Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh, or do I own Ancient Egypt, and I most certainly don't own Mary Sue's.

Author's Note: This came about as a quick little drabble in response to a challenge. I was taking out my frustrations about so many AE ficlets out there with either a Mary Sue, or using a modern-day character - such as Anzu or Jounouchi or Malik - and inserting them into Ancient Egypt for no real reason. There's no excuse for this, people; the AE arc is out, and it's clear who existed back then and who did not. Also, there's a reason there were only seven Sennen Items made. But that's a rant for another day. Enjoy the parody!

Lily sighed and fanned herself, tossing back her thick golden hair and squinting up into the sun. She really hadn't expected ancient Egypt to be quite so warm, or so bright! And though the clothing the kind villagers of this strange place had given her was light and airy, she still felt like she would drown in her own sweat.

She would never seduce Priest Set looking like this! Even though, drenched in sweat as she was, her skin was the palest of pale, putting beams of moonlight to shame, and her golden hair was brighter than the sun, but not offensively so. She was easily the prettiest in the village, possibly in the entirety of ancient Egypt, with her slender, well-endowed form and aristocratic manner. And once she opened her mouth and sang…well, let's just say that her voice was unrivaled throughout the land, and she had been likened to many a songbird through the years of her performances. She had no doubt that once she got the Priest within sight and hearing range, she could win his heart with a smile and a song.

She sighed again and shifted her position on the wooden bench, watching the villagers go about their daily routine of stealing from each other and everyone within grabbing distance, oblivious to her scrutiny. She wondered if they suspected she had come from a different time, complete with her own Sennen Item and angst-ridden past in tow. Sure, she had golden hair and silvery-gray eyes, but didn't that Kisara girl have pale hair, too? They hadn't made a fuss over her white skin, either, so her Sennen Toothpick must have been doing its job by making her blend in with the natives; either that or they just did not care. This was a town of outlaws and thieves, after all, but she was sure they would have accepted Kisara with open arms as well.

Of course, she mentally glossed over the fact that Kisara was stoned in just about every village she passed through and likely would have been killed had it not been for Priest Set's intervention. It was amazing enough that she accepted the existence of one who was a threat to her own pairing with the High Priest, and she felt that she was being more than generous. She was even overlooking Kisara's powerful ka, insisting that she herself harbored a Blue Eyes White Dragon within her. Modern day Seto had three, didn't he? Therefore she could have one as her ka as well as Kisara, and she just KNEW that hers was better.

Her stomach grumbled as the scent of freshly-cooked bread wafted past her perfect little nose. It had been almost an entire HOUR since she had left her home and come to this village - what had that sweet little white-haired boy called it? Kuruelna? Kuku Eruna? she couldn't remember - and she was positively FAMISHED! She had only eaten a four-course meal for breakfast, and it had to be well past noon time. She hadn't thought to bring any provisions along with her.

She stood up to leave when she noticed something up in the sky. Her two-toned eyes widened as a coconut flew towards her and smacked her in the forehead. She gave a cry of pain and stumbled back, blood trickling down her smooth skin. It was in that moment that soldiers erupted around her, capturing her and all of the other villagers. She watched as they were butchered one by one, and knew that her turn was coming. Screams filled the air, and she couldn't help but wonder how she had missed THIS part of the anime.

Not that she had watched the entire thing, of course; only the parts with her future husband in it, and the Pharaoh. She hadn't thought anything else important enough.

Damn, guess she shouldn't have stopped here after all, no matter how adorable that little boy had been. Now she would never get to woo Priest Set with her unparalleled beauty. She would never get to reveal to Atemu that she was his long-lost baby sister that everyone thought was dead, and that she was the wielder of the Sennen Toothpick, which was more powerful than all of the other Sennen Items combined! She would never be able to write a ballad for her High Priest and sing to him beneath a crescent moon, clad in silken garments and ornate golden jewelry – all gifts from Set, of course.

One soldier grabbed her roughly by the arm and shoved her down to her knees. "What's your name, bitch?" he cried in a girly voice as he raised his bloodied blade up. The blade seemed wrought with exclamation points and question marks, with the words "Bad Ass Bitch" written across the guard. This did not strike her as out of place at all.

"Lily Mary-Ann Sue," she said winsomely, her voice trilling like a dove. She stared up at him with liquid multi-hued eyes, hoping he would take pity on her and set her free. After all, shouldn't he recognize her as Priest Set's fated wife and his own Pharaoh's sister?

"Thought so. We were warned to look out for you," he grumbled as his blade drove home.