As Bridger neared Lucas' room, he heard laughter and music. Curious, he knocked on the door.
"It's open!" Lucas called out.
Opening the door, he walked in and saw the remnants of a birthday party. Had he missed something?
"Oh! Captain! Just in time for the end of Lucas' 'un-birthday' party! Would you like a piece of cake?" Ellie asked.
Recognizing the reference to Alice in Wonderland he chuckled. "No, thank you though." His face grew serious. "It's time."
A hush fell over the small group, and Lucas looked up at him with panic in his eyes. "Can't it wait until tomorrow Captain? Just one more night," he said.
"I'm sorry Lucas, it can't wait any longer."
Lucas looked away angrily. Ellie stood up and took a deep breath. "Okay, let's do it."
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They were ushered into what looked like a conference room, with a long table in the center and a video screen set up at one end. The scientists, Dr. Fletcher, and Dr. Westphalen were already there.
Ellie stopped cold as she saw a gurney next to the screen, and a small machine next to it. Lucas followed her gaze and saw it too, and he put his hand protectively on her arm.
"Do I have to lay there?" she asked, timidly.
"Yes," Dr. Fletcher replied. "We have to attach you to the machine here, and sleep will be induced. Then we'll see what we need to."
Ellie backed into Lucas. "I don't know if I want to do this anymore," she said.
"You don't have to," Lucas said.
Ellie turned to look up at him. "No, I do have to. I need to do it for you, so you know."
"It'll be all right Ells, don't worry."
The whole group turned at the sound of a new voice. "Gavin," Ellie said softly.
"I told you I'd be here to help. Don't worry Ellie, everything will be fine."
Ellie nodded and walked to where Dr. Fletcher and the other scientists stood, only momentarily distracted by Gavin's presence. They were parapsychologists after all, and it certainly wasn't the first time any of them had seen a ghost. Ellie was helped onto the gurney, and pulled her ponytail out before lying down. Dr. Fletcher pulled her hair back so that it hung off the end of the gurney, as the others placed sensors on her temples and affixed a sort of helmet.
"Did you have fun with her Lucas?" Gavin asked.
Lucas didn't even turn to look at him. All he could see was Ellie being hooked up to a machine. What was he about to see? "Yes," he replied.
"She's wonderful isn't she? I really loved her, still do. I should have married her, taken her away from Lawrence, but I was stupid. But I wanted you to see this, to see her and know her, know how wonderful she was and that you did have parents who truly love you."
Lucas said nothing and just continued to stare ahead.
"We're ready," Dr. Fletcher said. "Dr. Westphalen, if you would please?" Kristen nodded and prepared to administer the sedative.
"Wait!" Lucas cried, running to the gurney. "Not yet!"
Ellie turned her head to look at him, as he ran up. Lucas grabbed her hand. "Thank you, for everything," he said. "I love you, and I'll miss you."
Ellie reached up with her free hand and touched his face. "I love you too Lucas," she said, before nodding to Kristen, who administered the drugs. As the drugs took effect, Ellie's hand fell away from Lucas' face. He caught it and held it as her eyes slowly closed. He hoped he'd always be able to remember them.
"She's under," Kristen said.
"Won't the sedative keep her from dreaming?" Sam asked.
"No, not the kind we used and not in the amount given," Kristen replied.
"Lucas," Bridger said. "Come sit down."
Lucas shook his head, he didn't want to sit. He didn't want to let go of her.
"Lucas," Kristen said, touching his arm. He looked at her as she gently worked Ellie's hand free from Lucas' grip. He turned slowly and went numbly to a seat. Gavin sat down next to him.
"Lucas," he said. "It will be okay, Ellie will be okay. This is the way you will know about her life, and the reasons you are the way you are." Lucas stared blankly ahead, seemingly hearing nothing.
"We're ready," Dr. Fletcher said as she flipped a switch on the machine hooked to Ellie.
The screen came alive with a picture of Ellie riding a horse. She couldn't have been more than 12.
"I'll explain all of this to you," Gavin said softly. "That was her horse, its name was Arwen. She loved the Lord of the Rings series. She didn't ride competitively or anything, she just rode for the sheer joy of doing it. That's the way she is, she does things because they make her happy. If she does something and you ask her why, she'll almost always say…"
"Because I can," Lucas whispered, finishing the thought.
"Yes," Gavin said.
The next picture that flashed to the screen was a picture of a graduation from what looked to be high school. She looked as if she were posing for pictures with her friends, all of them excited, making faces, tired of taking serious pictures. For the first time, Gavin appeared with her.
"This is pretty self explanatory," Gavin said. "She was so excited to be done with high school and on to bigger and better things…" he said, trailing off as a young Lawrence came into the picture. "Lawrence," he said. "He always wanted to date her but she was never interested in that."
The scene changed again, and they saw Ellie, sitting in a lecture hall, scribbling furiously as she attempted to take notes. Lucas sat quietly, enthralled with this but also fearing what was to come. The scene moved to a new graduation. Ellie held up her degree proudly, with Gavin standing next to her, also holding his. Lucas sat forward to see what their degrees were in. Ellie's in English Literature with a minor in psychology, Gavin's in Marine Biology and Oceanography, with a minor in legal studies. Lucas turned to look at Gavin, who was grinning.
"Yeah, you got the science from me, but you took it to a level I never would have even dreamed of."
The picture moved to a party, a barbeque, but this time, there was sound to it.
"Sean!" Ellie called out.
"What Elle Belle?" a man's voice called out, as he moved into view.
"Ah," Gavin interjected. "Sean. Sean is another good friend of ours, in the band that Ellie sometimes sang with. As you'll see, he was the last one there for her. Elle Belle was his nickname for her. Don't ask me why," he said with a chuckle.
"I want you to meet Lawrence," Ellie said as Lawrence came into view. Lucas gasped to see the man he'd known as his father at such a young age. He watched as Lawrence and Sean shook hands, seeing Gavin standing behind Lawrence, his glare unmistakable.
"You're right," Gavin said to Lucas. "I never liked him."
Suddenly there was a church full of people. The view was of someone looking down the aisle towards the doors, and as they swung open, Ellie stood there, dressed in a bridal gown. She looked so beautiful, though not as happy as Lucas had seen her. The view changed to be that of someone walking beside her. She was scanning the crowd for someone, and she locked eyes with Sean. He shook his head, and her face went blank and pale. The memory skipped to the reception, Ellie woodenly greeting people she obviously didn't know. She didn't look as radiantly happy as a bride was supposed to. That is, until Gavin entered the room. At the sight of him, her tension seemed to ease; she smiled and waved to him, making her way across the room to talk to him.
"She was looking for me, at the church. I didn't come because I couldn't stand to see her marry him, but I realized that in doing that I had abandoned her, and I couldn't do that, so I went to the reception."
"Ellie!" they heard Lawrence yell as her memory moved on.
Ellie walked into the room, looking a little flustered. "What Lawrence?"
"Don't you walk away from me when I'm talking to you!"
"But…"
"NO!! You do not walk away from me! I don't want you seeing them any more Ellie, any of them!"
"Lawrence, they're my friends, they were your friends too," Ellie said tearfully.
Lawrence grabbed her arm and pulled her into him, so close that their faces almost touched. "What did I say Eleanor…."
Ellie began to cry, shaking her head. "Stop it," she pleaded.
"I won't. Grow up Ellie. Realize that the time for singing and having fun is over! You're my wife, we come into contact with very important people. You need to become the part, are we clear?"
Lucas' hands balled into fists, so hard that what little bit of nail he had was dug into his palms.
Ellie sobbed silently as she tried to remove herself from Lawrence's grip. "Please let me go! I don't want this Lawrence! This isn't how it's supposed to be!"
"How is it supposed to be? Huh, Ellie? Why don't you clue me in?"
Finally having had enough, Ellie pulled back from. "Let me go Lawrence," she spat.
"Not until we agree!"
Suddenly, Ellie slapped Lawrence hard across the face, the blow hard enough to stun him into letting go of her. There was a collective gasp from all watching. Seeing her chance, she grabbed a set of keys and ran from the room, out of the front door. She jumped into a car, started it and threw it into gear as Lawrence came running out of the house.
"ELLIE!" he screamed. "You'll be sorry for this, do you hear me!!!"
Lucas' knuckles were white as he squeezed his hands together even harder and her memory once again shifted. She was knocking on a door, audibly crying as she waited for someone to answer. Gavin answered the door, and she threw herself into his arms, her whole body shaking with her sobs. Gavin pulled her inside and listened as she recounted the fight she'd just had with Lawrence. He did his best to calm her, reassure her.
"I'm sorry Ellie, this should never have happened, I should never have let it."
"What?" Ellie said, confused.
"I should never have let you marry him. You should have married me, I should have asked you."
Ellie stared at him in shock. "What are you saying Gavin?"
"I'm saying that I'm in love with you Ellie, I always have been I just never had the guts to say it and I wish now that I had. If I had you wouldn't be in this situation." He wiped her tears away, just as Lucas had done that first night in the med bay.
Ellie looked away, and Gavin pulled her face back to look at him, kissing her. The memory went no further, but it didn't need to, they were all distinctly aware of what had happened. It shifted to Ellie returning home, Lawrence waiting for her in the living room. He stood, walking up to her.
"I'm not even going to ask where you've been. I'm sorry I blew up at you, but you have to understand my position Ellie."
"I'm sorry Lawrence, but I don't," Ellie replied, shaking her head and walking up the stairs. Lawrence looked on after her.
Instantly, it was the next day. Ellie was coming down the stairs to answer the insistent ringing of the doorbell. She pulled the door open to discover Sean, very upset.
"Sean! What's wrong?"
"Ellie, its Gavin…"
Her face went blank. "Gavin….Sean, what happened?"
"He was in a car accident and…"
"Oh god, Sean, is he all right?"
"Ellie…he's dead."
Ellie grabbed the door frame to steady herself. "Sean, please tell me you're joking…you have to...tell me…NOW SEAN!"
"Ellie, I can't tell you that if it isn't true…"
Ellie screamed and collapsed against Sean. "No, Sean, he can't be….oh god!"
Lucas looked to Gavin, whose face was impassive. He'd already been a part of this, it couldn't hurt him anymore. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw both Sam and Kristen were in tears.
Ellie's memory shifted to Gavin's funeral. She stood, as pale and unmoving as a porcelain doll while the service was read. Sean stood by her side, Lawrence was nowhere to be seen. It shifted again quickly to Ellie in a bathroom, staring at a positive pregnancy test.
"Oh my god," she whispered.
"Ellie? What does it say?" Lawrence called through the door.
"Pos…positive," Ellie stammered, opening the door. Lucas expected to see Lawrence look happy, but he didn't. He looked smug, as if this was somehow proof that he was a great man.
"I'll find you a doctor," he said as he walked away, leaving Ellie in stunned silence as her memory once again moved on.
It was night now, and she was standing along a dark stretch of highway, looking out onto the ocean far below her. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she stepped up to the railing of a bridge that carried the highway across a canyon. She put her hands on the railing and looked down, closing her eyes quickly. Summoning her courage, she placed one foot upon the railing and climbed up. She stood there, the wind whipping her hair, trying to will herself to step off the edge.
Lucas grabbed the edge of the table, his breath coming in ragged gasps. "No," he whispered. "No, no, no, no…"
"ELLIE DON'T!!" Sean screamed.
She turned her head. "I have to do it Sean…"
"But what about the baby Ellie? Please, come down."
"That's why I have to do it…the baby…"
"I don't understand Ellie."
"It's not Lawrence's baby Sean…"
"Then who's…"
"Gavin…"
"Jesus Christ. Ellie…when?"
"The same night Sean…the night he died."
"Then come away from there for him Ellie. Don't do this. This is a gift, a piece of Gavin with you forever."
Ellie turned her head to look at him again, and then looked back to the vast open space before her. "Sean," she whispered. "Help me get down…"
Sean rushed to the bridge and took her hand. "Step backwards Elle, I've got you."
A different time now, though not long after the episode they'd just witnessed. Lawrence was walking out of the door to a waiting cab.
"I'll be reachable at any time Ellie. The doctor will take good care of you. Call me if you need anything."
"You're not going to be here for any of it," she said flatly.
"Women do this all the time. You'll be fine and I'll call to check in on you. I love you," he said, sliding into the cab and shutting the door, not even waiting to hear if she responded.
Ellie watched as he pulled away, her face betraying none of the emotions she might be feeling. She stood there for a while, not moving, until a car pulled into the driveway. It was Sean again.
"Elle, what're you doing out here?"
"Lawrence has gone; he won't be back for the birth. He's working on some project."
"You're kidding right? He seriously left you to do this on your own?"
Ellie nodded.
"Well, not anymore. I'll be here for you; I'll stand in for Lawrence."
Ellie looked at him. "You will?"
"Yep. Actually, no. I'll stand in for Gavin, the real father."
Ellie smiled gratefully as Sean put his arm around her shoulders. "Any idea what to name this kid?"
"I was thinking Lucas, if it was a boy."
"And if it is a girl?"
"I don't know, I haven't thought of any because I just feel like it is a boy already."
Sean laughed and Ellie's memory rolled on to a nightclub. She was onstage with Sean, the rest of a band, and two other girls. She was singing and the crowd was going crazy. She was dressed just as Lucas would have expected her to be; black leather pants, the black boots she'd been wearing when she first arrived on the SeaQuest, and a black, sequined midriff shirt. On her wrist was a bracelet made up of 6 rows of black beads.
"She was so good," Gavin said, finally speaking again. "They loved her," he explained as she belted out an alternative rock song.
As the song finished, the crowd cheered. Ellie looked to Sean and he stepped up to her, whispering in her ear. "Sing it for him Elle Belle, he'll hear you now."
Ellie nodded, and Sean began to play the opening notes of the song. Lucas recognized instantly that the song was about Lawrence. The chorus came, and as soon as he heard the words, "I don't want to grow up/I want out of this/take me away," he realized that it was also a plea to Gavin.
"If I would have heard it, I would have done it, I would have done what she asked," Gavin whispered, so low that only Lucas heard him.
The crowd cheered again as the song finished, and Ellie's memory moved on once again. Now came the moment that Lucas had dreaded all along: his own birth.
Sean was there, holding her hand, giving her encouragement, but the memory was so disjointed and fragmented. The sound of a baby crying reverberated through the room as they saw a baby, Lucas, put on Ellie's chest. She was crying, but her tears were happy ones.
"Look at him Sean! He's beautiful!"
"Wow…its a little Gavin. What's up little dude?" Sean said as the baby grabbed his finger.
"What do you want to name him," a nurse asked Ellie.
"Lucas," she replied. "Lucas Daniel…"
Her memory began to flicker and Gavin stood, walking to where Ellie lay sleeping, and touching her hand. The picture cleared again.
"Everything you see now are my memories," Gavin said.
Ellie was sleeping; baby Lucas in a bassinet next to her bed, Sean sleeping in a chair on the other side. The doctor, the one Lawrence had picked out for her, entered the room quietly. He pulled a vial and syringe out of his coat, the label was clear: Morphine.
Filling the syringe to its full capacity, he stepped up to the bed, taking hold of the tubing to Ellie's IV, and pumping the full syringe of morphine in.
"Oh my god," Kristen said. "Oh no…"
The doctor stood there by the bed for a moment, watching Ellie as her breathing slowed and then stopped. He took her wrist to feel for a pulse, and finding none, took his stethoscope to listen for a heart beat. Satisfied that his job was done when he heard nothing, he silently left the room.
Lucas was shaking with rage. "He…he…he killed her. I thought that maybe she died in childbirth, but he killed her. Lawrence killed her, because he knew…oh god…"
Gavin's memory moved to Ellie's funeral. Cynthia was there, Lucas in her arms. Lawrence was standing up, speaking about what a wonderful wife Ellie had been, how much he had loved her and would miss her, but how, before her death she had given him the greatest gift she could; a son.
Lucas stood and walked toward the screen, still trembling with rage and pain. He trailed his fingers along the table, and then suddenly reaching across, he grabbed a glass from the table. Screaming in his rage, he hurled the glass at the screen, sending pieces of glass flying across the room as it shattered.
"Lucas!" Bridger yelled.
But Lucas heard nothing. Still screaming, he grabbed another glass and threw it as hard as he could at the figure of Lawrence on the screen.
"Kristen, help him!" Bridger yelled to her.
Kristen grabbed a strong sedative out of her bag as Bridger grabbed hold of Lucas. Lucas was still screaming but it was coming out in a stream of obscenities directed at Lawrence. He had grabbed another glass and as Bridger grabbed him, Lucas squeezed it so hard it shattered in his hand, cutting him deeply, but he didn't feel it. Kristen injected the sedative into Lucas and as he sank down he looked to the gurney where Ellie had been, but she was no longer there.
She was gone.
