Author: Kisu
Rating: G
Pairings: SasuNaru? (ItaNaru pending), InoShika
A/N: Yay! Another chapter! I'm not sure if I should turn this into an ItaNaru, what do you guys think? Read and Review! Thanks a lot!
Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me, but I have a cute figurine of Sasuke! XD
Chapter 7: Of Proper Manners and Secret LairsOnce upon a time, a little girl was born to proud parents. This little girl was named Sakura, for she was born in the season of spring, when the cherry blossoms were in bloom.
What a beautiful daughter we will have if she looked exactly like the cherry blossoms, her parents thought.
So just like if it was a freaky coincidence, the girl grew into a ripe year of one. She took on the features of the cherry blossoms.
Her hair became as pink as the petals of the budding flowers. Her eyes turned into the color of fresh new leaves on the trees.
How very freaky indeed.
Nevertheless, she proclaimed herself fairest in the land. Well, in the Uchiha Territory at least.
She was a best friend with a young lord who lived in the Uzumaki Territory. His name was Ino, but he was actually a she. It was a very complicated situation, so Sakura hid the fact that Ino was a girl from her parents. Duke Haruno and Duchess Haruno adored the young lord, Ino. This was because they both had pure Japanese lineages and Ino was wealthy.
Now, Sakura was raised as a proper lady with proper manners. She never did anything improper and that pleased the Duke and Duchess, because she was so positively proper. But, she still liked to hang out with Ino, even though Ino did not do proper things.
Ino liked to lie on the grass, run through the rain, and arrange flowers.
In Sakura's case, she had to have a proper blanket on top of the grass so she could lie properly down. She would only run through the rain with a proper umbrella and…arranging flowers? No, she believed that arranging flowers was the most improper thing a proper lady like she could not do.
Because those flowers were dead and living things were "in" right now.
---
One bring sunny day, while Sakura sat in her parlor, she thought of a certain young prince she had her eyes on. You would think since she grew up with Ino, she would chose a proper husband-to-be. One that was warm and considerate, loving and kind, and would always listens to her. Perhaps, a man with hair the color of the sun, and eyes a brilliant shade of blue. So, Sakura did the most proper thing to do. She properly chose a man that was opposite of her parents expectations.
She wanted to marry a prince that had the coldest heart. One who chose to ignore her and positively had no interest in her. One who probably had an interest in the opposite sex after kissing a cross-dressed boy.
She wanted her husband to have dark hair and even darker eyes.
Yes, it was the one and only, Uchiha Sasuke.
He really flipped her switch.
With a soft, dreamy sigh, she ran her hands along the ivory keys of a grand piano.
After all, Sasuke had the most adorable ways of showing his affection.
Not pulling out a chair for her, slamming the door in her face, and the frogs!
He had snuck frogs into her bathtub without her knowing. It was even more romantic than rose petals!
"Sasuke." Sakura gurgled as she melted into a puddle.
---
A princess would awaken after her true love's kiss. So, what if the princess was a boy?
Jiraiya and Orochimaru had settled into an argument of who should kiss the sleeping princess. Which I must say, looked simply delicious with drool pooling around a whiskered cheek.
"Fairytales are fairytales!" Jiraiya snorted. "I say you let me kiss her!"
"What? You perverted man!" Orochimaru gasped. He flung his cape back with flourish and sat down in his chair. "I say you let my obedient servant kiss her."
Hearing the wonderful news, Kabuto hovered around the sleeping princess with a grin on his face. He raised his hand up to adjust his spectacles.
"Him?" Jiraiya stated as he turned to stare at Kabuto. Then, he fell off his chair in hysterical laughter.
"Are you done?" Orochimaru asked after a few moments.
"Wait." Jiraiya said, holding his hand up. He took another look at Kabuto before breaking out into a fresh wave of high pitch giggles.
Orochimaru glowered at him and poured tea for the two of them. After all, aren't old friends supposed to have tea together? When Jiraiya finally recollected himself, he got up and sat back down in his chair.
"How many?" Orochimaru asked, daintily holding onto the tongs for the sugar bowl. Jiraiya paused thoughtfully.
"10."
Orochimaru happily placed 10 cubes in Jiraiya's cup of tea and placed 10 in his own. But wait! He added one more! Seeing this, Jiraiya snatched the tongs up and place another sugar cube in his cup.
Orochimaru narrowed his eyes and dropped 5 more sugar cubes in his tea. Jiraiya copied his move.
"Master." Kabuto said, loyally. "You shouldn't have so much sugar, it's bad for your heart."
"Nonsense Kabuto." Orochimaru said, without dropping his gaze from Jiraiya. "Sugar is good for your heart! Bring me another bowl." So Kabuto, being the ever-loyal servant he was, went to fetch his master another bowl.
"Here you are, you wickedness." Kabuto smiled, his spectacles glinting as his eyes darted to the sofa that the princess was sleeping on.
"You flatter me." Orochimaru grinned before resuming the sugar cube fight.
After 5 and a half bowls later, the two men slowly picked up their spoons and stirred their sugary tea paste. It was no longer a liquid. Then, challenging each other with a glare, they brought their cups to their lips and chugged it back.
Orochimaru gagged, gripped his heart and he fell of his chair. Jiraiya smirked in triumph.
"Master! Your most evilness!" Kabuto gasped, as he poked the evil sorcerer in the side.
Poke. Poke. Poke.
---
"Sasuke!" Itachi shot up out of his chair. "You've gone too far!" His hand slowly pulled out the drawer on his right side. "I didn't think it would come to this."
Sasuke stared, moving his body into a defensive stance.
Itachi's hand reached in and took out something red and shiny.
Was it an apple?
Sasuke's eyes widened. No…it was a…tomato!
Tomatoes were Sasuke's favorite fruit in the world besides apples. Itachi held it out to him and Sasuke cautiously took a step forward.
"Red shiny fruit." Sasuke mumbled, his eyes still on the beautiful specimen.
Then Itachi closed his fingers so the flesh crumbled in his hand slowly. Sasuke stared in horror as the beautiful yellow seeds in the pulpy insides trickled through Itachi's fingers.
With his mouth opening and closing in horror, he pointed a shaking index finger at him. "You're mean!" He yelled as his dark eyes shone with unshed tears. "That tomato was innocent! Innocent!" Then he looked around the room before knocking a chair over. "How do you like that, huh?"
"Pick that back up." Itachi ordered in his monotone.
"I'll have you know! I stole your fiancée's kiss and I liked it!" Then, Sasuke blindly tore out of the room with chocolate syrupy hands over his face.
Itachi glanced at the mess in his hand and moved his arm so it was over Kisame's face. Then, he casually dropped the squashed tomato and wiped his hands on the man's tunic.
Then it occurred to him. The princess's first kiss had been stolen by his brother? His younger brother? Itachi gasped in horror and swept his cape behind him and stalked out of the library.
And poor Kisame lay on the ground, forgotten.
"What about me?" Came the weak cry from Itachi's study.
---
"Maybe we can rescue the princess." Hinata stated happily. Neji just stared at her as if she was nuts. Then, he turned back to the pretty white fat cat who was curiously peering around him.
"Ramen. Meow, meow." Neji called, as he picked up a stick. He threw it over the garden's brick wall and clapped his hands. "Go get it boy! Go get it!"
Ramen just stared at him. Then, he turned back around, swishing his fluffy tail back and forth.
"Uhm." Hinata murmured. "Cats don't retrieve sticks."
But Neji, known for his persistence, picked up another stick. He waved it back and forth.
"Cousin-." Hinata began again.
"Shh!" Neji shushed her and threw the stick over the brick wall. "Go get it, Ramen! Go get it!"
The cat stared at him before trotting over to the brick wall. After several tries, the cat managed to climb up the vines and jumped over the wall. Ramen gave a yowl that strangely began fading at an incredible rate. Neji ran over to the wall and scampered up the wall before staring in horror.
"Neji?" Hinata asked, as she stood below him. "What's wrong?"
Oh, nothing was wrong. Neji smiled nervously as he watched a white object meet the water. He had forgotten how tall the Uchiha castle was and the fact that the castle was surrounded by a moat.
"Oh, he'll be back later." Neji said, climbing down with great leisure.
Hinata was suspicious. "He didn't fall into the moat, did he?"
"No, of course not." Neji replied as he sauntered back through the gardens. "I'm hungry, let's go eat."
"But we just had lunch." Hinata blinked.
---
Kakashi was wondering where his young charge was. When he left him, Sasuke had been muttering about chocolate syrup. It was quite amusing when the two engaged in their feuds. Sasuke was a very complicated boy. At times, he positively adored his older brother. Then, there were times when he wouldn't hesitate to take a knife and gut Itachi.
Of course in turn, Itachi absolutely adored his little brother from his spiky dark hair to his pale little toes. But he was not willing to share with him because he was very possessive. Well, that seemed like bad news for his young charge since they both fancy that weird blonde princess.
With a sigh, he flipped the page of the trashy novel he was reading and glanced up when he heard rushing footsteps.
Ino, with her hair tousled and her shirt torn from escaping the guards stopped in front of him.
"You!" She snarled, pointing her stolen sword from him.
"I?" Kakashi asked, gazing at the girl's body in absolute fascination. Ino bound her chest with bandages in order to keep up her façade a boy, and right now, the bandages were a little visible through one of the tears in her shirt. The trashy novel fell from his hands as he quickly pulled off his tunic and handed it to her. "Wear this!" He said, trying to maintain his composure. Ino eyed him warily and slowly took the shirt from him. Then, with incredible slowness, she pulled the tunic over her head, arms rising to expose her toned stomach.
Kakashi raised a hand to his head and clutched the wall when he felt lightheaded.
"Ino-chan!" Another pair of rushing footsteps and a pink blur rocketed toward Ino. Ino gasped and held out her hands, but the blur tackled her and she fell to the floor.
"Sakura." Ino groaned. "You're so rough."
That said, Kakashi's imagination ran wild. Not to mention that Sakura was on top of Ino and was straddling her waist. Both girls were out of breath and their clothes were tousled.
So Kakashi gave in as blood spurted from his nose and he fell to the ground in a dead faint.
"What a pervert." Ino sighed as she shifted. "Sakura, get up."
With that, the pink blur was now known as Sakura. "Ino-chan." Sakura wept as she clung to her. "I can't find Sasuke anywhere. I want to see him!"
"Did you try the kitchen?" Ino asked. Sakura straightened and wiped her tears away in a very proper manner.
"T-The kitchen?" She blinked.
"Yes, I passed by there and the prince was talking to some tomatoes." Ino said.
"His highness will never do that!" Sakura gasped. Ino shrugged.
"Oh well, I have to go." Ino said. "I'm looking for Naru-chan."
"Your cousin?" Sakura blinked. "What is he doing here?"
"She." Ino corrected as she looked around for any eavesdroppers. "It seems like she's Itachi's fiancée."
"What?" Sakura gasped. "His royal highness's fiancée? But his royal highness would not look at any other lady that wasn't as fair as he! Everyone was beginning to think he was…gay."
Ino stared at her.
Sakura blinked.
"Oh…"
----
How exciting life in the Uchiha Castle was! By the time that the sun had begun to fall, Orochimaru woke up from his mild sugared heart attack.
"Master!" Kabuto gasped, helping the man up.
"My head." Orochimaru whined.
"About time." Jiraiya grumbled. He still had a hangover from the sugar tea paste, but he took it like a man—not a sissy like Orochimaru.
"Why didn't I think of this sooner?" A voice interrupted their grumbles and whining, and they watched as a dark figure walked toward them.
The prince of darkness, Uchiha Itachi had arrived.
They both stared as Itachi ran a hand through his hair, each strand falling back into place. Orochimaru was impressed but Jiraiya was not.
"I see how it is." Itachi said. "You stole my lovely fiancée from me and hid her here! So you can have your way with her!"
"Huh?" Orochimaru blinked.
"I, Uchiha Itachi will not let you!" Itachi hissed, drawing his sword.
But a soft moan, made them turn to stare at the sofa where a beautiful young beauty was waking up. Itachi lowered his arm, fascinated by the creature as fair as he, but of course, he was much more fairer. Quickly he strode over to her and clasped her hand in his.
"Beautiful maiden, come with me to the cherry festival tonight." Itachi said as he planted a kiss on her hand.
Naruto blinked owlishly at him and covered his mouth with a yawn. Jiraiya suddenly shot out of his seat.
"Who is that, touching my Naru-chan?" Jiraiya yelled, pointing at the prince. Itachi, got up and glared at the man. "If anyone wants the dear princess, he must go through me!"
So, Itachi swept into a deep bow. "I ask for the princess's hand in marriage." Jiraiya looked shock for a moment, before bowing respectfully.
"Of course, your royal highness." He replied.
The door was slammed open and Orochimaru shrieked in rage.
"Has everyone discovered my secret lair?" He demanded. "Kabuto! You worthless thing!"
"Master! Forgive me!" Kabuto returned.
"Itachi!" Sasuke stood, glaring at him. "Don't you think of touching him!" His eyes were a little red from crying, and his lower lip was still jutted out in a pout. Itachi thought that his murderous little brother was just precious.
"Him?" Itachi repeated in confusion.
"The princess is a boy!" Sasuke yelled, pointing at Naruto. Naruto blinked sleepily at him. A shock expression crossed Itachi's face as he looked from Naruto's face to Sasuke's. Then, he caressed Naruto's cheek with a sexy smile.
"Even better." He breathed.
"ARGH!" Sasuke stomped his foot. "I will avenge that innocent tomato and take the princess away from you!"
"Boy?" Orochimaru repeated. "Did he just say that the princess is a boy?"
"You damn prince!" Ino appeared behind Sasuke and slammed her fist down onto his head. Sakura squealed in protest. Then, acting on instincts—Ino stepped forward. "I am the vessel of the Kyuubi and I have come to kill you, Orochimaru!"
"Assault!" They stared as Lee ran in. "Assault on his highness! Capture the escaped convict!"
"No!" Sakura gasped, coming in between the two.
"Lady Sakura!" Lee cried. "You will protect this…criminal? How noble of you, fair lady." He closed his eyes, head bowed. "I do not deserve to be in your presence."
"This is my secret lair!" Orochimaru yelled in frustration. "I'm supposed to be the evil sorcerer in this story! Fear me! Roar!"
Thus, poor O-chan was ignored.
The brothers continued to fight over the unaware princess.
Lee continued his speech to the Lady Sakura, while she clung to Ino.
Jiraiya had fallen asleep.
But no one noticed that Kabuto had dragged Naruto away.
"You'll be mine." He cackled, as his spectacles flashed.
"Huh?" Naruto blinked, sleepily.
Poor Naruto.
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R/R! Tell me if you want it as SasuNaru or ItaNaru! Thanks! 3