We'd stolen stuff together. That's all we'd ever done, and now, we were like, these major effing friends. I still wondered about last Friday, and where it lay in his mind. It was a gamble: if he thought about it a lot, I could set things straight, however awkward it may be; if he hadn't thought about it, I would be ringing it up for no reason and making an unnecessary awkward moment. God knows we didn't get enough of those. Basically, it was a lose-lose situation. Ignorance proved to be bliss.

It was Wednesday morning. As usual, I was standing at the counter and eating my Kix while Sean sat and hunched over his bowl. It was like this every morning. Come to the kitchen, eat cereal together in silence, drive to school. Every other part of the day, we could be cool, and bond, and we'd done that thing a lot in these past few days. I'd gotten away with a whole lot in my life, with stealing and lying, but this was like some sick fantasy. How the fuck do you get away with kissing a person and then still keep them as a friend? People dream about having the chance to get away with something like that, and I'm standing here, eating my cereal and watching him eat and still feeling like my life is complete shit, and I get all these insane opportunities by pure luck, and that drives me insane. Who the hell is controlling the universe, when I, the biggest asshole I know, get to lead this privileged and go to a decent school and have a decent apartment–I hated it. I hated it a lot fucking lot.

"I'm going to a party this Friday night," he mumbled. I smiled wryly.

"I'll bet you are," I said, nodding. My smile only lasted for as long as I was not looking at him. As soon as I saw his face, I went on, "You're not serious.

Yeah, I am, he said bitingly. I looked over at the stack of paper plates I'd bought at the dollar store a couple weeks ago. I didn't feel like dealing with Sean anymore. I was sick of him and his attitude. He could act so immature sometimes, like some temperamental three-year-old. And sometimes, I really didn't give a fuck about his past and the fact that he hadn't had any real friends his whole life, save that annoying-as-hell Emma chick. Before I got a chance to think about kicking his ass out of here, I heard him sigh, and his voice went back to calm. It's at this girl Heather's house. I'm only going to be there for a couple hours with Ash, and I can walk there myself...

I never said you couldn't go. So this was about the Ash girl. I was determined to find out what their history was, and what made Sean so anxious to go to a party with her, but at the same time, I didn't care. It didn't matter. It was too late for anything to matter. I can drive you. As pathetic as I felt to sink this low, I thought about going to the party. And actually going into that house, probably full of rich, self-absorbed egotistical bastards, the type of people who had looked down on me my whole life and spit on my shoes. To sit at home and let Sean get hurt by these people was like watching my life on repeat. I wasn't about to do that to a friend.

he said quietly.

----

I was looking all over the school for Sean, bumping into people and not excusing myself. As soon as I'd gotten bored enough with skipping to actually go to English earlier, Towerz grabs me and pulls me away. It scared the hell out of me, because: 1) Towerz is the one of the most passive people I know, and 2) anyone who touches me suddenly like that usually deserves to be punched in the face. But he pulled me down the hall and we ducked into the guy's washroom. By this point, I was sure someone had died--or at least I'd hoped that he had a reason good enough to pull a stunt like that. Turns out, instead, his gas pedal was busted. Actually, his brake pedal had been busted for a few months and he hadn't gotten it fixed. But this was his gas pedal. I still thought he sort of deserved to be punched for that, but I spared him, and promised to come over and try to help him later. Another idea had just struck me--Sean. The kid was practically a certified automobile mechanic already, he could probably fix something as simple as a pedal in 10 minutes flat. I finally found him, far away from his own locker, standing with some curly-haired kid. Since when did Sean have other friends, in his OWN grade?

I called over, without approaching the two. When he turned in my direction, I nodded and waved my hand for him to come over. He hesitated, but he mumbled something to the friend and walked over. He wet his lips and looked up at me expectantly...impatiently. You want $50? I asked, grinning.

And the catch would be... Even his voice was impatient, and it was pissing me off, though I cleverly disguised it.

Come and fix Towerz's car tonight, and this, I pulled the 50 dollar bill out of my pocket, is yours. I was always clever like that. Bribery was such an easy skill to learn. He hesitated again, and looked back at his friend.

I can't, he said, looking away. Got a lot of homework to do, stuff to catch up on. I wanted to grab him by the shirt and tell him to fucking tell me the truth. Instead, I shoved the bill in my pocket and scowled.

I muttered, brushing past him and heading towards the parking lot. In my rushing, I didn't pay attention to where exactly I was walking. I was too pissed off that Sean would pull something like that, and lie to me, and hang out with morons when I was the one who gave a fuck whether he lived or died. I also wasn't paying much attention when I bumped into a girl walking out of the girls' washroom, her bag spilling across the quiet linoleum hallway.

Why don't you watch where you're going, I immediately lashed out at this girl, before recognizing her as Sean's ex-girlfriend...the goth chick....Ellie. She always seemed the assertive type, so I didn't really understand when she just took that from me and said nothing. I didn't want her to take it from me. It felt so much more fair when she fought back. When anyone fought back. I was about to walk away from her, crouched down on the floor and picking up all her belongings, and I frustrated myself to the point that I had to turn back. I picked up a notepad and a few pencils and threw them in her bag. She stared at me for a second with these big, innocent, outlined eyes. I stood up before my persona broke by this one incident. I'm sorry, I said harshly and insincerely, making my way towards the parking lot, leaving her to pick up the rest.

-----

I finally got home around 9 PM that night. The day seemed much longer than it had been, and I wasn't happy to be going home to face Sean again. If he were even home. Trying to fix the damn gas pedal myself was tough as hell. I had to do all this complicated shit and I knew if Sean was there, he would've figured it all out in seconds. I refused to recognize that he was not my puppet.

I made my solemn way up the stares, clutching my keys tightly. All thought had sort of drained out of me earlier. I reached my door and opened it tentatively. I flipped the light switch right the door and closed it behind me. Everything was eerily quiet. He must've gone out. Jesus, I am killing that kid when he gets here, and he's going back home, no questions asked. I kicked off my ripped-up sneakers into my room and took off my jacket, now in my sweltering house. I almost walked right by the living room before moonlight shone in my window and lit a bottle lying on the table bright amber. I looked down on the couch and there was Sean, laying there with his arm still outstretched, his fingers still tightly wrapped around the bottle. I turned on the light, and his eyes flickered open.

He sounded like a three year old calling out to his mommy when he lost her in a crowd. I was there, right behind the couch, but he didn't bother to lift his head and look. I didn't bother to respond. I turned off the light and headed off to my bedroom.

----------

[AN: Finally. Shouldn't have made it a habit to update so quickly. Sorry this has taken forever, but yay, it's done. By the way, if you couldn't figure it out, the curly-haired kid Sean was hanging with was Craig. And if you couldn't figure that out, then you = the dumb. Heh, just kidding... [not really.]

If Jay seems angrier than usual, then good. You're observant. Cause he's supposed to.

Review, because my ego needs it. Thank you. Exciting chapter coming up!]