Hello…is anyone out there? I'm back!!!!!!!!!
Here it is, the stunning second part to chapter 6 called…chapter 7 with a supper long name! Come and enjoy the insanity!
Beware – mentions of the Rocky Horror Picture Show contained within.
Chapter 6: No Need for Cooked Panda – The Second Angel Tastes Good Breaded…Um…I Mean Attacks
Misato was starting to pull at her hair. She was worried about the kids.
"Hey Misato…you should check this out," Kaji said. She looked over toward him. "We are getting in some strange reports about a midget running around stealing women's bras and underwear."
"Don't tell me one of the SEELE guys have lost it again," she said attempting to arch her eyebrows. She managed to get one up; giving the appearance she was poorly imitating the Rock's signature move, the People's Eyebrow.
"No. Not unless they turned themselves into Hapusi from Ranma ½."
"Wait a second, how can that be? Ranma ½ is a graphic novel series turned popular cartoon that has spawned tons of merchandise," Misato said thoroughly confused. 'God, I wish I was drunk so this type of stuff would seem normal,' she thought. A sudden and unprovoked idea popped into her head and she made a beeline to the door.
"Where are you going?" Kaji asked. He stood and walked over to her.
"I'm going to go and find a mini fridge. Maybe it will be full of those little $8.00 bottles of beer that you find in the expensive hotels," she said and left the room, leaving Kaji behind.
"I guess I'll go with you," he muttered and followed after her.
Maya, who was sitting at the opposite end of the room being ignored as usual, sighed loudly. She returned her gaze to the computer screen.
'No wonder everyone calls her 'drunken master'!' she thought and began to fully concentrate on monitoring the current Angel situation and musing about her sad and lonely existence.
Ten minutes had passed since the Haposi encounter and the kids had given up trying to get back to NERVE. They returned to the school and were forced to listen to Asuka rant on about Annya, who had retreated to the bathroom to put her bra back on.
"I can't believe it! He stole your bra off of you and you didn't even realize it! I sure that somewhere that means you're a conniving slut," she said to the bathroom door. Annya muttered something that couldn't be heard. Toji hobbled up on his crutches and poked his head in the door.
"Hey, if you want, I can help you with that," he said with a grin. He was promptly kicked in the face and Annya poked her head out. Shinji's nose started to bleed when he saw that her bra wasn't quite on all the way.
"If you come in here again pervert, I'll smash your face in!" she yelled and shut the door again.
"She has really big hooters! I should know, I saw them myself." Toji stated with a broad grin. Shinji glared at him while the girls rolled their eyes.
'I wanted to see them first! Damn it!' Shinji thought as his nose continued to trickle. Asuka stomped up to the door and banged on it.
"So, what was it like to be exposed like that? Was it the most embarrassing moment of your life? It must have been. I'm sorry to have missed it," she ranted. The door opened and Annya emerged with a scowl on her face.
"You just love the sound of your own voice don't you?" Annya said bitterly. Asuka smirked.
"You know, you should learn some modesty Annya. Decent women don't allow males to peep at them or allow others to see them in their undergarments," the German said coldly. Annya gave her a glare that clearly meant death and the others quickly put some distance between themselves and the redhead.
"Like you should be talking modestly. I seem to recall a vague memory of you running about the halls of NERVE in nothing by your 'birthday suit'!" Annya shot back. Shinji shuddered at the recollection of his near rape. Rei's mouth dropped open in shock, which was the first time Annya has seen any type of human emotion played on the girls face.
"Whoa! You were running around naked? Man, I miss all the good stuff!" Toji exclaimed with tears running down his face. Asuka's face reddened with embarrassment.
Before any further argument could ensue, the school began to shake. Everyone was knocked off their feet and Toji began shouting hysterically.
"Duck and cover! Duck and cover!" he screamed. Rei reached over and slapped him and he was shocked into silence.
"What is causing this?" Shinji said as he attempted to stand up.
"It's almost like footsteps," Annya said. She stood and braced herself against the wall. She slowly began moving toward the nearest classroom. Everyone followed suit and Toji was the first one in. The shaking stopped and Toji went over to the window. Upon his first glance out the window, he screamed.
"Oh my God! The world has gone white!" he cried, flailing his arms in the air causing him to fall over because he let go of his crutches. Asuka scoffed at him and looked out the window.
"You idiot! Something is standing in front of the building," she said in an annoyed tone. The white object began to move and the EVA pilots found themselves looking at an eye. All of them cried out and stumbled backwards. Annya quickly got up and headed out the door.
"Where are you going?" Rei called after her.
"To go and see what it is!" Annya called back and was gone. The other looked at each other and ran after her.
In a dark room, a solitary figure sat hunched in front of a monitor and some controls that look suspiciously like a PlayStation 2 controller.
"Soon, very soon, she will be mine!" He began to laugh. After a few seconds, he began coughing. It was one of those 'I'm-gonna-hack-up-a-lung' type of coughs. After the coughing fit was over, he sneezed.
"Oh great, I just wet myself!" he exclaimed to himself as he stood and hobbled out of the room.
Annya pushed open the front doors of the school and ran out onto the steps. She stopped and looked at the fat form looming over her. She began to sweatdrop as soon as she realized who it was.
"Dear God…" she muttered out loud. Shinji was the next one out. He did a double take as he too realized who it was, as did Toji.
"It's…a panda?" Rei said as she joined the others. She looked confused.
"It's Gema Saltome, another Ranma ½ character," Asuka said. The panda regarded them all for a second and then started talking. All that came out was a bunch of high and low pitched growls. Everyone sweatdroped. The panda then pulled out a dry-erase board out of thin air and began writing.
"I am the second Angel." He erased. "I can't remember why I'm here." He erased again. "Is there any cursed hot springs here?" Everyone fell over. After several seconds, Asuka jumped up.
"What kind of Angel are you? Your pathetic!" she yelled at him. A scowl crossed his panda face and he began to shrink.
"What's he doing?" Rei asked.
"I don't know. He never did anything like this in the manga," he replied. The Angel was now regular panda size. It growled at Asuka and stomped toward her.
"Eek!" she squeaked and took of running in the other direction with the Angel giving chase.
"Maybe now she'll learn to keep her big mouth shut," Annya said sarcastically.
"Somebody help me!" Asuka screamed s she ran past the group and around the corner of the building.
"Did she just run around the building that fast?" Rei asked.
"Yup. She can move when she wants to." Toji said with an amused look on his face. Asuka came around the other corner and grabbed Annya by the shoulders.
"You…gotta…help me!" She gasped shaking the girl.
"Where's the panda?" Shinji asked looking around.
"He's back by the science room window. He's sitting down trying to catch his breath. Oh…no…wait a minute…he's back on his feet again," Toji said doing a very bad Tom Madden impression.
"Do something!" Asuka cried.
"Gee, why don't you take off your clothes. Then maybe one of two things will happen. He'll either one, go blind. Or two, fall dead from fright at the sight of that shag carpet you keep hidden under there," Annya said while pointing at Asuka's skirt.
"You've got grooming issues? Who'dah thunk it," Toji said to Asuka. She glared at Annya but took off running again when a growl emanated from behind her. The panda-angel was hot on her heels.
"Well, I'm rooting for the Angel," Toji said while stretching. "Anyone else want to place bets?"
"Baka!" Rei muttered.
"What! Are you crazy?" one SEELE member asked.
"That's a stupid guess," said another.
"What do you mean? Look at that thing. It could have a heart attack at any moment!" said a third.
"That's no way to talk about the girl. She can't help it that her breasts are that big. Their smacking her in the face and weighing her down," said the first.
"I wasn't talking about the girl! I was talking about the damn panda!"
"Oh."
"Well, natural causes is a good guess and all, but look at the situation. Everything that has happen so far is totally impossible, so I'm leaning toward a death that just too plain convenient which only helps to highlight the absurdity of the moment," said a fourth.
"Okay…you're on!"
Rei, Shinji, Annya, and Toji (and don't forget the SEELE members hidden away in their dark lair) watched Asuka make another lap around the school.
"She's good! Her flopping boobs haven't knocked her out yet," Shinji said. "But…shouldn't we be trying to help her?"
"Yeah, I guess your right," Annya said.
"Party pooper," Toji muttered and Rei smacked him upside his head. Annya looked around for anything she could use against the villainous panda-angel. Suddenly, an idea formed in her head. She pictured it all out like a movie…a movie staring poorly drawn stick figures with oversize anatomy, but a movie non-the-less. Now all she need was a way to get the panda's attention. She could think of only one way.
She ran over by the corner and waited for Asuka and the panda. Once Asuka reached her, the German hid behind her, leaving Annya facing the fuzzy beast. 'I hope to God this works. It never failed Ranma,' Annya thought and sprang into action.
"An opening!" she yelled and kicked it in the gut. The panda doubled over in pain for a second and then growled. It turned his sights on Annya. She took off running and the angry panda followed. She ran into the street toward a downed power line that was sparking with electricity.
"Where did that power line come from?" Asuka asked.
"I didn't notice it before. I wonder if the panda knocked it down on its way here?" Shinji said with a thoughtful expression on his face.
"Hmmm…" they all said in unison while Annya neared the power line. Just as she was about to reach it, she veered off to the left.
"She's running around it now. Hey, is that water?" Toji asked.
"Yeah, the power line is in a large puddle of water," Rei said. They all watched the scene unfold with curiosity etched across their faces. Annya stopped running and turned to stare down the panda, who kept running towards her.
'Just a few more steps,' she thought.
"Now she stopped. Does she have a death wish or something?" Asuka exclaimed. Shinji took in everything that was happening and finally, somewhere deep down in his slow-working brain, it all clicked into place.
"I know what's she's doing! Everyone watch!" he exclaimed, excited that he figured it out all on his own. The panda took one more step and suddenly went into convolutions. It cried in a mix of surprise and pain as currents of electricity ran throughout its body. After several seconds, the panda fell over stiff as a board with its tongue hanging out.
"Neat! It's been cooked," Toji said as he and the others walked up to look at the fried Angel.
"You know, that was almost too convenient, yet it fit with the fact that the Angel took the form of Gema Saltome," Annya said as she scratched her head at the absurdity of it all. Everyone else nodded in agreement.
"HA! I won!" said the SEELE member who won the bet.
"You peeked ahead in the story didn't you?" another member asked as the winning member greedily grabbed the money.
"Nope. I'm just that damn good," he replied back and started laughing. The other in the room groaned.
"You know, if your going to steal the somewhat outdated punch lines of WWE wrestlers, do us all a favor and pick something decent," one member said with a sneer.
" What's wrong with Triple Hs' lines?" he asked.
"'I am the Game-aha!' 'I'm going to kick your ass-aha!'" the other said mocking Triple H's voice and inability to speak without adding 'aha' to the end of his sentences.
"Okay, I see your point. How about 'cause I'm alcohol fueled.'"
"No, but that's a good one for 'Drunken Master'." Everyone broke into laughter.
"Um…'I'm an American Badass'?"
"First off, your Japanese. Second, in order to make it fit, you would need to replace 'bad' with 'dumb'." Everyone continued to laugh as the now embarrassed member sunk very low in his seat sweatdroping.
Meanwhile, back at the apartment…Misato, Shinji, Asuka, and Annya were waiting for Kaji to put the food on the table.
"That smells good Kaji," Misato said as he placed a steak down in front of her. A few seconds later, everyone had theirs.
"Okay guys, dig in!" he said and everyone started eating.
"This is really good," Annya said between mouthfuls.
"Yeah, it's done perfectly. I didn't know you could cook Kaji," Shinji added.
"Well, I'm a man of many talents. I also rented a movie. It's the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show', one of my favorites," he said while chewing.
"I've seen that. It's great," Annya said.
"What's it about," Asuka asked.
"Um…you just have to watch it. It's a musical…kind of," Annya replied.
"I was wondering, what did they do with that Angel?" Misato asked suddenly. Kaji grinned a little.
"Well, ah, that's kind of a 'tender subject'," he replied. Annya immediately froze and peered of the piece of steak she was about to into her mouth. She got a little pale.
"What's wrong?" Shinji asked. He stared to put a piece of steak in his mouth when eh noticed something on it. It was a small clump of burned white hair. The reality of the situation clicked in his head.
"Oh my God! We're eating the panda!" he screamed. Asuka and Misato immediately ran to the bathroom as Shinji and Annya tossed down their silverware and left the dinning area.
"Well, since no one else is hungry…I guess I'll have to eat all of these myself," Kaji said gleefully and continued eating his 'panda steak'.
Authors Note:
I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated this story. I've had a lot going on between school stuff and working at a job that would allow me no time off. I only have one chapter left that is hand written so it may take a while for me to write chapter 9. I'm also going to go back and fix the spelling errors and stuff as well as the format.
Fanfic Contest!!!! -- Check out my website futurebra . topcities . com (remove spaces) for details. The deadline is the 29th but I may extend it depending on how many entries it get.
Reviews:
Koworu-Lova3018 – I choose Enziquri as the name for the first Angels because it is the name of a wrestling move used mostly by the now retired X-Pac. In fact, all the Angels will be crossover characters from other shows and I figured it fit with that theme.
Hyper Godzilla – thanks for telling me about the EVA numbers. I'll have to go back and fix that.
Everyone else – I'm glad you love the story. Thanks for the reviews!