His head was throbbing as he began to surface from the drug-induced sleep he'd been in. He moaned from the pain of it, wishing he could crawl back under that dark blanket and get away. He could feel that they'd restrained him; he didn't blame them, and as he remembered why he was so drugged up and restrained he thought it would be a good idea if he stayed this way for a little while.

The anger that was bubbling back to the surface brought the adrenaline that would speed his recovery from the drug fog. He was vaguely aware that his hand hurt but he didn't care. Eyes still closed, he remembered it all: Ellie, her murder, Lawrence's grand show of hypocrisy at her funeral, the sight of the empty gurney as the drugs had taken hold of him. Hot tears slid from underneath his closed eyelids. She was gone, really gone, and he would never see her again. Never again would he feel the comfort that had swept over him whenever she'd touched him, talked to him, smiled at him. The reality of all that he had lost washed over him along with intense hatred for the person who had taken it from him.

"Lucas," the familiar voice of Dr. Westphalen called out. "Lucas, wake up."

He opened his eyes to see Kristen standing over him, but said nothing to her.

"It's almost time for us to leave now. I want to take the restraints off but I need your word that you'll stay calm."

Lucas couldn't find the strength to answer her. He didn't want to speak. He nodded once, weakly, before silently turning his face away from her and closing his eyes once again.

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Captain Bridger and Sam busied themselves with preparing the launch for the return to the SeaQuest. No one had talked much since the night of Ellie's departure almost 2 days ago. No words could adequately describe all that they had been witness to, and no one even wanted to discuss Lucas' complete meltdown.

He'd been in Chatton's infirmary, under guard and under restraint. Kristen had tried to let him wake up twice, but each time he'd become combative before he'd even really woken up and she'd had no choice but to put him back under. The cuts to his hand had been tended to, one on his palm requiring stitches.

They had to get back, and Kristen had decided to try and wake him one more time. If he was still combative, she'd put him under again and they'd take him back to the ship that way.

Sam was worried about him; she'd never seen him completely lose it that way and didn't know if he'd ever actually done it before now. She wondered if he would be okay and be able to get back to the Lucas she knew so well.

"Captain Bridger!" Dr. Fletcher called out.

"Hello Laura, come to see us off?"

"Yes, in a way," she said. "I wanted to give you this," she said, handing him a mini disk. "We recorded it, all of the memories that came out. I thought that once Lucas healed, he might want to have it."

Bridger stared down at the small disk in his hand. So much pain condensed into something so small. "Thank you Laura, I'll be sure that he gets it."

She nodded. "Have a safe return trip and don't hesitate to contact me if you need anything," she said, walking away.

Sam looked at him and then at the disk. "Throw it in the water. Destroy it."

"Sam…"

"Why would you give it to him? Why would he want it? So that he can re-live it all over again, so he can watch her die every day if he wants to?"

"No, because even though there are horrible things here, there are happy moments too, and it's those that I think he'll want," he explained, but Sam was no longer listening. She was watching Lucas, walking toward them, helped by Kristen.

He walked slowly, his face pale, his right hand bandaged. As they reached the launch, Sam noticed that there was no expression on his face, no life in his eyes. It was as if he wasn't there and didn't want to be.

"Lucas," Bridger said. "It's good to see you up."

Lucas turned dim, blank eyes to Bridger as if to register that he had heard him, but then he looked away again, staring straight in front of him and saying nothing. Sam didn't speak; she knew it would do no good.

Bridger sighed, slipping the small disk into his pocket. Kristen shot him a look of concern, telling him that Lucas had been like this ever since waking up. If he wasn't going to be combative, he'd just be a zombie.

Kristen moved him forward toward a seat on the launch, but Lucas stopped cold. Staring at the seats that he and Ellie had occupied just days before, he opened his mouth as if he would say something, but closed it and looked away quickly. He shook himself free of Kristen's hand and, using the wall for balance, moved into the back of the launch where a gurney sat in case they had to transport any injured crew. He climbed onto it, his back to them, and lay down, pulling his knees to his chest. He covered his head with his arms, and then was still.

All three looked at him sadly, not sure what they could do but all individually deciding that leaving him be was the best course of action. Sam sat down and buckled herself in, not sure if she wanted to cry or pull him off the gurney and rage at him. The other two took their seats, and they were on their way.

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Ben, Tim and Miguel gathered at the top of the launch bay. They had no idea what had happened, only that the return had been delayed. They'd heard the call in that the launch was ready to dock, and had gone to meet the group. They all had a feeling that something had gone very wrong, but none of them could put a finger on it, and none of them wanted to speculate.

As the launch docked, the tension was palpable. Sam was the first up and Tim looked to her for some sort of signal as to what was going on. She looked at them all, and shook her head, indicating that Ellie had not returned with them. All three frowned, and looked to Lucas as he came up the ladder, slowly.

"Luc..." Ben started, stopping when he caught sight of his friend.

Lucas looked at him with the same blank gaze he'd given the Captain earlier. He stepped onto the deck and surveyed his three friends quietly before turning away and walking silently toward his quarters.

"Whoa," Ben said. "What in the hell happened out there?"

"Meet me in the mess in 20 minutes," Sam said. She felt the need to explain this so that they would leave Lucas to his grief instead of trying to cheer him. "I'll explain everything."

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"Oh man," Ben said, sitting back when Sam had finished explaining all that had gone on. "I can't say I blame him for going berserk when he found out what had happened to her."

"But now he's completely shut down Ben," Sam said. "That isn't healthy either."

"What do you expect? His mom was murdered, most likely because Lawrence paid off that doctor to do it when he found out that Lucas was not his son," Miguel said.

"I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this," Sam said. "All I can say is just leave him alone."

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Lucas threw his bag into a corner and crawled onto his bunk. All he wanted to do was sleep. If he slept, none of this was real, it all went away. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't his life just be normal?

He heard a tap on the glass and opened his eyes to see Darwin there. He stared at him for a moment, remembering the story Sam had recounted to him about how delighted Ellie had been with Darwin and the vocorder.

Ellie. A crushing pain enveloped his chest like someone was squeezing all the life out of him. He pushed his blanket against the glass, blocking Darwin out and causing the room to go completely dark.

He wasn't sure how many days went by as he just lay there, refusing to move. He didn't want to eat, didn't want to work, didn't want to think, and especially didn't want to talk. People knocked on his door, imploring him to come out and at least walk around or eat. He just ignored them. Maybe he would die. Maybe he would stay here until he starved to death. Then it would be gone forever, he thought, as he slipped back into the sleep of depression.

"Lucas," he heard someone whisper through his sleep.

Annoyed that someone had come into his quarters, he replied, "Go away."

"Come on Lucas, stop this."

"Go away," he repeated, starting to get angry.

"Lucas," the voice said again, this time giving him a gentle shake.

Infuriated, his eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly. "GO AWAY!" he screamed.

"Okay, I will if you want me to. But you keep saying that you want me to come back. You ought to make up your mind you know," Ellie said with a smirk, turning on the desk lamp.

Lucas' jaw nearly hit the floor. "Am I hallucinating?"

Ellie giggled. "No. I don't think so." She stood there, as beautiful as ever, dressed in the same clothes she'd arrived in, except that this time, she was wearing the black beaded bracelet that Lucas remembered from the nightclub.

"But you were gone, I saw the empty bed."

"Oh, I'm still gone," she replied. "I'm not here in the same physical sense that I was, but I can be just as solid as Gavin was when he came here. I saw you Lucas, I saw what happened. I'm so sorry that you were hurt."

Lucas' jaw trembled as he stared at her, emotion coming back to him for the first time since his return. He reached out to her, much as she had done that first night. Knowing what he wanted, she clasped his hand. Lucas breathed in sharply at her touch, as warm and solid as his own.

"I told you Lucas, didn't I? That no matter what happened I would always be with you?"

Tears slid silently down his cheeks, he didn't know what to say and even if he had he didn't think he could have spoken, so he just nodded his assent.

"Sweetheart, please don't be sad. I'm okay, really. I didn't suffer, I didn't even know."

"Will you…will you be gone for good now?"

"Not unless you want me to be."

"No!" Lucas cried quickly. "Don't go, don't leave."

Ellie smiled at him. "You have to live your life Lucas, but you won't ever be alone, not ever again. You can't shut everyone out like you're doing. Nothing will change even if you sleep the rest of your life away. The truth will always be the same, it will always be there."

He knew that what she said was true; he'd known it all along but had held out hope that perhaps it might be different for him.

Ellie laughed. "Silly boy, life's truths don't change for anyone." She turned her head toward the door. "Sam is coming, she has something for you. Promise me that you'll be civil."

"I promise."

"Good," she said, vanishing.

Seconds later, a knock sounded on his door. "Come in," he said.

Sam, standing outside of the door and not expecting any answer, gasped in shock. She took a deep breath as she opened the door and stepped inside. He looked terrible. He was pale and drawn, dark circles under his eyes as if he hadn't been sleeping when in fact that was all he'd been doing.

"Hi Sam," he said.

"It's about damn time," Sam snapped.

Lucas raised an eyebrow. "What's going on," he asked, his eyes falling upon the package she held in her hands.

"I have this for you. Ellie wanted me to give it to you. She gave it all to me before we left for the session," she explained, holding it out to him. Lucas reached out and took it from her slowly.

"I'll leave you to it," she said, turning to leave.

"No," he whispered. "Stay Sam, please?"

She nodded and sat in the chair at his desk as he opened the envelope. Turning it over, a letter and a mini disk fell into his lap. He picked up the letter and unfolded it. He began to read.

Dearest Lucas,

I know that things are going to get very hard for you in these coming days, and I want you to know that if I could possibly change any of it, I would. I don't know what is going to happen and I am just as afraid as I'm sure you are. I understand that your flashes of anger and frustration aren't personal, and I want you to know that I don't take them that way. You aren't sure how to deal with all of this and you just naturally react with your defense mechanism.

I want you to know, in case I don't get to tell you, how much I really love you. You are everything I could have possibly hoped for you to be and more. I wish that I could have been there to hear your first words and witness your first steps, to see you graduate (both times!), wish I could have been there the first time you tested the vocorder and it worked. I wanted to share all of it, but because of circumstances beyond the control of both of us, it won't happen. But I promised you that I would always be there now, no matter what, and I mean to keep that promise Lucas. I will be there to see everything in your life (well, almost everything), and even if you can't see me, I hope that you'll remember that I'm there.

In this package there is a disk. The night before we left for Chatton, Sam helped me record the lullaby I wrote for you. I never got to sing it to you, and so I thought you should have it now.

I love you Lucas. Chin up, and to quote a movie that I really liked, remember, "It can't rain all the time."

Love,

Ellie James-Wolenczak

P.S. - Tell Ben for me to stop being such a sore loser.

Lucas looked up at Sam over the top of the letter, tears standing in his eyes. "You helped her make this," he said, holding the disk up.

Sam nodded, not speaking lest her voice betray her feelings after watching Lucas read the letter from this mother.

"Thank you," he said, standing up. "Thank you for helping her and for giving this to me."

"You're welcome Lucas. I felt that it was the least I could do."

He shocked her when he put his arms around her and hugged her. "I'm hungry."

Sam started to laugh. "Ah, Lucas, there you are. I was starting to wonder when you'd show up."