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Michelle stared at the clock on the bedside table, it was past 6am. Just below the numbers was Tony. He was on his side so that his back was facing her and she had spent the better part of the last hour watching his body slowly rise and fall. She let the events of the night consume her every thought. They had fooled around for a little while before Tony wrapped her up tightly in his arms telling her to get some sleep. They hadn't slept together, he was continuing to be a perfect gentleman. The heat between the two of them was so incredible it took everything they both had for things not to go to the next level. Michelle wished there was a way she could let Tony know how much she truly trusted him, how safe he made her feel and how much she needed to be as close to him as possible. It was like he didn't think he had proved himself enough to her to think she would want to give herself to him.
Michelle couldn't get the look in Tony's eyes at the bar out of her head. When they had been standing near the smoke machine and she was begging him to tell her what to do she had she had seen a look in his eyes she hadn't seen before. Thinking back on it now she thought it was a look of conflict, of Tony, completely torn. She hadn't seen it before because Tony always had a clear picture in his mind of what he thought should or needed to happen. He was good a appearing to be one step ahead of the game always, whether he was or not. Tonight though, it was like he was caught off guard and she had witnessed him struggle to be the agent he thought he had to be.
His breathing changed, Michelle could tell because all of a sudden his back was rising and falling at double the pace it had been before.
"Tony…….are you awake?"
Nothing. His body remained in the same position but his back barely moved, almost as though he was holding his breath. Michelle slid a little closer to him and ran her hand gently down his back, she was shocked when he flinched out of her touch. "Tony, are you ok?"
"I'm fine."
His whispered words sounded broken. Michelle lifted herself up onto her elbow, wrapped her hand around his waist and leaned over him enough to see his cheek. She was shocked to see it tear stained. "Hey….what's wrong Tony?"
"Nothing. You should be asleep Michelle." His voice was strained and he kept his focus on something across the room, he didn't even blink.
Michelle tried to pull on his shoulder so he would lie on his back but he didn't let her, instead he pulled himself out of her grip and got out of bed. Michelle was so confused. "Have I done something? What's wrong?"
Tony rubbed his eyes and then the rest of his face. "You haven't done a thing. Please Chelle, just go back to sleep."
"I don't want to sleep, I want to know what you are thinking."
He sighed, started to speak and then stalled. Michelle waited a moment to see if he would start again but instead he shook his head and began to make his way to the bathroom.
"Tony…"
He spun around and looked directly at her. New tears made their way out of his swollen eyes down his cheeks. She was shocked, she had never seen him cry before. She jumped out of the bed to make her way to him but he put his arms out.
"No don't. Don't…..just stay there."
Michelle didn't move, they stood only a few feet apart with their eyes locked. "Tony please…..tell me what's wrong. I'm worried about you, what can I do?"
He snapped back at her. "You can just let me be Michelle. Just go back to bed and leave me alone." He roughly pulled on his left cheek. "Please…..I'm fine." He stepped into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.
Michelle sat on the bed, she felt numb. Some would say Tony was a calm man, some would call him moody, and others never got close enough to know. Michelle had fronted his temper on a few occasions now and had seen enough to know the only times he couldn't control it was when he was deeply hurting or frightened.
Tony splashed his face with water. He felt like a prick. He didn't mean to jump down her throat, it had just happened. He needed her so much but he just didn't know how to ask her, how to tell her. Tony rarely ever broke down, he even felt it difficult to cry after Nina. He had learnt far too well how to keep everything inside and only offer people what he had too but after everything that had happened lately it was beginning to feel too hard. He cursed himself for becoming weak when he was meant to be strong for Michelle. He was suppose to be looking after her, making sure she knew he was her rock but how could he be that if he couldn't even keep himself together.
He had never felt like this before. In a way he had never been more confused, on the other hand nothing had ever been clearer. He couldn't work out why it was so easy for him to push and expect Michelle to open up and lean on him yet he was so frightened to offer her the same. How could he let her in and allow her to see how insecure and scared he really was? How could he expect her to stick around if she saw this side to him that he had done such a good job so far of hiding? He wanted things to work out with Michelle more than he had ever wanted anything but the more he realized that, the more he wondered if he could be enough for her.
There was a knock on the door. Tony looked at himself in the mirror and was horrified with what he saw. His eyes were red and swollen, his cheeks were pale and wet with tears and his hair was flat on one side and sticking straight up on top. He couldn't bare to have her see him like this, surely that would be enough to make her run a mile? He was so busy cursing himself that he hadn't even answered her. Slowly the door opened and Michelle appeared, they studied one another for a moment before Tony finally found his voice.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, can I come in?"
He could see the worry in her eyes. He wanted her to hug him, hold him, and let him know everything would always be ok. He nodded his head. "Did I wake you up?"
"No, not at all. I hate seeing you like this Tony."
Tony dropped his head in an attempt to hide his face so she didn't have to look at him like that anymore. "I didn't want you to Chelle. You don't have to – just go back to bed."
"You wouldn't go back to bed if this were reversed. I'm here for you Tony….talk to me."
"Can I ask you something Chelle?"
Michelle took a step closer and nodded her head. "Anything, ask me anything."
"Do you think anyone knows the 'real' you?"
"Well I think you are the closet to knowing the real me. Most of my friends know me as much as possible but there is always a block up because of work. What about you?"
Tony leaned his back against the wall. "The same really. The longer I am at CTU the less anyone seems to know the real me. People think they know who I am but they don't really."
"What don't you think people know about you Tony?"
"Well people only really know what you let them see about you right?"
"To an extent Tony but there is a lot you can pick up about someone without them having to say anything at all. I want to know the 'real' you."
Tony bit his lower lip. His head felt so full it was hard to think before he spoke. "You could have anyone, you know that don't you Chelle? There isn't a guy in the office who doesn't think you're amazing…."
Michelle cut him off. "Why are you saying that Tony?"
"Because it's true. I'm surprised you are not already married." There was silence for a moment as Michelle tried to make sense of where he was coming from and Tony got even more frustrated with himself for opening his mouth yet he couldn't stop. "Why haven't your other relationships worked out?"
"They didn't work Tony because they were not the right guy for me. I could say the same about you….why haven't yours worked out?"
Tony didn't like the table being turned back onto him. He didn't mean to sound so sarcastic as he spoke. "Aahh lets see….probably because no one has ever wanted to ever really get to know me. As long as I play the 'good boyfriend' role, that's all they care about."
"The good boyfriend role??"
A new tear fell down his cheek, he caught it and then roughly rubbed both his eyes in an attempt to stop anymore. "Yeah, you know…..someone to take them out – fill their time, sex when they want it, so…." He stopped himself. He hadn't meant to say the last part. The last thing he wanted was Michelle to think he had slept with a pile of women – he didn't even want her thinking about him and another woman.
"Surely there was more to them all then just sex and someone to fill the time Tony. I can't imagine you sleeping with someone and it meaning nothing to you…"
Tony stared at his feet. This was not how he wanted this to go. He knew he should have just told her to leave him alone – he knew he'd stuff everything up if he tried to talk when he felt like this. If he was worried about how she thought of him before, he could only imagine what she was thinking now. "That all came out wrong, that's not the sort of person I am…..oh God, can we just pretend that conversation didn't take place?"
Michelle had a million questions to ask now. She didn't want to stop - he had confused her so much. He was all over the place, Michelle couldn't work out exactly what was wrong – she started to wonder if he was trying to drop her a hint that what was happening between them was more of a fling or something. "Are you trying to tell me something here Tony?"
"Uummm yeah, sorry I know I'm not making any sense. I guess if you know a bit about my other relationships it's easier to understand where I am coming from."
Tony didn't realize how what he had said had come across to Michelle and he had just made it ten times worse. She felt like she had just been kicked in the stomach – just an hour ago she thought she had finally fallen into the most perfect relationship, now it seemed like he had pulled the floor out from underneath her. She was angry with him and it was more than clear in her tone of voice. "I'm not sure what impression I've been giving off but obviously it was the wrong one. I haven't been looking at this as someone to spend my Friday nights with and keep me sexually satisfied. I actually thought it was going to be a hell of a lot more than just 'sex' when we were together Tony."
Tony repeated her words over and over in his head. Finally it clicked, he couldn't believe he had been so stupid to not realize how what he been saying actually sounded like. His stomach flipped and all his muscles tensed. "No Chelle….oh my God that's not what I meant at all. Fuck, please don't think that…"
"I don't know what to think Tony. Everything was great an hour ago and then suddenly you crack it at me, start telling me how I could be with anyone else and then top it off by letting me know that all your other relationships are about sex and little else."
Silence filled the room. He was devastated at the damage he had caused. Michelle took a step back. "Maybe I should just go…"
Tony's body came alive, he leapt over to her taking her hand in his and using his other to close the bathroom door. "No, you can't go. I know how bad all that sounded but it is not what I was trying to say. Let me try again…please?"
Michelle couldn't walk out on him. Just looking at his distraught face broke her heart. She nodded her head and he released her arm. He had been holding her so tight that when he let go there were white finger marks. She jumped up and sat on the counter, he leaned against it next to her. She wished she could wipe away his tears.
"I've made such a big deal about you opening up to me, it's made me realize how bad I am at it myself. It's never mattered before because I've never been with anyone I've cared enough about to want to open up to. Now with you, I want all that. I've said that to you Chelle….I want us to be able to lean on each other no matter what but it's a lot harder than I thought it would be."
"I thought you had been opening up to me Tony….I thought we have been getting closer and closer."
He put his hand on her thigh. "We have….we have." Tony felt light headed, he was panicking. After another minute of silence he finally blurted out exactly what he had been thinking. "I'm freaking out Chelle. I want to be a rock for you but you won't want me to be if you know how scared I am myself. I don't want to lose you but I just don't know if I can be the guy you need me to be. I hate work getting to me but I just can't seem to block it out. It physically hurts when I think about the other day….how close I was to losing you, how many people we did lose. It was impossible for me to be a good agent last night because when it came down to it the only thing I cared about was you. What if something happened to you Chelle? I don't want a meaningless relationship with you – I don't know how to make you see how deeply I care for you. It could never be 'just sex' to me with you Michelle…" He looked her in the eye and lowered his voice, "I could only ever make love to you."
Michelle started to cry herself. She had just fallen even deeper in love with him. "What have I done Tony that makes you think that that is how I think? What kind of guy is it you think I want?"
"Please don't cry, I'm so sorry I've made you cry Chelle." He wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. His chin was quivering and each word was choked with tears. Michelle wiped his cheeks but decided to let his tears flow and instead opted to stroke his hair just above his ears. "I can't help it Tony….don't be sorry."
"It's nothing you've done Michelle, I just know what you deserve. I never wanted you to see me like this, you shouldn't have to – I'm supposed to be strong all the time to look after you. I'm sure you want someone who isn't going to let their emotions cloud their judgment like I did at the bar tonight. Someone who doesn't snap at you, someone who knows all the right things to say to make you feel better…."
"Stop there Tony – I can't believe all this. I had no idea you felt this way. Honey, none of that has ever even entered my mind. You are everything I need Tony, everything. You are the strongest person I know and you have always been there for me. You know what?"
"What?"
"I'd be worried if nothing ever got to you. If what happened the other day didn't scare you, freak you out, bring you to tears – then that would bother me. You are a sensitive guy Tony and I love that. I love that you still haven't been desensitized by this job. You should be able to cry on my shoulder just as much as I do with you. I'd never in a million years expect you to be void of emotion just for my sake."
Tony was lost in her eyes, he was holding her so tightly around the waist. For a moment he thought he hadn't forgotten how to talk. "Really…"
"Really. You do know the right things to say Tony and what's even better is when you hold me it seems to make everything seem ok. With you, I don't need words all the time – I need your arms around me, your body pressed against mine….and your little cheeky grin."
Tony smiled and Michelle traced it with her thumb. "You are allowed to snap at me Tony, I'm sure I'll do plenty of it myself. I actually think you look damn sexy when you are all pissed off. The bottom line is Tony, all of these things make up who you are and that is everything and more than I could ever want."
Tony pulled her into the tightest hug. She wrapped her arms around his neck. He ended up picking her up off the counter so that she could stand and their entire bodies could be pressed as closely as possible together. They brought their heads back enough to lean their foreheads together and stare deeply into each others eyes. "I love you Michelle Dessler."
His words brought a fresh batch of tears and a loud sob from Michelle. Her entire body went limp and he had to hold her up. "I love you. I love you so much Tony Almeida."
He opened his mouth, pressed his lips against hers and pushed his tongue across. It was the most intense kiss either had ever experienced. They both groaned loudly and as the seconds past they kissed each other harder and harder. Tony could taste her salty tears and he left her mouth for a moment to use his tongue to collect the rest of them off her cheeks. Michelle returned the gesture before finally breaking the kiss.
"I can feel how tight and tense all your muscles are Tony, do you feel any better?"
"So much better Chelle. It's just been a long couple days and my body feels pretty uptight."
Michelle looked around to the bath on the other side of the room. "Do you bath much?"
Tony chuckled, "I've never had one in my entire life. I've slept in one once when I passed out but that was as close as I got."
"Come on then, time for your first one – it will make you feel so much better."
"I don't know…I don't think men are allowed to take baths Chelle."
She laughed, pressed her lower body into his firmly and swayed her hips from side to side. He let out a moan. "What if I was to join you?"
"You naked and wet….I think I'd love a bath! Do I get to wash you?"
"Definitely…..I'll have to give you a full body wash as well."
Michelle sent Tony to find them a couple candles whist she got the water running and pulled them out some towels. Tony came back with a pile of little tea lights and happily watched Michelle go about setting everything up.
"Tony, how did all that come up before? Did you have a nightmare or something about work?"
"No not really. I just kept picturing the explosion, and what those first few moments were like when I was scanning the room to see who had been killed or injured. From there I started going over the whole day and then to the bar last night….before I knew it my mind was racing about everything."
"Did you think we were going to make it through that day?"
Tony started helping her light the candles. "I did, but I really thought for awhile there that we would end up in prison for what we did to Chappelle. I was so guilt ridden for having you in there with me."
"Tony you know I stand by my actions, you never made me do anything. I too thought life as we knew it was going to be over for a very long time. That was one of the most frightening times of my life. I was picturing myself lying on a bunk bed in a cell…"
"I had visions like that too. I was also imagining what it would feel like when my family found out." He ran his hand gently across her back. "You'll never understand how much your words in there changed my life. When you said you wouldn't let me lie for you I was completely blown away. Thank you for taking my hand Michelle, you stopped me from completely losing it."
"Thank you for holding it back. I think that time is something neither of us will ever forget for so many reasons for the rest of our lives."
Tony nodded. He looked at the bath which was now full and then switched off the taps before pulling Michelle back into him. "So is this the part where you get naked for me?"
Michelle smiled shyly. "Yes sir, you are going to need to show a little more skin too."
They stripped and climbed in. It was a little squished but that almost made it better. Michelle sat with her back to his front in between his legs. Tony wasted no time in grabbing a bar of soap to start washing her. 10 minutes later he hadn't moved past her chest.
Michelle turned her head and looked at him and smiled. He flashed his cheeky grin. "I'm just making sure they are really clean!"
"I appreciate that."
"Here…lie back honey." He gently pulled her so that she was lying completely back on his chest. His body began to throb he was so turned on. Having her stretched out naked, where he could see everything was driving him crazy. He nibbled on her ear, kept one hand firmly massaging her breast and then trailed his other hand down in between her thighs. She took a huge breath. "Tony…"
"Does this feel good sweetheart?"
Michelle could barely speak. Each word was accompanied by a deep breath. "You have no idea."
He continued licking and nibbling on her neck and ear. He spoke in a soft husky whisper. "Harder, softer, faster, slower? Guide me Chelle…"
He took one of her hands and moved it so it was covering his. Michelle could feel how turned on he was and so she pushed her body down as much as she could into his. He grunted a few times in a row. When Michelle asked him to go faster he just about lost it, he sucked so hard on her neck he left a trail of hickeys.
He made her climax and they both took a few moments to calm down. Tony just couldn't stop kissing her. "I love your shoulders, your neck, ears, face….everything Chelle, you are just so perfect. Everyday since we met I've tried to picture what you would be like…"
"Really?"
"Oh my God Chelle. When you would wear that black low cut top with the buttons on the side, I'd spend the entire day thinking of different ways I could get you to bend down a little in front of me or I'd make excuses to come stand at your station whilst you were sitting…"
Michelle laughed. "You are such a perve!!"
"I couldn't help myself."
"I can't really talk, I think everyday I'd wonder what you were going to wear to work. I use to hope you would leave the top 3 buttons undone, if you only left the top 2, I'd be disappointed." The both laughed.
"Chelle did you think we would ever end up together?"
"It changed almost daily. I mean how many times would we stand so close and just look at each other for a few moments before parting ways or we would catch each stealing looks – at those times I thought something would happen. Other times when things were so full on or stressful I'd wonder how it could ever work. Plus the more time that passed the less sure I became about how you felt. Honestly when I heard about what happened with Nina I didn't think I really had a chance. What about you?"
"I knew there was something between us your first day when I was showing you around. Nina hung over my head for as long as it took for me to get to know you – once I did, all that disappeared. I just never thought you would go for me. I'd hear other guys talk about how beautiful you are and I figured with competition I never had a chance."
"Which guys?"
Tony actually felt a little anxious. "I don't think I want to tell you…"
Michelle turned her body around so she was facing him. "Beautiful, I kid you not, I have not looked at one other guy since the day you interviewed me. I haven't kissed another guy, gone on a date, checked out…..nothing. You were and are the only one for me. You are just the most handsome, sexy man I've ever laid eyes on."
Tony's smile couldn't possibly be bigger and his eyes absolutely gleamed. His ego had never been stroked like that before. For the first time in a long time he felt truly content and happy within himself. "You're amazing Michelle. I can't believe you said that – I seriously feel like the luckiest guy in the word. Ditto for me baby – I haven't looked sideways." He put his arm behind her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. Afterwards she rested her forehead on his.
"I want to make love to you Michelle. I want to be as close to you as possible, I want to be inside you."
Michelle's heart began to race, she was trying to speak, but he got in first. "I don't want to rush you, I'll wait forever for you…"
She shook her head and kissed him gently on the lips. "I need to be that close to you. My heart is racing….are you nervous Tony?"
He kissed her back. "Yup, like you wouldn't believe but I'm so excited….so excited. It's going to be so special, so perfect Chelle."
"Tony…." She felt lost for words. When nothing come out, she ended up just giggling.
Tony began to sit up. "Let's head into the bedroom."
He helped her out of the tub and when she went to grab a towel he stopped her. "Don't worry about drying off – I'll keep you warm."
Michelle blushed as she put her hand out for him to lead her in to his bedroom…
They hadn't even made it to the bed when there was a knock at Tony's door. They both stopped dead in their tracks, Tony looked at the clock and then back at her. "What the fuck? It's 7:30."
Michelle started scrambling for clothes. "Who would it be Tony?"
"I don't know but I am so fucking sick of being interrupted." He shook his head and then grabbed a pair of shorts. "Wait here Chelle." He left the room shouting at whoever was on the other side to calm down and stop banging on his door.
It was Leon and Chappelle. Tony had no patience left for work. "What is going on?"
Leon was trying to peer into his apartment. Chappelle took a step forward. "Tony, is Michelle here?"
"Why Ryan? We are trying to get some sleep, we only left the office a few hours ago."
Chappelle and Leon pushed past Tony to his surprise. "Trust me Tony, this is not a visit I want to be making. Can you please go and get Michelle?"
Tony started to feel really concerned. "What is going on?"
"Now…"
Tony spun his body around and began to head for his bedroom. His head was racing, what could possibly be going on. He was so worried Michelle was just about to be given bad news – but he couldn't even imagine what that could be and why it would be coming through CTU. He found Michelle in the bathroom, now dressed brushing her hair. "Chelle it is Ryan and Leon, they want to see you."
Michelle placed the comb on the vanity and turned to Tony. "What are they doing here? What is it about?"
"I don't know, they wouldn't say. It certainly doesn't look like a social visit though."
Michelle's expression dropped as she started to make her way across the room to Tony. He pulled a t-shirt on and then held out his hand for her. They silently made their way back to Ryan and Leon who were still standing in the same spot.
"Hi Ryan….Leon, what's up?"
Leon stepped forward, he was holding a folder of photographs in his arms. He opened it up and began spreading out a pile of the pictures side by side. Both Tony and Michelle walked over and looked at them – they were all of Michelle with the same guy, all in different locations. Once Leon had finished putting them out he looked back up at her. "Are you surprised to see these pictures Michelle?"
Michelle felt her heart begin to pound and her muscles tense up. The person in the photos with her was a man named Cameron Masters. This man had made her life a nightmare for years now. He had befriended her younger brother Danny a long time back and that is how they had met. They had dated a little on and off but it was always difficult with Danny. After a couple years things really started to change. Cameron become a lot more aggressive and secretive and Danny followed suit. When Danny was admitted into hospital for being beaten to a pulp he finally confided in her what was going on. Cameron had been a drug dealer and Danny had helped him on a couple runs. He had been sucked in at the promise of being able to send his kids to better schools and offer them more. Only on a deal worth close to $100,000 Danny had stumbled over words in front of the wrong people and the trade was broken. Danny cost Cameron the $100,000. It was Cameron who had beaten Danny up and that was just a mere warning at what was to come if he didn't return the money.
Michelle had confronted Cameron to try and work something out – Danny didn't have that kind of money and he never would. Michelle's world fell apart when Cameron forced himself on her and roughed her up. He threatened her that if she and Danny didn't come up with the money than he would begin to take it out on Danny's family and anyone else close to Michelle. So for the last little while Michelle had been meeting with him and handing over 70 of her pay check every month just to keep him off their back. When she finally thought Danny had begun to pull himself together again that is when she found out about his affair with Carrie and then he left his family. Michelle had been devastated after everything she had done to help Danny keep his family together that he could do something like that. When things didn't work out with them he had become suicidal and depressed, Michelle had been doing everything in her power to be there for him and help pull him through the mess he had created for himself. All the while she continued to pay off his debt. She couldn't for the life of her work out what any of this had to do with CTU.
She looked at Tony who was staring at her intently waiting for an answer. She nodded her head. "Yes, I don't understand what is going on."
Leon looked so disappointed in her. "Is there anything you want to tell us now Michelle?"
"No. What are you expecting me to say Leon? Am I in some kind of trouble?"
Tony had been trying to keep quiet but he couldn't help himself any longer. "Who is that guy Michelle?"
Michelle felt so scared. She could never tell anyone the trouble her brother was in, she knew if she did he would be taken out. She feared for her own life as well, it had certainly been threatened enough times but it was Danny and his kids she cared about. She use to lie awake at night for hours trying to figure out how she could ask someone for help but in the end nothing was worth the risk of losing her brother. "His name is Cameron, he is no one Tony…"
Leon started to pack up his pictures and spoke loudly over Michelle. "I wouldn't call him no one. We need you to come to the office Michelle where you can start doing some explaining."
Michelle couldn't believe how nasty his words were coming out, it was as if he had no respect for her at all. "What exactly is it you think I have done? I don't have to go anywhere until I know what is going on."
Finally Chappelle lifted his head and stared blankly at Michelle. "Your brother Danny was rushed to hospital with a gun shot wound an hour ago – he told Police it was Cameron. Local enforcement found Cameron but then handed it over to us when they found substantial evidence of terrorist activity operating from his home." He stopped for a moment to let his words sink in. He couldn't look at Tony, he couldn't bear to see the pain that would be in his eyes. He saw Michelle go pale and her expression turned to one of complete horror. After a moment he continued. "We know you have been sleeping with this man for years now Michelle…..we have a lot of evidence boasting your support for him."
Michelle heard Tony choke on his own breath and out of the corner of her eye she could see his body drop to the ground. She felt tears forming as she raised her voice at Chappelle. "Is Danny ok?"
Chappelle took in a deep breath, "He will be fine."
Michelle had to literally drag her feet to Tony, she collapsed beside him. "Tony I've done nothing, you know me…"
Tony lifted his face out of his hands, he wasn't crying – he felt deprived of his own tears. "The photos….how come I don't know about him?"
"I'm not denying I know him but I have no idea what they are talking about. I just need you to trust me Tony….Tony…"
"Have you slept with him?"
Michelle shut her eyes tightly wishing she could disappear. Her slight hesitation was all Tony needed to hear. He snapped at her. "Enough said."
"It was before we even met Tony…"
She reached her hand out to him but he didn't even acknowledge it. He heard what she said but it just didn't matter. "So how come one of the dates on the photos is just from last month?" He roughly pulled at the side of his face. "You know what? It doesn't matter…..fuck it. Fuck it…..just fuck it." He started to pace the room unable to offer anyone eye contact.
Chappelle turned his attention from Tony back to Michelle. "We need to take you now for questioning Michelle." He looked back at Tony, "You going to come?"
Tony looked at Chappelle, then Leon and then finally Michelle. His heart was breaking, he couldn't stand looking at her. He had never seen anyone look more terrified in his life and it took everything he had not to pull her into his arms. He didn't understand what was going on, there was no way this could possibly be happening to him again. Not Michelle, he knew her, he knew her heart and this was not her. As much as that was what his heart told him, he could still see the photos, still here Chappelle's words and still feel the sting of hearing Michelle was sleeping with this guy. She began crying out his name, begging him to come with her. He bit his lower lip in an effort to stop it from quivering. "I'll come."
It was almost lunchtime and Tony didn't know how much longer he could keep himself together. Michelle had been sitting by herself in one of the holding rooms since they came back. Every so often someone would enter and ask her a question and then leave again. They were interrogating Cameron in an opposite room and they wanted to get everything they could from him before they moved on to Michelle.
It was obvious Cameron was a smart guy but he was very weak. Tony had been listening to him answer their questions and he half wondered if the guy had a split personality. Cameron was denying everything. The plans that had been found in his apartment were not his. He couldn't explain where the lumps of money entering his account each month were coming from and he claimed he shot Danny in self defence. He said he had been with Michelle on and off but basically left her out of everything – it came across as though she meant absolutely nothing to him.
Tony had gone over everything they appeared to have on Michelle. They had seized pictures of them together going back as far as 5 years. There was a café surveillance photo of them in Chicago taken a month ago. It had been confirmed she was wiring a lot of money into his account every single month. In Cameron's calendar there were numerous meetings with Michelle and then of course was the huge link with her brother. None of it made sense and he had no idea what to think. He was so in love with Michelle he thought he wouldn't cope if it turned out she was involved. She had told him she hadn't even looked at another guy since they met, yet here she was out with this guy as little as a month ago. His heart hurt so much it made him hunch over. He needed to talk to her, he made his way into the room she was being held in.
She looked so tired and defeated already. Her body looked so small and fragile, she was shaking violently and her eyes were dark red and swollen. She almost looked hopeful when she saw him. "Tony…"
"Michelle…"
Michelle had never needed Tony more. She was petrified of what was going to happen to her. She knew she had done nothing illegal but that didn't mean anyone would believe her. Danny had done a lot of things illegal and she worried what would be in store for him if everything came out. As much as she hated Cameron with all of her heart, it still shocked her that he could possibly have been involved in some kind of terrorist activity. She thought he was a drug dealer, a bully, a rapist…..but not a terrorist. "What's happening Tony? Why am I just being left in here? Do you know how Danny is?"
"Danny is going to be fine Michelle. He took a bullet in his thigh. I really need you to start talking to me."
Michelle nodded her head.
"When was the last time you saw Cameron?"
"About a month ago, I met with him in Chicago. We just met at a coffee shop Tony, nothing happened between us."
Tony's head was down but he raised his eyes at her. "But you have fucked him?"
"Tony….." She let tears roll down her cheeks. "Yes but…"
He was shaking his head and she could see his eyes becoming watery. "You want to be with him? Is he who you want?"
"No Tony. No. I hate him, I despise the bastard. I dated him briefly on and off like 5 years ago. I meant it when I said I haven't even looked at someone else since I met you Tony."
He felt hopeful at her words. At least she hadn't turned around and admitted they were sleeping together now or that she was in love with him or something. He could handle knowing she had slept with him 5 years ago, that was long before he was on the scene and as much as he hated to think about it he knew he had to accept Michelle had been with other people previously – just like she had to with him. He almost jumped at hearing his own voice as he shouted at her. "Do you know what this is doing to me?"
Michelle stood and yelled at him back. She was so angry, so frustrated that she had been cast guilty. "Do you know what this is doing to me? Shit Tony….I thought we had something special?"
"No shit Michelle, so did I. Why have you been giving this guy money?"
Michelle wasn't going to lie to Tony. She couldn't and it was something she had never done before and she refused to start now. "My brother owes him money, he doesn't have it so I have been paying it off."
"It works out to almost 70 of your wage Michelle…"
"Well he owed a lot of money…"
"What does he owe him money for and how much?"
Michelle stopped yelling and sat back down. She took a deep breath. "$100,000. Danny had gotten mixed up with drugs and Cameron. I don't even know exactly what happened – I don't want to, all I know is Danny messed something up one night costing Cameron all that money. Since then I've had to pay it off because Danny has nothing."
Tony could feel himself calming down a little. He had seen her brother, he knew he was messed up. Her explanation made sense and explained a lot. "Did Danny steal drugs from him? How was it worked out to that much exactly? Why haven't you told anyone?"
"Honestly Tony, I don't know what really happened. Danny just told me he stuffed up. Before that I had no clue he or Cameron had anything to do with drugs. I was devastated when I found out, but I didn't want to be a part of any of it. Cameron will kill Danny, his family and probably me if I don't make these payments. That's why I couldn't tell anyone."
Tony felt sick. He couldn't believe what she had been going through….all for her brother and his fuck ups. His voice trembled. "You could have turned to me Chelle, didn't you trust me?"
"Tony most of all this happened before I even met you. I've been so scared to tell you Tony because I know what Cameron is capable of. He threatened to hurt anyone close to me – I could never put you on the line like that. God Tony, I thought if I opened my mouth I could lose you, my brother my nieces and nephews."
He felt so incredibly guilty. That Michele could be going through something like this and he hadn't figured it out. That he had yelled at her, that he had doubted her, that the person he loved more than anything in the world was in so much pain and he hadn't been protecting her. "What about you though Chelle? How have you handled this?"
"I love my brother and I want to help him. No matter how much he has screwed things up, he is still my brother. I've just tried to detach myself from it all – I meet with him when he makes me and I keep paying Danny's debt."
"Has Cameron ever hurt you Michelle?"
Michelle froze. She had never mentioned what had happened to anyone, not even Danny knew. She couldn't look at him when she told him so she lowered her eyes to the table. "When I found out about all this I went to confront Cameron to try and sort something out." She stopped, it was too hard – how could she tell Tony?
He walked half-way around the table to her. "What did he do?"
Silence.
"Michelle….what did he do?"
Silence. He saw her tears splash on the table and he braced himself for the worst.
"You can tell me anything…..its ok."
Her words were broken as she gasped for air through her tears. With her elbows on the table she pushed her palms into her eyes and kept them there while she spoke. "He beat me up and then he forced himself on me. It's only happened that once."
Tony picked up the chair in front of him and smashed it back down in to the ground, Michelle got such a shocked fright she jumped out of her own chair and skidded across the room. His hands gripped the edge of the table so tightly his knuckles went white. "Mother fucker. I'll fucking kill him……..I'll kill the son of a bitch."
Michelle stayed in her corner watching Tony flip out. She had never seen him so upset before.
Chappelle walked in. He had been listening to their entire conversation un-be-known to Tony and Michelle. He looked at them both and sighed. "Michelle I have listened to everything you have told Tony."
"Give me a lie detector Ryan – I don't want doubt on anyone's mind. I'll do anything."
Tony cut in. "That is not necessary Michelle."
"Yes it is Tony. I know everything I have said is just words – I want to take one so I can show to everyone that I am telling the truth. I'd be devastated if anyone doubted me in the slightest Tony…"
Chappelle made a signal to someone else on the other side of the glass. "I understand Michelle, they will bring one straight in. I'm sorry for what has happened Michelle. You realise that your brother is going to have to face charges…"
Another wave of sadness washed over her face. "I know, I know he did the wrong thing and he needs to take responsibility. I can handle responsibility placed on his shoulders by the law but I couldn't when it was Cameron and it meant losing him."
The doors opened again and the machine was brought in by the table. Agent Johns began to set it up. Michelle took a seat but then turned back to Chappelle. "Is Cameron really involved in terrorist activity? With who and to do what?"
Chappelle thought back to the look on Michelle's face in Tony's apartment when he first accused her of the situation. He had thought then how genuine her shocked and horrified reaction had been – he should have followed his gut instinct then and not been so rough on her. She had been an excellent agent since the day she started at CTU, he felt so sorry for the mess she was in. "I'm not to sure of the details but there is definitely a lot of hard evidence supporting his involvement and linking him to other well known movers. He is denying it, saying someone else left the paperwork at his house – he is having a lie detector test now."
Michelle just nodded her head. Tony remained silent on the other side of the room. It was taking every ounce of will power he had not to throw himself around Michelle. It was hard with everyone watching, who knew how many people were on the other side of the glass now. It was so hard to get his head around what had been happening. He was just amazed that Michelle had managed to keep herself together. No wonder after everything she had been through she had nightmares and didn't sleep. No wonder her confidence was low and no wonder she held him so tightly when they hugged.
"Tony, Leon and Chappelle sat in the room during the test. At least 4 other agents including Hammond were in the room on the other side listening to every detail. To no one's surprise Michelle passed with flying colours. The administrator said she could not have possibly gotten better results. One by one they apologised to Michelle that they had jumped to conclusions. Michelle accepted them, she told them she could completely understand how guilty she looked.
Across the hall Cameron had completed his 2nd test. He lied the entire way through. The only time it registered he was telling the truth was when he admitted that the only thing he had to do with Michelle was receiving the money, that there was no relationship and she had nothing to do with his day to day life. When Michelle was informed of this she asked that his results also be included in with her file.
It was almost 3pm when Michelle made her way to the bathroom. It was the first few moments she had on her own and she completely let go. The pain of the last few years poured out. It had been such a heavy weight on her shoulders, she almost didn't know life without it anymore. She cried hysterically leaning up against the wall. Her whole body ached, she felt so weak. None of this seemed real.
Michelle didn't hear Tony enter the woman's bathrooms. He had followed her there and waited outside but when he heard her cries he couldn't just stand there and do nothing. He didn't care where she was, he needed to be there for her. He gently ran his hand up her back but she jumped in surprise and spun around to see who it was. Their eyes locked, the pain they could see each other carrying was unbearable.
He reached his hand out and cupped her cheek. "It's ok. Everything is going to be ok now…"
"What's going to happen to him? What if he walks….he will come for us."
"He won't be going anywhere for a long long time Michelle. We can protect you now. You don't ever need to hand over another cent or deal with him again."
"Will Danny have to go to jail?"
He ran his hand through her hair and stepped in a little closer. "It is very possible Michelle. I am so sorry. I guess we will just need to see how things pan out – it depends exactly how involved he was and how much can be proved."
Michelle was barely hanging on getting her words out. "Are you angry with me Tony? I'm so sorry."
His hands were just above each ear tucking her curls behind them. He bent his knees a little so their eyes were level. "I'm not angry with you Michelle. I'm just so unbelievably sorry this has happened…..everything that you have been through. I hate that I wasn't able to protect you. It physically hurts hearing what's been going on and knowing you were all alone. I 'm angry at Danny, I can't believe the position he put you in – it's time he began to deal with this on his own. Things are going to change as of right now. I'll never let anyone hurt you, touch you – even come near you. You are going to feel safe again sweetheart."
Finally Michelle grabbed at his chest and then pressed her whole body up against his. Her head was turned to the side at the top of his chest into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms tightly around her whole body drawing her in as close as possible. He kissed the top of her head repeatedly. "I'm here, you are ok now…..it's going to be alright. I'm here sweetheart, you'll never be alone again."
She cried harder and his hands firmly ran up and down her back. "Let it all out Michelle……God, I am just so sorry baby…..so sorry this has happened."
Michelle turned her head to the other side revealing a huge wet patch from her tears. "I love you so much."
He closed his eyes and let out a huge sigh. "Aahh you have no idea how much I needed to hear that. I love you Michelle, more than you'll ever know."
They stood for over half an hour in each others arms. Michelle cried until there were no more tears left. She couldn't believe how much she needed this, how much pain she carried inside and tried to bury. Tony finally got the courage to bring it up with her. "I'm so sorry he touched you Chelle. I could kill him."
Michelle tightened her grip on him. It made it feel so much more real now it was out in the open. She had managed to block it out for the last couple years and it made her skin crawl thinking about it. She hated Tony knowing that had happened to her. "I'm sorry Tony. Does this change how you…"
He pulled her back so he could look into her eyes. "Don't you say it, don't you dare say it. It changes nothing. We should talk about this honey – you can't keep it bottled up. I want you to be able to tell me how you feel." They continued to look at each other. He stumbled on his words but Michelle was patient.
"You have to press charges for that as well Michelle."
"No Tony. No way could I do that. I can't."
He kissed her forehead. "You can't let him get away with it. He deserves to sit behind bars for the rest of his life for that alone Michelle, never mind everything else."
She wiped her eyes over and over. "It's too hard. I couldn't handle it. Please don't make me Tony…"
"Sweetheart, I'd never make you do anything you didn't want to. Let's just forget about it for now ok? Let's worry about getting you home now and getting some rest."
"I should visit Danny." Michelle didn't want to, once again she felt like she had to. She was too angry with him right now to see him. She loved him so much but he had turned her life upside down.
Tony surprised her. "I've got to say Chelle. I really don't want you to now. You need to put yourself first for once. You are exhausted and this has been the most horrific day, you need to just be able to recover. I don't want you going through the emotional stress of seeing him right now. I'll take you in over the next few days…"
Tony had given her the out she needed. He was right, it was time to think of herself, it was hard enough handling how she felt, she didn't need to add his crap to the pile. "Thanks Tony."
"Come on, let me take you back to my place."
She kept a tight grip on him as they left the bathroom. She didn't care who was able to see them together like that, she was proud to be with Tony and she wanted everyone to know that. He obviously felt the same way because he kept his arm wrapped firmly around her shoulders.
They checked in with Chappelle before they left. "Ryan, we are turning off our phones for the rest of the day. We need sleep."
Ryan chuckled a little. "We will try and give you some peace….for a few hours anyway."
Tony had made them both some hot chocolate and they sat together on his bed drinking it. It was 4:30pm, they wondered if they should try and stay up for another few hours and then just go to bed early but they couldn't be bothered with that. They figured if they woke in the middle of the night it just didn't matter – they had tomorrow off anyway.
"I can't imagine what must have been running through your head Tony before you found out what was really going on."
"I was shattered Chelle. Especially here at the house when I didn't understand what was going on. It literally was like my life fell down right in front of me."
"I was so scared I was going to lose you, that you wouldn't even want to hear me out. I'll never be able to forget the look on your face."
"You were so honest straight up Chelle, which must have been hard. You have no idea how much I just wanted to hug you, I couldn't stand even looking at you like that, but I guess there was a part of me that was terrified. I've never felt so sick…"
"You are amazing Tony, thank you for sticking by me, listening to me, believing me and holding me."
Tony reached out and stroked her face with his thumb. Thank you for opening up to me and telling me everything. I'm sorry for how angry I got, for smashing the chair…"
She let out a little laugh. "I didn't care about that, kinda wanted to smash one myself."
His hand dropped to her thigh where he gently stroked her. "Tony, I can't believe it is over with him – that I don't have to pay him anymore or see him."
"It is over honey, you will be able to start putting this behind you." He paused for a few moments. "Umm Chelle, if this hadn't happened do you think you would have eventually been able to tell me?"
"I honestly don't know Tony. The absolute only reason why I wouldn't was because I was just too scared of what he would do and who he would hurt. I could never have lived with myself if I told you and then something happened. Do you know what I mean?"
Tony gave her a little smile. "Yeah, I do. Your selflessness is incredible Michelle. You put everyone else in front of yourself – even with paying Danny's debt, not many people would do that. As long as you know that there is nothing in this world you can't talk to me about."
"I do Tony. I feel like I could tell you anything, I trust you with my life. You feel the same way right?"
His hand slid higher up her thigh and pressed against her a little firmer. Yes. I've never opened up to anyone like I did to you last night Michelle. I still can't believe how much I freaked out in front of you."
Michelle was soaking in how nice his hand on her thigh felt. She started to return his actions. "That was all pretty special last night. It meant a lot."
"You know there is going to be a lot ahead us with all this Chelle. No doubt court, it's not going to be easy. I want you to know I am here for you every step of the way, we will get through everything together."
Michelle let her hand trail up and across his stomach. "I'm so scared, I don't even know how to think about it. I'm worried what's going to happen with Danny, it will destroy him if he has to serve time. I don't ever want to have to see Cameron face to face again, I know it must sound stupid but I don't think I could handle it." Her hand climbed under his shirt and up his chest. "I need you so much."
They looked at each other and smiled. Tony wanted to make love to her so bad but he didn't know if that was what she wanted. He still couldn't believe they had been interrupted again this morning, and when they were so close. They were both so exhausted after the last 24 hours he wondered if he was dreaming to think she would be up for it now. It wasn't just about wanting to feel good it was about needing to be as close to her as possible. His feelings for her were so intense he knew how powerful making love to her would feel.
She was running her hands all over him, but that didn't mean she wanted to fool around – she most probably wanted to lie together hugging he figured. He would be more than happy to do that too but if he had a choice he take all of her right now. He decided to give another hint and so he used his other hand and gently traced from her shoulder right down over her breasts to her stomach. God her body felt good. She watched his hand and then when he stopped she looked back up at him and gave him very cheeky smile. He started to get butterflies, it looked like it had worked but he didn't want to push it so he decided he'd leave the ball in her court.
They had stopped talking now, instead their focus was on each others hands. Tony took in a loud deep breath when she ran her other hand right up inside his boxers. She spent a few moments gently running her fingers on the top of his thigh and he held his breath the entire time. His whole body was pounding for her. He was so excited that she had made a move, it was almost a relief – he wanted her so much it would have been near impossible to just lay with her right now and not take things further.
She began to massage him and he couldn't help himself. "Oh my God Michelle…"
Michelle liked being in charge for a little while. It was obvious what he felt like but it was so cute that he was playing along to see what she wanted. She shifted onto her knees and then tugged on his shirt. He put his hands up in the air and she pulled it over his head. She then began to lean into him forcing him to lie on his back. Her hands ran firmly all over his body. He was in heaven.
Tony closed his eyes for a moment and just concentrated on feeling her touch. He then took hold of her top. "Let me look at you Chelle…"
He thought he could see her blush a little but then she surprised him by leaning back a little and taking her own top off. He gripped the sheets tightly in his hands. She threw her shirt off the bed and flashed him a smile. He could tell she felt proud of herself with having confidence with him, he loved it. He ran a finger across the lace. "This is going to have to come off too."
She definitely blushed this time. Michelle slowly unclipped her bra and pulled it off, she watched him staring at her and it made her feel so good. It gave her the confidence to keep up the lead and go for it. Before she leaned back down into him again she removed her underwear and then his boxers. Tony was putty in her hands, he was completely mesmerised by her and so turned on by her actions. "You are so beautiful Chelle…"
She bit her lower lip and then put her arm on the other side of his body, she started to lift herself up. "Is this what you want Tony?"
He was nodding his head and his mouth was hanging wide open. "So much….ahh Chelle, come here." He put his hands around her waist and helped her lift her body up so she could sit on him. He guided her body and they began to make love. They both groaned loudly and explored each other's bodies with their hands.
Being with Tony was even more amazing than she had imagined, if that was possible. It was hard to believe after all this time they were finally able to be together. She loved watching his eyes flicker open and closed and listening to his moans and groans which were gradually getting louder and louder. "I love you Tony."
Tony's heart skipped a beat. He put his hands behind her back and pulled her body down so her chest was flat against his. In one fluid motion he rolled them over so that he was now on top. She kept her legs wrapped around him.
Michelle was impressed, their faces were just inches apart. "Wow…"
"I love you so much Chelle."
Their passion deepened and it became so intense between them. Tony took her arms and pinned them stretched out above her head. She let him take over control. With every moment that passed things got more and more heated.
Afterwards they didn't even stop or slow down, they just concentrated on kissing each other. She sucked on his bottom lip and once she had let go he kissed her back deeply. It took them a long time to finally slow things down and decide they were ready to get some sleep. At least 3 times they stopped for a moment but then when one of them went to move the other pulled them back and just continued. They were very hot and sweaty.
Tony was still slowly moving his hips from side to side, she felt so good he never wanted this time to end. He eventually asked, "Will you take a shower with me?"
"I'd love that. You feel amazing Tony….that was perfect."
"You are so incredible Chelle, it's crazy how much I love you."
They kissed again before finally making their way to the shower.