Chapter 2 - The Drive to the Farm

It's been a while since it happened. I've gotten used ta life without 'im. Think everyone has. 'Course, that still doesn't mean we don't miss 'im. Cuz we do. We'll always miss 'im. I remember that last night before we buried 'im. I was lyin' awake in my bed.. and my dead father was in the room next ta mine.

I couldn't sleep that night. Sure, it was juz Splinter, I know. And I dunno how many times I told myself that. Still, knowin' there's a corpse lyin' in the room next ta yours would upset most people. I was glad ta get outta there the next day. It might sound harsh ta you people, but I couldn't wait ta lower 'im into the ground. Though, I don't think you have the right ta judge me. Usually when someone dies, people come and take care of the body, and they put it in the morgue. Until the funeral comes, when the body's all nice and cleaned up.

I guess that's a privilege us mutants don't get when we die. We keep our dead with us, and we bury them ourselves. Kinda gives the word 'burial' a whole new meaning, doesn't it? Specially for me, since I dug his grave, me and Case.

See, April and Casey came down the next mornin'. Don and Leo had prepared Splinter ta leave, y'know, dressed 'im and stuff like that, while Mikey'd been busy packin' the things he thought we'd need. I guess I juz stayed in my room most of the mornin'. Didn't feel like bein' around anyone. I was like that for a long time. Think we all were, more or less.

First thing Case and April said when they saw us was how sorry they were. And it's not that I didn't believe 'em, it's juz... It doesn't really do much for ya when yer father's juz died. Felt kinda like empty words ta me. Although now afterwards, I'm really glad they said it.

Feels good ta know they cared.

Got kinda stiff when they came. No one really knew what ta say, or what not ta say. But I don't blame 'em. We'd been like that since the moment we found 'im. I think Mikey's the one who talked the most about Splinter. Still is. He brought up all these memories about 'im. All good. Things we'd laugh about if he hadn't juz died. Think it was his way ta get used ta the idea that he wasn't aroun' anymore. Also, there are times when I think he's worried we've forgotten 'im. We don't talk about 'im much, and Mikey kinda makes sure we won't forget. Course, we haven't forgotten him. It's juz hard to talk about things like that. Even now. I prefer ta think about 'im when I'm alone. Mike's different from us like that.

A few minutes after Ape and Casey arrived, Leo asked me ta help 'im with Splinter. The two of us went inside his room ta move him over ta the makeshift stretcher Donnie'd made for 'im durin' the night. I guess he didn't sleep much either. I don't think any of us did. Anyway, I didn't expect the room ta smell as much as it did. It was a sweet kind of smell, but not like in a good way. The whole thing made me nauseous. I started feeling dizzy and almost thought I'd pass out a couple a' times. Leo looked pretty pale too as we rolled Splinter up in a blanket, well... several of 'em, actually.

When we were doin' that, hiding 'im underneath layers of blankets, it really hit me that he was dead. I felt this pang of pain wash over me. And it wasn't any kinda pain, because I could handle pain. Nuh uh, this pain was completely different from any other I've felt before.

It was grief.

It felt as if all the blood in my body rushed up ta my head. There's nothing like preparing your dead father for his funeral when it comes to reality checks. I get why most people don't do it. Why they leave it up ta others. It's not that I hadn't been around dead before, with what we do it's inevitable. But when the dead person is someone ya know, someone who's been there for you when growin' up.. someone ya love, it makes a big difference. Because unlike other dead guys, this one has a face and an identity. Ye have memories of this person. Feelings for 'im. It's one hell-of-a difference!

I remembered as we lifted him in opposite ends I was surprised at how light he was. He didn't weight anythin'. Made me realize how old he'd gotten. Most of his muscles had perished. He was so light and fragile, I felt like I was gonna break 'im. Maybe Leo did too, I dunno. It was hard ta read his face, and we didn't talk ta each other as we left his room. There wasn't anythin' ta say. We were carrying our dead father in our hands! What could we've possible said ta each other that woulda' made the situation any less painful!

Everyone were waitin' in the living room when we came out with 'im. Don had been in there earlier with Leo, so he knew what to expect, but the rest of 'em hadn't smelled it yet. All three of 'em turned white, and I noticed Mikey'd started cryin' again. He'd been cryin' the entire night. I don't know if anyone else did, but if they had, Mikey's tears drowned them all out. I actually thought about goin' in there a few times, ta, y'know, comfort 'im. But whaddaya say to someone in a time like that?

'I know what yer goin' through.' Doesn't really help much, does it?

Sides, it didn't take long for Donnie ta go in there. He's always been like that with Mikey. I rememba' when we were kids an' we used ta get hurt, mostly Mikey. He always had a bruise on his knee and a bump on his head. But whenever he did get hurt, Don was always there ta comfort 'im. I guess we all look out for Mikey in our own ways. Leo worries the most, while myself...

Well, I used ta take Mikey with me when I went someplace.. or did somethin'. Ta make 'im feel important. Course, Splinter always got mad when I did, but Mikey liked it - and that's what matters. Hell, Mikey wouldn't be the prankster he is today iffit wasn't for me.

Talk about creatin' a monster.

Anyway.. we pretty much left the lair as soon as Leo and I showed. Casey walked up front as we walked through the damp sewers, and I walked right behind 'im. I carried the stretcher behind my back, while Leo held it by Splinter's feet. The nasty smell in those tunnels actually subdued some of the stench from the body. Never thought I'd appreciate that damn smell. Further behind, Don and Mike walked on each side of April. They carried the things Mike'd packed for our stay at the farm, and I remember April was cryin'. I don't know if Mike still was, if he was, then I couldn't hear it. Maybe I was too lost ta notice. Had my own thoughts. All these memories I mentioned earlier? Yeah, they started comin'.

I remembered this particular one when Splinter was watchin' 'South Park' with me and Don. Had ta translate the entire thing for 'im. He didn't get a word they said. It was so funny, cuz most of the words weren't that nice.I remember how hard it was for Donnie ta strangle his laughta'. I guess Splinter was kinda innocent inthat way. He'd seen more evil in this world than any of us, but at the same time, he was completely oblivious to the smaller ones. Always so nice ta new people... unlike me. He didn't judge 'em until they give 'im a reason to. The only one like that outta the four of us is Mikey. Always tries ta see the best in everyone. Sure, a little naive. But the rest of us keep him grounded and balance it all out.

As we got topside I noticed how early it really was. The Big Apple was still dark. It was in the middle of September so the sun wouldn't be up for a couple of hours. Although the city lights were still on so it wasn't completely pitch-black. But most people - normal people - were still sleepin', which is why we chose ta leave so early. You don't want any witnesses when yer smugglin' a giant dead rat out of the sewers.

We put Splinter in the back of Casey's van and got into the car. April and Casey were up front, naturally - being the two human beings. The rest of us sat in the back. Leo and Mike in the middle, with Donnie and myself in the back. We were all dressed in trench coats and fedoras, so that even if someone spotted us through the toned windows, they wouldn't know we were turtles. And like I said, it would still be dark for a few more hours, and traffic wouldn't kick in for a while. So at least we didn't hafta worry about bein' exposed. Leo had of course been the one ta come up with the idea with the coats. That guy never stops worrying. Guess that's what bein' big brother's all about; lookin' out for the others.

I'm actually glad he does.. but he can sure be a bitch at times, our Fearless Leader.

After drivin' for about half an hour, the smell in the car became unbearable. I guess me and Donnie had it the worst, sitting in the back. Even with the windows partly open it smelled. Can't imagine what it musta been like for April, tryin' ta keep her eyes on the road with that smell. Was hard ta do anything at all, let alone focus.

I looked at 'im back there a few times. It didn't feel like my father. Looked like someone had rolled up a huge stinkin' rug. Where's the honor in that?

The drive didn't take more than four hours, though it felt a hell-of-a-lot longer than that. No one said much, and it felt like the entire car was on the verge of tears. Even Casey kept quiet. And Mikey didn't do any of those stupid car games he usually forced us ta play. It wasn't until halfway there Donnie felt brave enough ta ask April ta turn on the radio. Of course, it was very faint. She tuned in ta some rock station playin' classic hits. I didn't pay much attention to it. Don't think anyone did. It juz felt good ta be rid of that dreadful silence we'd been livin' with since the mornin' before. I guess if I had ta use a word ta describe the silence.. then I'd say it sounded like death, if that makes any sense? If it does, then you understand how good it felt with a little music, even though no one was really listening. I kept myself occupied lookin' out the window most of the drive. I rarely ever got ta see anythin' outside of NYC, much less in daylight. Though it took a few hours for the sun ta come out, but I watched it as it did.

I've had my share of sunrises, when I've been stayin' out a little longer than I'm supposed ta. But I've never seen anyone like that before.

Sure, it didn't look much different from the any other sunrise; all those colors of pink and purple lighting up the horizon, but it was the meaning behind it that separated it from the other ones. It was so much more than a sunrise. It was a new day without Splinter. The first one. The world carried on without 'im, whether we wanted it to or not. The world didn't care that we weren't ready. So many things would change with that sunrise. So many things would be left behind.

I couldn't stop picturing 'im in his bed, cold as ice. I've always known Splinter would die. He talked about it couple a' times. I guess he was tryin' ta get us familiar with the thought, so that when it happened we'd be able ta go on without 'im. But even though I knew he was old and wouldn't live much longer... his death came like a complete shock ta me. There was no warning. He wasn't sick, he didn't seem extra tired or anythin' the night before... One morning we just woke up and... found 'im dead.

I guess death's always like that. Unexpected. Yer never prepared for it when it comes. It juz does.

By the time we arrived in Madison, at that old farmhouse April for some reason loved so much, the sun had been up for a few hours and the day'd started. Donnie went ta start workin' on the coffin', using whatever he could find. Mikey went with April and Case ta carry our stuff inside, while Leo and I lifted Splinter out of the van and into one of the sheds that still stood its ground. And as we put 'im there, are father's dead body on the ground inside this deadbeat shed, all I could think about was how wrong it felt.

I felt he deserved better.

He deserved some credit for everything he'd done for us, and for the people of New York. He deserved ta pick out a real coffin and be buried at cemetery. He deserved so much more than he got. Hell, there's an entire world out there that doesn't even know he existed! When we die, there'll be nothing left of 'im.. or us, for that matter. We only have each otha'.

I guess I should've found some comfort in that. But I didn't. Still don't. I only think it's unfair. Unfair that we're not allowed ta be a part of this fucked up world. We don't get ta start families and have careers. We don't have people ta miss us when we die, or even a tombstone to prove that we lived in the first place. No, when we go we hafta sneak our dead family members out of the sewers to bury them where no one'll find 'em. If that's not unfair, then whatta fuck is!

Kinda makes ya wonder what the point of it all is. I mean, the time we spend hidin' in the sewers is all we have. Well, that and each otha'. Man, I don't know what I'd do without my brothers. I know I pull away from them a lot, but I don't think I could handle bein' alone all the time. I guess the only good thing from this is that I've learned ta appreciate my family more. I've learned ta value them and the time we have. Because, in the end, it's all we have.

I guess that's what ye get for bein' a freak.

A/N: Yeah, I have no idea where April's farmhouse is. I just picked someplace that seemed far away enough.