BEHIND LOCKED DOORS
WARNING: Rated R for profanity and homosexual relations of the incestuous kind. But this is actually a story with a plot, not smutty homosexual porn. Flames only keep me warm in winter.
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Chapter Twenty: Apologies don't make everything alright
On the night of December 30th, Draco found himself at home, alone for once in the holidays. Normally, he would be attending parties with Lucas and Theo, or getting drunk at the Hogshead with Pansy and exploring the darker side of Hogsmeade, but not tonight. Lucas and Theo had both gone away with their parents to visit relatives for a few days, and Pansy had not been home when he had tried to contact her. Her mother told Draco that she had left nearly an hour beforehand with Marcus Flint, but had no idea as to where they had gone.
Sighing out of boredom, Draco decided to leave his bedroom and just go for a walk through the Malfoy Manor to keep himself occupied. It was better than lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling all night. As he walked, Draco's hand slid almost naturally into his pocket, pulling out a cigarette. Because he didn't have his wand handy this time, he simply stood on his toes so he could reach high enough to light it on a small lantern hanging off the wall. Sighing contentedly as the smoke entered his lungs; Draco twirled the cigarette between his index and middle finger as he walked-
"Master. You is not supposed to be smokings in Manor." Piped up an annoying little voice. Draco looked down at the ageing house-elf, dislike written all over his face.
"What?" The house-elf, whose name Draco knew to be Clara, put her hands on her tiny hips and frowned at him.
"Would master please be so kind as to be putting out smoke stick? You is not supposed to be smokings in Manor." Draco smiled at her.
"Of course, Clara. How inconsiderate of me. I'll put it out straight away." The final sentence had barely left Draco's mouth before he pushed the cigarette right into one of the tiny house-elf's eyes. She whimpered in pain, but did not move or make any sort of attempt to defend herself as she knew her place. She still made no attempt to protect her self when Draco grabbed her by the neck and legs, and even when Draco brutally bent her backwards until her spine snapped in two, she still remained subservient.
"Stupid thing." Draco muttered, tossing her lifeless body behind him as he continued on his walk. "Tell me what to do in my house, will you?"
The walk, so far, was no more interesting than killing time in his room had been. For one of the many times in his life, Draco found himself wishing for a brother or sister to keep him amused, and reminded himself to ask his mother later on why they had not had any more children apart from him.
Lighting up another cigarette, Draco opened a window in a small alcove of the corridor so the house would not reek of smoke, and sat on it's ledge to admire the night view outside. Almost unconsciously – as he had grown so used to this procedure – Draco plucked the cigarette out of his mouth and forced the lit end down onto the back of his hand. Hard. A grim smile etched itself into his features as the pain began to spread from that one spot to all over his hand, and then up his arm-
Footsteps. Draco jumped in alarm, quickly pulling the cigarette away from his hand as the once-faint sound of footsteps down the corridor became louder, signifying that the person was coming closer and closer. Draco poked his head out of the little alcove and saw his Father heading down the corridor, his expression contemplative. He stopped in motion for a moment, and then took a deep breath. His expression changed as he raised an eyebrow.
"Draco?" Draco didn't answer, not really in the mood to speak to his Father. They hadn't spoken since that Christmas night, and personally, Draco didn't want to start speaking again right now, especially when memories were still fresh.
"Draco? I know you're here, I can smell the smoke, and you're the only person in this house who smokes. Come out here right now. You and I have to talk." Still Draco remained silent, wishing simultaneously that his Father would just go away and that he had stayed in his room. He heard his Father sigh in frustration.
"Draconis Consternatius Malfoy!!! I am only going to tell you this one last time. Come out here right now!!!" Sighing reluctantly, Draco stood up and left his little alcove.
"Here I am, Father." He said; his voice dull and monotonous as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers. Lucius glared at him.
"Would it kill you to have some manners for once in your life, Draconis? He demanded. Draco sighed inwardly. The use of his full name usually meant he was in a lot of trouble. "Follow me." He added, and Draco did so without a word. They stopped at Lucius' study.
"Inside." Lucius commanded, his voice carrying a definite 'no-nonsense' edge to it. Draco obeyed, hoping that obedience could get all this trouble over and done with quicker.
Lucius sat down on the revolving chair near his office desk, while Draco plonked himself into one of the comfortable arm-chairs and reached for a bottle of alcohol. He was quite surprised when Lucius grabbed him by the hand.
"Oh no you bloody well don't!" He snapped, and Draco flinched. To hear his Father swear was a very unusual thing. "You are not getting one drop of alcohol until we have resolved this situation."
"Situation?" Draco raised an eyebrow. Lucius sighed in exasperation.
"Don't play stupid with me, Draconis. I think you know exactly which situation I am referring to." He paused, waiting for a reply from Draco. He got none, and sighed again. "I am referring to the way you humiliated me in front of your peers at the Christmas party."
"Oh, please, Father." Draco huffed, trying to sound apathetic towards the situation "It was just a joke. We were pretty drunk, and we wound up playing 'Truth or Dare'. My dare was to go and French-kiss the first relative I saw, which just happened to be you. Anyway, from what I can vaguely remember, you came with me on your own free will. You could have told me to go away or something, but you didn't."
"How was I supposed to know that you were going to kiss me?" Lucius demanded irritably. "I was bored, and I know that you can be quite entertaining while drunk, so I followed you out of boredom. I'm not a seer, Draconis, so it's not as if I could predict that you were going to humiliate me."
"Well what's done is done." Draco protested, throwing his hands up in the air. "What do you want me to do about it now? Give blood or something?" Lucius smirked wryly.
"Well, I was going to say that a simple apology would suffice, but if you want to give me blood…" Despite his foul mood, Draco couldn't help but smile at his Father's dry sense of humor. The smile then just as suddenly changed to a frown.
"So you just want me to apologise?" Lucius nodded. Draco sighed, raking his fingers through thick, pale-blonde hair. "Well…" He paused for a moment to choose his words "I am sorry that I humiliated you in front of my peers, Father."
"Apology accep-"
"But" Draco interrupted, holding up a hand "I am not sorry for what I did. I know that kissing you is supposed to be wrong, but I am not sorry for doing it." To Lucius was looking confused right now would have been the understatement of the year.
"How can you not feel guilty or sorry or anything like that?" He demanded, finding his tongue at last. "We are Father and Son, Draconis. Our embraces – If we embrace at all – are never supposed to be anything other than paternal or platonic. Yet twice we have broken that law and embraced incestuously. Can you honestly look me in the eyes at this very moment and tell me that you are not sorry for kissing me the way you should only kiss a lover?" Draco looked at the ground for a full minute, a pensive expression on his face as he tried to piece together an answer from the things that kept running through his head. Finally, he looked up, his silver eyes boring into his Father's.
"I can honestly say that while I feel guilty for kissing you because I know I humiliated you and did something illegal in the one motion, I do not feel sorry for kissing you, and I know that you will hate me for this, but if I had a chance to kiss you again, Father, I am sure that I would take up that chance."
Time seemed to stand still as Draco got up from his chair and walked the three steps over to where Lucius was sitting and knelt down onto the foot rest that had been positioned in front of his Father. Now their faces were just inches away as they stared into each other's eyes, silver on silver.
Ironically enough, it was Lucius this time that made the first move. Almost unconsciously, he reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind Draco's ear, then with his fingertips, he began to trace the contours of Draco's face with his fingertips, a hypnotized expression taking over his face. Then slowly, slowly, he leaned in to fill those inches of space between them, and brushed his lips across Draco's, sending sparks of euphoria rushing through his system with that one simple touch. When he was met with no protest, he pressed his mouth against Draco's again, more firmly this time, and Draco responded eagerly, reaching out to run his fingers through Lucius' silken mane of platinum.
Their mouths opened to simultaneously allow each other in and both of them sighed almost silently in satisfaction as their tongues began a battle for dominance that had never felt so right or so natural. Draco moaned softly as Lucius reached out to pull him closer, and found himself straddling his Father's lap in the chair and being almost crushed in his arms as their kiss continued.
Finally, the kiss was broken for need of air and the both of them remained where they were, breathing heavily. Draco then pulled back and stared into his Father's eyes.
"Tell me, Father, how can something be so wrong when it feels so right?" He asked, wishing desperately for a real answer to his rhetorical question. Lucius' eyes closed for a moment, then opened again, and Draco could almost see a veil falling over them to shut out whatever it was his Father had been feeling.
"I think you should leave, Draco." His voice was hard and devoid of any emotion. Draco's eyebrows knit together.
"You can't just get rid of me, Father. You were the one who initiated the kiss, so don't think for even a moment that you can shift your guilt or whatever it is you feel onto me and lose it all just by telling me to get out of your sight."
"Leave." Lucius repeated; his cold, emotionless eyes boring into Draco's. "Leave immediately, Draco. If you do not, I know that I will end up doing something that we will both regret." Draco sighed reluctantly and got up.
"Fine. If this is how it's going to be, then I'll go." He replied, and left the room, shutting the heavy door behind him. However, he had barely made ten steps down the corridor when something told him to go back. He would never know exactly what it was that told him to do it – maybe it was his intuition – but that didn't really matter. Draco sprinted back to the room and slammed open the heavy door, only to be faced with the sight of his Father with an open wound on his right arm, the crimson blood trickling down alabaster skin. In his right hand was the dagger that Draco thought his Father had rid himself of a long time ago, and it too was streaked with fresh blood.
"Father?"
"You're too important for anyone
You play the role of all you want to be
But I, I know who you really are
You're the one who cries when you're alone
But where will you go
With no-one left to save you from yourself
You can't escape
You can't escape
You think that I can't see right through your eyes
Scared to death to face reality
No-one seems to hear your hidden cries
You'll have to face yourself alone
But where will you go
With no-one left to save you from yourself
You can't escape the truth
I realize you're afraid
But you can't abandon everyone
You can't escape
You don't want to escape
I'm so sick of speaking words that no-one understands
Is it clear enough that you can't live your whole life all alone
I can hear you when you whisper, but you can't even hear me screaming
Where will you go
With no-one left to save you from yourself
You can't escape the truth
I realize you're afraid
But you can't reject the whole world
You can't escape
You won't escape
You can't escape
You don't want to escape"
"Where will you go" - Evanescence