Title: Push, Pull (4?)

Author: Alamo Girl

Disclaimers: See previous chapters.

A/N Wow you guys have been so cool about reviewing this fic. I have to admit, I've been thinking really hard on where I want this plot to go. I'm pretty sure, however, that things will definitely get worse for the Goren/ Eames duo. Relationships take work, you know, and Bobby is definitely gonna have to earn this relationship. That and, well, I'm all about angst! I love it! It's torture! MwaaHaahaa!

Chapter 4

"Nature has no love for solitude, and always leans, as it were, on some support; and the sweetest support is found in the most intimate friendship." Cicero (106-43 BC)

The word 'partnership' takes on a ton of new meanings when it applies to police officers. A partner in the business world may simply mean that they work together, discuss finances, and share all the responsibilities that accompany running a corporation. There are not too many life or death situations in a business partnership. Partners on the police force can be a whole different kind of animal. They end up being husband, wife, brother, father, mother, best friend, confidante, advisor, personal guardian, and the one who holds the other's life in their hands every time a call goes out. There must be a bond, in order for this type of partnership to work; an understanding. That no matter how horrible you life has sunk, no matter what you've done or how alone you feel … your partner will always watch your back.

Eames had taken that vow seriously when she discovered she was to be partnered with "Big Bobby Goren - resident eccentric genius." She'd heard the rumors about his unorthodox behavior at crime scenes, his antics in the interrogation room, and how he just seemed to know things. He seemed to know all kinds of things, which usually succeeded in creeping out his partners. This was probably the reason he'd gone through three partners before Eames. They just didn't understand him.

The moment they'd met, and Alex met his eyes for the first time, she'd seen it. A loneliness so deep she had momentarily been at a loss for words. There was also a pleading in his eyes, shy and almost child-like that said, "Will you be like the others? Will you leave too? Don't…" Alex had promised in her heart right then and there, that whenever he needed her, she would be there. Always. But now, she wondered if that promise, had been worth it. Right now, Alex didn't much feel like being that "partner" she'd promised him four years ago. All she felt right now was the very empty feeling of being alone.

Her eyes slowly lifted to the place in the multitude of desks and chairs where she and Bobby's desks sat, joined. The lump of fear that had begun to rise in her throat, now lodged itself in her windpipe, effectively making her breath falter. Bobby sat in his chair, just as she knew he would be, his back turned to her as he appeared to be talking animatedly to the detective in the desk behind him. His robin's-egg blue shirt, immaculate coat slung over his chair, and ever-coordinating tie, always seemed to make him stand out in the bull-pen. In an office of grays, blacks and browns; graying hair, squat bodies and pot-bellies - Bobby's attire made him stand out all the more. And it was simply impossible to miss a six foot four, burley beast of a man, who's physique, as well as his presence commanded attention.

Relief washed through Alex, for Bobby was completely involved in the conversation with the older detective, and mercifully had not turned to face her. Had he glanced up from the desk and locked eyes with his partner, Alex felt sure she would have been reduced to a shaking, whimpering, puddle of piss on the floor. The Monster Goren in her mind's eye tended to have that effect on her.

"So far so good," Alex muttered to herself. She glanced over to the other side of the room, and decided to sneak her way over to the coffee and water dispenser. Keeping a wary eye on Bobby, whose rumbling laughter could be heard throughout the office (some joke had obviously passed between the two detectives), Alex made her way to the coffee machine. She suddenly felt stupid for sneaking around like a suspect who was hiding something. "This is really chicken-shit Eames," she thought as she filled a cup with scalding black coffee. "You're acting like a stupid little…"

"Thought you could sneak over here and get the last of the fresh coffee, did you?" Bobby rumbled softly in her ear. Some how he'd come up behind her, so close she could feel his body heat radiating from his chest, his shirt brushing lightly against her shoulder blades. Bobby always did seem to have the ability to 'appear' without anyone noticing. No small feat for a man of his size.

Alex jolted forward, as Bobby's voice sent her heart into near arrhythmia. The lightning bolt of terror sizzled through her so violently she crushed the cup in her hand, sending scalding-hot coffee down her fist and onto the floor. She yelped in pain, and jumped sideways, away from the burning liquid and freeing herself from being confined in Bobby's bulk. She shook her hand vigorously, trying to swallow the pain from the burning liquid, and the adrenaline that was coursing though her veins.

"Sorry! I'm sorry! God, Bobby! One of these days you're going to sneak up behind me at the wrong time! Like when I have my nine-mil in my hand!" Alex frantically tried to control her breathing. Bobby, who had also been startled by Eames' reaction to his presence, bent to pick up the coffee cup and some towels to tend to Eames' hand.

"I'm sorry Eames, are you OK?" Bobby asked, his brows furrowed in concern. He'd never seen Alex so jumpy, and it only served to fuel his concern over her from the previous day. If truth be told, Bobby had spent most of the night, pacing in his living room, fretting over Eames. This was completely perplexing to Bobby, who'd never worried about anyone this much, with the exception of his mother. In true Goren-esque style, he'd analyzed, dissected, and rolled these thoughts and feelings around in his brain until the wee hours of the morning, trying to piece the puzzle that was his partner, Eames, together.

With a slight shake of the head, Bobby snapped himself out of his thoughts finally and took a step toward Alex, extending his hand to her. "Here, let me see," he said softly.

Alex kept her eyes on her hand, which was now turning red, "I'm fine, it's OK."

"Alex, it's not OK, you've been burned. Now let me see it," he replied, a little firmer now. He took a step closer to Eames, and to his astonishment, she put her good hand up in a 'don't come any closer' sign, and took two swift steps back. This act, that might have seemed inconsequential to a by-stander, stung Robert Goren to the core. Completely taken off guard, Bobby paused in mid-step, his eyes narrowed as he studied her. He watched her as she rubbed her hand and she searched for something to say, his head tilted to the left. For once, Bobby Goren had no words, for this was an Eames who had just pushed him away….as if she were uncomfortable being near him. This Eames was unfamiliar to him.

"I'm OK I said…just… just leave it…" she said. Without thinking about it, Alex glanced up at Bobby's face. Her eyes swept over the features she'd come to know as Bobby trying to work out a puzzle in his head. His brows knitted together as his eyes took her entire countenance in, blinking quickly. She could almost hear the gears cranking in his famous mind, and she suddenly felt very small in his presence - like a bug in a specimen jar. She backed away another step, feeling more and more uneasy, when she dared to hold his gaze with her own for a moment. A flash, only a millisecond in length but a life time to Eames, sped through her mind. The Demon Goren was on her, raping her savagely. She was pinned under his massive frame, his tongue caressing her throat, sounds of pleasure thrumming through his chest into hers with each agonizingly powerful thrust. It was as if she were frozen, unable to scream or breathe. As he hammered into her, tearing and ravaging everything sacred within her, he growled in her ear in a voice thick with lust and pleasure, "You know you're mine Alex. You've been waiting from me to do this. Alex…Alex…"

"Alex…ALEX?" Bobby raised his voice a notch in fear.

Alex blinked, the vision died. She was standing, shaking and staring in wide-eyed terror at Bobby. She tore her eyes from him and looked to the side, as she took in a few shuddering breaths.

Bobby's eyes were huge as well. He'd seen something horrible wash over his partner as she looked at him. Her color drained from her face, and she had begun to tremble. Since when did Eames tremble? His concern that she might have been afraid of him in that interrogation, now turned to fear. This was totally unfamiliar territory for Goren, whose first instinct at seeing Eames in this trembling state was to reach out to her, comfort her. But for all his vast knowledge - all of his training - Bobby didn't know how to go about comforting her. He'd never had to before; she was usually the one who comforted him after a draining case or one of his encounters with Nicole. When he fell, she was there, always. His best and closest friend, even if lately he had been feeling a consuming need for her to be more. Now, he was completely at a loss; torn between his overwhelming need to help her, and the enveloping doubt and uncertainty that he would even be able to help her.

"What is shape without form; what is chaos without order; what is life without death; what is friendship without love." Scott Watson

Just as he finally found his voice, which had mysteriously left him at some point, Captain Deakins stuck his head out of his office.

"Goren! Eames! My office, now!"

Alex slid past Bobby, moving quickly to Deakins office. Bobby watched after her for a moment, and then followed. Alex moved to the side of Deakins desk crossing her arms protectively over her chest, and Bobby sidled up behind her, taking his usual place behind her right shoulder. His eyes had never left her. Alex felt his body heat again, his breath wafted across her neck. His closeness had never bothered her before; it had always been a sort of comfort having him behind her. Now it unnerved her, and she took a step forward, away from Bobby again.

"There's been another murder," Deakins said as he pinched the bridge of his nose in exhaustion. "It has the same signature of the Verger murders."

"That's…that's impossible. We got Verger dead-to-rights on those seven murders," Alex said looking up in surprise.

"He had a partner…," Bobby muttered softly. He waggled his head slightly, as if to dislodge a thought and held up his hand, a sign he was about to let them in on some minute inference he'd made. "We should have seen it sooner…the differences… the subtle changes."

Deakins took on his usual look of exasperation when he was made to wait for Goren to finish a thought and let him in on his explanation. Alex only turned her head slightly in Goren's direction. Bobby began to pace between Alex and the window, his left hand found its place with the knuckles resting on his lower lip.

"The girl's body types changed between the sixth and seventh victim. They… they went from tall and heavy-boned… to petite and slim." Bobby rubbed his forehead. "The cuts…the cuts had been almost surgical in the beginning," his eyes scanned between Deakins and Alex, "on the sixth and seventh victims, they were…hurried, savage… as if he'd lost his control."

"The partner was in training the first few go-rounds, and then the coach let him try a couple on his own," Deakins filled in.

"Verger was creating an image of himself, a son," Bobby said as his head tilted, his eyes blinking rapidly as he worked out all the scenarios in his head. He glanced over at Eames, who was standing stark still with her eyes lowered. This was his typical cue for her to pick up the conversation, to add some tid-bit of insight to better help him sort the multitude of thoughts that often cluttered and stalled his brain. But she remained quiet.

"We better get out to the crime scene then. I don't care how, but you get this mutt." Deakins was flatly looking at Goren. Alex noticed this. As always, all the hopes and expectations of the Major Case department would rest on the famous Detective Goren. Detective Eames would be a by-line yet again, and resent bubbled up inside her once again.

"The mayor is fuming and the press squads are drooling over this. They called Verger 'The Collector', and now they'll be saying we have the wrong piece of trash in custody. I can just see the headlines, "The Collector Returns" or some bullshit. Go on, get out there," Deakins said, and dismissed them with a wave of the hand. Alex turned quickly and strode out of his office. Bobby and Deakins traded glances, before Bobby followed, snatching his coat and trying to catch up with his long gate.

"Alex, are you…are you sure you're alright? What happened at the coffee machine… that's was... it's just...," Bobby tried to catch her eyes as they walked to the elevator.

"I told you I'm fine. For once Goren, leave it alone. There is a sick bastard out there, killing young women… AGAIN." Her voice was hard, and cold. She could feel him flinch at her words, but she couldn't let herself care. Not if she was going to make it through another grizzly second-coming of the serial case from Hell. No matter how much she wanted Bobby to help her, save her, she just wasn't ready to lay herself out - exposed. Not with the possibility that he would not know how to put the pieces back. She couldn't take that chance, for both their sakes.

So, even though it ripped a new chasm in her heart, made her ache just a little deeper and hate herself just a little more, she would do the thing that would hurt her closest friend and partner the most. She would push him away.

"All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built upon the sand." Ella Wilcox (1850-1919)

TBC…

Wheew…. pants I'm tired! That chapter took a Lot out of me!

Please ,PLEASE … tell me what you think! I'll send you some sweets!