A Story About a Guy Named Link

The Most Fun Part of the Fic…It's the…dun dun dun DISCLAIMER O : This might come to a real shock to you…but…brace yourself…I don't own Zelda. I know, it's traumatizing. I'll hire psychologists for anyone who needs them at this very difficult moment. Thank you.

Chapter 2: The Great Deku Tree

"Oh. My. Fureaking. God."

Yeah, Link was looking at the Great Deku Tree's inside. And he was pleasantly Perplexed. Because, he just heard that damn tree talking. And he didn't see any organs, like a brain or a heart or vocal cords or a spleen, or anything like that.

"Like, what the fudge is going on. Is this tree some kinda robot or something?"

Then he saw the outlet inside of him in which he saw a Closed Circuit TV. Well, he looked at it and he saw this little secret thingy that nobody's ever thought of doing. Well, what Link saw there, scared the shit out of him. He saw Queen Ghoma with ganondorf, and then he saw them "producing members of society." Well, that was enough for link to figure out where the hell all those damn babies came from.

But then, it dawned on link.

Why the hell does she have this with TiVo on a closed circuit TV? Does she have her own evildoer's porn site or something? I mean god, how perverted can these evil guys get. Will they refuse to look at nice productive members of society? Do they need their own porn magazines and sites? I don't think so. So, I'm gonna beat the hell outta that spider pansy and laugh at her, then destroy the TV and steal all her rupee's for her Comcast Digital Cable Bill. Then she'll be in debt, AND be dead. Hahahahahaha.

Well, Link already had all of his stuff, so he went right up to the top and jumped off. Then, because of how heavy he was, he created Immense G-forces, in which case the dragonballs united into link, and he was just like "WTFWTFWTF."

"Erm, now that I have the dragons balls "rim shot" I wish Navi alive again, because this Fic won't function in proper order without her."

Then, the giant dragon appeared, yada yada yada, and made Navi alive again.

"HEY LINK LIKE WHAT THE FUCRICK DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING TRYING TO KILL ME LIKE THAT YOU –exploitive deleted-ing –exploitive deleted- SON OF A -exploitive deleted-."

"One more word Navi, One more word and…"

Link takes out his Biggoron Sword, Megaton (Pwnage) Hammer, Ice Arrows, and then points them all at Navi somehow while in midair. Then, they all fell through a big web and the web got caught in navi's wings, but she couldn't scream for help, or else she'd DIE AGAIN.

"HAHAHAHAHA STUPID FAIRY YOU'RE TRAPPED AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

Link was cracking up at the poor, defenseless fairy.

"Help…cries"

Link Stabbed the Poor Defenseless Fairy.

Link laughed at the Poor, Defenseless, And DEAD Fairy.

Link went on.

Well, Link was tired of having the one-word sentences describing his every move. So he stopped it ). Then, Link saw a bunch of webs in front of an important looking door. So he got out his fire arrows and shot it. He went through a door, and saw a deku thingy. He short it and it told him 2,3,1, blah we already know, and then link went through a door, through another, and then through another, and then he was back to the room with the fire arrow thingy web thingy. He got out his fire arrows again (wow, very useful here) and shot the web on the floor, fell in water, healed himself with free hearts, and went to the three ANNOYING AS HELL DEKU TRIPLETS.

"Hahaha, I'm number 1 and I own j00 u totel nub"

"I pwnz0rz j00 cuz I ish the almitee nubah 2 nd u shall be pwnz0rd by meh skillz"

"1 ISH T3H M0S7 PWNISHISH DEKU IN DA WURLD CUZ I PWNZ0EZ J00 SOULZ FREAKY NUB MORON O"

Well, Link noticed the theme of each one being MORE ANNOYING AND FUHREAKING IDIOTIC THEN THE LAST. He got out his Ice arrows and shot them all, they all froze, and the door opened. He thought that was pretty damn nice.

"Oh Kay, Now what the fucrick has gone on since 10 seconds ago when someone else entered here with me?"

It was all pink and blue and yellow, and…tye-dye-ish, with lots of medallions and shit and then there was this big spider in the middle of the room, that happened to be Ghoma and she just happened to have lots of posters up that said things like "Sex Sucks" and "Don't Sell yourself so Sex!"

Link thought that was a little odd, since Link just saw her and Ganon…whatever

"Like, what the shiznick are you doing Ghoma? I just saw you and Ganon…never mind"

"Like this is da hippies lair yah and dis shiz is fkuced up."

"So like, do I have to fight you…or anything?"

"No dude, just go ahead and kill me, and da pain of da man bringin me down."

Link jumped up and down for joy, because he could just kill it so easy. So he took out his Biggorons sword and stabbed her. And then it turned all black and gloomy. And link was Happy. He saw a glowy little blue portal, and a heart piece. He picked up the heart piece.

"OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE, SO MUCH STRONGER I WILL OWN THE ALMIGHTY KING OF CRAP, DONDANGO."

Then he went back outside.

"Link, Thee has novelist saved thee tree from death."

"NOT THIS AGAIN YOU FAT SMELLY TREE STOP WITH THE DAMN 1400'S TALK AND TALK NORMAL YOU SHIZNICKEL."

"OH KAY YOU FREAKING –exploitive deleted- -exploitive deleted- YOU FREAKING SAVED ME SO HERES A GREEN STONE HAVE FUN KTHXBAI."

He died and shriveled up and Link was happy. Then he went right passed the dead Mido, stabbed him again, and walked on. He was about to leave the village, walking over the bridge, when Saria stopped him.

"Goodbye Link…I'll miss you…"

Link was just standing there drooling at her.

Damn, she's hot

"Link, I…"

She's so freaking hot…I just wanna…

"Want to give you this!"

"ARGH DAMNIT SARIA I ALREADY HAVE IT AND GOD RID OF IT WHEN I GOT THE OoT SO YOU SUCK, BYE."

And therefore, Link went on his journey to Zelda's Castle.

Will Navi come alive…again? Will link finally kill Keopora Geobora? Will I stop asking these questions? Find Out in the next episode of…A Story About a Guy Named Link!

Yay, I made another. Review.