Disclaimer: I DO NOT own PMK or RK.

This is an AU fic set in modern times. Took some liberties with the character's ages and occupation… Don't be too surprised if enemies turn out to be colleagues. NO swordfights. NO hitokiris… (Yawn)

Plus points? Okita-sama does not have TB. Even if he had, he recovered thanks to modern medicine. (heart)

Rating for language, implied sex & violence.

Case 001: Locker Inspection

It's good to be out! The young captain stepped out of the hospital eagerly looking forward to his next assignment. He had been admitted a week ago after an accident. "Okita-sama!" He sweatdropped as he saw his adoring fan club.

Ever since he gave that crime prevention talk at Mizuki Girls' High, he has become the Prince Charming of almost every schoolgirl there. His fan club had flooded his ward with get-well cards and gifts during his hospitalization. Now, they crowded around him with excited squeals of delight.

The high school girls piled teddy bears and flowers on him. The fan club president, Hotaru, even managed to plant a kiss on his cheek. He smiled and thanked them all politely. He flagged down a taxi and bundled the teddy bears and flowers into its trunk. "Kyoto Shinsengumi HQ." He climbed into the taxi.

Kyoto Metropolis Shinsengumi HQ. The men crowded at the meeting room window, trying to peer through the blinds. The Demon and the Buddha are having an argument inside. One boy is blissfully unaware of the argument his presence in the HQ has triggered. He is fifteen and built like an elementary schoolboy. Ichimura Tetsunosuke kicked his heels idly as he waited eagerly to start his career week in the Shinsengumi.

On the board facing him was the smiling face of Okita Souji under a slogan that used to read "Join Us. Make a Difference". Someone had blacked out "Difference" and scribbled "Mess" instead. Tetsu grinned. Tatsu-nii had almost fallen down the stairs when Tetsu told him he wanted to spend his career week in the Shinsengumi.

"You always, always mess things up!" His brother had exclaimed. And Tatsu-nii was the dispatcher at the Shinsengumi station. Surprisingly, his application got approved by the dean.

Inside. "San-nan! Why the fuck must I have a schoolboy running about the place?" Demon Hijitaka growled. "First painting damned orphanages. Then collecting frigging old appliances! Kami-dammit! We're NOT a charity!"

"It works for public relations, Toshi," Yamanami peered through his glasses as he nonchalantly planned the next month's roster. "Do try to keep your temper with the child and try not to swear so much."

"A kid? In the Shinsengumi?!"

"I'm afraid I can't allow that!" Chief Kondo barged into the room. The two vice-chiefs greeted him. "As of this moment, Hijtaka Toshizou is officially suspended till further notice! San-nan, make the necessary arrangements!" The chief fumed.

"SUSPENSED?! WHY?" Hijtaka's roar shook the building like a Mag 5 earthquake. Tetsu watched as the notice board on the facing wall fell with a crash. "Police brutality," Kondo coughed. "Your last case…"

"So I roughed up the suspect a bit."

"A bit? Two broken ribs, a fractured jaw and concussion?! Kami! I'm finding it difficult to cover for you in front of Itou-san. Please! The next time we'll be taking away your badge and gun permanently." Reluctantly, Hijitaka handed over both items and stomped out of the room.

He glared at Tetsu as he passed him as if he wanted to bash him into a pulp. Tetsu blanched and started praying. Don't let him be my partner, dontlethimbemypart- Okita was heading for Kondo's office when he passed his partner. "Toshi, I'm back!" Okita gave his friend a bear-hug. Hijitaka pried him off. "And I'm going on leave, courtesy of our beloved chief!"

Okita ran his fingers through his long hair. "Tie that up!" Hijitaka rebuked him. "It's about that beating, right?" The young man frowned. Before Hijitaka can reply, Yamanami had caught up with them.

"Souji, great to have you back. Meet your new partner for this week," Yamanami almost pushed a shy red-haired boy forward. "Ichimura Tetsunosuke. Captain Okita Souji." Yamanami beamed as he introduced them.

"Aww…A puppy! Okita's got himself a puppy…" A dark-haired man teased the pair as they entered the locker room. "Hi, Puppy-kun…" A giant and a short redhead soon joined in the fun. "I'm NOT a puppy!" Tetsu retorted as three hands patted him on the head as if he were a dog.

"Knock it off," Okita scolded as he tied his hair into a ponytail. "Toudou Heisuke." The dark-haired man nodded. "Nagakura Shinpachi." The short redhead waved. "Harada Sanosuke." The giant grinned and scratched his head. "The Shinsengumi Comedian Trio." Okita showed Tetsu his locker so he could put away his backpack.

"Locker Inspection!" Chief Kondo bellowed to be heard above the racket caused by the Trio. "Aww, we did that last month, chief…" Heisuke whined.

"Special Inspector Itou will be dropping by this week for a surprise inspection. So gentlemen, open your lockers NOW!" All the men present reluctantly opened their lockers.

A rush of foul air gushed out of Harada's locker. "Harada! Do your laundry already!" Everyone shouted as an avalanche of dirty socks and boxers fell out. Harada apologized profusely and stuffed the dirty garments back into his locker. Okita opened the window to let in some fresh air.

Shinpachi's locker was filled with Hello Kitty memoranda. A ripple of laughter ran through the room. Kondo raised an eyebrow. "They're for my little girl's birthday…"

"But Yoko-chan's birthday is eight months away." A large Kitty doll fell out and bounced off the floor. Tetsu caught it. Okita clapped his hand over his mouth to stifle a laugh. Shinpachi turned beetroot-red in the face.

"I know. But they were having a sale and I bought her twelve years' worth of presents. I can't hide them at home with her getting into everything… So I'm a cheapskate."

Heisuke had his back to his locker. "Open it," Kondo ordered. The captain slowly opened it… to reveal his Playboy Exclusive Calendar Spread. Tetsu's eyes almost popped out at the sight. Wolf-whistles echoed throughout the room. "That goes, do you hear?" Heisuke nodded.

Okita's locker was cleared in mere seconds. Tetsu's locker was empty. The boy had not put his backpack in it yet. Kondo went from locker to locker, occasionally stopping to reprimand some offender. He stopped in front of the last locker and fished out a suspicious packet of what looked like...

"Dried herb candles for aromatherapy," a tall, pale man with messy bangs replied. Kondo nodded as he returned the packet to its owner. Tetsu realized he had not seen the man enter the room. Had he been there all this while? "Saitou, go easy on the candles and incense. I don't want the place looking like a faith healer's office when Itou-san comes by."

"Back from your Zen retreat so soon?" Okita asked Saitou.

"What's time? All time's like a grain of sand on the beach…" Saitou philosophized. Okita smiled. "Same old Hajime-kun." Okita introduced Tetsu to his friend.

Author's notes:

Modern take on the Shinsengumi. I mean, they were sorta like the police force then. So I wrote them into a police setting.