Authors note: when Luke and Mara are talking through the Force i've put # on either side of their speech. if its italics then thats just their thoughts hope you enjoy! oh! thanx to those that have reviewed so far!
A.Jade xxx
Chapter 2: Needing you...
She was cold but it didn't seem to matter. She wasn't really comfortable either. But she was happy; happier than she'd been in along time. Despite all the nagging discomforts she liked where she was. Wherever it was. She had yet to wake up and find out, she reminded herself.
Yawning, Mara Jade stretched out her cramped legs and stood up. Or at least tried to. Her eyes flew open as she realised she was being pinned where she was by something. Looking down, she gasped. Luke Skywalker was curled up asleep, his head on her lap and his arms wrapped tightly around her waist.
WHAT??!
As all of the last evening came back to her Mara swore. Angry at herself she tried to untangle herself from the Jedi's arms. It didn't help when he murmured in his sleep, nuzzling into her stomach slightly. Mara jumped at the sparks that shot through her at the brief contact. She noticed Luke had loosened his grip and she desperately moved away.
Standing up, she looked out towards the Manarai Mountains, just as Luke had the night before.
Luke, she thought with a sigh, Now that's a confusing subject. And that's the understatement of the era, Jade! Gods, what am I going to do! I can't tell him, I can't tell him, I CAN'T tell him!!!! I promised I wouldn't. Anyway, he's still in love with...that woman.
Something in the back of Mara's mind seemed to whisper to her with that thought. Telling how he was free now, free to be hers, if she just told him she loved him.
NO! No. It's not love anyway; I don't know how to love! It can't be... can it?
Not caring that she was meant to be the hardened 'smuggling queen', Mara dropped her head to her chest, feeling the tears trailing down her cheeks.
------
Something was wrong. He knew that much. A moment ago he'd been comfortable and warm. But what ever he'd slept on had moved and disappeared; taking away the way he'd been feeling with it. He couldn't really explain it; the closest thing to describe it But that made no sense. His love had died and he felt complete.
Skywalker, you've been through too much. You're loosing it.
Looking up, Luke could see that the sky was still a light pink, showing it wasn't much past dawn. Sighing, he tried to stretch the ache from his muscles.
Jedi or not; 30 is still too old to spend a night sleeping on a roof!
His chuckling stopped as he remembered the events of the past night. Looking around for his friend, he spotted her leaning against the rail, much like he had the night before; reaching out to her, he felt her barriers slam up into place and realized she wanted them to be the same as before.
Forget that! We don't have to be as close as I'd like, but I'm not taking that many steps forward to go straight back!
Getting up, he walked over to her, worried when she flinched away from his touch.
"Mara? You okay?"
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"Mara? You okay?"
His voice came out worried, caring and warm. She could have hit him. She hated him so much because she was realising how much she loved him.
It has to be love. Love always was a pain; but gods, this hurts so much!
She shivered as she remembered the way she had felt after blocking him out. The way she'd desperately clung to the echo of his presence after the real thing had vanished.
She realised that she'd lowered her barriers again as he pronounced his presence in her senses.
#Mara, please...what's wrong?# as he asked he showed her his care of her and his need to know what was upsetting her - and...something else. When she reached out for it he blocked her efforts, putting up barriers between her and the strange feelings she'd sensed.
Turning around she was surprised to see a blush forming on his cheeks. Well, whatever she'd imagined to see on his face, it wasn't embarrassment.
It was then that it entered into her brain that he was blocking her. Only moments before he'd been annoyed when she had done it. Now he was doing the same to her!
How dare he!
Anger blazed through her and she glared at him, satisfied to see him flinch.
A motion caught her eye and she realised that early-wakers and the gardeners were starting to arrive. Not liking the idea of being watched or of Skywalker making a scene in front of them, she brushed past him. She felt something falter and realised she'd hurt him.
I don't care. I DON'T care! Gods I wish so much that I didn't care!
------
Sith!
She'd felt it. And now she hated him for it. Glaring, she'd brushed past him, every inch the Mara he'd first met. He couldn't go back to before, but he could hide the change. He didn't understand it. Why did he feel like this? Sith, he couldn't even say what it was he felt!
It's not love! It can't be; not so soon after Callie! It can't be...can it?
No. Not love. Everyone he loved got hurt eventually. He wouldn't allow it. But what was it? Why did it hurt so much for her to hate him? Yes, he'd hide it. Then she'd forget she even felt it, forgive him. They could stay with the strange friendship they had. Turning, he followed after her, very willing to beg if he had to.
By the time he reached her she'd already reached the edge of the roof's gardens. It pained him, as he realised she must have sped up to lose him once she noticed he'd followed. She wouldn't be this far otherwise.
"Mara! Wait, please! I..."
He nearly tripped over her as she stopped abruptly right in front of him. She was going to listen, give him another chance! She didn't turn, though. Just stood there, her back to him, shoulders tensed up. It scared him how hard he was finding it not to wrap his arms around her. Not to hold her to him, feel her relax against his chest.
That would not be a good idea! I'm trying to be forgiven, not killed.
"Mara. Gods, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. We can put it behind us can't we? Please. It was nothing, really. Please don't let us lose our friendship over this. Mara?"
------
Mara shuddered as she forced herself not to lean back against the Jedi's chest. Forced herself not to sob, as tears once again tracked their way down her cheeks.
Gods. He wants to forget it. Last night didn't affect him at all. That feeling he hid. He must have sensed how I felt. It was pity he was hiding! Oh force, he pities me! He doesn't feel the same way. Why should he?
"Mara? Please?"
Sith! He's begging me to forget it. Does it disgust him so much? I can't forget it. But then I can't stay near him. Not if he feels those things for me. Pity and disgust. How are we meant to be friends with this between us? No. I'll tell him it's not possible. I'll tell him I love him too much.
Wiping the tears from her face and hoping her eyes weren't too red, Mara turned to face Luke. She tried to keep her features blank. She didn't want him to see her desperation, the hope he'd change his mind and take her in his arms.
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"Mara?" Luke all but whimpered as she turned. He saw the look on her face. A cold, blank look that told him everything he needed to know. He would get no forgiveness. Tears came to his eyes and he looked away trying to hide them.
Gods. I'm going to lose her. Why did I have to be such an idiot
"Luke..." Mara paused, the lump in her throat choking her. She had to tell him.
Please, no.
"I'm sorry." She had to. But why did it hurt so much. Hell, she was even imagining the Force prodding her not to!
Please, no Mara. No! Forgive me. I'm so sorry. Please!
She wanted him to see the truth in her eyes. Not just to hear what she said. She wanted him to know that this was real, not just confused ramblings. Leaning closer to him she put her hand gently against his chest.
------
Surprised at the gentle touch, Luke whipped his head around. Too late he found that this near enough brought him and Mara nose to nose. Yet he couldn't pull away. He was utterly captivated by her eyes, paralyzed on the spot with their affect on him.
Dropping his gaze to the floor and fighting back the shame he begged.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't be angry with me. I don't want to lose you, too. I can't. Please don't go. I couldn't cope with you leaving without a word. And that scares me Mara. Don't leave me alone."
------
Mara was shocked by the whispered plea. Shocked by how much of the real Luke he trusted her with. Not the Jedi Master, but the grieving farmboy, who was scared he would be alone in his life. This would kill her inside but she had to do it. She remembered her promise made as she had comforted him. He was her best friend, and even if that was all he would ever be for her, she would give him everything.
She sighed and reached out a hand, lifting up his chin, forcing him to look at her. If he could be that open with her, she could do the same for him.
"Luke. Luke, look at me. Thank you. This won't be easy to put behind me but I'll do my best. Don't be scared. I won't leave. I used to hate you, remember, and I stayed even then. And I certainly don't hate you now! Okay?"
She worried when he gave no reply but when she saw the smile that started to spread over his face she closed her eyes in silent relief.
I haven't lost him. Thank the Force I haven't lost him.
Feeling his mood slowly start to pick up she decided to help it on its way.
"You know," she continued, "now that you're keeping me stranded you better give me something to do. You know how cranky I get when I'm bored!"
------
Luke could have kissed her but thought better of it. After all, it was his feelings that had got him in this mess in the first place. She'd forgiven him, she'd forgiven him. He thanked the Force and all the gods and deities he could think of. She even wanted to do something with him while she stayed. Luke knew he was wearing a very stupid farmboy grin, and he didn't care at all. Suddenly an idea came to him, but would she go for it? And would he be able to keep control of his feelings in the situation? If he did it would prove he was serious, that he'd respect her wishes to just be friends. Chewing his bottom lip, he made up his mind.
------
Mara had been studying Luke as he thought. She was fascinated with the different looks that had passed over his face; that gorgeous smile, the frown, the worried glance he gave her. But it was what he did now that made her knees go weak. As his teeth played with his bottom lip she couldn't help but imagine what it would feel like kissing him.
This is going to be harder than you thought, Jade. Agh, why do I do this?
As she came out of her thoughts she realised he was looking at her funny. Had she gone too far, been too obvious? Oops, no, she recognised that look. He'd just said something and was wondering why she didn't reply.
"Um...pardon?" she asked, trying not to blush.
------
Luke sighed in relief. For one awful moment he thought he had gone past her limits. But no, she'd just been lost in thought.
"Uh...I was...well, I wondered if you wanted to go out tonight. For a meal. As a sorry. If you're busy or you don't want to, though, I'm sure I..."
"Farmboy, calm down. I'd love to. But being from such a fine upbringing in the Imperial courts are you sure you would be up to my taste?"
"Match it with the Imperial courts. Hum... in that case we could go now. I know an old run-down kaf stall down the road."
"Skywalker!" she laughed as he dodged her swat to his head
Fighting the relieved giggles that were trying to burst forth, he grinned at her.
It's going to be okay again! It really is!
"Okay, Jade. I'll meet you at your place tonight at 20:00 with somewhere booked. You just be ready to go. And no, you don't get to know where we're going. It's a surprise. I know you don't like them but tough luck!"
Mara laughed out loud at his choice of words. "'tough luck', that's not very Jedi-like!"
"Ahh, there won't be any Jedi tonight. No Emperor's Hand either! Just the farmboy and his psychotic best friend." he chuckled as he dodged another hit.
"Oohhh, you little..." with a grin Mara changed tactics and threw herself right at him. Laughing at his shocked expression as he landed on his butt, she headed off.
"See you tonight, farmboy, and don't be late." With that she finally disappeared through the roof's exit.
Grinning to himself as he brushed the dust from his clothes, Luke admitted tonight could be good fun. So long as he and Mara didn't have yet another fight. Sometimes he really didn't understand their relationship.
Whoa! Relationship! Where did that come from!? Friendship, farmboy, and don't you forget it!
It was then that he realised that someone was watching him. Spinning around, he saw a holo-reporter smirking at him from across the garden. He watched as the woman raised her camera and took a holo of him. He had the horrible feeling she'd been there a while and had taken quite a few.
Oh...sithing hell! That's just typical, that is. Oh well. I'll just have to pray that Mara doesn't see them. She'll go nuts if she's in them.
Quickly moving to the exit, he had a nagging suspicion he knew that reporter. And not for any good reasons.
T.B.C...
Authors note: once again please review. also if you'd like to see anyone or anything in the plot, give me a yell and i'll see what i can do. xxx