Kelly's Worst Nightmare

The next day part of the Misfits walked down the hallway of a swank hotel. "Well if we're gonna be stuck babysitting Kelly at least we'll do it in style," Althea remarked. Lance, Todd, Fred, Pietro and Wanda were with her. "So what did Kurt have to say in his e-mail Todd? Anything new?"

"Oh nothing much. Just some nut broke into the mansion yesterday and tried to wipe out the X-Men all by himself," Todd told them. "More specifically Gambit."

"Who doesn't want to kill Gambit?" Lance snickered. "But I think that honor should be reserved for Rogue."

"Yeah well it took the whole team to subdue him," Todd told them. "They got him stashed down in the med. bay. He's some kind of mutant whack job. According to the Elf he kept going on about the end of the world and the destruction of mutantkind and he was from a future that shouldn't happen and how it was all Gambit's fault, yada yada yada…"

"Whoa," Fred shook his head. "Sounds like Xavier ain't the only one who's been spending a little too much money on alcohol if you get my drift."

"Yeah well Xavier wants to check out his head a bit before they decide what to do with him," Todd told them.

"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?" Senator Kelly shouted at General Hawk and Shipwreck as the Misfits entered the room. "HAVE THOSE DELINQUENT FREAKS AS MY BODYGUARDS? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"

"Speaking of headcases," Lance grumbled under his breath.

"Senator it makes perfect sense if you think about it," Hawk said not too diplomatically. "Who else better to protect you from mutant assassins than other mutants?"

"But does it have to be these mutants?" Kelly roared. "My god! I was their principal once! I know these maniacs! They shouldn't be let loose without a leash!"

"Keep talking like that and mutants will be the least of your problems," Shipwreck growled as he grabbed him by the shirt. "Understand?"

"Trust me," Lance grinned as he pointed at Shipwreck. "He's a lot more dangerous than any one of us!"

"Like it or not Kelly you're stuck with us," Pietro folded his arms. "So we're all just gonna have to learn to live together for the next few days until the hearings are over."

"Then you can get blown up on your own time," Shipwreck remarked as he and Hawk left the room. "Watch him kids."

"Great," Kelly grumbled. "Stuck in a room full of mutants."

"You shouldn't complain," Todd told him. "A mutant has been following you since this morning."

"What?" Kelly blinked and felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and saw nothing.

Then Xi appeared. "Hello," He grinned.

"YEAHHHH!" Kelly startled and backed away. "What are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?"

"Yeah right," Pietro scoffed. "We're not that lucky!"

"Listen to me you little punks," Kelly growled. "You'd better watch your step…"

"No you listen," Althea stood toe to toe with him. "Did it ever occur to you that it's stupid remarks like that which are making you a target in the first place? As much as I'd love for you to drop dead on your bigoted butt right now, our job is to make sure you that you don't get bumped off by mutants that hate you even more than we do!"

"And believe me, that's an accomplishment in itself," Lance growled.

"I'll bet Mystique's probably in on this," Wanda said. "She never did get over him horning in on her job as principal!"

"What?" Kelly looked perplexed as he sat down on the bed.

"Oh that's right you wouldn't know," Pietro said. "Short story, our old evil boss Mystique a.k.a. Principal Darkholme a.k.a. Risty Wilde really has it out for you."

"Wait are you telling me that Principal Darkholme and Risty Wilde were the same person?" Kelly blinked unable to comprehend this information. "How is that possible?"

"She was a shapeshifter duh!" Fred told him.

"A mutant terrorist once ran Bayville High? Well that explains a lot of things!" Kelly groaned. "Not to mention that collection of AK-47s I found in the drawer of my desk."

"She's also Rogue and Kurt Wagner's mom," Xi remarked. "Which explains why they are so screwed up."

"Well having Magneto as a father would screw anybody up," Pietro remarked.

"You should know," Althea quipped. "But only Rogue's related to him."

"Magneto?" Kelly blinked. "I've heard of him. Isn't he supposed to be one of the world's most dangerous mutants?"

"Yup," Fred nodded. "Also he's Quickie's and Wanda's dad too."

"Oh this is really changing my position on mutant registration!" Kelly snapped sarcastically. "I knew you mutants were screwed up but I had no idea how screwed up!"

"Hey it's not our fault we had bad home lives," Pietro made a face.

"But we're doing much better now," Fred grinned and pulled out a sock puppet from his pocket. He put it on his hand. "Right Mr. Socky?"

"Si senior!" Mr. Socky replied.

"Oh god no…." Kelly's eyes widened in horror. "I'm a dead man!"

A few hours later General Hawk decided that maybe he should check on Kelly. He saw Althea standing guard at the door. "Password?" She asked.

"What password?" Hawk replied. "We don't have a password."

"And that's how I know it's you," Althea grinned.

"Dare I ask how it's going in there?" Hawk indicated with his thumb.

"Well after informing Kelly about some family background The Blob and the others decided to have an impromptu therapy session with sock puppets," Althea told him.

"If it was anyone else I would be worried about now," Hawk smirked. "Then what did you do to him."

"Well we tried to find out a bit more about his love life," Althea continued. "The Senator responded to our questions in a very rude manner by the way. This led Xi to conclude that Kelly was lacking in positive physical contact as a child. So he started to hug him. It took us a full hour to get him to unlock the bathroom door and come back out."

"How did you do that?" Hawk chuckled. "You didn't break down the door did you?"

"No but Kelly did once we started singing showtunes from Cats," Althea said. "Which is strange since he was very quiet when we did selections from Hair and Phantom of the Opera."

"Uh uh," Hawk was making an effort to hold in the laughter. "So what's going on now?"

"I think the Blob is now regaling him of stories of their rehabilitation," Althea opened the door for him.

"And when last we heard Granny is doing very well in Tahiti," Fred had his arm around a very sullen Kelly. "She's even opened up a bar there."

"Did I ask? Did I ask?" Kelly shouted.

"No and quite frankly I'm kind of hurt," Fred replied.

"What did I ever do to deserve this?" Kelly buried his head in his hands.

"Well to start with you're not very nice," Fred began.

"You have an ego that rivals my brother," Wanda continued.

"You don't like to listen to other people with different points of view," Xi said.

"And let's face it you're a jerk," Pietro said.

"Well I see that you all are getting along just fine," Hawk said.

"Fine? Fine?" Kelly shouted as he jumped up. "Do you know what these…people did to me? They tortured me with showtunes and puppet shows! That one attacked me!" He pointed at Xi.

"He only hugged you because he wanted to be your friend," Fred told him. "That's another problem you have, you're not very loveable."

"SEE WHAT I MEAN?" Kelly shouted. "GET THEM OUT OF HERE!"

"They can't leave," Hawk said matter of factly. "They're your bodyguards."

"YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME WITH THESE MANIACS!" Kelly shouted. "I DEMAND THE RIGHT TO HAVE HUMAN BODYGUARDS!"

"Sorry Kelly," Hawk said with a note of satisfaction. "But that decision is even out of my hands. You're stuck with them. Have a nice evening." He calmly walked out the door.

"Oh god no…" Kelly trembled as the door closed. "NO! NO! I CHANGED MY MIND! I DON'T NEED PROTECTION!" He clawed at the door but it was locked. "I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES WITH THE PEOPLE THREATENING MY LIFE! YOU HEAR ME? LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!"

"Now Senator," Fred grinned. "Let's take some deep cleansing breaths. Maybe we should sing some more songs?"

"Not the signing again!" Kelly shouted. "YOU PROMISED ME NO MORE SINGING! I'M GOING BACK INTO THE BATHROOM!" He ran into the bathroom again.

"And to think I wasn't gonna like this job," Lance grinned.