Equinox was a small ship, and there weren't a whole lot of spaces that the senior officers could go when they needed to speak privately. Captain Ransom had a small readyroom off the bridge, just like most starships, but he didn't always use that. On the lowermost deck was a room that had once been used for the scientific missions Equinox had been designed for. Once it had held equipment to scan planetary landmasses, sample atmopheric conditions, and scan surface life from orbit.
The Krowtonan Guard had blown that equipment apart in their vicious attacks, and for a few years the room had been exposed to vacuum. It wasn't until Equinox had met the Poneans that it had even been repaired. The Poneans had been nice enough to help them by repairing that part of the ship. Their type was few and far between in the Delta Quadrant.
For a few years, it had been the secret meeting room of the senior crew when they wanted to discuss things outside of the crew's hearing. If anyone from the crew had been on the ship when they'd first met Voyager,they'd have met here. Instead, they'd met on the bridge of the ship.
That meeting still nagged at her. She'd asked what would happen to Voyager, and Rudy had been so dismissive. They've got weapons, shields, a full crew. They'll survive. Noah had suggested abandoning ship and forgetting what had happened there. What if they had followed that advice? They wouldn't have faced the shame of Janeway discovering their crimes. They might've been able to return to the Alpha Quadrant with their good names intact.
But no, Rudy had been cutting the way only Rudy could be, scoffing and deriding Noah by suggesting he could be bought with a shower and a hot meal. And now, here they were. Warp drive up, enhanced warp down. They were hiding, the way Rudy always did.
Today, Noah had told her that there would be a meeting of the senior officers in the back room at 1900. The euphemisms were bitterly amusing. Aliens were 'fuel'. Slaughtering them and converting their corpses to a usable form of power was 'refining fuel'. The room in which the command crew met when they wanted to discuss things away from the crew was the 'back room'. What would be next? If Max found a way to kill everyone aboard Voyager and strip the ship to a bare hulk, would that be called 'obtaining supplies'?
But she was a senior officer, and she had a duty, so she went. She knew what the top agenda item would be. Besides, this was her chance to convince them. Max was a lost cause, and that was tricky, because Max had a lot more of Rudy's ear than she did. Max liked killing aliens. All the hell Equinox had been put through had left a strange mark on him. He enjoyed being the one to inflict suffering on others instead of having it inflicted on him.
Swaying Noah over to her side was a likelier possibility. She'd always had a soft spot for him, and he her. She'd been simply a maintenance technician when Equinox first launched; he had been a buck crewman hoping to get promoted to officer. Rudy had made him an acting ensign when it became necessary to replenish the command crew. He'd always promised to make it official when they got home. They were the two junior members of the senior officers; two people put in positions of responsibility they weren't prepared to hold. He wasn't happy with Rudy's method of getting the crew home, either.
Rudy. It all came down to Rudy. After all, the ship wasn't a democracy; it was Rudy's ship and he was the boss. He wasn't an evil man, but he was determined to get his crew home by any means necessary. Noah could help change his mind, but ultimately it was his decision. He was her captain.
In the back room, she noticed a few things had changed. There was now a table and some chairs. They looked sturdy enough. Where had they gotten them? Probably from the same place he had gotten consoles and a reactor. How had he gotten them? Had he traded for them or stolen them? Both occurrences had already occurred on the Equinox.
Max, Rudy, and Noah entered. In Max's hands was a pot from which a delicious scent of roasting meat emitted. Marla closed her eyes and felt her stomach growl. It smelled great. Memories of barbecues in her childhood flickered through her mind. It was good enough to ignore Max's cold smile as he assumed his seat.
"Is that why the meeting is here?" she asked.
Max nodded slowly. For a moment she found herself suspicious. Rudy had done some dishonorable things in his time commanding the Equinox, but he had never held back supplies from the crew. If the lowest crewman on Equinox didn't have food, he would go without. It was part of the reason his crew followed him as loyally as they did. The crew of Voyager might have thought him a criminal, but he had his noble points.
It struck her as something Max would do. Max cared about two things: survival and getting home. Nothing else mattered – not the other crewmembers, not the rest of Starfleet, nothing. It was the reason the crew didn't love him but did fear him.
"We're the senior officers," Max said simply. "We need to eat. The crew is amply fed, I assure you."
She wasn't sure she believed him. Looking into his eyes, she could tell he didn't care. She glanced over at Noah and saw the same muted disbelief.
"Everyone's fed, Marla," Rudy said. "We've managed to lay in a good stock of food. Morale is good." His eyes held hers easily. "That's our first item. Morale is better, the ship's status is good, all things considered. What's the status of warp drive?"
Marla tensed, knowing the subject she was dreading wasn't far away. "The warp core is functional," she said. "Everything seems to be working fine. We won't know for sure until we shake it down and actually take it for a spin."
Rudy nodded.
"Weapons?" he asked.
Max shrugged. "We never have enough," he said. "What we've got is online. Phasers work, torpedoes work." It was better than Equinox usually had it.
"Shields?"
"Online and operational. I had to learn a trick or two about shield emitters while Marla was...sick," Noah Lessing said, and glanced at her.
Marla found herself a bit puzzled. He was her best friend on Equinox. She knew him better than anyone else. Yet now that she'd awoken, there seemed to be something different about him. He was more reserved and less friendly. Or was it simply her?
"Field generator?"
"Working fine," Burke smiled. "The aliens have been holding off their attack. We've got a nice little pile in the lab. Enough fuel to get home and then some." His dark, emotionless eyes fixed Marla's. "Which brings us to enhanced warp."
Her stomach lurched. "The enhanced warp device was destroyed," she said.
Burke sighed. "We know that. We're getting parts. How long until you can rebuild it?"
Marla clenched her hands. Here I go. "There's...something we ought to think about first," she said hesitantly.
Ransom sighed. "And what is that?"
She felt her palms begin to sweat. How did other people make this look so easy? The Voyager crew never had this problem standing up for principle. They just stood up and did it and nobody argued with them.
"I don't think we should rebuild it," she said, and felt her knees tremble under the table.
Burke raised an eyebrow at her. "Have you lost your mind?" he asked.
Marla shook her head. Her voice jittered as she spoke. "No. Have we forgotten we're Starfleet officers? Killing other beings is wrong. There's got to be another way. Wormholes, or something--,"
Burke's brow creased in anger. "This is a really,really bad time to grow a conscience, Marla," he said. "Principle's all well and good, but we're here in this goddam wasteland. We have another Federation ship bearing down on us. It's out there somewhere. Enhanced warp is our ticket home."
"But--," Marla began.
Lessing put a hand on her arm. "Nobody likes it, Marl, but it's necessary."
For a moment she stopped and stared at him. He'd never, never called her 'Marl' before. What the hell was going on?
She wasn't winning this battle; she could tell. They stared impassively back at her as if she was being unreasonable in suggesting that they not slaughter any more beings.
"I don't like this," he continued. "Nobody does. But we're here, we're alone, and we don't have any other options."
"Plus," Burke threw in, "do I have to remind you of the sacrifices we made to keep you alive? Three months. And this is how you pay us back?"
"It's wrong," she maintained. "What are we going to do when we make it back to the Alpha Quadrant? Just throw it out the window? Starfleet's going to look at Engineering and they'll know something was up. Any idiot who can do math will know something was up."
"All of which can be dealt with later," Ransom said gently. "Marla, I've tried to be as patient as I can with you. I know it's difficult. I've tried to be understanding." He leaned forward. "I know you think you were on Voyager for two years. But you weren't. That was just the result of the doctor stimulating your brain. None of it really happened."
"But, Rudy--,"
"No buts. Captain Janeway is not this strict but fair figure. She's a goddam psychopath. She's set her cap for us, and she'll kill us in a heartbeat if she gets the opportunity. We can't outfight her. We can't hide from her forever. The only thing we have is enhanced warp drive." He shook his head. "Even if we just use it once, that's a ten-year head start. "
I'm losing. I can't convince any of them. Her hands jittered. "I can't live like this," she said. "Can you? Can any of you?"
"Yeah," Burke said instantly, and grinned horribly. "I can live with it."
"I'll tell you what, Marla," Rudy said. "We won't kill any more aliens. We don't need to. We'll just...refine the fuel we have. They died trying to kill us, after all. They took the risk. It's enough to get us home. Don't you want to get home?"
Marla sighed. She felt exhausted, discharged, a great whistling mass of emptiness. It would be so easy to just give in. Build the enhanced warp drive, get home, deal with the rest later. She could recuperate in her parents' home for a while.
Yet something told her to stay the course. "Yes, but...,"
"Besides, Marla, why get all high and mighty now?" Burke asked. "It's not like you haven't done this before. You're already in it up to your neck. So finish the job. Let's get home. We'll worry about coverup later."
Yeah, like that worked with Janeway. "I can't build that thing again," she said miserably. "Looking at it every day, knowing what the fuel it runs is made from...I just...I can't."
Rudy exhaled and looked disappointed. He'd always known just how much she dreaded disappointing him, or any other authority figure. On Voyager, she'd been despondent because there was nothing that she could ever do that would make Captain Janeway think she was anything other than worthless.
"All right, Marla," he said. "I'll take that responsibiilty off your shoulders, and onto mine." His eyes met hers, a darker blue than her own. She flinched because she knew what was coming.
"As captain of USS Equinox, I hereby formally order you to rebuild the enhanced warp device," he said.
The gantlet had been thrown down. Marla took a deep breath and picked it up.
"That order contravenes General Order One, and I am not obligated to obey it," she recited.
"Marla, this isn't the Alpha Quadrant," Lessing said softly.
"Oh, jeez, the ever-lovin' Prime Directive," Burke sneered.
"I've given you a direct order, Marla," Rudy said. "Please. Don't make me--,"
"I refuse," Marla said. "I'm sorry. I just...I can't. I can't."
Rudy leaned back and adopted a disappointed mien. It pierced her through. But she had to do this. She wasn't sure why herself. Burke was right; she was in this up to her neck, and it wasn't like Starfleet or Janeway or anyone would forgive her prior crimes. But every fiber of her being cried out against that infernal device.
It's for my soul, she thought confusedly. All our souls, all of us, poor wretches that we are, please, can't you see I'm doing this for all of us?
That made no sense either; she had no particular claim to religion. It wasn't often practiced in the 24th century. But it was all she had.
Rudy sighed.
"Then you leave me no choice," he said slowly, and tapped his combadge. "Ransom to security."
"On my way," a voice replied.
"Please come to the back room. We need you." He faced Marla down sternly. She quailed inside, and part of her screamed to fall to her knees and beg his forgiveness and build his device.
"Marla, I don't like this," he said, "but...you are confined to your quarters, on reduced rations, until such time as you comply with my orders."
She simply nodded. She went along willingly with the sorry security detail of two underfed security officers. She didn't speak or object as they brought her to her quarters. It wasn't until the door closed behind her, and she realized she'd driven away the only people in the universe who cared for her, that she let herself break down into sobs, more alone than she had ever felt in her entire life.
Janeway was on the bridge when she heard Tom Paris call for security. The words intruder alert grabbed her immediate attention. Her stomach knotted. Intruders on her ship? Around Vulcan? This got worse and worse.
She was torn. At the security station, Tuvok was calmly but urgently issuing orders. He was a good security chief, and she didn't want to get in his way. At the same time, she wanted to know what had happened.
She waited until he finished. "Mr. Tuvok. Status."
"Lieutenant Paris has reported an intruder alert," Tuvok said calmly. "Security teams are en route."
She tapped her combadge. "Bridge to Paris."
No reply came. The atmosphere grew oppressive. "Mr. Paris, respond," she said urgently. A few seconds later, a voice spoke.
"Security to bridge."
It wasn't Paris. Her stomach rolled. "Go ahead," she said.
"Paris and Lessing have been hit. The doctor is treating them now. No sign of the intruder."
Her legs thrummed. She had to do something. Find the bad guy, save her crew, whatever. "Mr. Tuvok, you're with me. Mr. Chakotay, you have the conn."
"At once, captain." Tuvok stepped to her side and took a phaser from the security station. "Security detail to the bridge."
When Kathryn Janeway was angry or upset, she did not walk or run through the corridors of her ship as much as storm through them. She stormed now, down to the turbolift, forcing Tuvok and the security officers who fell into step behind him to hurry in order to keep up.
What she saw in the sickbay was appalling. Paris on one biobed; Lessing on the other. Both were unconscious. The dark skin of Lessing's bald head was burned and blackened on one side. The doctor worked over him quickly.
"Status," Captain Janeway ordered.
"I have two patients in critical condition. One of whom was my backup medic. Mr. Lessing has suffered a phaser blast to the head, and Mr. Paris was hit in the back." The doctor seemed torn. Both patients needed him.
An idea occurred to the captain. It seemed bizarre, but perhaps it could work. "Do you need a hand, doctor?" she asked.
"Of course I could use a hand," the doctor said peevishly.
She glanced over at Tuvok. "Computer," she said peremptorily, "locate the Equinox EMH in the secondary data core. Activate his program and route him through the sickbay holoprojectors."
Tuvok's eyebrow rose. "Captain, the Equinox EMH is hardly trustworthy."
Janeway turned and allowed her eyes to bore into him. "I've got everything I need to assure his cooperation," she said, and smiled coolly.
With a sparkle of light, a second EMH appeared in the sickbay. It was one thing to know that their doctor had his portable emitter, and thus left the sickbay holoprojectors free. But seeing two EMH's in the same sickbay was just plain weird.
The Equinox EMH blinked. "Please state the nature of the medical emergency...wait. Where is my crew? Where is the Equinox?"
Janeway moved closer to him. Her eyes sparkled icily at him.
"Doctor, you haven't been activated for two years. We're in the Alpha Quadrant, and the Equinox was destroyed long ago. I don't have time to argue with you or answer questions. Listen to me now. You have one chance and one chance only to earn your redemption."
She pointed at Paris and Lessing. "We have two crew members who need your assistance. If you help our doctor and save their lives, I'll have your program transferred to the holographic research lab at Jupiter Station and they can decide what to do with you. If you try to get in our way or do anything other than help, I'll have your program decompiled. It's your choice. I want an answer. Now."
The EMH blinked and looked at his Voyager counterpart.
"Don't look at me," the Voyager EMH said. "You're a doctor. Here's a patient. Treat him."
Tuvok sidled closer to her and tried to address his question subtly. "Captain, the Equinox EMH has no ethical subroutines. Can you trust him?"
Janeway nodded. "Like any creature, he wants to survive," she said.
The Equinox EMH gave her a disapproving look. "Captain Janeway, I'm not merely an animal. In fact, I'm not even an animal. I do care for my crew." He stopped forward to examine Noah Lessing, the only familiar face in the room. "Phaser burn," he said. "Crippling injury. We'll need to induce coma to protect his higher brain functions."
"Agreed," the Voyager EMH said. Janeway watched them, her hands tensing and relaxing. She wanted answers. She wanted the man who had done this in her brig. She wanted to do something. And listening to two identical men discuss medical treatment in identical voices was more unnerving than she had thought. Maybe the Equinox EMH could change uniform color or something.
Neither EMH seemed happy with what they saw. The Equinox EMH waved a scanner over Noah Lessing's temples. His face creased in a frown.
"A portion of his brain was destroyed by the phaser blast," he said. "Your patient?"
The Voyager EMH seemed surprised. "In cardiac arrest."
The Equinox EMH smiled grimly. "When did Mr. Lessing come on the ship?" he asked urgently.
"This morning," Janeway answered.
"Via transporter or shuttle?"
"Transporter," she answered; she'd seen it in the log.
"Then we have a chance. Captain Janeway, I need that pattern transferred down to sickbay. I'll also need you to authorize placing main computer control in my hands for just a few minutes."
Janeway blinked. Main computer control? He'd be able to activate Voyager's self-destruct if he wanted to. "Doctor,-" she began.
"In exchange, Captain, I'll show your EMH how to utilize the same technique to save Mr .Paris," the doctor overrode her. "Otherwise, both will die. Ask your own doctor if you don't believe me. I learned a technique or two on Equinox – unorthodox but effective."
Janeway sighed. She could already hear Tuvok's protest even before he said it. "Proceed, doctor."
Transporter control was surprised to hear of this request, but complied with it. She stayed in sickbay, hoping like hell that she'd be able to shut down his program before all hell broke loose if he tried anything. Surprisingly – or perhaps not – he did not. His fingers flew rapidly over a console and back to Noah Lessing. With all of the ship's computing power at his disposal, his hands were faster than the human eye could see. She didn't have the faintest idea what he was doing. All she had was the vague idea that it was positive.
Finally, the Equinox EMH stepped away from the biobed. Noah Lessing let out a thick snort and shifted. The Equinox EMH nodded slowly and smiled, then stepped to Paris's bedside.
"Captain, I'll need the very latest transporter record you have on Mr. Paris," he said.
"You isolated the damaged portions of his brain and replaced them from the transporter pattern," the Voyager EMH said wonderingly. "I didn't think that was possible."
"Indeed. I'll need to do the same for Mr. Paris. Since he needs a new heart, it'll be much quicker." The Equinox EMH was all business. True to his word, he bent over Tom Paris and began to work with that same blurring speed. Watching him gave her vertigo. A few tense minutes later, he nodded, smiled, and drew himself up. "I'm finished with main computer access, Captain."
Janeway stopped and stared, a little dumbfounded by it all. This EMH had committed some of the worst crimes in the Federation. He had helped Equinox come damn close to destroying Voyager. During his time masquerading as Voyager's EMH, he'd ignored the calls of the sick and wounded to respond to his true masters.
Yet here, before her eyes, he had snatched two men back from the brink of death in what had seemed to be seconds.
"Excellent work, Doctor," she said archly. "You've earned that trip to Jupiter Station. I didn't realize you could do that." I didn't think you would do that, was what she meant to say, but she couldn't really tell him that.
"Security team to captain." The tinny voice of her combadge cut off the conversation. "Intruder spotted on Deck 12. The deck is sealed off and we are closing in."
She began to hurry, itching to know what would happen. All the same, Tuvok's security officers were too good. She was in the turbolift, wondering vaguely if she could glare it into going faster, when they contacted her again.
"Intruder has been neutralized. He's stunned."
She stormed through the hall to where a group of yellow-shouldered uniforms stood over a man in a teal-shouldered one. Her brow furrowed as she looked at Tom Paris's would-be murderer. He wasn't much. Reddish-blond hair, a face that was handsome but hard to remember. His eyes were closed and he looked quite peaceful.
"Bring him to the brig," Tuvok ordered.
Janeway paused. This man was a professional, of some kind. You couldn't just sneak aboard a starship and remain undetected for long, let alone invade sickbay and assassinate someone. No, there was more going on here than met the eye. This man had colleagues somewhere. Someone had helped him. She meant to find out what he knew.
But if he was a professional, he'd be trained to resist interrogation. She felt the same anger towards him she had once felt towards Noah Lessing. She wanted what he knew, and she wanted it now. Then, she'd given in to her anger, and it had cost her a price that had turned out to be rather more than she'd known. Perhaps there was another way this time.
"Belay that order," she said, and raised a hand.
"Captain?" Tuvok asked.
Janeway smiled coldly. "Trust me, Mr. Tuvok," she said cryptically. "I know what I'm doing. Listen to me very carefully. We're going to play our friend's game here...his way."