Origin: Magic Knight Rayearth
Disclaimer: All CLAMP's, not mine. The characters and MKR are property of those ladies, not Starflower-girl's. I really don't have the time or energy to fight in court right now, so just listen to me when I say: Not my characters, not my MKR.
Genre:
for the trilogy – romance & angst
for the first chapter – angst, supernatural, romance
Rating: PG-13
For this first chapter, the ending is somewhat morbid. I must admit that this may be a bit rough. It's not too sappy, either, and it has no sex in it.
Author's notes and summary: Okay so I've never posted a MKR fic. I sure hope it doesn't suck too bad, even though it's not one of my best fics. It's one of those strange stories you just have to write to the end, even if you know it's not a real jewel. This is indeed a trilogy type of fic, and each part deals with one magic knight. It's sort of hard to sum up, but let's just say that this first one is about Umi, the second one will be Fuu and the third one Hikaru. The main idea is that this is a romance fic, pairings are UxC, FxF, HxL (but I must warn you about the third chapter – do not read that one if you don't like any kind of yaoi stuff. Implied and maybe more than that..LxE in the third chapter). Storyline-wise, well, I took a few liberties here... It's after MKR ends, but you might find the timing somewhat odd. All I can say is that it's the whole point here... Everything is supposed to be mixed up. This whole first chapter is about being mixed up, so don't worry if it confuses you. Also, this is probably the strangest chapter in the story. But read and review it, let me know how you felt. Oh and... The other chapters will be posted anyway, don't try to tell me that I shouldn't. I'm trying to make all three different. Okay that was a lot of ranting over nothing, but just – enjoy it if you can.
--To Have And To Hold Trilogy – Your Pain Is Mine As Well--
by Starflow
---
She fell down, silently weeping, and her fingers dug deep into the soil. As there was no one there with her, she let her long and heavy hair lie on the ground, and tears ran down her beautiful face. In her head she could hear someone calling her name with a sorrowful, suppressed, caring tone of voice.
Later on, Umi would have no memory of the events that took place that night. She could scarcely even comprehend, that she had been in the garden all night. Nobody was home besides her, and she hadn't been home in ages herself – but she couldn't focus on anything. She sat there in the garden, and cried, selfishly and bitterly she couldn't stop crying. At some point she had laid down, apparently, for her face had mud on it as well. For Umi, life hadn't exactly been normal in a very long time.
If only she could have done something. Just one thing, anything. Turn back the time, return to him, forget – anything might have made her feel better. But as she hadn't gotten the chance to decide for herself, she was overwhelmed by this sudden ending. No more Cephiro, no more being the magic knight of Water.
No more Clef. Everything, all the possibilities that never had potential, had been thrown away – cast to shatter in the merciless wind.
Umi's lips trembled and her eyes were blurred with tears as she sat up, crying. She had come home with Hikaru and Fuu, just a little while ago. That very same evening. Now that she had had time to digest everything, she was devastated. It was hard for her to accept the fact that their work was done, and that they were no longer there in Cephiro. Sure, she had been homesick and missed her parents – but now that she was home again, all she wanted was to go back. Hikaru and Fuu were surely thinking something similar, they had to be. And yet Umi didn't have a single thought to spare for her friends, as even her own shock was too much for her. She let her tears run, and all of her heart was screaming out loud that she didn't want to feel anymore. Screaming out loud to Clef, to that master mage, that he should do something, anything.
---
In the morning Umi found herself sleeping on the muddy ground. She could finally see again. In fact, she felt a lot better.
Umi got up and decided to take a shower. She didn't look behind her anymore, walking inside. Her blue school uniform was in a horrible state and she took it off. Her parents were probably out of town in business or something like that. They rarely stayed the night at home, due to their large circle of friends. She threw her clothes to the laundry basket and simply went into the bathroom. As she turned the shower on she suddenly recalled her friends – not Hikaru and Fuu but all her old friends. Water flowed down her tear-striped face and her pain was gone. In just one night, Umi had gotten over the loss they had suffered.
---
As she got home that very same afternoon, she wondered why she'd been so miserable when they had come back from Cephiro. Her old friends seemed to be happy to see her again, and they had set her up with a date as well. She hopped the stairs up and opened the door, and closing it behind her she smiled. It was good to be home again, and Umi would make the most of it. She danced cheerfully into her own room, and sat down. She only had a few hours to get ready for her blind date and so she stared combing her hair. With one swing of the hips she moved to the closet to take out a gorgeous blue dress, also flicking the radio on. And when her mother knocked on the door, she was already humming the newest hits with the radio.
"Umi, my dear, are you going somewhere tonight?" Umi's mother acted as if she had never been gone at all. It was as if the journey had only been a dream – a very emotional but surreal dream.
"Yes, I have an appointment with someone. Does it bother you, then, mother?"
The woman shook her head and smiled. Umi put the comb down and picked up her lipstick, and cautiously her mother asked:
"Will you be eating dinner with me and your father first, Umi?"
"I was kind of thinking I'd..." Umi stopped as she saw disappointment in her mother's eyes. Her face melted to smile, in a tired and compassionate way, and she nodded. "Yes, mother, I will. Thanks."
Umi's mother left the room and the girl looked into her own eyes in the mirror, wondering why she felt so put out all of a sudden. It was as if something inside her had broken, when her mother had looked so sad. She couldn't bear to think about saddening anyone at the moment. Umi asked herself what it was that kept bothering her, it was as if some kind of invisible figure was shimmering in the corner of her eye and she tried to catch it but could not. It had to have something to do with Cephiro, that incredible place she and her friends had left just a while ago.
"Surely I'm just being paranoid", sighed she to herself and got up to leave the room and go to dinner. "It's not like someone's in need of help now, let alone watching me."
And she actually believed her own conclusions. She had forgotten all about the feelings that had been tearing her up day and night while they had still been in Cephiro. Somewhere in the darkness of the mind of a certain master mage, hope was sealed away, to suffocate and to be forgotten. As Umi was having fun with her date, Clef forced himself to keep his focus – and his lower lip was bleeding.
---
Running, desperately and in panic, running through space and time. Calling his name, with no breath in her lungs to get a word out. Running, in the mist that was halting her, with her legs up to her ankles in some kind of heavy liquid, crying out loud and screaming in frustration. The storm of screams around her was breaking her ears and she screamed in unison with the storm. Running, through the void, through the packed darkness...
---
Umi suddenly sat up, screaming, sweating. What was that dream she had just had? She lay on her bed, unable to fall asleep anymore. As the morning sun came up, she realized that she'd closed her eyes for a little while, and she couldn't remember anything about the dream. She was back to her cheerful self.
---
The blue-haired girl turned jumped at the sudden call:
"Umi-san!"
"Fuu", smiled Umi, and waved her hand at the girl. Fuu was carrying a large bag of groceries, and she had a smile on her face. She looked somewhat happy, but something about the shadows under her eyes and the way she showed a lot of confidence made Umi flinch. Why did she get these strange feelings of not remembering something that she should have remembered? In fact, she found herself wondering how she had first met Fuu, scarcely recalling that day at Tokyo Tower. "You're looking well."
"Why thank you, Umi-san", smiled Fuu, and bowed to Umi's date. This was a whole new date, one that Umi had just met the previous day. "Good day."
"Oh, I'm so sorry – this is Torisei Eisuke, Fuu. Ei-kun, this is Hououji Fuu, one of my best friends."
As the two greeted each other, Umi herself wondered why a strange feeling of nostalgia took over if she saw Fuu. They had been to Cephiro together, all three of them... But what had actually happened there? She could recall fighting several enemies and meeting several people, she could recall the sad love story of Emeraude-hime and High Priest Zagato. She could recall the crumbling of Cephiro after the Pillar's loss, and their second journey there. But Umi had no memory whatsoever of the people there, besides their faces and names. She couldn't remember if she had felt anything special for any of them, not a thing. She realized that this was alarming. She had to speak about it to Fuu and Hikaru, but she couldn't do that now. She was in the middle of a date and Fuu was hurrying home with the groceries.
"So, Fuu", smiled Umi, "would you and Hikaru like to come to my place sometime? Say... Call me on Saturday. No, Sunday – I have fencing finals on Saturday."
"Umi-san!" exclaimed Fuu in surprise. "Can we not come to see you fence, then?"
"You would like to come?"
"Oh but of course!" the blond girl clapped her hands together in excitement. "I shall call Hikaru-san tonight and tell her about it."
"I'll see you there, then", sighed Umi, faintly smiling. She also took Fuu's hand and squeezed it to let her know she wasn't trying to be rude. "I'm sorry, Fuu, but we have to get going now."
Hououji Fuu shook her head and bowed once more. She then ran off, waving at Umi while going. Umi herself took the hand of her date and let him lead her to the ice cream bar. As she turned to look after Fuu, she felt a sudden urge to run after her. Something about Fuu bothered her greatly.
---
Umi let Ei-kun feed her with the spoon. She sucked on the portion of chocolate ice cream that he had brought to her on the spoon, trying to ignore her bad feeling about the whole Cephiro business. She had already been out with several guys, and all of them were meaningless dates, just for fun. Undoubtedly she wouldn't even want to see Ei-kun again after letting him walk her home. Umi was starting to suspect some kind of mental disorder. She was even more of a flirt than before Cephiro, but why?
"May I walk you home, Umi-san?"
Getting up, Umi let the young man pay for the ice creams. As she walked home with him, she felt that same shadow shimmering somewhere at the limits of her vision again. In another time and space, Clef held his head high and concentrated. His hand was bleeding.
---
Running, slowly and frustrated, running through space and time. Calling his name, with her lips glued together with the tears that ran down her face. Running, in the mist that was halting her, with her legs up to her knees in some kind of heavy and sticky liquid, crying out loud and screaming in sorrow. Around her, there was a large number of faint clouds, memories, and everywhere there were visible screams ripping her eyes apart. Running, through the void, through the packed darkness...
---
Screaming, Umi had finally gathered enough willpower to sit up and open her blue eyes. She heard rushing footsteps, her parents were coming to see if she was alright. Her silky night-gown was wet against her back, as were her sheets. Wet with sweat, and as she suddenly realized – with tears. Her heart was racing and she didn't know what was going on. Sure, she was having nightmares – but what was it that she had dreamt of?
"Umi!"
"I'm okay, mother", she yelled with a voice that was suprisingly steady. And as morning dawned, she was indeed alright again, forgetting that horrible dream.
---
Umi was spinning around in excitement. Such an adorable dress! And she could afford it, certainly, so she went into the store. Her happy-go-lucky friends followed her, along with a few disappointed guys who had been expecting an afternoon in romantic surroundings, not shopping.
"I want to try that one on", said she to the salesclerk, and got the dress. It was so beautiful, so light and beautiful. Umi would wear it to the cinema on Saturday evening, if Hikaru and Fuu were still planning on keeping the appointment. She looked at herself in the mirror and smiled.
Suddenly she noticed something about her eyes. She had dark marks under her eyes, as if she hadn't slept in a long while. She came out of the changing room and leant close to the large mirrors to see it for sure, and she did.
"Nonsense", said she to herself, shrugging. But no matter how much she tried to ignore it, she had to accept it in the end. Umi didn't recall having trouble sleeping. "Hey, Nobu-kun!" yelled she to one of the young men waiting for the girls to get ready. The boy immediately stood up and came to her. Umi looked at him, smiling in a flirty way. "Do you think I look tired?"
"N-no, not at all, Umi-san!"
"How sweet of you. Thanks, Nobu-kun."
Umi then pushed the door to the changing room open again, and closed it as she was inside, giggling silently. She took the dress off and put her own clothes back on. Just imagination, she was sure it was all in her head.
---
The redhead stopped and turned around. Umi hadn't even recognised her at first, but now she was smiling. Shidou Hikaru embraced her, joyfully laughing. Umi started to feel a bit uncomfortable, being hugged this way in the middle of the subway station.
"Hikaru", laughed she. She tried to free herself of the girl's grip but failed miserably. "Uh – how have you been?"
"I'm great now that you're here!" laughed Hikaru, squeezing her friend even tighter. People were starting to stare at them and Umi suddenly felt the need to get rid of the girl. In the blink of an eye Umi shook that thought off, trying to rejoice in this sudden reunion.
"Could you let go of me, Hikaru?"
"Oh, sorry, Umi-chan..." giggled Hikaru, and stepped a few steps backwards. She was looking well. Umi noticed that she had obviously been to the hairdresser's and taken a manicure. Hikaru was looking so much more grown-up than before, and Umi knew she looked so much more tired, herself... "I heard you're fencing for the championship on Saturday."
"Yes", nodded Umi, flattered. Hikaru was looking at her with those large crimson eyes and smiling. "You're more than welcome to come and see me, Hikaru."
Hikaru made a delighted sound and jumped to embrace Umi again. Umi felt Hikaru's strong arms wrapping around her and she also felt like she couldn't breathe. The girl had been doing some serious training, obviously.
"Of course I will be there, Umi-chan!"
"That's nice... Please, Hikaru, I can't breathe..."
"Oh!" Hikaru jumped away from Umi and looked worried. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine", gasped Umi, leaning forward and trying to catch her breath. "Hikaru, have you been training hard lately?"
"Yeah, how did you know that?" Hikaru smiled innocently. "You see, I think we should keep fit so that the next time won't be as hard as the two journeys." While saying this, Hikaru grabbed Umi by the arm and started pulling her towards the train. Umi let her friend lead her, knowing very well that she might miss the train if Hikaru didn't help her, due to her surprised emotions. They were both headed in the same direction anyway. "I've been really busy all the time, ever since we came home. I have been training hard, with the sword, too. And then I've done everything in my power to become more like you, Umi-chan!"
"Like... Like me?"
The doors closed, and Umi and Hikaru had made it just in time. Hikaru let go of her friend and nodded.
"You're always so beautiful and confident. And you have so many guys admiring you, Umi-chan! I heard that you have been dating someone called..."
"Ritsuo-kun", said Umi silently.
"I'm not sure if that was the name… I think it was something like Ei…"
"What a surprise to run into you like this, Ritsuo-kun", giggled Umi to the young man who had approached them. "You know, I've been meaning to call you..."
The young man left soon, after asking Umi out that evening. Umi didn't look too pleased about it, but agreed. Hikaru's eyes were wide, innocent, as she asked her friend:
"Who was that, Umi-chan?"
"A guy I went out with, but just once", sighed Umi, fixing her hair. "He sure is persistent. I couldn't even think of an excuse..."
"Is he your boyfriend?"
Umi gave a laugh and shook her head. Hikaru looked at her in confusion, and Umi suddenly realized that Hikaru might know something about what had happened in Cephiro. Maybe Hikaru was even serious about going back there. And she had wanted to look like Umi, but why?
"Ritsuo-kun is just someone in my class. Do you have a special someone, then, Hikaru?"
"Not at the moment", blushed the girl. Umi wasn't blind, nor was she stupid. And so Hikaru had to mutter: "You should remember that I'm thinking of going back to him, Umi-chan."
"Oh", exclaimed Umi. She tried her best to remember who Hikaru could be talking about, but she had no idea. "Yes, him, of course", said she then.
"I just really want to look worthy of his love, you know", smiled Hikaru, embarrassed, burying one hand in her fluffy red hair. "Because when we go back, he will be there. What about you? Don't you want to go back to Cephiro?"
People were starting to stare at them. It was impolite to be talking loudly in the train, and since nobody knew about Cephiro anyway, they were suspicious. Umi understood this and whispered to Hikaru:
"Of course I do. We can talk about it on Saturday, if you're coming. Fuu is."
"Coming where? To the fencing match?" asked the redhead in excitement, loudly.
"Yeah, and to the cinema after that. And then to my place."
"A pyjama party!"
"Yes, Hikaru, but could you keep your voice down..."
"Of course I'm coming!" Hikaru hugged Umi once again. "Oh, Umi-chan, it'll be so much fun!"
---
Umi stepped off the train with Ritsuo-kun. She bid Hikaru farewell and left the girl alone.
"Would you like to see a movie, Umi-san?"
"Well, okay", smiled she in that flirty way again. Again, she could have sworn someone was shimmering there... Almost visible but still not present... And as Clef fell to his knees, there was great resolve in his bleeding eyes.
---
Umi laid down and closed her eyes. There had to be something seriously wrong with her. Why couldn't she remember anything about what really mattered?
---
Running, impatiently and determined, running through space and time. Calling his name with no life left in her brain to form words. Running, in the mist that was halting her, with her legs up to her hips in that heavy, demandingly thick liquid, crying out loud and screaming with undeniable longing in her voice. All the high screams around here cut her like blades, breaking her skin. Running, through the void, through the packed darkness...
---
Now, Umi's scream danced through the house, and she realized that her heart was beating even faster than before. She sat up and walked to the window, to look out upon the soothing silence of the garden. There was one particularly beautiful tree there, a silvery tree that didn't even seem to waver in the nightly wind as all. The tree was looking battered, as she suddenly realized. A lot of leaves had fallen and she could have sworn that the tree was shedding tears. It was a beautiful tree, but she didn't know where it had come from. She couldn't remember it being there earlier.
And the morning sun brought peace with it, once again.
---
Umi ran to the young man, who was waiting for her.
"I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, Seito-kun!"
"That's alright, Umi-san", smiled the guy. "Shall we?"
The girl clung to the offered arm and they walked in through the doors. This was a very fancy restaurant. The hall was grand indeed, and Umi was wearing a very nice light blue dress. She felt like a princess at that moment, and Seito-kun was her escort. They had come here for a date, and Umi didn't feel like thinking about the possibility of meeting Fuu or Hikaru here. She knew the two of them had some kind of plans for Cephiro, and memories of it as well. Umi herself had nothing, nothing in the whole world. No memories, no plans. She was still young – she could find happiness without some silly dream of a world.
"May I take your order?" a faint and friendly voice said close to them. Umi's blood froze. "Umi-san!"
"Fuu", greeted she, sounding somewhat strangled. "What are you..?"
"I am working here for the night, Umi-san. There is a shortage of waitresses right now, as there is some kind of convention in the other hall, so I decided to take the job. My sister recommended it to me, she works here as well."
"Oh, I see", said Umi. She was hesitating, wondering if Fuu was going to stay there all night. "Do they pay you well?"
"Oh, Umi-san", exclaimed Fuu in embarrassment. "Yes, I am very happy with the money... I need the money for buying a new dress, one that I have already reserved for myself."
Umi felt guilty. Ryuuzaki Umi never had money trouble, just like when she had bought that dress for Saturday. She could understand that Fuu might need the money, and out of a sudden trick of mind she asked:
"Would you like to join us here for a while?"
Seito-kun let out a disappointed noise. Umi kicked his leg and smiled at Fuu, looking very friendly. But the emerald eyes behind the glasses closed, Fuu smiled, and the answer was no. Fuu took their orders and brought them the food later on, but she was busy with her work. Umi was worried – the shadows under the girl's eyes were even more visible than the ones below Umi's own, and she could tell that Fuu wasn't alright.
"Thanks for the meal." Umi allowed the guy to kiss her goodnight, but only on the cheek. She had scarcely ever been kissed on the lips and she wasn't planning on letting some insignificant date do that. Somewhere, Clef kept mumbling to himself, as all the cuts on his body bled.
---
Running, confusedly and worried, running through space and time. Calling his name without air to carry the voice. Running, in the mist that was halting her, with her body up to her chest in that same heavy and suffocating liquid, crying out loud and screaming to the heavens above and below her. Around her there was a silent fog, and through it, shards of screams hit her and hot as flames, they were ripping her body apart. Running, through the void, through the packed darkness...
---
Umi's scream was even more horrified than ever before. She bounced up and rushed to the window. The tree was looking ill, more so than the last time she had checked, if possible. It made Umi feel insecure and worried, and although she couldn't explain these emotions, she knew they had something to do with Cephiro. She needed to know what she was experiencing, and soon. With that thought in mind, she closed her eyes as the sun rose – and forgot the nightmare.
---
All the people were cheering for her. Umi took off her helmet and smiled, bowing, gracefully. She let her opponent congratulate her and received all the congratulations with great joy in her eyes. Her friends and quite a lot of interested-looking guys appeared to congratulate her.
"Umi-chan!"
And on that note, Hikaru jumped to embrace her. Umi found herself spinning around with the redhead, laughing, happy. Fuu reached them soon, too, and Hikaru pulled her to join the hug as well. Umi's old friends and those young men were looking surprised and uncomfortable. Umi didn't care at all, for once. She just laughed with her two best friends and let them congratulate her.
"I'm so glad you guys came here!" gasped she, as they finally broke apart. "Thanks, Hikaru, Fuu."
"Of course we came, Umi-san", smiled Fuu, as Hikaru laughed and hugged Umi from behind. "Here, we bought flowers, too."
Umi took the lilies Fuu was holding, and thanked her friends. The three of them then laughed in unison. Hikaru grabbed her friends by the arms, and said:
"Let's get you changed, Umi-chan! Then we can go out for lunch – let's go to Tokyo Tower!"
---
"Here you are, ladies."
"Oh, thanks", smiled Umi to the waiter guy. She toyed with her hair a bit and gave a flirty laugh. Fuu then coughed in embarrassment, and Hikaru was anxious to start her meal. And so, Umi turned away from the waiter and smiled to her friends. "Isn't this nice, the three of us together again..."
"Indeed, Umi-san", smiled Fuu. She took some water and sipped it. "It has been several days since we came back. It feels like an eternity to me."
"I don't even remember much about the journey anymore!" exclaimed Umi in a cheerful way.
And now, the other two looked at her in shock. Their eyes widened, and seeming hurt, Fuu and Hikaru stared at Umi. Fuu seemed to be on the verge of bursting to tears and Hikaru was stunned.
"What do you mean you don't remember?" was all Hikaru could get out. She was breathlessly looking at the blue-haired girl, and Umi was confused by her appearance. Hikaru looked so much more mature now, and yet the desperation in those crimson eyes was true, just the same as before.
"Are you serious, Umi-san?"
"I..." Umi tried to answer, but she couldn't. She looked at Fuu, who truly looked tired and hurt. "I think there's something wrong with me, guys, but I can't remember a thing."
"Do you mean... That you don't remember Cephiro?"
Hikaru's question made Umi ponder on the possibility for a moment. Then, she shook her head and said:
"No. I do remember Cephiro, and everything that we did for it, as magic knights. But I cannot remember anything about the people we met there, or the emotions we went through."
"What do you mean you don't remember!" exclaimed Hikaru, jerking away from the table and closer to the girl and looking into her eyes, infuriated. "You said you knew who I was talking about, a few days back!"
"I lied, okay?" cried Umi. "I don't remember!"
And silence fell. It was finally broken by a hesitating Fuu:
"Umi-san, I think you should try and let it all come back to you. Perhaps you're in shock, because we had to leave in such a hasty way."
Umi looked at her and sighed. Hikaru was still mad at her, but after a while, she was able to apologise to the redhead, making Hikaru smile again. Fuu fell silent for a long time, and they went to see a nice and jolly movie together. It wasn't until the first minutes of the film that Fuu was able to laugh again. Clef, in his solitude, lay trembling on the floor, and his heart bled.
---
Ryuuzaki Umi knew, somehow, that Fuu wasn't well. They went to Umi's house after the movie and ate dinner in her room that night.
"Fuu", began Umi, as she sat on the edge of her bed, combing her long blue hair and wearing a lovely light blue night attire, a top and short pants. "Is something bothering you?"
"Oh, Umi-san", smiled the girl faintly, straightening her pillow. "I am quite alright, thank you." Fuu wore a light green attire, summer pyjamas. "It's just that I miss Cephiro, and especially all the friends we left behind."
"I know what you mean", sighed Hikaru, who was lying on a soft mattress, wearing a red night-gown. "I miss everyone there. And I also miss Cephiro itself."
"I wonder if the land returned to its peaceful self", said Umi. Her friends looked at her, delighted – she had said something referring to remembering.
"I'm sure it did. Tokyo Tower is a link between the worlds, Umi-san", smiled Fuu. "Hikaru-san is to thank for Cephiro's restored beauty."
"Stop it, Fuu-chan, you're embarrassing me!" giggled Hikaru. She took up her pillow and hit Fuu with it. "Pillow fight!"
"I don't know if Umi-san's..."
Umi swung a pillow at Hikaru and threw herself forward, to dodge the incoming counter-attack. Fuu laughed, with the other two, and joined in the battle.
---
Running, breathlessly and in pain, running through time and space. Calling his name with her mouth full of blood, unable to breathe or speak. Running, in the mist that was halting her, with her body up to her ears in the heavy liquid that was now revealed to be blood, crying out loud and screaming for salvation. Around her there was complete silence, and the screams echoed inside her head, shattering her soul. Running, through the void, through the packed darkness...
---
"Umi-san!"
"Umi-chan!"
Slowly, Umi opened her eyes. She was terrified, and her friends were incredibly worried. Her scream had surely hurt their ears a lot. Umi was exhausted, and she trembled horribly, spasmodically. Fuu was holding her and Hikaru was trying to help keep her still.
"The tree", gasped Umi to Hikaru. "The tree in the garden! See if it's dead, Hikaru, please..."
And Hikaru dashed to the window. She saw the silvery tree, and with Umi's question in mind she said:
"It's not dead, but... Almost no leaves left."
Umi tried to sit up, but Fuu's gentle grip was strong.
"Do not worry, Umi-san. Everything is going to be alright..."
Although Umi tried to battle out of the hold, to see the tree, Fuu wouldn't let her. She held the blue-haired girl tightly against herself and kept repeating those words, that everything was going to be alright. Hikaru stayed at the window to see if the tree was about to suddenly collapse or something like that, to calm Umi down.
"Oh Fuu", sobbed Umi, feeling like the walls were about to close in on her, and clinging to the mild-tempered girl. "I can't take it anymore, Fuu... I don't remember a thing in the morning, but every time I wake up like this I know it's happened many times earlier on and..."
"Hush, Umi-san, don't worry", sighed Fuu. "Everything is going to be alright."
---
As the sun rose, Umi was surprised and shocked to realise, that she could remember everything that had happened that night. She could recall the dream, and with her two friends by her side she decided to regain her memory.
"Where are you going, Fuu? I thought we were all going to go to Tokyo Tower together and –"
"I am terribly sorry, Umi-san and Hikaru-san, but I remembered that I have something very important to do", shouted Fuu, dashing through the street and to the direction of a certain mall. While running, she turned to wink at them and said: "I will see the two of you soon enough. Everything is going to be alright, do not worry about a thing!"
"What's with her?" asked Hikaru, looking at Umi, curious. She shook her head and together they headed for Tokyo Tower.
The tower shadowed them, and Umi felt a strong urge to leave. Somehow she had the feeling that this wasn't helping, that Tokyo Tower couldn't offer her any answers now. She didn't feel that shimmering bothering her anymore, and all in all it looked as if everything was back to normal. But Umi knew, that she had memories to find, and that if she couldn't do it, she would regret losing them for the rest of her life. Hikaru was rocking on her heels and awaiting her. Shrugging, Umi made her decision and followed the redhead inside.
---
"It was worth a try, Umi-chan", consoled Hikaru silently, looking very mature indeed. Her hair was free and all the childish joyfulness was gone, replaced with true compassion. Hikaru cared for her friend's happiness, and Umi was falling apart. Umi knew she was out of her mind, even the mere thought of having that dream one more time was too much.
As they reached the crossroads, where Hikaru want her way and Umi hers, the redhead asked her friend:
"Umi-chan... Would you like to come and sleep over at my place? Or should I come with you again?"
Umi shook her beautiful head. She was tired, so tired, and she had such a deep feeling of depression in her heart... All Umi really wanted was to go back to Cephiro and solve everything once and for all. She just wanted to make everything alright again. Most importantly, she wanted to know what had happened to Clef – that name that she could scarcely recall kept going around in her head – and about what that dream had meant.
"But will you be okay by yourself?"
"I'll be fine, Hikaru", sighed Umi, not even believing herself. "Look, I think nobody can really do anything for me. I have to take care of this myself."
"Would you like to tell me what the nightmare was about, Umi-chan? I've been curious and worried all day, but I just couldn't... I couldn't ask you, remembering the way you shook, and the look in your eyes..." Hikaru now swallowed and targeted her eyes at the floor. Umi looked at her, smiling a little.
"I'm afraid it's a dream about something I can't even define myself. There's a lot of blood in that dream, and it has to do with someone I left at Cephiro... That's all I can say to you right now. Do not worry about me, I'll be okay. I just need to sleep."
"I'll call you first thing in the morning, Umi-chan!"
As Hikaru ran off, somewhat tense and trying to seem more cheerful than she actually was, Umi covered her eyes. She knew she would not be sleeping that night, and so, she felt guilty because of lying to her friend. But she had no choice. She had to try to sleep and find out what was going on...
Umi didn't wear her night-gown that night, neither did she put pyjamas of any kind on. Instead, she wore the dress she had bought for that Saturday. She went to bed, looking like a princess, and she closed her eyes. Covered with her eyelids, those eyes burned with resolve. She focused on that one emotion, that one undeniable desire to regain her past feelings, even the pain. Yes, said she to herself, firmly nodding and trying to let go of reality, to sleep... Yes, she wanted the pain back, even though she knew that she was now taking a turn that she had tried to avoid. Umi herself had been the one to beg for peace, and now she would have to atone for that crime, that sin of selfishness, by suffering multiple times more pain.
"Clef", whispered she to the silence. "Let me come to you, Clef, you don't have to protect me from that pain, not anymore."
---
There was a faint light, shining somewhere in the distance.
---
Umi was afraid. She felt great fear, not only for her own sake but for the sake of that fallen man as well. The ground she stood on was dark, in fact she didn't even know if it was ground at all. She took a step, and she didn't seem to get anywhere. She was levitating, or walking, gliding – she had no idea. Umi was wearing that beautiful dress, and as there was no wind there, her whole figure looked surreal. She was tall and thin, gracefully moving around, wearing a dress so light blue that it was almost white. The light reflected on the paleness of her face and her eyes shone so bright blue that she could have been mistaken for something sacred, pure, supernatural.
"Clef", Umi cried out to the mist around her. Her bare feet touched something cold, it had to be a surface of some kind. Glass floor, or platform. The girl wandered around, and there was a suffocated silence everywhere in that space, indicating that something was terribly wrong. "Clef", tried she again, but received no answer. Umi stopped and looked around her.
The place was so large. It was empty and limitless, and Umi knew there was no entry or exit there. She had only got there because Clef had let her, in a momentarily weak state of mind. Clef wanted her to help him, Umi could tell by the nightmares she had been having. But then again, he had bravely saved Umi from memories of pain, and he intended to stick to that decision. Umi had just wanted to erase that moment, that moment of agony – instead, she had lost all her memories, even the good ones. Unaware of that, Umi had indeed been happy.
But now... Now as she stood there inside Clef's dimension, a private place no one owned, a suffocating void as it was... All Umi wanted was to take care of the mage now, and tell him to stop bleeding for her.
"Clef!" screamed the girl. She focused everything she had in that one scream. And finally, she reached his consciousness. Clef was there, his life force was running out and everything was covered in blood.
Umi ran to the motionless figure on the glass pedestal.
"Umi", coughed the master mage. "Please go away, Umi. Return to your world."
"I won't", wept Umi, kneeling down and taking Clef's blood-covered head on her lap. His voice was so firm, even now. He wasn't even sounding out of breath or energy – although Umi knew he was almost dying. "Let go of it, Clef."
"You never should have come here", Clef went on. "I've been doing my best to keep you from coming here... Every time you keep trying..."
"Let me help you, Clef. This is madness – please, just let go of it, I'm begging you to reverse the spell..."
"I'm doing this for you", coughed the mage. His eyes were closed, and from his mouth, narrow streams of blood were running down his chin. His white clothing was ruined, cut and coloured in red. Umi could see blood spilling from under his eyelids as well, and his hands were so badly broken that she couldn't look at them. "Umi, be free... Live on and forget that you saw me this way."
Umi shook her head.
Clef opened his eyes, and Umi saw that he was crying tears of blood. How could he still be alive, after this kind of self-torture? The girl burst to tears herself as well, and the mage silently said:
"Umi, please. I am doing this all for you, all of it. I don't want you to cling to the painful memory that I am to you – please, I am begging you." Clef coughed up some more blood and wheezed: "If you leave now, I might be able to erase your memory. Go, Umi."
"How could I possibly leave you this way? You're dying, Clef, I need to stay and help you..."
"You cannot help me. Nobody can, Umi, it's too late now. I did everything in my power to spare you the pain, but it seems that I have failed miserably."
"And you can't give up, Clef, please don't say you're giving in now. What about all the people who need you?"
"Nobody does, not anymore. I took care of that. Let me die for you, Umi, since I couldn't help you without losing my life..." Clef raised his hand to touch Umi's face. The mage smiled in agony, and it was a beautiful smile. "If you have any feelings for me, Ryuuzaki Umi, leave me here."
"Because of those feelings I can't do that. You ought to know it by now, Clef."
The man suddenly gave a tired laugh. Umi knew that her hands were trembling, still, and she tried her best to stay focused – Clef was looking at her with those eyes that could barely see at all, and laughing like a lunatic.
"Umi, you are beautiful. I couldn't have died for a better woman... All I did, I did for you. If you return to Cephiro one day, you will hear about what I tried to do for you – and maybe you will remember me. Maybe it isn't that big a sin for you to remember me. But Umi, please leave me now. I don't want you to see me take my last breath."
And with those words, Clef stopped talking – he coughed and spasmodically tried to push Umi away.
Umi didn't know what to do. She had absolutely no idea. She didn't want to see Clef die, but now that he had said that she could remember, it would make no difference. Remembering that she'd walked away from the man she loved, at the moment of his death, or remembering the sight of him dying... It made no difference. And no matter how much Clef struggled to keep her from himself, Umi just wouldn't leave. She pulled the broken body closer to herself and locked her arms around Clef.
"I am not going anywhere." Umi tried to keep the tears from flowing, but she wasn't able to. She hopelessly held the mage in that final embrace – the first and last time she would get to be there for Clef. "Clef... I..."
"Don't say it. You will forget faster if you –"
"...love you. I remember it now. I loved you so much that it made me want to die, and you took that pain away. I am grateful, Clef... For loving me back."
"Umi", sighed the man, actually stopping the struggle and embracing her back. "I know it's hard, but you have to try and move on. You and me, we were never a good match. With me being like this... And you being so incredibly beautiful. I love you, Umi, and I always will. No matter where the next dimension is, I will be loving you from there."
With her last willpower, Umi pressed her lips against his. She could taste the iron, and the salt – his blood mixing with her tears. And the moment she broke the connection, Clef finally fell motionless.
---
Umi found herself in her own room. She had been asleep, but she didn't feel refreshed. She sat up and touched her face – the blood and tears, both still there. Her dress was stained as well. Getting up on her feet, Umi went to the window. As much as she dreaded the idea of seeing the tree dead, she had to make sure.
"It was you, Clef", sighed Umi, as she saw that there was no life left in the once so silvery tree. It was darkened by something that had flowed down from within it, and Umi knew it was blood. "It was you all along and I couldn't even recognise you watching over me." The girl buried her face in those blood-stained hands of hers and cried for her lost love. Even though Umi had always known that there was no chance for them, this kind of ending hurt her more than anything.
Outside, the last leaves fell. The silvery tree was nothing but a memory.
Umi's tears formed shining stripes on her skin, and in the pale moonlight it was almost as if she had rings around her fingers. The cold white light found her hands and broke the rings, as the tears dripped on the floor.