Between tossing her lightsaber up and down and staring out the windows at the city, mulling over everything as Bastila was doing, the former sounded more appealing.
"How long do you intend on waiting here?"
They had been in the Jedi halls for an hour or so. At first Katrina told herself she was waiting for Jolee, to try and extract more information out of him.
It didn't take long for her to admit to herself that she was waiting to hear the Council's decision on Dustil.
She couldn't help feelings of nervousness, that she had unwittingly brought a malfunctioning blaster turret into the middle of Jedi headquarters. Part of her still wanted to hog-tie him and drag him, kicking and screaming, back to Telos.
She couldn't help fearing failure, that she would make some mistake, break some unwritten rule and end up ruining things between Carth and his son. Even if said son was choosing to begin a path she wanted no part of.
Bastila sighed heavily.
"Look, if you're so sick of waiting around, just go back to the Hawk."
"And what would I do there? I am a Jedi, and I belong near the Council while they make their decision."
"How does a decision about Dustil concern you?" Katrina said, far more nastily than she intended.
"Bastila, just a moment ago you were complaining about waiting, and now you want to hear their decision? If you had just kept your mouth shut in there-" The Jedi raised an eyebrow at her, a look Katrina had by now memorized.
"While you made a foolish blunder because of your pride and denied a young man the chance to redeem himself?"
"You weren't there, Bastila. You weren't there when Carth and I found him on Korriban. You didn't see what he was like." That look he had given her even then, even before knowing how she felt about his father; how much hate there had been.
"He was ready to kill us. Had any of us chosen a single wrong word, I think he might have tried to take us all on, his own father included." Even Carth had been afraid of him that day.
She remembered the desperation in his voice, something she had never heard before, and the pleading, as if he too had somehow known it would end in death if he didn't do it right.
"Everyone deserves a chance for redemption, Revan." In the end, no amount of logic could ever withstand the withering truth of that name. Her name.
"He'll only fall again."
"And you set him up for that fall even before he begins! With the proper training-"
"What, like the training we got?" Bastila was silent. She waited for the awkward, uncomfortable moment to pass.
"Bastila," Katrina said, lowering her voice, though it wouldn't do her any good. Should she get too upset, the Council would know it anyways. "It's not just Onasi paranoia rubbing off on me, is it? You felt they're hiding something too, right?" A look of frustration crossed Bastila's features.
"Yes, I felt it too. This time they've chosen not to inform me either."
Would you even tell me if they had? She struggled not to let the bitterness in her thoughts invade in her expression.
"It's got something to do with that planet, whatever it is."
"More likely it is in relation to your past association with the planet." Bastila sighed heavily again.
"It does no good to brood over what these things might or might not be. We must trust the Council's judgment and wait until Anelli to discover them." She noticed how lately Bastila's tone concerning the Council had become as repetitive as a protocol droid's greetings. As much as she had loathed hearing them, Bastila's former lectures on the wisdom of the Council had at least contained the spark of determination and true belief in them. Her current ones seemed worn out.
"You couldn't be less convincing-"
"Here they come," Bastila said, cutting her off sharply and nodding towards the approaching figures of Jolee and Dustil.
His face was flushed. Whether that was from disappointment or elation, she didn't know.
"They-"
"What-"
She stopped, frustrated, but Dustil's excitement seemed to overshadow his irritation.
"I've never...I mean, I've never been through anything like that before. So many questions...and they tell you the answers rather than chastising you for even asking."
His enthusiasm, his exhilaration left her aghast.
"What was the Council's decision regarding your training?" Bastila murmured.
Dustil positively beamed.
"They agreed. They said they'll allow me to begin the training."
Katrina glanced at Jolee.
"Don't give me that look, missy. It didn't take my stamp of approval for this boy to start down this path. Still got it, nonetheless." He patted Dustil on the shoulder.
They were all making her sick and she felt like breaking down the doors of the Council, demanding to know everything.
Did none of them see? Did none of them understand what would happen should Dustil fall again?
"Are you to remain here to begin your training?" Bastila was asking everything she should have been, but she still stubbornly stayed silent.
Dustil's elation deflated. He avoided her gaze.
"Well, no. The Council feels that having been a former Sith-" She watched him shudder involuntarily as he said it. "-that I should have the guidance of a few Jedi who've been through the same thing." He paused, either for effect or out of fear.
"They've decided to send me and whatever master they choose for me along with you."
Have they lost their minds? Visions of Dustil's cocky smirk rose up in her mind instantly. Images of him running ahead, running away, fighting, falling, dying.
"What do you think this is, a field trip?"Katrina finally snapped. Dustil glared back at her.
"I'd just as soon stay here than go. They seem to think you have something to teach me."
"I want no part of training you." There seemed to be the Katrina saying these things, the angry part of her that saw all this for what it was and what it could turn into.
There was also the other Katrina, a small and silent one that saw Carth's face with every unkind and unsympathetic word that passed between son and bedmate.
"Revan, why do you resist this young man's training so? We need all the Jedi we can to aid us in the fight against the Sith. Some of our strongest members are those turned away from the dark side and working to be redeemed."
Quite easy for you to say, Bastila. Quite easy for you all to say when you're not in love with the young man's father.
"He's not doing it for redemption. He's doing it to please his father."The younger Onasi'seyes clouded over for a moment.
She was afraid of him again, and she stared back, trying not to show it.
"You wouldn't know anything about it, so if I were you I would just stay out of my way." Dustil turned and stormed off in the direction of the exit.
"I guess you're not real good with kids, eh?" Jolee said resignedly.
"How could you allow that to be trained? Look at him, Jolee!" Jolee raised an eyebrow. She realized how loudly she was yelling.
"You aren't exactly helping in that department. That boy's reasons for doing this are his reasons and his reasons alone. It's not for you to question them."
"Am Isupposed to question anything? Or am I supposed to blindly follow the infallible Council?"
"You know just as well as I do how fallible the Council really is," Jolee said, with an edge in his voice she rarely heard from the old man. "Dustil has his own destiny to contend with, and as I recall you have a mission to continue discovering yours."
Jedi do not argue. Jedi do not deny the willing their chance to redeem themselves. Jedi keep their mouths shut even when they know the dangers and see the warning signs.
"Anelli it is, then,"Katrinasaid quietly.
"Good lass. Don't concern yourself too heavily about the boy. I have a feeling he may surprise you, like his father before him."
"And don't ask,"the old Jediadded, holding up a hand as she opened her mouth. "If I'll tell you the Council's secret agendas and hidden plans. There aren't any. Your past is yours for the taking, if you'll stop badgering an old man about it and go out and find it."
"I suppose you aren't the Council's choice then, for Dustil's training?" Bastila asked.
"Force no," Jolee said, chuckling. "My views might amuse them and they might want my opinion now and then, but they'd never trust me to train anyone. One of the few smart decisions they've ever made..."
"We'd better get back to the Hawk and begin our preparations." She tried to sound neutral and resigned, as a Jedi with a mission should.
"Goodbye, Jolee. We'll see you when we return," Bastila called over her shoulder, following Katrina towards the exit.
Jolee's reply was quiet and probably not intended for her ears.
"I hope so, Revan. I hope so."