Chapter 79 – Grey Matter
Vince was confused and he didn't like it one bit. It didn't happen very often because most things seemed cut and dry to him. His issues with Torrie didn't fall into the black and white pattern he was used to. They floated in the grey area in between which was foreign to him and was making him angry.
He didn't want to be Torrie's boyfriend. And he wasn't just telling himself that because he couldn't have her. It wasn't some perverse issue where he wanted what he couldn't have. He didn't want her to be his girlfriend at all. He was quite certain of that fact and he knew he wasn't lying to himself. So why he asked himself, did he want, on occasion, to sleep with her?
He loved her as a friend or a sister. He knew if they were to sleep together it would ruin their friendship and both their relationships with Dom. He thought they could be good together in bed but he also knew even if she was single Torrie wasn't the type to go for a casual sexual relationship. And he really knew she wasn't the type to ever cheat on Dom. He also knew that she wasn't the type of girl he wanted for his own girlfriend. She was too high maintenance.
If she had done what she'd had in mind and he'd let her and gone along with her in it the act might have broken her when she'd realized what she'd done. The girl loved Dom so much sometimes it made him jealous of Dom for having such a pure love to hold. He didn't think Torrie was really interested in him in a sexual way at all. He believed her when she said it was just because she was so very drunk and so very hurt over what she'd suspected Dom had done to her. Women liked to get revenge as Vince knew all too well from when Mia had had Brian take her to the very restaurant Vince had been trying to get her to go to with him for years.
He knew Torrie was totally in love with Dom. Even if she did tend to be impetuous and jump to conclusions. It was written all over her pretty face every time she thought about him, spoke about him or looked at him. And he knew, for all his reluctance to talk about it Dom was pretty crazy about Torrie too. Vince knew without uncertainty that had he and Torrie done anything and Dom found out Dom would likely have forgiven Torrie in time but he'd never have forgiven Vince. Vince knew it was something that best friends just didn't do to each other. Period.
So that begged an answer to the 'where does Chris fit into the whole situation' question. And that was one question Vince did not know the answer to.
He liked her. She was a nice girl. Sort of quiet and shy, but funny and smart when you got to know her. She wasn't as gregarious as Torrie, you had to draw Chris out of her shell. But once she was comfortable and started to open up to you she was interesting and a good conversationalist. She wasn't as confident about herself as any of the other girls in the house, but Vince sort of figured she'd come around in time.
All that said he wasn't sure how much he liked her. Or how. He'd gone through liking so many girls he couldn't have that it was almost foreign to him to like one that was free to date him and also seemed to like him back. He had to wonder if he was just scared of really falling for Chris. Lusting after Mia and Torrie was safe because they weren't free to like him back. Chris liked him and if he liked her back there was nothing stopping them from getting together. And he had taken her out a few times. But not like the rest of the team seemed to think. It wasn't like they'd ever talked about being a couple, she wasn't his girlfriend.
But she might like to be. And he might like her to be. But she wasn't going to want to be if she thought he was chasing after Dom's girlfriend. And he wasn't. But he sure had acted like it. And when he thought about it, in a lot of ways he was still likely to act like it. He had to wonder if Chris would ever be ok with that. He and Torrie were fighting at the moment but someday they were going to make up and they were going to go back to acting like they were best friends, or related in some way.
If he wanted to be with Chris, and he thought he did, when he honestly thought about it, Vince knew it was his turn to be sorry for how he acted. So he was going to have to find her and explain to her about Torrie and Dom in more detail then he ever had. He thought if he just told her honestly how things were, and how they had been, then Chris might see why he'd had to go and take care of Torrie. Chris never would have found herself in the dangerous situation he'd saved Torrie from either because she had too much common sense. She'd never drive so wildly as to make people think she was driving a rocket ship.
Vince turned the car toward home. He'd made up his mind. He owed Chris the explanation of the whole situation anyway, and then he'd see if she was interested in trying to be a couple for awhile. They could see how things went if they took them slow.
*~*
Mia came slowly down the stairs about half an hour after she'd gone up. She came down to find Letty sitting alone in the darkened living room.
"You ok Letty?" Mia asked her friend.
"Yeah, just thinking." Letty answered.
"Bout what?"
"Life." Letty sighed. She didn't want to go into her thoughts. "How's Torrie?"
"Fine. Out like a light but fine otherwise. I hate it when she does stuff like this."
"Like what?"
"She knows her system can't handle that medicine. She was told to lay off it. So she goes and takes it anyway."
"Well, she was sick. She took the medicine to try and feel better. I don't think she did it to piss anyone off."
"No, I'm sure she didn't but it can't be good for her to take pills that mess her up like that. It's not natural for someone to sleep as deep as she is right now."
"Well, she'll feel better when she wakes up at least."
"I guess." Mia sat down on the couch beside Letty and picked up her book. But then she sighed and looked at Letty as she began to speak. "It's just that it's like her easy way out you know? It's like her way of running away from life."
"I'd say she faced life pretty head on so far today. I think we can allow her a bit of a break from it for now."
"I guess so. Why is it you're so protective of her all of a sudden? It wasn't that long ago you hated her."
"I know. But I been there. I know what it can be like to date Dom. When its right it is so right. But when it's wrong it tears your world apart at the seams and you feel like your whole life is just flying out of your control. You have nothing to hold on to because you made Dom your center and then he's gone. I'll never be able to explain what it does to your self esteem to have a boyfriend who cheats on you all the time."
"But that wasn't your fault." Mia tried to comfort her best friend.
"I know that. And I knew that then, but when he does it all the time it's hard to remember that. Or at least it's hard not to start to wonder if you're doing something to cause it."
"I know Letty. But Dom's not cheating on Torrie."
"I know that, and you know that. But Torrie thought he was. Maybe it's not fair of her to think it just because he did it to me but he did have a habit of it. I really hope he's grown out of it and that he loves her enough not to do that to her, but I can't help but feel for her when I know what she's going through."
"I understand." Mia said with a glace into Letty's unreadable brown eyes.
The front door opened and Vince came in.
"Everything ok here ladies?" Vince asked.
"Fine!" Letty muttered, still irate with Vince for reasons she didn't fully understand herself.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Vince narrowed his eyes as he waited for Letty to answer.
"Well, let's see. You yelled at Torrie till you made her sick and made her take some medicine that messes around her head. The girl you're responsible for has sulked in her room all night, no doubt because she doesn't want to have to say she's sorry for how stupid she acted. Then you took off on a nice drive. Now who's running away huh?"
"Letty!" It was Mia' turn to implore Letty to lay off. She knew Letty did have her reasons to be mad at Vince. Reasons no one ever would have dreamed. But Mia also knew that Vince would be tearing himself up inside enough over what he perceived he'd done to Torrie and he didn't need Letty to rub it in.
"I had a lot of thinking to do ok?" Vince walked up behind the couch the girls were sitting on.
"I guess you did." Letty retorted sarcastically. "I'm glad it's fine for you to take off and do it. Unlike the standards you hold other people to."
"Letty, you're not being reasonable." Mia implored.
"I'm being just as reasonable as he was." Letty answered back.
"Look. I had to get some things worked out. And I managed to do so. Now I'm going to have a conversation with Chris. She will apologise if she thinks she should. I can't make her. But she and I have some other things to discuss."
Mia looked up at Vince with hope in her eyes. She hoped Vince was going to try to explain to Chris why he felt so responsible for Torrie and try to make her see it wasn't because he was in love with her.
"That's a good idea V." Mia tried to reassure Vince. She knew he hated to talk about anything this complex and it was a big deal he was willing to have that conversation with Chris.
"Do you think Torrie's going to be mad at me if I tell Chris how we ended up so close?"
"I don't think it's a secret Vince. But she might be sensitive about you telling Chris something so personal about her life when she and Chris don't like each other. But then again it's old news now and I'd like to think that Torrie will see why Chris had to be told."
"You better not make Torrie look bad to Chris no matter what you do." Letty was still in a bad mood with Vince and she didn't feel like going easy on him in the least.
"I'm not going to make Torrie look bad. You should know that Letty. I do love Torrie just like I love you and Mia, no matter how mad she makes me."
"Really? You sure you only have feelings for her the way you have feelings for me'n Mia?" Letty didn't know if she bought that at all. Vince had yet to explain to her satisfaction why he looked at Torrie like he felt more then sisterly love for her.
It was like Vince knew that was what she was getting at.
"Yeah, I'm sure I love her the same as I love you guys. Now I'm gonna go talk to Chris. You said she was still in her room?"
"Yeah." Letty muttered, not pleased with Vince's answer to her question. She thought he'd be better off looking at how he really felt instead of trying to delude himself into thinking he didn't have some strange feelings for Torrie.
"Letty." Vince sighed. He loved Letty like a little sister. He'd fixed up more of her scraped knees and held her back out of more fights then he cared to count. "What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing Vince. Go talk to your friend. You might want to remind her who owns the house though and what'll happen to her if Torrie is still upset when Dominic gets home in two weeks."
Vince threw up his hands in surrender. He didn't want to fight Letty any further then he already had. Mia shot an apologetic look at him.
"I'm going to go now. Letty, I really don't know what you want me to do to make things right between you and I but I'm doin my best here."
"Just go Vince. I got nothin else to say to you right now." Letty looked down at her lap then stood up with a frustrated sigh. She headed for the stairs ahead of Vince.
"Where you goin?" Vince asked her.
"To sit with Torrie for awhile." And with that Letty ran up the stairs and didn't look back. She let herself into Torrie's room and flopped on the bed. Torrie slept on and Letty, feeling better with company who knew how it felt to be out of your mind also slipped off to sleep herself.
Vince was confused and he didn't like it one bit. It didn't happen very often because most things seemed cut and dry to him. His issues with Torrie didn't fall into the black and white pattern he was used to. They floated in the grey area in between which was foreign to him and was making him angry.
He didn't want to be Torrie's boyfriend. And he wasn't just telling himself that because he couldn't have her. It wasn't some perverse issue where he wanted what he couldn't have. He didn't want her to be his girlfriend at all. He was quite certain of that fact and he knew he wasn't lying to himself. So why he asked himself, did he want, on occasion, to sleep with her?
He loved her as a friend or a sister. He knew if they were to sleep together it would ruin their friendship and both their relationships with Dom. He thought they could be good together in bed but he also knew even if she was single Torrie wasn't the type to go for a casual sexual relationship. And he really knew she wasn't the type to ever cheat on Dom. He also knew that she wasn't the type of girl he wanted for his own girlfriend. She was too high maintenance.
If she had done what she'd had in mind and he'd let her and gone along with her in it the act might have broken her when she'd realized what she'd done. The girl loved Dom so much sometimes it made him jealous of Dom for having such a pure love to hold. He didn't think Torrie was really interested in him in a sexual way at all. He believed her when she said it was just because she was so very drunk and so very hurt over what she'd suspected Dom had done to her. Women liked to get revenge as Vince knew all too well from when Mia had had Brian take her to the very restaurant Vince had been trying to get her to go to with him for years.
He knew Torrie was totally in love with Dom. Even if she did tend to be impetuous and jump to conclusions. It was written all over her pretty face every time she thought about him, spoke about him or looked at him. And he knew, for all his reluctance to talk about it Dom was pretty crazy about Torrie too. Vince knew without uncertainty that had he and Torrie done anything and Dom found out Dom would likely have forgiven Torrie in time but he'd never have forgiven Vince. Vince knew it was something that best friends just didn't do to each other. Period.
So that begged an answer to the 'where does Chris fit into the whole situation' question. And that was one question Vince did not know the answer to.
He liked her. She was a nice girl. Sort of quiet and shy, but funny and smart when you got to know her. She wasn't as gregarious as Torrie, you had to draw Chris out of her shell. But once she was comfortable and started to open up to you she was interesting and a good conversationalist. She wasn't as confident about herself as any of the other girls in the house, but Vince sort of figured she'd come around in time.
All that said he wasn't sure how much he liked her. Or how. He'd gone through liking so many girls he couldn't have that it was almost foreign to him to like one that was free to date him and also seemed to like him back. He had to wonder if he was just scared of really falling for Chris. Lusting after Mia and Torrie was safe because they weren't free to like him back. Chris liked him and if he liked her back there was nothing stopping them from getting together. And he had taken her out a few times. But not like the rest of the team seemed to think. It wasn't like they'd ever talked about being a couple, she wasn't his girlfriend.
But she might like to be. And he might like her to be. But she wasn't going to want to be if she thought he was chasing after Dom's girlfriend. And he wasn't. But he sure had acted like it. And when he thought about it, in a lot of ways he was still likely to act like it. He had to wonder if Chris would ever be ok with that. He and Torrie were fighting at the moment but someday they were going to make up and they were going to go back to acting like they were best friends, or related in some way.
If he wanted to be with Chris, and he thought he did, when he honestly thought about it, Vince knew it was his turn to be sorry for how he acted. So he was going to have to find her and explain to her about Torrie and Dom in more detail then he ever had. He thought if he just told her honestly how things were, and how they had been, then Chris might see why he'd had to go and take care of Torrie. Chris never would have found herself in the dangerous situation he'd saved Torrie from either because she had too much common sense. She'd never drive so wildly as to make people think she was driving a rocket ship.
Vince turned the car toward home. He'd made up his mind. He owed Chris the explanation of the whole situation anyway, and then he'd see if she was interested in trying to be a couple for awhile. They could see how things went if they took them slow.
*~*
Mia came slowly down the stairs about half an hour after she'd gone up. She came down to find Letty sitting alone in the darkened living room.
"You ok Letty?" Mia asked her friend.
"Yeah, just thinking." Letty answered.
"Bout what?"
"Life." Letty sighed. She didn't want to go into her thoughts. "How's Torrie?"
"Fine. Out like a light but fine otherwise. I hate it when she does stuff like this."
"Like what?"
"She knows her system can't handle that medicine. She was told to lay off it. So she goes and takes it anyway."
"Well, she was sick. She took the medicine to try and feel better. I don't think she did it to piss anyone off."
"No, I'm sure she didn't but it can't be good for her to take pills that mess her up like that. It's not natural for someone to sleep as deep as she is right now."
"Well, she'll feel better when she wakes up at least."
"I guess." Mia sat down on the couch beside Letty and picked up her book. But then she sighed and looked at Letty as she began to speak. "It's just that it's like her easy way out you know? It's like her way of running away from life."
"I'd say she faced life pretty head on so far today. I think we can allow her a bit of a break from it for now."
"I guess so. Why is it you're so protective of her all of a sudden? It wasn't that long ago you hated her."
"I know. But I been there. I know what it can be like to date Dom. When its right it is so right. But when it's wrong it tears your world apart at the seams and you feel like your whole life is just flying out of your control. You have nothing to hold on to because you made Dom your center and then he's gone. I'll never be able to explain what it does to your self esteem to have a boyfriend who cheats on you all the time."
"But that wasn't your fault." Mia tried to comfort her best friend.
"I know that. And I knew that then, but when he does it all the time it's hard to remember that. Or at least it's hard not to start to wonder if you're doing something to cause it."
"I know Letty. But Dom's not cheating on Torrie."
"I know that, and you know that. But Torrie thought he was. Maybe it's not fair of her to think it just because he did it to me but he did have a habit of it. I really hope he's grown out of it and that he loves her enough not to do that to her, but I can't help but feel for her when I know what she's going through."
"I understand." Mia said with a glace into Letty's unreadable brown eyes.
The front door opened and Vince came in.
"Everything ok here ladies?" Vince asked.
"Fine!" Letty muttered, still irate with Vince for reasons she didn't fully understand herself.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Vince narrowed his eyes as he waited for Letty to answer.
"Well, let's see. You yelled at Torrie till you made her sick and made her take some medicine that messes around her head. The girl you're responsible for has sulked in her room all night, no doubt because she doesn't want to have to say she's sorry for how stupid she acted. Then you took off on a nice drive. Now who's running away huh?"
"Letty!" It was Mia' turn to implore Letty to lay off. She knew Letty did have her reasons to be mad at Vince. Reasons no one ever would have dreamed. But Mia also knew that Vince would be tearing himself up inside enough over what he perceived he'd done to Torrie and he didn't need Letty to rub it in.
"I had a lot of thinking to do ok?" Vince walked up behind the couch the girls were sitting on.
"I guess you did." Letty retorted sarcastically. "I'm glad it's fine for you to take off and do it. Unlike the standards you hold other people to."
"Letty, you're not being reasonable." Mia implored.
"I'm being just as reasonable as he was." Letty answered back.
"Look. I had to get some things worked out. And I managed to do so. Now I'm going to have a conversation with Chris. She will apologise if she thinks she should. I can't make her. But she and I have some other things to discuss."
Mia looked up at Vince with hope in her eyes. She hoped Vince was going to try to explain to Chris why he felt so responsible for Torrie and try to make her see it wasn't because he was in love with her.
"That's a good idea V." Mia tried to reassure Vince. She knew he hated to talk about anything this complex and it was a big deal he was willing to have that conversation with Chris.
"Do you think Torrie's going to be mad at me if I tell Chris how we ended up so close?"
"I don't think it's a secret Vince. But she might be sensitive about you telling Chris something so personal about her life when she and Chris don't like each other. But then again it's old news now and I'd like to think that Torrie will see why Chris had to be told."
"You better not make Torrie look bad to Chris no matter what you do." Letty was still in a bad mood with Vince and she didn't feel like going easy on him in the least.
"I'm not going to make Torrie look bad. You should know that Letty. I do love Torrie just like I love you and Mia, no matter how mad she makes me."
"Really? You sure you only have feelings for her the way you have feelings for me'n Mia?" Letty didn't know if she bought that at all. Vince had yet to explain to her satisfaction why he looked at Torrie like he felt more then sisterly love for her.
It was like Vince knew that was what she was getting at.
"Yeah, I'm sure I love her the same as I love you guys. Now I'm gonna go talk to Chris. You said she was still in her room?"
"Yeah." Letty muttered, not pleased with Vince's answer to her question. She thought he'd be better off looking at how he really felt instead of trying to delude himself into thinking he didn't have some strange feelings for Torrie.
"Letty." Vince sighed. He loved Letty like a little sister. He'd fixed up more of her scraped knees and held her back out of more fights then he cared to count. "What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing Vince. Go talk to your friend. You might want to remind her who owns the house though and what'll happen to her if Torrie is still upset when Dominic gets home in two weeks."
Vince threw up his hands in surrender. He didn't want to fight Letty any further then he already had. Mia shot an apologetic look at him.
"I'm going to go now. Letty, I really don't know what you want me to do to make things right between you and I but I'm doin my best here."
"Just go Vince. I got nothin else to say to you right now." Letty looked down at her lap then stood up with a frustrated sigh. She headed for the stairs ahead of Vince.
"Where you goin?" Vince asked her.
"To sit with Torrie for awhile." And with that Letty ran up the stairs and didn't look back. She let herself into Torrie's room and flopped on the bed. Torrie slept on and Letty, feeling better with company who knew how it felt to be out of your mind also slipped off to sleep herself.