his whole body shake with repressed emotion.
"Normally, I would say that a Malfoy never cries, but…" A familiar voice cut into Draco's silence. He whipped around in shock. Lucius was sitting on the comfortable armchair next to his bed, watching him carefully.
"Father! Why are you here?" Despite the close bond they had formed over the summer, Draco could feel fear churning in the pit of his stomach. What if Lucius was angry with him and took the cuts to be suicidal? Making Lucius Malfoy angry was never a good thing.
"Actually, Draco. I think the question *should* be *why* are *you* here." Lucius said bluntly. His hands were, as usual, resting on the silver top of his cane. Draco bit his lip, unable to look directly at his Father.
"It's a long story." He said finally, drawing his knees to his chest. Lucius lazily raised a single eyebrow.
"I have all day." He answered. Draco finally stopped looking at the bedsheets.
"Well…" He hesitated for a moment. "It all started yesterday afternoon, when I was on detention with Lucas."
"You were on detention? What did you do this time, Draco?" Lucius demanded, a touch irritably. Draco didn't have the strength for a smart-alec answer or even a typical Malfoy glare.
"Filch caught us smoking in one of our bludge hours." To his surprise, Lucius gave a small snicker.
"Just like Professor Nidiram caught Snape and myself back in our sixth year." He admitted, noting Draco's puzzled expression. He then motioned for Draco to continue.
"Well, we had to clean an abandoned classroom on the third floor as punishment. We were almost done when Lucas went to get the mop, and he heard noises coming from another room. He came back to get me, because it turned out the noises were from *my* boyfriend, Blaise, *fucking* that *slut,* Pansy Parkinson!"
"He was *what?*" Lucius' voice rose slightly. Draco weakly motioned for silence.
"Anyway, because Lucas was unaware of our relationship, I didn't make a scene. Instead, I simply finished cleaning the classroom before returning to my dorm and waiting for Blaise. He came in, acting all suave and trying to seduce me. I led him on until he kissed me, then I attacked him with my bare hands and let him know what I really thought of him."
"Attacking your unfaithful boyfriend without the use of an Unforgivable? Hmph! A little un-Malfoy like, I must admit." Lucius muttered, a ghost of a smile on his lips. Draco glared weakly.
"Fuck the Malfoy name. It's the reason I'm here." He growled. Lucius glared at him.
"Draco! Your condition is a feeble excuse for insulting the Malfoy name and you know that!" Lucius snapped, straightening up immediately. Draco just stared obstinately.
"I said it before and I'll say it again. Fuck the Malfoy name. It's the reason I'm here. I tried to purify myself after attacking Blaise because all the events made me feel like I had dirtied the name." Draco spoke in a rush so Lucius was unable to interrupt him.
"Purify yourself? Don't you mean you tried to kill yourself? Rather ironic really, considering the lengths you went to so I would stop cutting." Draco just stared.
"Kill myself? I wasn't trying to kill myself, Father."
"And yet you are bought to the hospital wing, nearly bleeding to death from self-inflicted wounds?"
"I made the same mistake you had been making. I felt unclean, as if I was unable to get Blaise out of my system and be a proper Malfoy again. I wanted to, in a sense, cleanse myself of everything… …but I got carried away. I swear on the Malfoy name though, that I was never trying to kill myself." Lucius frowned, though not in disgust or anger.
"Draco, if you were hurting so much, why didn't you come to me? I'm your Father. You know I care about you and I'll always have time for you." He reached out and put a hand on Draco's shoulder.
"I…I don't know. I guess I just felt so alone and useless…and…and…" Draco began shaking violently, trying to hold it all in. He had tried so hard to purify himself, to be a stronger person after Blaise. He couldn't let it all go to waste.
"Normally, I would never be saying this where I could be heard, but you don't have to hold it all in this time, Draco." Lucius' voice was surprisingly gentle as he sat down on the bed next to Draco, an arm around his shoulder. "You're hurting, like I was before you helped me. If you need to cry, Draco, then just do it. I'm not going to think any less of you. Just let it all out."
Draco hesitated briefly, then Lucius gathered him firmly against his chest, and Draco began to cry slowly at first, then huge, near-silent sobs that racked his entire body along with rivers of tears that dampened the front of Lucius' dark robes.
"I just don't know why he would do all that to me." Draco's voice was hoarse with emotion. "I treated him well, I know I did. I wanted it all to work out, because he made me so happy, and I thought I made him happy too, but I just wasn't good enough, was I? He just had to go for Pansy of all people, while making me fall in love with him at the same time. How could I be so stupid? I never should've trusted him…"
Lucius didn't say a word, but instead hugged Draco that little bit tighter to him, one hand running through his son's matted, dirty hair. His forehead rested peacefully against the crown of Draco's head, not minding the occasional, shuddering sobs that came from his son.
"Don't worry about Blaise anymore, my dragon." Lucius whispered after Draco, finally drained and relieved of his pain, collapsed in his arms and went silent. "You were too good for him and you know that."
"Thankyou, Father." Draco said after a moment of silence. He sounded so small and childlike. "I love you."
"I love you too, my dragon." Lucius answered peacefully. "I'm always here for you. Don't ever forget that." He kissed Draco's forehead in what was meant to be a fatherly gesture, but instead sent a strange tingle through the bodies of both Malfoys. It wasn't as if the gesture had shocked them, rather it seemed to make everything…different. They both felt not only blissfully at peace with themselves and each other, but also warm and loved in more ways than one.
Lucius smiled peacefully at his only son. Draco smiled back in a similar manner before closing his eyes and peacefully resting his head on Lucius' shoulder. This kind of contact would have felt alien and confusing just months ago. Now neither Draco nor Lucius could currently imagine anything that would have made them feel better.
Outside, the rain came down in bucketfuls, blurring the outside world and cleansing everything in its way.
Sailing down behind the sun,
Waiting for my prince to come.
Praying for the healing rain
To restore my soul again.
Just a toerag on the run.
How did I get here?
What have I done?
When will all my hopes arise?
How will I know him?
When I look in my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.)
When I look in my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.)
Then the light begins to shine
And I hear those ancient lullabies.
And as I watch this seedling grow,
Feel my heart start to overflow.
Where do I find the words to say?
How do I teach him?
What do we play?
Bit by bit, I've realized
That's when I need them
That's when I need my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.)
That's when I need my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.)
Then the jagged edge appears
Through the distant clouds of tears.
I'm like a bridge that was washed away;
My foundations were made of clay.
As my soul slides down to die.
How could I lose him?
What did I try?
Bit by bit, I've realised
That he was here with me;
I looked into my father's eyes.
My father's eyes.
I looked into my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.)
(My father's eyes.)
(My father's eyes.)I looked into my father's eyes.(My father's eyes.)
"My Father's Eyes" – Eric Clapton