Title: Twisted Fairytale
Author: Kisu
Pairings: SasuNaru, ShikaIno
A/N: Nothing much to say, but thanks for all the reviews. This chapter was the boring of all. Writer's block...sighs
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.
Chapter 6: Of Random Babbling and Chocolate Syrup
After being detoured for a couple days in search for a healer to attend to Ino-inflicted wounds, the party made its way into the Uchiha Territory. But it would still take them a day to reach the castle because of its expanse, and Neji clearly reminded him on how small it was compared to the Hyuugan Territory.
Everyone did what he or she thought best and they ignored Neji.
"Wait a minute." Sasuke spoke up. "I can't pose as a girl, for this…Orochimaru! Who, I must say, could be in my castle!"
They all stared at them blankly.
"My castle!" Sasuke repeated, waving his arms angrily. "I have a reputation!"
"Indeed you do, young prince!" A voice boomed from behind them. Sasuke and Kakashi exchanged frightened glances before turning around very, very slowly. To their dismay, their proclaimed rivals stood in all of their green glory.
Yes. It was very frightening indeed. Sir Gai, was a proud man who wore dark green leggings and silk green shirts from the finest silkworms of China. His young apprentice, Rock Lee was a boy who followed him back from his visit of the Chinese Kingdoms. Therefore, they both sported black hair that had been cut into the shape of bowls.
"Gai, you're back." Kakashi said in a tone that he had wished the gentle green beast to stay in China for all eternity.
"That I am, Sir Kakashi!" Gai proclaimed, loudly. He broke into a grin, flashing his beautiful white teeth. "I cannot forfeit to my lifelong rival! Eh, Lee?"
"Yes, Sir Gai!" Lee exclaimed at Gai's nudge. He wore a traditional Chinese shirt and pants, in the same beautiful green hue that matched Gai's. "Your highness, I am your lifelong rival for the beautiful (deep sigh) Lady Sakura!"
Sasuke turned around as if noticing the boy for the first time and arched a beautiful aristocratic eyebrow. "Who?"
A fist slammed into Sasuke's head and the prince fell over with Ino standing behind him.
"Assault on Prince Sasuke!" Lee screeched in horror as he waved his hand wildly at Ino. "Assault! Assault!"
"Guards!" Gai bellowed as Kakashi and Sasuke stared at the duo.
All at once, officers of the Uchiha kingdom, all sporting nifty black headgear and armor surrounded them "W-Wait a second!" Hinata stammered. "She's a guest!"
"He!" Ino corrected, quickly. Before flashing a smirk at them. "Fine, arrest me."
"B-But!" Hinata began before Neji placed a hand on her shoulder.
"I didn't recognize you, Princess Hinata!" Gai exclaimed, quickly taking her hand in his. Hinata laughed nervously.
"Y-You must let Lord Ino go, Sir Gai." Hinata said. "He's a guest!"
"Even so, we do not tolerate assault on the second prince of the Uchihan throne." Gai replied, gently as Lee nodded in agreement. "Take him away!"
Sasuke's eyes widened. This was not in the plan! He still had to learn the ultimate move to defeat Itachi! Plan #153!
"No problem." Ino winked as she got her hands chained together.
They watched helplessly as Ino was taken away.
"How's that. Sir Kakashi?" Gai asked with a grin. "I have successfully guarded the young prince in an attempt of his life." Kakashi turned toward him, a bored expression on his face.
"Huh? Did you say something?"
---
Naruto sighed heavily. So the plan on going back home wasn't working. Why? One, their majesties wouldn't let him go home. Two, Itachi refused to give up the "love of his life". Three, the castle was too damn big and dark to escape from. Every turn turned into a maze, how can people live like that?
"There you are." Someone stepped out in front of him and he jumped, letting out a blood-curdling scream. The figure stepped closer to him and he abruptly shut his mouth.
"Oh. It's you, Prince." Naruto sighed, positively disappointed that it wasn't some murderer to kill him and get him out of his misery.
"Prince?" The figure chuckled and there was a rustle of fabric as the figure stepped into the light, emitted from the torches along the walls. "I'm afraid you are mistaken, dear Princess." The man had silver hair and blue eyes that were currently behind round spectacles. He raised a hand up to adjust them, catching the light.
"Why do I always get the perverts or weirdoes?" Naruto mumbled before putting in a doe-eyed look. "I'm lost, can you help me find my way out of here?"
"I'll do more than that." The man said, stepping even closer. He raised his hand and planted a kiss on the back of it. "I am Lord Kabuto."
"Lord Kabuto?" Naruto repeated, blankly.
"You are the most exquisite creature I have ever seen in my life." Kabuto said, smiling as he adjusted his spectacles again.
Having lived the life of a beautiful princess, Naruto had been given plenty more comments that were better than this pick-up line. So he smiled, his blue eyes wide with feigned innocence.
"I know." He said. Kabuto let out a laugh and pulled Naruto closer.
"You're modest too." Kabuto smiled, as he placed a hand around his waist. Naruto frowned and pushed away from him. Kabuto adjusted his spectacles.
"What are you doing?"
They both turned and looked at a newcomer who was hidden in the shadows. Kabuto scowled and wrapped an arm possessively around Naruto's waist.
"Just two people in love, out for a stroll in the hallways." Kabuto said. "Nothing to see, so mind your business."
"To whom are you talking to?" The prince of darkness stepped out of the shadows. Uchiha Itachi glared at him, a dark look on his face.
"Prince Itachi!" Kabuto coughed, uneasily.
"Unhand my fiancée." Itachi continued, staring down at Kabuto like he was some measly insect.
"You have forgotten Master Orochimaru's agreement." Kabuto said, with a sly smile. Itachi raised an eyebrow.
"Do enlighten me." Itachi replied.
"We were to kidnap Princess Naruto and bring her back for you. You will get the kingdom and the princess as your wife. But, we get the Uzumaki Territory and the kingdom." Kabuto said. "We also never agreed that the princess has to marry you."
"Oh?" Itachi murmured, raising his head. Naruto could have sworn is black eyes glowed crimson red for an instant. "Naruto, come here."
Well, better a psychopathic, power-hungry, and sexy man than a psychopathic, weird, slimy man. Naruto obediently struggled out of Kabuto's grip and ran behind Itachi. "I will let this event to slide, do not make me angry."
"Tch." Kabuto smirked before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.
"Princess…" Itachi began as he turned around. But Naruto was nowhere to be found. "Kabuto!" He stormed down the hallway, black cape swishing behind him.
---
Ino was ungraciously pushed into a stinky cell. She grumbled, as she looked around, willing to not let her clothes get stained by the murky slime that glistened on the walls. The air was stale and reeked of mildew.
"They really have to renovate this place." She commented, looking around. With a frown, she banged on the bars of the cell. "Hey! I gotta use the can!" She yelled.
"Use the one in the back corner, prisoner!" The guard yelled back, nastily.
"Stupid in courteous home wreckers." Ino muttered as she made her way to the back of the dark, damp cell. "When father finds out about this, he'll have their heads!" To her disgust, it was just a hole in the ground with a pipe that drained the waste to some unknown place.
"Help!" Came the muffled cry. Ino looked around quickly for the source of the voice before kneeling down, cautiously.
"Hello?" She blinked as she called softly into the hole.
"Get away from me! AHHHHHHHHH!"
Ino's cyan blue eyes widened to enormous discs and she banged her fist against the slimy wet walls. She could recognize that voice anywhere. "NARUTO!" She yelled in dismay.
---
Meanwhile, while Ino was talking to the potty hole with the guards listening in, (they thought Ino had gone off the deep end). Kakashi, Sasuke, Neji, and Hinata had made it into the castle and they were welcomed warmly with open arms from the Uchihan king and queen.
"Mother. Father." Sasuke bowed, formally.
"Dear! You're back!" The queen gushed as she ran over to embrace him, warmly. "My, how you've grown Itachi!" Sasuke twitched.
"It's Sasuke, mother." Sasuke corrected, grimly.
"Yes, yes. You look more handsomer every day!" The queen continued as the king smiled proudly from his throne. Neji and Hinata exchanged glances before they were enveloped in clouds of silk and warm kisses. Finally, after greetings were done, Kakashi spoke up.
"Your majesties. It is unfortunate to inform you that an evil sorcerer by the name of Orochimaru has kidnapped Princess Naruto and could have hidden her within this castle." He said, solemnly.
The king and queen burst out in mirth, chuckling and tittering endlessly. "Oh no, Kakashi dear." The queen said, wiping her eyes with a hanky. "The princess is Itachi's fiancée!"
"Yes, yes." The king nodded. "And the evil sorcerer you speak off could hardly harm a flea! Orochimaru is a good man."
"So, it's true?" Kakashi blinked, stunned at the new information.
"Yes, he is the court's sorcerer and part-time magician. Every kingdom needs one, you know." The king replied.
"So where is the princess and Prince Itachi?" Neji asked, with a frown.
"Ah, we don't know." The queen smiled. "You can look for them, yourselves."
"…"
Sasuke sighed and turned around to walk out of the assembly hall. "See you at dinner, dear!" The queen called out merrily. Sasuke shook his head before walking out the grand double doors with the others in tow.
---
"Get away from me!" Naruto screamed, fighting off his captor with tooth and nail. He paused and glanced and gasped in shock.
"Hello, your highness." The man smiled, broadly.
"It's you!" Naruto yelled, angrily as he stared at the man with creepy face and long locks of dark hair. "You brought me here!"
"Why yes I did, princess." The man beamed, widely. "Sit down, have some tea with me."
"I'll pass, thank you." Naruto replied. He wasn't going to move an inch toward him.
"Sit down." The man repeated, malice entering his smooth tone. Naruto narrowed his eyes before falling into the offered chair with a rustle of skits. Yes, he was wearing a dress and he hated the way it poofed up around him every time he sat down. "I think you have met, Kabuto?" He gestured to his left where the man from earlier entered, placing down a tray of tea and cookies on the table.
"Yes, I have." Naruto replied, snootily. "Now, get to the chase. I have important things to do…like going home." A dreamy look crossed his face as he thought of his beloved kitty, Ramen.
"I just want to know, what happened to the vessel of the Kyuubi?" The man continued, sipping his cup of tea delicately.
"Eh?" Naruto looked up from putting in his 20th sugar cube in his cup and he swirled the brown liquid with a spoon. "The Kyuubi?"
"You are the princess. So your father must have been the Fourth." The man said.
"King Fourth." Naruto replied, stubbornly. "Yes, he was my father and who are you by the way?"
"My name is Orochimaru. Once I was the most trusted advisor of King Sarutobi the Third." The man smiled. "But I betrayed him, thus-."
"Can I have a cookie?" Naruto interrupted, grabbing a Snicker doodle from the tray. The sugar was finally kicking in.
"Yes. Yes." Orochimaru waved. "Now as I was saying, I betrayed Sarutobi and-."
"These are good!" Naruto squealed, grabbing another cookie and stuffing it into his mouth. "You know, once I had this cookie that fell on the ground and Shikamaru just told me, "If it doesn't smile then you can eat it," So I picked it up and-."
"What nonsense!" Orochimaru yelled. "Cookies don't smile! I was talking and you rudely interrupted me!" Naruto sniffled and allowed the cookie in his hand to drop to the ground.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, crocodile tears slowly welling up in his big blue eyes. Orochimaru sighed before reaching over to place another cookie in Naruto's hand.
"Here, have a cookie." The evil sorcerer sighed.
---
Oh yes. It seems like Jiraiya has dropped out of the picture. He had magically disappeared after Ino chased him with a knife. After all if you have the gift why not use it? I mean, look at Orochimaru, he used his magic to get things that he wanted. Wealth, kingdoms, armies, and little boys...
Jiraiya on the other hand, used his magic to peek into women's baths. "Oh ho ho!" He boasted as he quickly scribbled into a small notebook with cheeks flushed red. "Data! Data!"
But like all little brothers who have radars on their older brothers, all good guardians had radars on their charges. Jiraiya happened to be very sensitive to his "Naru-chan-dar" and he fell over in shock as it went off. Unfortunately, he was sitting in a tree and he fell right over the branch and into the women's baths. This resulted in a very dangerous combination of ear-splitting screams and sharp nails.
Jiraiya had grown up with Orochimaru and they had both attended the "Academy for the gifted". After graduation, Orochimaru had left to fulfill his dream of being an evil sorcerer and Jiraiya as a smutty novel book writer/artist. How ironic for them to both end up in the Uzumaki Kingdom.
But they were somehow alike; they were both very protective of things that belong to them.
So Jiraiya shot up from being knocked unconscious by a flying bucket and used his magic to transport him right into the very lair of the snake.
"Naru-chan!" He bellowed. "How dare that filthy mongrel lay his hands on your innocent being! I will crush him!"
Orochimaru stood up in shock, seeing his old comrade appeared magically in front of him. He had thought the old geezer had past away long time ago from blood loss, of his perverted ways of course.
"Jiraiya, long time no see." He drawled, momentarily regaining his coolness. Jiraiya glared at him before gazing at his young charge that had passed out after a high sugar dose and was drooling over the sofa he was laying on. Kabuto stood nearby, fingers itching to touch the innocent princess.
"What did you do to Naru-chan?" Jiraiya demanded, angrily. "If you touch one hair on her precious head." Orochimaru stealthily walked over to the sleeping blonde and ever slowly, brushed a few strands of golden hair out of Naruto's face.
Jiraiya gasped.
"DIE!" He bellowed.
---
"Kisame! Have you found the princess?" Itachi demanded, strolling into his study. The man in the chair, who looked freakishly sharky, glanced up from roasting a marshmallow over the fire in the fireplace. All around him were chocolate wrappers and graham cracker crumbs.
Itachi twitched.
"Nooo." Kisame replied, slowly as he pulled his perfectly golden marshmallow out of the fire. "Do you want a s'more, your highness?"
"No, I want the princess!" Itachi replied with a frown. "Why are you eating in here? Who gave you permission?"
"They're really good, highness." Kisame said, munching on his s'more. Itachi frowned before sitting down behind his desk.
"Fine, make me one." Itachi said. "I want the marshmallow to be burnt."
"Burnt?" Kisame wrinkled his nose in disgust. "That's so gross."
"You're one to speak." Itachi replied, coldly. "Now make me a burnt marshmallow s'more. No chocolate."
"What?" Kisame looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Then it defies the meaning of s'mores!"
"You know very well why I don't want chocolate." Itachi whispered, lowly. Kisame gave a brief nod.
He was Itachi's most trusted companion in the castle and he knew Itachi's weaknesses. One of them were ink brushes, he was deathly afraid of anything permanent going onto his flawless face. The second was chocolate, which gave Itachi breakouts.
So Kisame solemnly burnt the marshmallow and placed it between two graham crackers before handing it to the prince.
Just as Itachi was about to bite into it, the door of his study slammed open. Sasuke, stood in the doorway—breathing heavily.
"Itachi! Where have you hidden the princess?" Sasuke demanded. With flourish, he pulled out the his secret weapon, rolling it out of the heavy folds of fabric and brandishing it in the air.
Itachi gasped and dropped his s'more.
It was a brush! Not any brush but…
"Yes that's right." Sasuke smiled, waving the brush. "I also have this!" He dug into his pocket and brought out a handful of chocolate syrup.
"Y-You dare!" Itachi hissed, standing up abruptly. Sasuke smirked before flinging it at Itachi. His older brother stood, rigid in shock as Kisame flew across the desk.
"Noooo!" Kisame yelled, as time seemed to slow down.
The handful of chocolate syrup hit Kisame, square in the face and he fell to the floor.
"Kisame!" Itachi gasped, touched by his servant's loyalty.
"Run, your highness. I can only do so much for you." Kisame whispered as he closed his eyes. Itachi flung his arms up, dramatically.
"No! Kisame!" He wailed. Sasuke stood, hands sticky from chocolate syrup.
"What idiots." He muttered.
---
While all of this was happening, Hinata and Neji were taking a stroll in the gardens.
"Hey, look." Neji murmured as he unzipped his jacket. Hinata watched as a cat bounded out of his jacket. Not any cat, but Ramen. Who was also Naruto's beloved kitty.
"Neji, you took the princess's cat?" Hinata gasped in shock.
"He wanted to come along." Neji said, defensively.
Hinata shook her head and sighed.
---
TBC! This was all babble but I hoped you enjoyed it!