Title: Twisted Fairytale
Author: Kisu
Pairings: SasuNaru, ShikaIno
A/N: Replies to reviews will be at the end of the chapter! Thanks for R/R everyone! Cookies for all!
There is also some OOCness of a new character introduced into the fic! Well I hope it isn't OOCness…because he was hard to portray.
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.
Chapter 5: Of Wax Fruits and Ink Brushes
It was a beautiful afternoon. The sun was high in the sky and the temperature was just right. Nothing beat the day like lounging in the shade of a mighty oak tree and napping the afternoon away.
Shikamaru cracked an eye open and inhaled deeply. It had been a week since Ino had taken off to the Uzumaki castle. The blonde had been furious when he told her Naruto had been kidnapped. Still, deep within the depths of his mind, where it was not preoccupied about sleeping and procrastinating, he worried.
He was sure that while he had took the time to make it back to the Yamanaka Estate, Gaara was riding out toward the Desert Kingdom and Naruto was slowly being carried away to Orochimaru's latest hideout.
Stretching out his arms with a big yawn, he folded them behind his head and closed his eyes.
Ah…life was good.
He would worry later.
---
Naruto giggled as the man fell backwards, clutching his precious burden with his face contorted into an expression of pain. He hopped off the bed, managing to jump on the man's stomach before darting out the door.
"Stupid pervert." He laughed as he ran down the hall, having no way of knowing where he was going. He quickly glanced back his shoulder to see if anyone was following him and ran into something hard and solid. There was a grunt as they both fell to the ground.
Naruto shook his head and looked up as shiny swords were suddenly unsheathed and pointed straight at him.
"Eep." He whispered as he watched, a few guards help the fallen man up to his feet.
"Are you all right, dear?" A slender woman with dark hair held up with silver combs and mysterious dark eyes asked. The other man, presumably a very rich nobleman nodded and looked around. His eyes lit up when they landed on him and he waved the guards aside.
"Who is this?" He asked, curiously. "What a charming young lady."
Naruto frowned as he got up slowly and opened his mouth to speak.
"Father. Mother." The same soft baritone from before came from behind him and he turned around in surprise.
"Itachi, dear." The woman said, her eyes lighting up proudly. "Is this a guest of yours?"
"Itachi?" Naruto repeated, thinking hard on where he had heard this name before.
"Actually, I want to introduce you to the woman I have chosen to marry." Itachi said, regally as he swept into a bow. Naruto blinked. "This is Princess Naruto of the Uzumaki Kingdom."
"Uzumaki?" The man arched an eyebrow and smiled widely. "The farthest kingdom that reigns up North? You don't say."
"Wait a minute." Naruto said, slowly. "Where am I and who are you?"
"My dear, you are in the Uchiha Castle and we are the king and queen." The woman said, in amusement. "How did you get here by the way?"
"Uchiha?" Naruto repeated, softly. "Uchiha…Sasuke." With narrowed eyes, he turned to look at the dead sexy man behind him and his mouth dropped open in horror. "Uchiha Itachi. You're that perverted prince's older brother, Itachi!"
Itachi smirked and raked a hand through his hair.
Once again, Naruto was not impressed.
---
Everyone was born with some sort of mysterious sixth sense and Sasuke's was a radar. Actually all younger brothers that plotted their older brother's doom, was entitled to one. So Sasuke jumped when his Itachi-dar went off.
"Itachi is up to something." Sasuke whispered as he stared out of the familiar black carriage he was riding in. "Has he found out about my plan #153?" His black eyes narrowed as he turned around. "Who told him?"
Neji and Hinata had fallen asleep out of boredom across from him. Jiraiya was mumbling incoherent things and drooling on the upholstery and Kakashi was reading his latest perverted book.
"Did you say something, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, looking up. Sasuke frowned and whipped his head around to meet face to face with Ino.
Ino, who had insisted on riding outside of the carriage on her mare, smiled wickedly at Sasuke and banged her hand against the carriage door. The three sleepers jolted awake and looked around nervously.
"What?" Jiraiya grumbled, having been taken out of his fantasy world.
"I have just received word that a winged creature, possibly a dragon…or Orochimaru-deformed, was headed to a kingdom to the South." Ino told them. "Now the question is, do we go east or go west?"
"Wait a minute!" Neji said, shooting up and out of his seat. He pushed a scowling Sasuke aside and glared at Ino. "The only kingdoms to the South are the Hyuuga Empire which lies east and the Uchiha kingdom that lies along the west coast!"
"Do you mean Naru-chan has been taken to one of these kingdoms?" Jiraiya bellowed as he pushed Neji aside with a massive hand.
"Seems to be so." Ino said, calmly.
"Then it must be…" Sasuke whispered. "Itachi!" Kakashi dropped his book and turned to stare at his young charge.
"What of the first prince?" Kakashi asked.
"Itachi must have ordered Orochimaru to kidnap Naruto, so he could find out about my 152 plans on defeating him!" Sasuke gasped. "I'll kill him!"
"…." Everyone gave him a blank stare.
---
Meanwhile in the desert, Gaara was dutifully making his way through the sand dunes to the Desert Kingdom. Of course, it had taken him awhile because he set his camels free and continued on feet. Then, after a day or two, he had realized that he had made a mistake.
The sun was scorching high above and the heat from the sand was seeping in through his leather sandals.
"Open Sesame." Gaara said, looking up. All at once doors seemed to move out of the sand and opened wide to reveal the entrance to the Desert Kingdom. "Must have been another sandstorm." He frowned. The kingdom was always buried after sandstorms and no one could ever find it. But Gaara could because from the point where he always set his camels free, he would count 10,238 footsteps to the north and 31,765 footsteps to the east. Therefore, he could always find it.
Other people chose to ride the train that went underground to the palace but Gaara decided that was for weaklings. So, as a man, he would take the hot journey on the foot. It also gave him a wonderful tan and an adventure!
"Welcome home, Prince Gaara." The guards said as he stepped through the gates. The doors slammed behind him and a cloud of sand erupted into the air. Gaara coughed and blinked his watery eyes in irritation.
"Stop doing that." He ordered. "Or I'll kill you."
"Yes, your highness." They said, solemnly.
"Incompetent people, nowadays." Gaara muttered as he made his way through the town.
It was mid-day before reaching the palace, where his mother, the Desert Empress awaited his arrival. His father was probably at some tavern, drunk off his ass. Or he could also be in the company of one of his 15 wives.
Like Gaara who took solely after his mother, the Empress had jade green eyes and rich auburn hair. She sat in her throne, clad in white robes that reached the floor.
His older sister and brother stood next to her, (from different mothers of course) watched as he approached the throne and bowed respectfully.
"Gaara! Where is the princess?" The Empress asked, looking from him to the door in hope to see the spectacular girl.
"She was kidnapped, mother." Gaara explained, solemnly. The Empress gasped and banged her beautifully manicured hand onto the arm of the throne and stood up with a swish of silk.
"You must be so devastated, Gaara." She cried, running forward and enveloping the silent boy with a cloud of perfume. Gaara's irritated eyes watered some more and he sneezed, coughing slightly from his mother's perfume. Taking this as a sign of distress, she hugged Gaara tighter. "We must retrieve the princess! Don't cry, dear! Mother will make it all right!"
"Huh?" Gaara frowned, and sneezed as his eyes teared up even more. "What are you talking about, woman?"
"There, there. You don't have to hold it in." The Empress cooed as she flashed angry eyes to the guards that were standing around the room. "Get the Emperor! We will make haste!"
Startled, the guards ran out of the room. The Empress was violent when she was mad and enjoyed the spilling of blood. This was also one of the traits that Gaara received from his dearest mother.
Temari and Kankoru exchanged glances as they silently watched Gaara being suffocated by his mother. But neither made a move to try to stop her, because if Gaara was scary---the Empress was 10x more.
"Mother, let go." Gaara managed through his runny nose and watery eyes.
"My poor baby boy!" The Empress wailed, near tears herself.
---
"Damn perverted princes and perverted princes' brothers." Naruto frowned as he kicked the chair down with a huff. The king and queen stared at him as he folded his arms and pouted as Itachi calmly picked up the chair before holding it out for him. Naruto narrowed his eyes and plopped down onto it, still pouting.
Now you must wonder what was going on in their majesties' minds, so here it is.
The king was thinking rather perverted thoughts, because he had never seen a young lady as fine as this one. She must be lacking in the bust but she made up for it in her wild spirit and fiery temper. Plus, when she pouted, she was so adorable. You couldn't hate her for that, could you?
The queen was thinking, what a wonderful girl this princess was. She had a fiery temper and a wild spirit. Perfect for bearing grandchildren. The girl would have blonde hair and blue eyes and the boy would have black hair and black eyes. Just like the sun and moon, which was especially perfect because she was obsessed with astrology.
The stars knew all.
"What are you two thinking about?" Naruto frowned. He didn't like the giddy expressions on their faces. The two rulers blinked before pasting on very cheesy smiles and blinked innocently at him.
"Here, have some turkey!" The king offered as he plopped a turkey leg onto his plate. "You're all skin and bones!"
"I hate turkey." Naruto sniffed, turning his head away.
"Then have some prime rib." The queen suggested. "It's Itachi's favorite!"
"What about Sasuke's?" Naruto asked. They all turned to blink at him.
"Who?"
Naruto slapped his forehead with his hand and groaned. What the hell was wrong with these people? His blue eyes roamed around the table of meat and looked for something that wouldn't give him constipation. His eyes lit up as they landed on a bowl of fruit. He quickly leaned over and grabbed an apple.
"What are you doing?" The queen asked in horror. "Is that an apple?"
"I hope so." Naruto replied, as he settled back in his seat.
"No one eat apples…but him!" The king gasped.
"Him?" Naruto repeated, before biting into the juicy white flesh. Well…at least it seemed juicy until Naruto's face contorted into an expression of horror. "What is this?" He choked, spitting out the piece of..thing.
"It's wax, dear." The queen responded, happily. "They're for decoration!"
"…I thought you said..he ate them." Naruto frowned.
"Yes, he does…when he is at home." The queen nodded. Naruto rolled his eyes and fought the urge to grab a spoon and impale everyone.
Yes, it was a fancy trick Ino had taught him.
"He eats wax fruit?" Naruto gasped in astonishment.
"No, we just replace the fruit bowl with wax fruit when he's not at home." The king replied, with a bright smile.
An arm snaked around his waist and Naruto stiffened. "Come with me to my room." Itachi whispered, seductively. His other hand slowly reached over to lie on his thigh.
Naruto twitched before grabbing the nearest object, the turkey leg, and slammed it into Itachi's flawless face.
The king fell off his chair in shock. The queen fainted into her cranberry sauce and all the maids and servants gasped in horror.
"I'm going home!" Naruto yelled as he ran out of the dining hall.
Itachi slowly wiped the bits and pieces of meat and juices off his face with a napkin.
"She's wonderful, don't you think?" He said, in delight.
---
"What were you picking up earlier, young sir?" Kakashi asked. Sasuke slowly took out an object draped in cloth from his vest and opened it slowly. They had stopped at the inn for the night and all of them leaned in to get a closer look.
"I have discovered Itachi's ultimate weakness." Sasuke said, as he peeled off the tenth layer of fabric that was wrapped around the object. Everyone stared.
"Uhm, Cousin…" Hinata began. "Is that what I think it is?"
"I-It couldn't be." Neji whispered, in awe.
"I've been looking for that in so long!" Jiraiya gasped. "It's the one and only, limited edition-"
"Platinum ink brush with a mahogany wood handle, and horse hair from the tails of the finest silver horses." Sasuke declared. "Guaranteed to hold up to 5x more ink than a normal ink brush."
"I need that for my watercolors!" Jiraiya exclaimed. "I'll give you 50 gold coins for it!"
"I got it for 100 gold coins." Sasuke said, as he rewrapped it with the layers of cloth.
"Ten treasure chests!" Jiriaya continued.
"For a priceless look of Itachi's ugly face?" Sasuke asked. "Never."
"I'll give you the castle and its apple orchard and Naru-chan's hand in marriage." Jiraiya said. He pulled out a scroll from his pockets and laid it on the table.
Sasuke blinked thoughtfully.
The castle could be torn down for his private chateau.
The orchard would be great for his supply of apples.
The princess's hand in marriage would be…
He had to think long and hard for this one and he frowned.
Oh well, he could trade the princess for something else later.
With a bright smile, he reached out to shake hands with Jiraiya, until a sharp knife came crashing down between them. They looked up shakily at the one person that they had forgotten was there with them.
Ino stood, looking very displeased at the turn of the events, jerked her knife out of the table.
"I'll kill you." She whispered, her cyan blue eyes burning in anger.
Sasuke quickly grabbed his brush while Jiraiya grabbed his scroll.
Then they ran for their lives with Ino hot on their tails.
---
A/N: I love Sasuke's parents! Poor Sasuke! Lol. As the brush thing, I hope you all remember that Itachi is afraid of ink brushes. I mentioned it in the first chapter! If you guys forgot, then I'm sure you remember by now! XD
ShrioNekoNyao: Thanks for reading my fic! 3 And for that jutsu, Sasuke will own Itachi! Lol!
Iceheart19: Thanks for reading! I'm glad you like it.
SatanicRebel666: Thanks! Another wonderful reader who left me a nice review!
Chibichidori16: I must imagine that being kicked there would have hurt!
Jenniyah: Your review made me realize I had to fill in that one-week gap. Thanks for keeping me on my feet! They'll find out soon enough.
SukiAme: No I really enjoy your reviews! A pleasure to answer them! You were so right about the Uchiha Castle's description!