Dear Alex
Pairing: Olivia/Alex
Disclaimer: Don't own nothin'. Damn, I need to be creative.
Summary: Olivia writes Alex a "good-bye" note.
A/N: Femslash. No like, no read: simple, got it? Let me know if I should add another chapter; I was thinking that Alex could be reading this a few months later.
Dear Alex,
I remember everything to this day. Do you? I still can feel the way your arms felt around me after an exhausting under-paid day and the way your whispered 'I love you's" could just melt me. The way your breathing was barely noticeable, how your hair fell lightly in front of your face while you slept. God, Alex. Has it really been two years? It doesn't seem like it at all when I think about how much I can visualize. But when I'm alone at night, wanting someone to hold, the 730 days since I last saw you feels like forever. I know you aren't allowed to call me. I know because your protective detail approached me in person and said that I should break it off with you. He said he'd pretend it never happened if I dumped you, and that way I could see you one more time. "The chances of you catching Alex's attacker are slim to none. Just forget about her and tell her it's over," were his exact words, and that's why I was almost put in jail. Thank god Elliot's stronger than me, otherwise your detail would be in his grave.
No matter how many times I go through my apartment, I can never find all of your stuff. Just yesterday I found your dollar frames you used to read the paper incase you left yours at work. Not even Elliot could fathom why I came to work practically sobbing. Alex, when that guy shot you, he may have missed your heart; but he hit mine. Bulls-eye. So here's my last words to you. I've tried to do this for ages, but every time my pen hit the paper, my hand shook so bad I couldn't even make the letter 'D'. Thinking about the way the metal would feel against my temple used to make me vomit, but now it's comforting compared to life without you.
Alex, I love you. The first time I saw you, my heart went to my throat and all I could do was stare. My breathing got heavy, and you just smiled at me. Your little 'victory' smile that made attorneys want to punch your lights out. I always loved that trait you possessed that made almost everyone want to kick your ass…I'm laughing through my tears right now. Remember that time you were held in contempt for mouthing off to Judge Petrovsky? You looked so funny in jail…so out of place. You are so elegant, Alex, so breathtakingly beautiful, men must have fallen in line just to get a grin from you. I wonder why you picked me over all those wealthy guys. I'm just a woman cop with a middle-class apartment, after all. It never seemed to matter to you, and I'm thankful for that. I have to go now- if I don't do this now, I never will. Goodbye. I love you so much…don't forget that, ok?
Olivia