Title: Twisted Fairytale
Author: Kisu
Pairings: SasuNaru, ShikaIno
Ratings: PG-13 for people in the wrong places at the wrong time.
A/N: I keep rolling this chapters out because of a persistent rabid fangirl…er friend. XD And a made a large boo-boo I have to fix in all my chappies! Ino's eyes are Cyan! Not Teal! Because Teal is…slightly greener. My second chapter will be fixed on this mistake.
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.
Chapter 4: Of Scary Cousins and Cross Dressers
"JIRAIYA!" The angry yell echoed throughout the castle and the man in bed, jolted upright before falling on the floor.
"What is it my lord?" A woman said, sleepily as she wiped spittle off the side of her face.
"What's happening?" Another woman asked, as she slowly yawned and sat up on the other side. Jiraiya burned a bright red and looked around in fear of being caught.
"Oh my! What are you doing in my bed?" He asked. "I'm sure you two have your own respectable bed to sleep in." The two women who were clearly maids, because they were dressed in their maid outfits got out of bed and Jiraiya quickly shooed them out the door.
But that meant he had to open his bedroom door, which he was reluctant.
Because so much time had passed that she could have made her way to stand on the other side.
With shaking fingers, he turned the doorknob and flung the door open.
"Oooh." The two maids cooed at the display of Jiraiya's awesome strength.
Jiraiya sighed in relief.
No one was there.
Until a flash of blonde startled him and he took a step backwards and onto the foot of one of the poor young maids. She started beating him over the head with a feather duster to get him off but he paid her no heed.
Because he was staring at the doorway in horror where a young man was standing.
He was indescribably handsome and beautiful. With one lock of platinum blonde hair falling over the right side of his face and all the other strands falling around his face in soft spikes…the maids swooned to the floor.
"Ino, you've grown in a wonderful young man." Jiraiya managed before Ino's sharp cyan eyes twitched.
"I'm going to kill you, you disgrace of a man!" Ino managed as she drew a sharp sword from the sheath at her side. The sound of sharp steel echoed throughout the room as she raised it over her head and brought it crashing down, between the legs of Jiraiya. Luckily, she missed.
Or did she?
"I-I was just kidding, Ino." Jiraiya protested, as he pushed the maids off of him and scuttled on his feet.
"I'm going to skin you alive!" Ino screamed, angrily.
So this was the beautiful symphony of birds that the guests of Uzumaki castle woke up to.
Mmm…wonderful.
---
Well they were surprised at the person sitting in Naruto's chair at the dining table. It had been a week after Naruto had been kidnapped and she had come, just like Shikamaru had warned them. By the way, where was that lazy boy?
"Did Shikamaru come back with you, Ino?" Iruka asked in curiously.
"No, he decided to stay home this time." Ino replied. She reached over with her fork and stabbed a sausage with a violent jab. They all paled at this. Then, she dropped it on her plate and began to eat it neatly. She was so weird.
"So, you're Naruto's cousin?" Sasuke asked, speaking up for the first time.
"How disrespectful of you, Prince! Did Naru-chan give you the right to address him by first name?" Ino asked, infuriated at the incompetence of this Uchihan boy.
"Er…" Sasuke blinked, suddenly feeling fear for the first time in his life.
"You're the boy that stole Naru-chan's first kiss, aren't you?" Ino continued, waving her fork wildly. "If he wasn't in his lonely tower, sad and vulnerable, Orochimaru wouldn't have taken him!"
"So you're saying this is my fault?" Sasuke asked, banging on the wooden table.
"Hell yeah!" Ino screamed back. The words that came out of her mouth, made her pause for a second before her's cyan eyes widened. "You also made Sakura cry!"
"Who's Sakura?" Sasuke asked, as if she was a lunatic. Ino rose up out of her seat, dropping the fork in her hand and grabbed a spoon. Spoons would hurt way more than forks because they were dull and….Ino could turn anything dull into a torture weapon. Sasuke's eyes widened. Did he say the wrong thing?
"She has pink hair." Ino began.
…Uh oh.
"Green eyes."
…Hell…no.
"My best friend."
…Run.
"And you put frogs in her bathtub!" Ino yelled. "She's afraid of frogs!"
"Oh!" Sasuke blinked. "Her name is Sakura?"
Breakfast became a chaotic meal as Ino rampaged about to put Sasuke in his place. Everyone else was too scared to intervene. Within an hour, Ino had completed her mission. Sasuke was out cold and still seeing circling Naruto cherubs flying in circles above his head.
Two down.
Who was next?
Ino smirked.
---
"Ino-chan." Iruka said, desperately. "You can't keep on killing them off, who will rescue the princess?"
"I will." Ino said, simply. Iruka stared at her.
"All by yourself?" He asked, weakly.
"Of course. I don't trust all these perverts!" Ino frowned. "How could you have let this happen, Iruka?"
"My apologies, my lady." Iruka winced. This was going on his permanent record.
"It's not your fault, it's always Jiraiya's." Ino replied, as she brushed a lock of platinum blonde hair out of her eyes. The maids swooned and latched onto the walls as their knees felt like being turned to jelly. "What's wrong with them?" She asked, as they walked past the limp maids.
"Er. I have no idea." Iruka said, happily. "Let's go to the battle room to decide on the next plan of action."
Well that was the plan…until…
"NARU-CHAN!"
He returned.
---
"Where are you, fair lovely princess?"
"For you, the single most wonderful sun in my eyes."
"Brilliant and shining like the piece of extravagance you are."
"Who has stolen doth from me? I will seek revenge immediately!"
"For another taste of your sweet, sweet lips on mine."
The only son of the conniving Inuzuka merchant stopped in mid-ballad and froze. This scent was a new one. Just like the princess's jasmine scent, this scent was the scent of soft country apple. There was only one person in the whole Uzumaki territory that liked apples as much as the princess. His hands shook and Akamaru gave a questioning woof beside him.
"She's here." He said, hoarsely. His throat was dry and his heart was beating too fast for his liking.
"KIBA!" Argh, there she roareth.
The sole speaker of that lovely bellowing voice, (the maids swoon) appeared at the top of the stairs, glaring down at him. Cyan blue eyes flashed sharply and platinum blonde hair were tousled by the wind.
Kiba trembled in fear and turned around sharply. "Akamaru, attack!" He commanded. But his dog was halfway across the room and out the door.
"Sweet lips? How dare you speak of violating my cousin?" Ino yelled as she jumped off the railing, did a beautiful roll in the air and landed lightly in front of him. She was still angry because his father had sold her a jar of Jo's Metal Polish. But she had wanted Joe's Metal Polish, because the extra 'e' always made a difference.
Kiba quickly dug into his pockets for a jar of Joe's Metal Polish, which he kept in his pockets just in case to fend off scary cousins. "H-Here." He stuttered as he thrust a 20 oz. jar in front of him. Ino gasped in delight before snatching it from his hands.
"I'll let you off the hook this time, Inuzuka." She said, as she examined the beautifulness of the large jar. "But…you must do something for me."
"Huh?" Kiba felt uneasy all of a sudden and that smirk on her face was very, very scary.
---
Iruka stared.
Neji stared.
Hinata blushed. "Oh my, Kiba. You're so pretty."
Kiba stood with a heavy stain of crimson on his face.
"I present to you, "Naru-chan Decoy". Plan A of "Rescuing the Damsel in Distress"." Ino said. Kakashi stared and blood trickled out of the nose holes he had conveniently cut into his mask to make it easier for him to breathe.
Kiba had his hair; dyed blonde, dressed in a flowery print kimono and make-up that brought out the wonderfulness of his black eyes. "This won't work!" Kiba yelled, as he drew the kimono tighter. He loved the feeling of the soft silk material and it smelled of the princess's wonderful scent. But he was not going to parade around for some evil sorcerer who was possibly a pervert and a pedophile for blonde girls…er…boys.
"Naru-chan is way prettier." Ino said, nodding sagely. "But I'm sure this will do." She dug something from her pocket and Kiba stared. It was shiny and red and glossy. It made him want to throw up.
It was an apple!
"W-What are you doing? I never agreed to this!" He demanded, emphasizing the last word.
"Just hold it." Ino said. "Naru-chan loves apples."
"W-What?" Kiba gasped in shock. "I have to hold it?" Ino inched closer and Kiba gagged as the alluring scent of the ripe red apple filled his nose. Then, he fell face forward into a dead faint.
"It was a stupid plan to began with." A new voice made everyone look at the door and Sasuke stared at them. "What?" He had a killer headache from being bashed over the head so many times. He looked at the apple that was in Ino's hand and grabbed it, taking a bite of the fruit.
Everyone gasped in awe and Ino circled him.
"You will do." She smiled.
---
Sasuke stood, staring out at his audience with a scowl on his face. He was wearing a dark blue kimono with white flowers that brought out the color of his hair and deep ebony eyes. A soft blue obi was tied around his waist and flared out into a large bow in the back.
"Sasuke, you look beautiful!" Kakashi exclaimed, as he stepped forward.
"Get away from me, pervert." Sasuke replied, coldly.
"Smile more, Prince." Ino said. "Plan B of "Rescuing the Damsel in Distress". "Naru-chan Decoy: Version 2"."
"There is no way I'm going through with this." Sasuke frowned. Ino tsked and raked a hand through her hair, causing the background to shower with stars and a sudden breeze accenting the movement of her hair as it floated softly back down to its proper place (the maids swooned). "That was amazing." Sasuke whispered in awe.
"Thank you. It took years for me to perfect it." Ino smiled. "It's not easy to be the most handsome bachelor in the world."
Sasuke seemed to tune out the last part of Ino's gloating, because he was busy thinking of plan #153 to defeat Itachi. It was perfect! Even though the number was odd, it was still perfect! Itachi couldn't rake his hand through his long dark silky tresses like Ino could and Ino had more maids swooning then Itachi ever had.
Sasuke's eyes widened in delight, and a slow smile spread across his face. He would master the move and show up his brother at the Summer Ball, then the first heir of the Uchihan throne would be so embarrassed and his parents would praise him on how wonderful he was. Then they would beg for forgiveness for overlooking him all these years!
"Bwaha." He murmured, eyes still coated in that dreamy look.
Everyone else stared at him.
"I will help you rescue Princess Naruto." Sasuke said. "Wearing this…thing. But you must teach me that move you just performed." Ino thought hard for a moment before finally nodding.
"Fine, after we have rescued Naru-chan. I promise that I will teach you my, "Handsome Devil's Hair no Jutsu"." Ino declared.
"What's a jutsu?" Neji asked, curiously.
"I have no idea." Ino beamed.
---
But where was Princess Naru-chan now?
A man with long flowing dark hair and eyes like a snake's had kidnapped him. Now, he had been brought kicking and screaming into a castle, black in color with a very gloomy atmosphere. He was dumped in a room, and was left alone.
The drapes were black. The sheets and pillowcases were black. The carpet was a rich maroon and the candles flickered oddly. But worse of all, it was cold and it was dark. The windows beat with the rhythm of rain and a roll of thunder startled him.
This wasn't the Uzumaki territory! His blue eyes widened in fear as he grabbed the nearest pillow and waited as the door to the room opened slowly. Footsteps approached him, steadily and Naruto waited and waited.
Before lashing out at the person with his pillow.
"How dare you kidnap me and bring me here!" Naruto screamed as crocodile tears made its way into the corner of his blue eyes. Feathers flew from the pillow as it exploded and showered down onto them. He found himself looking upwards at a man.
With silky black hair framing a beautiful face. His dark ebony eyes were very intriguing as they watched him in amusement and the feathers made him look like a creature of the darkness.
Needless to say, Naruto was very turned on.
"Who are you?" He asked, hesitantly.
"I, my dear princess." The man said in a soft baritone. "Am your husband-to-be." He leaned onto a bed and raked a hand through his dark hair, somehow each and every silky strand fell back in its proper place. But there was no starry background, so Naruto wasn't very impressed.
"I've heard stories about you." The man continued as he leaned even closer. Naruto inched away only to have a hand catch his chin. "Beautiful with golden hair like the sun and brilliant blue eyes, the color of the skies. Now, I can finally meet you."
He leaned in to give him a kiss and Naruto gasped sharply.
Then his eyes narrowed and realized there was one thing he could do.
He kneed this man in the jewels.
---
A/N: You like? I'm pressed for time so I'll answer everyone's reviews later! XD