Alpo

Dear family,

I just don't feel appreciated. I just don't. Being the middle child, I'm always, well… stuck in the middle. I'm expected to be so dang responsible… but I can't even have a boyfriend! I'm 11 for gosh sakes!!! Anyway, this is my cry for help. In 30 seconds, you have to say sorry for being mean to me or I'm running away. For ever. Ooops, 30 seconds is over.

Goodbye,

Steph

DJ had just poured some OJ when she saw a note taped to the fridge.

"Why didn't Stephanie use a magnet?"

"Wait… oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!! Michelle, get in here!!"

Michelle sleepily walked downstairs. She and DJ were the only ones at home since everyone else decided to go to IHOP.

Michelle gave a grunt and while DJ began reading the ghastly letter, she let out a cry.

"Wha? Why would Steph do that? We all love her, I mean we are an unnaturally large family. Unnaturally large families love each other."

DJ then replied, "I think it's our fault. I mean, she was complaining about being in the middle. I think we should put you in the food processor."

Michelle screeched.

"Hahaha, I'm kidding. But seriously, we need to find Stephanie."

Right as she said that, the rest of the family burst through the door.

Danny said: "What's this about finding Stephanie?"

Danny read the letter to the rest of the Tanner clan. Tears began to swell in everyone's eyes, looks of disbelief followed. Even Comet had an expression of what could be considered anguish. Doggy anguish, if you please.

Uncle Jesse piped up. "C'mon guys, we need to find this kiddo. I mean, she could be at the zoo, she could be at the playground; you know Stephanie!"

"That's true!" replied Joey, "I mean, the squirt could have just gone to get some ice cream. She'll get over it once she gets a snow cone. I'll do my Rocky and Bullwinkle impression; she loves that."

The family decided to split into groups and search San Francisco for the missing sibling. Meanwhile, commotion was being made in the garage. It was Stephanie, but she was clearly distressed. She didn't want to be noticed, but Stephanie accidentally knocked over paint. Not a soul heard her… but the dog did.

Comet, the family dog, heard the commotion. He waddled over to the garage and his muzzle peeked through.

"Comet! I'm so glad it's just you!" squealed Stephanie.

Oh, but Comet wasn't eager to see Stephanie. Not at all. You know how an elephant never forgets? Well, neither do golden retrievers. When Comet was just a puppy, Stephanie did a very bad thing. One day, Stephanie decided to give the puppy a bath. Comet was dropped into the toilet and while Stephanie was reaching for soap, the toilet was flushed. Comet the puppy whirled, and whirled, and whirled. His yelps were met with screams, and Stephanie ran out in a panic. Comet was left there completely wet and dizzy… now he wanted revenge.

"Bark bark!!! Grwwwoooooollll RARRRRRR." "AHHHHHHEHEHEHHHH." Then silence.

Their new neighbor, Molly, noticed that the Tanner's door was left cracked open. She walked in and looked through the whole house. She then noticed that the door to the garage was also partially open. She took a small glance, but what she saw was an eyeful. A puddle of blood lay on the ground with a pink ribbon and tennis shoes swimming through it. Comet ate Stephanie and ate her good.

Fin.