As if anything else can go wrong, my orders got all screwed up again. Not to mention how I knocked over a t-shirt rack and cracked one of our display cases. So now, Kelly has to pay for a new one. I offered to pay for it or at least help her pay for it, but she said not to worry. It was an accident. A mistake. That's an excuse for my entire life. It was just an accident. This whole thing was a mistake. A cruel joke. How did life get so hard? How can all this change over night? I don't get how all of a sudden everyone I come across wants to fight me. Insult me. Bitch me out. Even my so called friends... what is up with that? When is this gonna end?
Everyday something bad has to happen.. something has to go wrong. I haven't truly felt myself in a long while. I don't want to hold this burden anymore. I mean, what else is there? There's got to be more than this... Everyone that I thought had my back, I'm totally questioning. With Blake buggin' out, I just don't know..
Maybe this is all a bad trip.. a fucked up high..man, Tori's right.. I need to stop smoking trees with Shane.. And speaking of Tori – I don't understand us anymore. Our whole relationship is warped. I know how I feel.. but as for her, she's all confused. Whatever's been up with us sleeping in the same bed at night, throwing these jealousy trips, calling each other for no reason at all, and not to mention being physical – I am so dumbfounded, I just can't take it! And how the hell am I supposed to bring up the situation? I'm the one with the feelings. I'm the one who's constantly in emotional torture because she doesn't realize how much she hurts me. She doesn't get it. And I don't know if it's fair to her that I'm not spilling the truth. I mean, there are two sides to every story. My side is on it's death bed. Love is the worst hurt...and I wish I was able to let go. But she's too worth it.
Blake was my friend. I truly had his back. But apparently, he never truly had mine. And for Tori to stick up for him after all of this! For her to say that I'm wrong for feeling angry!! She hurt me so bad!
Now this dude, Frank, wants to kick my ass for no apparent reason. Kelly is mad at me. I've been fucking up at work. Ugghh!! Not to mention I can't sleep at night...can't land my freestyle jumps..Kelly thinks I need a break.. I can't even go out with a girl because I'm so hung up on Tori! I'm bracing myself.....what's next? What else can possibly happen?
"Dustin.." A voice through the crack of the slightly opened door. Kelly. I look over to see her peeking into the backroom, Where I sit, a mess, drowning in my own self pity. "It's 9, love...and you have a visitor." Kelly speaks softly. Almost as if she's afraid to disturb me.
"Thanks, Kel. Hey...I'm real sorry. I'm just...buggin' "I say, no expression on my face whatsoever.
"Don't apologize..just please get some rest." Kelly throws a concerned half-smile at me, before disappearing out onto the floor.
I sigh, sitting in a dimly lighted backroom. I don't want light. I don't want to see..or be seen.
I sigh and slowly make my way to my feet. I can't leave this girl hanging. I just can't. I walk out of the back room, smacked in the face by the bright light. I suck my teeth, squinting, my arm over my eyes.
"Dustin!" Ivette's cheery voice startles me.
"Hey." I say, not wanting to sound how I feel. As my eyes adjust, I notice how beautiful she looks, "Wow... Ivette...you look ...way nice."
"Awe.. I tried.. thanks.. you don't look so bad yourself." She says, giggling.
"Blah.. I look like shit...sorry." I rub my eyes. I must look like a dirty bum on the street. But whatever, I'm worked...
"So, you off?" She asks.
"Indeed, I am." I say, grabbing my bag of leftover tacos from earlier.
"Great!" Ivette says, adjusting her shoulder strap bag.
I wave 'bye' at Kel as Ivette and I make our way out to my car. Seeing her smile at me and hearing her gitty, happy voice makes me feel lighter. For a minute I almost forget how much my life sucks...almost...