Disclaimer: I don't own shadow hearts or any of its characters.
after i finished My only one, I finished the game. I thought i'd write something about the ending, because somehow i just odn't think Karin was truly happy as Yuri's mother.
Hello Yuri-
I thought I'd write you a letter. I don't know why I thought of it, really, it's been so busy, with me taking care of you alone. But I don't care. You're sleeping now, sleeping like the little baby you are right now. It reminds me of all those times you'd faint, retreating into soul. You looked so peaceful, like you let go of all you worries only while asleep. I was twenty five then, when I met you, and now I'm thirty one and your mother. Strange, isn't it?
I'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
If you're reading this then you probably are twenty five, and most likely Karin is standing somewhere right next to you. That part of me hasn't been awoken in years- your father thinks my name is Anne and I'm from Russia. The only person other than me who knows I'm not Anne is Saki- she does me the favor of calling me by my real name so I'll never forget about how I got here. Yes, Saki knew about me. Don't be angry at her, I had to tell someone. And the only one I remember helping me with my future was her, so I went to her.
Please, Yuri, Don't be angry.
and if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
It worries those around you. I don't think you realize it sometimes. You run into danger so recklessly, sometimes I'd worry about you so much I couldn't fight the same way. You probably didn't notice because I never told you, but I had a reason. I didn't want you to worry about me, it was my job. You have enough troubles- Alice dying, The Holy Mistletoe, Kato- It was painful to see you so sad and angry at the world. It was more painful to see the look in those scarlet eyes when you talked about Alice, and your mother. I know how much you'll miss me.
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
It helps me sometimes to remember our conversation in Nihonbashi- You remember that, don't you? The way you talked about your childhood made me realize my life wasn't so bad. Sure, I grew up poor. I had to enroll in the army to help my family. But at least I had a family, you lost yours…..
I know that I'm going to die soon. I know it like I know two days after that I'll be celebrating my third birthday. It scares me a little, but really it outs it in perspective- My role in your life.
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I'll be the one who makes you this way, who makes you so angry in the first place. It my fault, and I'm sorry for that.
I wish it could be different, that I could live and help you grow. Can you imagine that, if I had lived? How different things would have been, then. Knowing what I know, I'd probably help you meet Alice. You'd get married, live a happy life. One without me, without need of me. That's how useless I am, really. I'm only useful to you dead.
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
Don't deny that, Yuri. You know it's true, really. You could do everything you did without me, my only purpose is to give birth, and die. Die right in front of you, worse. Who knows? Maybe there's a timeline out there without a Karin Koenig, without an Anne Hyuga- Only Ben Hyuga and his son Yuri. That would be a happy world for you- even now as a child you want to see your father more. I do my best to convince him but it usually doesn't help much.
It's funny, I was the same way while I was in the military.
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now I'm bound by the life you left behind
I only would have returned for my grandmother, or another emergency in the family. I wish I did visit more often now, seeing as how my Grandmother died a week after I joined. We were to far away for the letter to reach in time, and I missed my own grandmother's funeral. I remember how Angry I was when I found out. Really, I was sorrowful, but I used my anger to hide it. It's the only emotion allowed in the military. But then I met you.
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
Thank you, Yuri. Thank you for this life. Thank you for teaching me about real despair, and in turn real happiness. I hate to think of my life without meeting you. I guess I would have continued in the army, gotten promoted. MY family was religious, so they might insist on my getting promoted in a church. Nicolai might've been there. I might have married him. Yes, that's right. If I hadn't met you, I probably would have ended up with Nicolai. It drives me Insane to think like that.
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
It's hard to write this all down. Very hard. It takes me back so many years, to my happiest times. I've learned so many things, I find it hard to believe what I once held to be true. I wish I knew then what I do now. Yuri, please, when you're done with this letter yourself, could you give it to Karin? Maybe it'll help her. I don't know. But I think it'll comfort her a bit.
when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I'm writing this next part in German so Yuri can't understand it, Karin. This part will be just between me and you. As you know, Yuri is one of the most troubled people on the face of the earth. Don't stop loving him, even if he doesn't show a single sign of returning it. I know it's hard. I know it seems impossible. But it's the only thing that keeps him going sometimes. It's what I would, wait, what I am, tell myself.
and I've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
Listen to what Saki has to tell you- she's my best friend. I've told her what you look like, so don't get freaked out if she starts to talk to you as if she's known you for years. Technically, she has. Take in everything you see, every last bit of it. Enjoy it. Don't get angry when Yuri acts like a pervert- his father was worse, believe me on that. And always remember Your time with Yuri.I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And this is for the both of you- Goodbye. Goodbye to what I wanted and who I wanted to be there with me. Goodbye to all those times I spent with you. Goodbye to my dreams. Goodbye to my family.
Good bye to my old life
and though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
Love,
Anne Koenig-Hyuga