She heard the fumbling of whatever hapless medic had been sent to retrieve her in the background. "Um...miss?"
Katrina smirked. The dumbfounded crew of this Telosian medical center didn't know what to make of a rumored dark Lord-turned Jedi, and less of what to call her.
"Dustil Onasi's here."
She nodded.
Dustil had been tracked down, working odd jobs around the planet. This made her both surprised and unimpressed- Some part of her had an image of Dustil helping to rebuild the war-torn planet, doing noble, helpful deeds. The other part of her knew that this image was his father, not him.
She rose from her seat near Carth. Near him, but not too close. If she saw him too much like this, in this frail and fragile state, she was afraid of forgetting was he was like altogether.
There is no fear, there is no inexperience, there is no unreadiness.
Dustil stood waiting in the next room. She caught his momentary glance behind her, straining to see in between the doors before they creaked shut.
She didn't mind keeping him from Carth at the moment. He would see more than he probably wanted to soon enough.
He didn't look any less angry or upset than he had the last time she saw him. Hopefully that anger was now that his father's life was in danger, rather than the anger at him being alive at all.
At least he's not in his Sith uniform anymore, she reasoned.
They regarded each other for a moment.
Say something. Say anything, don't just stand there.
Why had this been so much easier through the computer? She had explained Carth's condition, Dustil had agreed to come. He was not a different person than the one she had spoken to through the communicator.
Why did these feelings of inadequacy strike now and not then?
"I-"
"You-"
Both began and both stopped to concede to the other, and Katrina sighed impatiently.
"He's glad you're here." Immediately she regretted how stupid and clichéd her words were.
"How do you know?" She knew he didn't mean for her to take it the way she did, that he didn't mean to sound rude and condescending, shutting her out of a circle that no longer really existed. But the words still stung.
"He was coming back to see you." She didn't mean for it to sound as though it was his fault, as though he had failed his father, but she could see it had been taken that way.
The silence was horribly uncomfortable, and she watched Dustil pace around a bit, noting the way his hair didn't fall into his eyes constantly, straight and stubborn.
"I don't know how things really are between you two." She pretended it was Carth she was speaking to, and it became a little easier. "Carth always told me it was better but you'd know more about that than me."
"Better. Not perfect, but better." Dustil's words were unfathomable, even to a Jedi like her, and she tried vainly to find the hidden meaning in them before giving up and continuing.
"You came, so they must be better than-" She stopped herself from saying 'before', or 'Korriban', or 'when you were part of the Sith'. "Well...in any case, I need to ask you to do something for me."
Dustil looked at her like she was a beggar pleading for credits.
"You did help get me out of..." he trailed off. Language apparently failed him as well. "I guess I owe you one too."
It wasn't the answer she wanted, but owing her something was better than outright refusal.
"The Jedi Council has advised me to find whoever planned this attack- "
"Sound advice." She tried not to think of the words 'smart-aleck' or 'brat'.
"Another Jedi, Bastila, will be accompanying me. I don't know how long it will take or how far it will be. We're hoping to start on Telos since we were pretty close to it when the attack hit. Maybe it'll yield something." He was watching her expectantly, almost impatiently, waiting for the part that involved him. She didn't like the feeling.
"I need you to stay here."
Dustil inhaled sharply. Immediately she was afraid of what she had asked, what kinds of unknown meanings that could have between father and son, what kinds of memories the request could hold.
She realized, with a finality and a completeness that she hadn't before, just how little she knew of Carth's life before her.
There is no ignorance...
Dustil still said nothing. He walked past her and into the room she had just left, the room with Carth.
He held his hands behind his back, like Carth was an exhibit in a museum. His face went through too many emotions, as if it couldn't decide what the right one was and was instead testing each one out thoroughly.
His reticence only lasted a few moments, however.
"So let me see if I've got this," he began slowly, unbelievably. "You want me to sit here and watch my father die?" The words slithered out until the final four broke violently from his lips.
"No, I want you to stay here and watch him recover." It was a fool's hope; but it was her hope. Dustil glared at her.
"I spent my life watching him leave me. I'm not going to voluntarily subject myself to it again." His logic was so complete, and for a moment she didn't know how to counter it.
"I can't stay with him," It seemed to hurt all the more when she admitted it herself. "And I'm not going to leave him alone."
"He'll never know."
Her eyes narrowed. "But we will."
"And why aren't you going to stay? Isn't this a bit more important than whatever mystical quest you Jedi have to do? You supposedly love him." Words seemed to take on a new meaning when Dustil Onasi said them.
He sneered 'Jedi' as if it tasted bad. And 'Love' made her feel as though she were Carth's personal plaything rather than having actual feelings for him.
"You supposedly love him too," she replied with a small voice, as small as he had made her feel. Dustil wasn't Carth but, like Carth, he could see when he had been beaten. He was silent.
If he questioned her again, she knew she wouldn't be able to go. She would defy the Council, she would crawl further inside herself and never leave his side.
She needed to find the attacker. And this was not only necessary as a command of the Council, but if Carth was to live; indeed, to live with her- she had to go.
Carth will understand. And his son would have to too.