CHAPTER NINE
"Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not. I'm glad that you can forgive...I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget."
--Brand New, "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot"
We arrived in at my mother's house on a Saturday afternoon. He accompanied me inside, and had a slightly odd reunion with my mother. She always liked Mulder, but she did know the reason for my leaving the FBI three years back. He was obviously uneasy about this. We hadn't discussed her knowledge of what had happened, and she didn't let on to know anything more than that I was back to help out on a case.
Being the mother that she was, she insisted that Mulder stayed for lunch, after seeing that I wasn't overly uncomfortable around him. She had always worried about Mulder, and old habits die hard, I suppose. Once she felt we were thoroughly nourished, she cleared the table.
Mulder had brought in my bags. There were enough clothes and shoes and whatnot to tide me over for quite some time, while the rest of my things were in storage. I would start looking for an apartment right away, because although I love my mother, I can only stand to be babied for so long. On Monday, I was going in to the Hoover Building to meet with Skinner in the morning, and then over to Quantico to prove to them that I could still shoot a gun and that I was still aware of all the rules that I'd sit back and let Mulder break.
"Well, um, I'd better get going..." Mulder said.
"It was nice to see you, Fox," Mom replied.
"Yes, nice to see you, too. I'll see you Monday, Scully, at work. Just like old times, huh?"
"Yeah, Mulder, just like old times," I forced a smile.
No, Mulder, NOT like old times. I wish it could be. I didn't have the heart to tell him.
"See you then. Thanks for lunch, Mrs. Scully," he said.
"Anytime," she smiled, and he walked out the door.
We walked back inside the living room, and I collapsed onto the couch. She sat next to me. I knew that within moments, she'd press me on the issue. My mother and I were very close, even after I'd left for California. We spoke on the phone very often, and she'd often come visit me there, since Bill and Charlie were also nearby. When I had to explain to her why I had left DC, I remember the way I faltered when I tried to get the words out. She had been there for me, but was shocked as I was by what had happened. Now, sitting here, I felt like a did after I'd broken up with my first boyfriend at the end of high school. Sitting there, while she comforted me and told me he wasn't worth it--there were plenty of fish in the sea. Too bad she didn't realize I seemed to catch them and then kill them.
"So, how have you been?" she asked, interrupting my thoughts.
"Okay. It's been strange, with him suddenly here again," I said.
"Is he treating you well, Dana?" she asked.
"Of course. He, um, he says that he was wrong. That he loved me even then, even now..."
"And what have you said to that?" she asked.
"Nothing, really. I can't even begin to think about how I actually feel about him. Not with Rob, not with the thing we're being thrust into with the FBI... It's too much."
"I know, Dana, I know..." she said.
"Oh, Mom, I'm so afraid I'll fall for him again, but at the same time, I hate him," I admitted.
"Well, it'll take time to see how being with him again will affect you. You may realize that you still resent him for what happened...you may still hate him. You may realize with time that he does love you, and maybe he does. You may realize that you still love him. Maybe some time away from you let him think a bit and come to his senses. Lord knows what he was thinking not wanting to be with you..." she said.
"Maybe, Mom," I said.
We spent the evening catching up on things here and there, on Charlie and Bill, talking about little things. We talked about Rob, about Mulder, about all the fights that my mother and father had worked their way through. I loved my Mom, and we were always able to talk about things together, especially once I was an adult. It was comforting to take a break from the chaos and just be there with her, but once again I'd be taken out of the comfort and thrown right back into the madness.
The next morning was not as comforting as a mother's warm embrace. As I entered the Hoover Building, it felt a bit odd to have on a visitor's pass. I received some smiles from Agents who recognized me. It was then that I realized there must have been tons of rumors going around about why I left. People were always quick to gossip in the Hoover Building, and Mulder and I had often been the topic. It had been rumored that we were romantically involved for years--despite the fact that most of the Agents considered me rather unapproachable after the incident with Agent Colton on the Tooms case. Most of it never phased me, but mostly just amused me. I never did care much what other people thought of me, and if I did, I never would have made it this far in life. Still, I walked into the outer office of Assistant Director Walter Skinner with a nostalgic smile on my face that Monday morning.
Kimberly, his secretary, looked up at me with a smile. She'd always been very kind to Mulder and I. "Agent Scully! It's so good to see you. How have you been?"
"Call me Dana," I laughed, pointing to the visitor's pass. "I've been good, Kimberly, and you?"
"Good. I hear you may be joining us again," she said.
"Yeah, it looks like I will be."
"Well, we've all missed you. The Assistant Director is waiting for you, you can go right in. He's anxious to see you," she smiled.
"Thanks, Kimberly," I returned the smile and walked inside Skinner's office.
"Dana," he said, standing up. "It's so good to see you."
We shook hands, and I noticed the big smile on his face. Even if he was happy, this is Skinner we're talking about, so there was no embrace.
"Likewise, Sir," I said. The 'Sir' slipped, as I knew it would.
"How have you been?"
"Okay, and you?"
"Just fine, but missing one hell of an agent."
I smiled at the compliment and said, "I suppose Agent Mulder has filled you in on why I've returned?"
"Yes... I'm sorry about your fiancé, Scully. Agent Mulder and yourself seem to believe the remaining members of this syndicate, including Alex Krycek, are behind it?"
"Agent Mulder believes they wanted me to think he did it, to discredit him. So I wouldn't help him with his work."
"I'm aware of this conspiracy theory. After Mulder supposedly found this colonization date, he was approached by an informant. This informant told him he wouldn't be able to get the information alone, he'd need help--but not a large group of people. Mulder was told he'd need a confidante, in case something happened to him. Someone familiar with the work and the idea of colonization, as well as this syndicate. I'm not sure why he came to me with this information, but I believe it's because he trusts me--and I'd never betray that. He knew my help would be valuable, as someone to back the two of you up. When you eventually infiltrate the project, I'll be your backup."
"You're on board with all of this, Sir?"
"Yes, but it's not all an official FBI matter. Technically, you and Mulder are investigating a warehouse where you believe there is a group of men conducting experiments on abductees. There is nothing in writing about your fiancé's death, or colonization, or anything like that. The case will not fall into the hands of anyone except for you, Mulder, and me. We are keeping this low-key for all of our safety, at least at the moment. If enough information is gathered for us to go public, everything will change. Until that information, that proof, is gathered, we will keep this between us, save for a few people."
"What few people?" I asked.
A smile came to his face and he said, "Mulder's hacker friends--the Gunmen."
I matched his smile at that, and just then, we heard Kim on the intercom.
"Sir, Agent Mulder is here--should I send him in?"
He looked at me, as if seeking my approval. I nodded, and he said, "Yes, please."
Mulder stepped inside and joined us. He nodded at Skinner, and then turned to me with a smile. He took a seat beside me, and just for a moment, everything was as it had been on any given morning just a few years ago. I could almost hear Skinner yelling at us about our latest mishap, or wasted money, or something we'd done wrong.
"I assume you and Scully discussed the makeshift plans that are in place now?" Mulder asked.
"Yes, we have," Skinner said.
"So, I'll be getting my job back after some brief exams at Quantico this afternoon?" I asked.
"Yes, a physical, and then as long as you still remember some rules and can show them you're still an excellent shot, you'll be reinstated, as per my wishes. You should be there at two this afternoon." I glanced down at my watch, finding it to be only 9:45.
"Thank you so much, Sir," I said, with gratitude. He was making this much easier than expected.
"Thank you, Agent Scully, for coming back. The Bureau has missed you," he said. "I don't think there's anything else at the moment."
"Well, about the infiltration... I've been thinking, from the information my informant has given me, we should infiltrate the warehouse where the information is being kept in early August. A lot of the members will be out of the country. It should prove helpful," Mulder said.
"All right, I suppose that's all. Scully, good luck with your exams, though I know you'll be fine. Thanks for coming," he said.
I smiled, and Mulder and I quietly left the office.
"So," I began, walking down the hallway, "what's the current office gossip theory on why I'm back?"
"I don't indulge in that kind of--"
"C'mon, you have to have heard something, Mulder. About why I left, why I'm back..." I goaded.
"Well, the general assumption is you and I had a falling out. Some people believe it was about trust, others about work, others about..." he trailed off.
"Sex?" I asked bluntly.
He said nothing.
"Hit a little too close to home, Mulder?" I asked, my tone indifferent. If I could just keep pretending that I had no interest in him that way anymore... If I could just be indifferent, but still a little bitter...
"What are you trying to do, Scully?" he asked when we were alone on the elevator, a hint of accusation in his tone.
"What do you mean?" I replied. Had he figured me out?
"I mean what's with all the snappy retorts? Why can't you just put it behind you? Why won't you let yourself be my friend?"
I struggle to find the correct words. "You were my friend...that doesn't disappear. It just...changes. I can't just put what happened behind us. What happened--one night--changed my entire life. You were the catalyst to that, Mulder. When we were friends, we didn't have this kind of history hanging over us. I can't pretend that I never had a deep, emotional fall-out with you. I just can't pretend it didn't happen...that I wasn't hurt, that you weren't the one who hurt me. We can work together, and we can be friends, but from the moment you touched me that night, nothing has ever been the same. I can forgive you for what happened--I can come back and work with you and be pleasant. I can be your friend. I can forgive you," I repeated, "But I can't forget."
The doors of the elevator opened at the basement. I gave him a sad smile, and went to head for the parking garage. I expected him to go towards his office, but he came in my direction. I shot him a questioning glance, hoping he wasn't going to further pursue the issue.
"Um, I'm sorry. I should've realized. Anyway, I was going to stop by the Gunmen's...they've been trying to get into the computer files at the warehouse, but they're military protected. I was going to check some stuff out with them and see if their new spy equipment came, the stuff we'd be using for the infiltration. Do you wanna stop by with me?"
"Yeah, it'd be nice to see those guys. Do they know I'm in town?"
"Not yet," he said. "It'll be a nice surprise. Frohike will be thrilled."
I laughed a bit and said, "I'll meet you there."
I pulled up at the Gunmen's with Mulder just a minute or so behind me. He got out of his car, and we walked up to ring the buzzer outside their office. I had missed them. As annoying as they could be (especially when tricking me into going to Las Vegas...a trip with a few hours I can't seem to remember, for some reason...) they were good friends. I could picture them looking at the monitor to see who was outside.
"Yeah?" I heard Frohike through their intercom.
"Open up, FBI!" I yelled, knowing he'd have made his way to the monitor.
"Scully!" I heard the locks unlocking and soon saw good old Melvin Frohike at the door.
"Come in!"
I walked into the same familiar place I'd been so many times before. Langly and Byers smiled widely at us. They hadn't changed a bit--from Byers' suit down to Langly's hair and Ramones t-shirt.
"What are you doing back?" Byers asked.
"Well, I came to help Mulder out with this conspiracy he's stumbled upon..."
"I was hoping it was for me," Frohike quipped.
"So you're in on this with us?" Langly asked.
"Yeah, I've got quite some reason to be," I said.
"Yeah, we heard. I'm sorry," Byers said.
I nodded with a sad smile.
"If I could get my hands on that rat Krycek..." Frohike trailed off.
"I know the feeling," I sighed.
"Well, how've you been these past three years?" Byers asked me.
"Good. I was working as a doctor."
"What kind of doctor?" Frohike raised his eyebrows.
"Not a urologist, Frohike, nor a gynecologist, for that matter," Mulder cut in.
Frohike looked slightly forlorn.
I smiled a bit and said, "Pediatrician."
"Lucky little bastards," Frohike said.
"So how have you guys been?"
"Oh you know, cool..." Frohike said, trying to sound suave.
"Oh please, Frohike, you were never cool," Langly said.
"And you are, Lord Manhammer?"
"Anyone who plays D & D as well as I do is definitely cool."
"Yeah, really badass Langly," Mulder said.
"Hey, G-Man, watch it--you work for them, so you're not too cool yourself."
"I think I'm a bit cooler than you," Mulder argued.
"Oh yeah, Mulder, seducing all those phone sex operators has made you the coolest man I know," I deadpanned, raising my eyebrows.
"Hey, at least I'm not a science geek," he shot back.
"Smart is sexy," Frohike said.
"You're acting like children," Byers said.
"Shut up, Byers," came from mostly everyone in the room.
"Yeah, just 'cause you're the lamest out of all of us..." Langly said.
"Me? How am I lame?" Byers questioned.
"You're just...Byers... With your pressed suits... What isn't lame about you?"
"At least I'm not living in the wrong decade, Langly. Besides, I think I was the last of all of us to have a relationship with a female."
"Modeski?! Dude you just kissed her--and this spanned over what? Ten years?" Langly replied. "You think you would've gotten into her pa--"
"You know, I think I've heard enough about the secret sex lives of the Lone Gunmen," I said.
"You're not the only one," Mulder added. "So did you guys get the equipment yet?"
"Yupp, arrived yesterday," Langly said. He moved to the back of the room to grab some packages off of a shelf.
"Basically, it's everything you'll need to break in through their security. We've also got everything you need to reroute their security cameras, so they don't alert anybody. We'll take care of that for you, first, though, and then wait for you around the block in the van with Skinner. That is the preliminary plan, correct?"
"Yes, that's right," Mulder said. "It sounds good. Were you able to access the files?"
"No, we're good, but not that good... This is big time stuff. Sadly, as of right now, their Kung Fu beat our Kung Fu. They've got it set up so that you can only access the files from their computers, in that building, connected to their network. We haven't been able to bypass that yet," Langly said.
"I've never seen such high security before," Byers admitted. "You must've stumbled upon something very big."
"Oh, it's the biggest thing of all, Byers," Mulder said.
I sighed quietly. A typical Mulder response. I had missed those... I glanced down at my watch.
"Okay, guys I'm gunna get going. I've got some stuff to do before I head out to Quantico," I said.
"Yeah, I'd better get out of here, too. Uh, you guys wanna go for cheese steaks tonight?" Mulder asked.
"Sure. Would the scrumptious Agent Scully like to join us?" Frohike asked.
"No, thank you. Besides, I'm not Agent Scully yet. Gimme a couple of hours."
"You're still scrumptious," Frohike said quietly, eyebrows raised.
"Watch it, Melvin," I said, smiling. I glanced around the room and said, "Well, nice to see you all."
"You too," Byers said.
"You have no idea," Frohike grinned.
"Later," Langly said.
Mulder nodded a goodbye and walked beside me out the door. I had missed this life. I had missed running around with Mulder, and the Gunmen. I had missed just being near Mulder, but I didn't want to think about that. I didn't want to think about the way I feel when as we walked out to the car, he placed his hand on that familiar spot at the small of my back. I flinched a bit, because for a moment it was just too much like before--before he hurt me. The maelstrom of emotions that attacked me when I was near him was too much for me to contemplate, but luckily I didn't have to be there for long.
"Good luck at Quantico, Scully. Call me and let me know how it goes?"
"Sure," I said, as we parted ways. I turned around to walk towards my car when he called out to me.
"Scully?" I turned around. "Maybe you could join us for those cheese steaks."
I gave him a weak smile and said, "I don't think so, Mulder."
He nodded, trying to hide his disappointment. I tried to look like I didn't want to join them.
"Talk to you later, then," he said.
"Yeah. Thanks," I said.
He shook his head in a gesture of 'don't mention it,' and turned back around. Then, once again, he was gone, and I was left alone with only my thoughts of how he made me feel. I pushed them aside. No, this was all about work. All about colonization. All about Rob. All about me. Not about Mulder. Besides, he was gone. I was alone again, anyway. There were more important things: Quantico, a new apartment... Mulder should've be the least of my concerns...
But then, my life never was the way it should've been.
NOTES: Sorry for the delay. I gave you a nice long one this time! More soon, hold tight! Scully muses on her past and present decisions, she goes out to dinner with Mulder, gets more info on this conspiracy, and tries to come to terms with losing Rob and their approaching would-be-wedding day. So hang on!