Just a few things – this is definitely a WIP. And I tend to be very, very
lengthy in my stories (like 500 pages 10 pt font in a Word doc long), so
this could get long. This story is basically the story of Haley's journey
after high school – finding new friends, interacting with old ones, dating,
and all the little dramas life throws at you in between. I'm definitely
leaning towards this being a Naley (it will be throughout, if not
explicitly so until later chapters), and I'll consider other pairings.
We'll see what happens. Thanks for the awesome reviews – just keep them
coming, I love to read what people think of things, it gives me great
perspective!
Chapter Two – Freebird
If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me? If I stayed here with you, girl, well, things just couldn't be the same, Cuz I'm as free as a bird now, and this bird you'll never change.... Freebird – Lynyrd Skynard
September, 2006
"Shit, shit, shit," I mutter, having just slammed my knee into the edge of my desk, "Son of a bitch that hurts!"
Today is my first day at Tree Hill Community College, which might as well be Tree Hill High School extended diploma program, because that is seriously what it is. I'd assume 75% of the students at THCC are Tree Hill High grads, most of them from within in the last three years, so there will be few people I don't know. I can't decide if this is a good thing or a very, very bad one.
So, the good side is that I'm not nervous. Why would I be? It's barely even a new environment, what with the campus being about a half mile from the high school. Plus, it'll be a lot of the same faces. Of course, not the ones I want, but what can you do? On the other hand, I spent so much of my time with Nathan, Lucas, Pey, and Jake that I barely know anyone else, and those I do, I have no reason to like.
I'm not expecting things to be perfect. Obviously perfection is a state that just sets up everything that comes after it for a letdown – at least that's how it feels to me. Because as cheesy as it sounds, even in my own head, I had perfection. It was messy and it was rough and there were bad times, but it was also beautiful and charming and strong.
But my perfection is gone. So now I'm just looking for something comfortable, something stable. I guess that means that THCC should be perfect for me.
The phone ringing startles me out of my reverie. "Hello?" I ask, breathless after hunting around the room for the purse I left it in.
"Hey baby, I just wanted to wish you good luck on your first day of school!"
"Nathan! Well, I guess I could do the same for you. How are you, how's your second week in Connecticut going so far?"
He sighs into the phone. "I miss you. It sucks here. I'd even rather have my dad riding my ass about some stupid shit if it meant being there with you."
"Oh, it can't be that bad. What, do all the girls have horns and warts on their noses or something?"
He laughs a little. "I haven't noticed any other girls, but I'm sure they're fine. Like I told you before, my roommate is a complete tool, so he's sucking a lot of my enjoyment out of this whole thing so far."
"Have you met any of the guys on the team yet? Maybe they'll be better to hang out with. Just be careful – don't get too wild at basketball parties, okay?"
"I won't. What about you? How are you doing?"
"Well, I miss you. I miss everyone else, too. And I can't decide if I should be nervous or happy that I'll be at THCC where everybody knows my name."
I flop down on the bed. "It'll be fine, Haley J."
I laugh, and sound stupidly bitter even to myself. "How can you say that, Nathan? You, Pey, Jake and Luke are the only friends I really had. People probably think I'm some sort of exclusionary bitch or something."
"What if they do? Prove them wrong, show them what me and the rest of our friends and family know. Hales, you're gorgeous, you're smart, you're funny – people are probably glad the rest of us are out of the way so they can try and become your friend."
His words cause me to break out into a smile. "Thank you. You always know what to say to make me feel better."
"See? Some things don't change, even with a thousand miles in between us."
"Oh, Nathan," I sigh, sitting up. I move over to the closet and find shoes to wear to school. "We can't do this every time we talk, okay?"
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, forget I ever mentioned it."
"Nathan..."
"No, Haley. God forbid I tell you I love you and think it's asinine that we can't continue the relationship we built for almost three years. How dare I, right?"
I throw a shoe at the wall of my closet, smiling at the loud noise it makes on contact. "Nathan, I'm sorry I can't give you what you want. I'm just trying to make this easier on you, on us."
"Bullshit. You're a coward." I almost drop the phone when I hear the clicking noise that indicates he hanged up on me.
"Oh, my God," I breathe. I sit down on the floor, mostly in shock, but at least it makes it easy to put my shoes.
If I don't leave now, I won't have time to find an espresso stand on campus, which is imperative. At the same time, all I can think of is Nathan hanging up on me. It would be so easy to call him back, tell him he's right, but I know I can't. Maybe I am a coward, but I can't go back on this. We're 18 years old, Nathan can't even remember to make his bed every day, and I can't even bother to balance my checkbook – there is no way a long distance relationship between us would work out.
I grab the messenger bag I'm using as a backpack and jump in the car, and drive to school. I sit in the car for a few minutes after I turn it off thinking about Nathan and how this is my first first day of school without Luke when Brooke's car pulls in next to mine.
"Tutor Girl," she smiles as she jumps out of her car. I mentally curse myself for not having rolled up the windows. "Fancy meeting you here."
"Fancy how, Tigger? Where do the Unfortunates who don't leave Tree Hill go?"
"Tree Hill Community College," we sigh simultaneously.
"Yeah, jinx or something," she says, eyeing me, "So, how come you're here? Aren't you supposed to be some sort of genius or something? Don't they have fancy colleges in different states for people like you?"
"I'm no genius," I laugh, "And I can't afford to go to college out of state. So here I am. What's your sob story?"
She snorts. "My grades sucked, what else? I'm not a genius like you, I'm not a basketball star like your little boyfriends, and I'm certainly not an art geek like that other girl you're friends with."
I just shrug. "It was just a question, you don't have to be so defensive." A glance at my watch mercifully shows that it's time to go to class. "Well, got to go to English now. It's been....something, as always."
"English? 101?" I nod warily at her look of glee. "In room 105? Oooh, we have a class together, Tutor Girl! Isn't that exciting?"
God, not really. "Sure, exciting," I repeat dully.
She links arms with me. She actually has linked arms with me and is dragging me through the measly little campus that is THCC. The thing is, I barely know Brooke. Sure, if a few things had gone down a little different, I'd probably know her pretty well, but the fact is, they didn't. And I don't. So her proprietary attitude toward my arm right now is throwing me off.
She chatters the whole way there; something about how we can study together, I think. My mind is having a really hard time wrapping around any of this, so her words aren't really penetrating.
All of a sudden I really miss Peyton. It's not that Brooke reminds me of her, because she doesn't. They've very different; even when they were best friends it was clear how different they were. Maybe it's just having another girl to talk to or something, I don't really know.
"Are you even listening to me?" she bursts out, sounding peevish.
I nod. "Yeah, kinda. Sorry."
She rolls her eyes. "Fine. Look, I'm perfectly aware that at the very, extreme least, there are four other people you'd rather be around right now. But they aren't here, and since you and your little Pretty Posse kept so much to yourself, I thought you could use someone to talk to."
It's my turn to roll my eyes. Pretty Posse? "Brooke, are you trying to say that none of your friends are going here, and you need someone to cheat off of on tests?"
She drops my arm; I guess she has more pride than I gave her credit for. She doesn't say anything as she walks off, and for some reason I feel obligated to call her back. "Brooke? I'm sorry, it's just been a bad week or two."
She turns around and nods. "Apology accepted. And for the record, I'm not a good student, but I don't cheat."
"I should've known; if you had, I'm sure you'd be off at some fancy college, right?"
"Yeah, if I'm going to do something, I'd do it right. So if I was a cheater, straight A's would've been it for me. Heh, like you."
"Yeah, excepting with the cheating."
"Whatever, I didn't and I don't plan to, so it's irrelevant."
"I guess so." We arrive at the door of the classroom, watching as at least nine people we just graduated with in June walk in the room. "Extended high school," I sigh, as we walk in and take seats in the middle. I'm a little surprised she's still sticking by me.
"Yeah, this place is creepy as hell." She points to a guy who is sitting a few rows ahead of us, hunched over a lunch pail. "I think he peed in my pool once. When I was little, we had this housekeeper who was kind of a nanny to me, too. Anyways, she would throw my birthday parties, and she'd insist that everyone from my class be invited. He was invited and he peed in my pool. How many people end up in a college level freshmen English class with a dork who peed in their pool eleven years ago?"
I can't help but laugh at her story. "I always thought college would be different, too," I tell her with a smile.
"It's kinda messed up that it isn't," she sighs. She and I point out a few other people we've known forever before she changes the subject again. "Were you going to go with Nathan?" she asks, blunt as always. I guess I can admire her consistency.
"If I could've afforded it, I would've gone to Boston. That would've been a lot closer to him, at least." I start rooting around in my bag for my notebook and a pen.
"What's the status of you two? Friends, lovers, enemies?"
"Friends, I guess. We, uh, broke up, but since we wouldn't have if he was still here, I guess it's complicated."
"You think we'll need those?" she asks, indicating my pen and paper. I nod, stifling the urge to roll my eyes. "Anyways, if you tell anyone I said this, I'll deny it until I'm blue in the face, but I admire you for loving him enough to set him free. And yourself, now you can party like crazy."
I brush my hair out of my eyes. "You say it like I created world peace or something. All I did was break up with my boyfriend before he could break up with me. What's to admire in that?"
She locates a few sheets of slightly crumpled paper in her bag along with a pink pen that has a fluffy, feathery top. "At least you did something proactive. Shit, you're both 18 years old. There's not exactly a high success rate among 18 year olds in long distance relationships, Tutor Girl."
"How come I couldn't have been dating you? At least you would've got in when I broke up with you. Nathan hung up on me today," I grumble.
"I know I'm hot," she says, serious, "But I don't swing that."
"I wasn't asking – oh, nevermind." The teacher, or professor I guess, walks in, effectively ending our conversation.
Class is short; apparently that is a common thing on the first day. So once the syllabus is distributed and read through, we are dismissed. I'm not sure what to do now – I don't have another class scheduled for an hour after that one was supposed to end, so now I have an hour and forty-five minute break.
"We're getting coffee, Tutor Girl," Brooke commands, grabbing my arm, "I'll tell you now that I don't take 'no' for an answer, so come on."
"You sure like to manhandle people, don't you?" I reluctantly walk along with her as she points to the espresso stand about a hundred yards away. I'm mentally salivating already.
"If it gets the job done, sure, I guess it's a fine way to do things. Besides, it gets their attention, and sometimes that's what you need."
I don't respond to that, kind of seeing Brooke clearly for possibly the first time. When she was still friends with Pey and when she was dating Lucas, I remember that I'd wondered if she was happy. She just seemed lonely sometimes.
"Do you miss Peyton?" I ask abruptly. She looks at me like I lost my mind, but her grip on my arm tightens a little.
"I – no, why would you ask that?"
"I don't know. Forget I said anything."
We walk on a ways before she says quietly, "I don't miss her, exactly. It's been a long time since everything happened. Anyways, I don't think I miss her exactly, I just miss having a friend like I had in her."
I know what she means. Well, sort of, since I actually do miss Pey, not just what she represented in my life. "You know, Peyton wanted to be your friend. She hated that you guys couldn't figure things out."
Brooke just nods. "I know that. The thing is I couldn't trust her anymore, so even after I forgave her, there was nothing there."
"That makes sense, I guess." As bad as I feel for Peyton, I can't help but feel sorry for Brooke.
"You still think I lost out on a lot because I couldn't be her friend after that, right?" she says roughly.
I shake my head. "I don't know, Brooke. I never knew you well enough to know if the things you missed are things you even would've cared about missing, and I don't know if you had better things going on that surpassed what missed."
We arrive at the espresso stand, and our focus shifts to placing orders and getting our hands on our iced lattes. There's an empty bench, so I sit down on it, waiting for her to join me. After she does, we're both quiet for a few minutes as we enjoy our coffee and think about things.
"I didn't." She practically whispers that.
"Didn't what?"
"Have anything better. I – oh, shit, this is so pathetic, but I don't have friends."
I laugh at this. "Brooke, I've seen you with your friends. You're almost always in a group of twenty people, the center of attention. You have adoring fans!"
"They aren't my friends. They never were, really. Maybe they just hung around because I was a cheerleader, maybe they were afraid of what I'd do if they didn't adore me. They weren't my friends, though, none of them."
I lean back on the bench, surprised by this in some ways, and more surprised that I'm not completely surprised. "Why not?"
She raises her eyebrows at the question, and for a minute I think I crossed the line of...well, whatever this is. But she merely shrugs and leans back, too. "I don't know. They never knew me, and I didn't want them to." She pulls her legs up against her chest, resting her chin on her knees. "I guess it sounds stupid."
I shake my head, negating that. "No, it just sounds lonely, I guess."
She lets out a puff of air. "I guess it is. Yeah, actually, I know it is." Setting her feet down, she brightens up, but I can tell she's faking it. "Well, this is lame. Why don't we talk about more exciting things like where we're going to party this weekend?"
"How about my place?" a voice suggests from behind us.
Tim. Brooke sighs beside me. "Aren't you tired of having parties at your parents' place?" she asks.
"Hey, not all of us are still living with mommy and daddy, Davis. I have an apartment now. Oh, James, you'll know where it is – same building where Nathan had his." His eyes widen a little at what he said. "Oh, uh, is that a bad subject? Nathan, I mean, because I didn't mean, er, I didn't want to – "
"Its fine," I interrupt, "He's in Connecticut, not dead."
"I – yeah, sorry." He kicks at the dirt, stirring up a little cloud of dust. "But yeah, if you want to come, you can. It'll be a small party, I don't want to get kicked out of my apartment, not yet, anyways."
"Small party? Like so that's fifty people instead of a hundred and fifty?" Brooke snorts derisively.
"Dunno. Haven't invited anyone but you two yet, but I was think fifteen to twenty at the most."
This feels so surreal. I barely know Tim – his friendship with Nathan disintegrated when Nathan and Lucas started getting along, but he was always such an obnoxious prick that I can't help but wonder at his motives now.
"You haven't invited anyone else? I certainly hope you don't expect us to have a threesome with you," I warn him, only semi-joking.
He rolls his eyes. "I'm not that stupid," he mutters. "Look, I just thought I'd be nice and invite you. Don't feel obligated or anything."
"Oh, we won't," Brooke smirks, "Ciao!"
He sighs and walks off. "Wonder what that was all about," I comment, glancing at Brooke, "I thought you two were kinda friends. Or acquaintances, whatever."
"Ha! I hung around him when Peyton was with Nathan, but other than that it was mostly just at parties, and that hardly constitutes a friendship. Story of my life, I guess."
I suck down the last drops of my latte, the ice rattling around in the bottom of the cup. "It doesn't have to be, you know."
"Well, it is, so what difference does it make?"
I shrug. "I guess if it doesn't matter to you, then none. It makes no difference whatsoever."
She tosses her empty cup towards the trashcan, surprising me when it drops right in the hole. "Why are you still here?" she asks. I raise an eyebrow at her in surprise. "I mean, why are you still talking to me? You don't have to pretend that we have some great friendship. We both know otherwise, right?"
"Who's pretending we do?" Again with the eye rolling. "Fine, Tigger, you know what? You linked arms with me, you dragged me over here for coffee, you sat next to me in class. And now you're pushing me away? Fine, I'll go, no problem." I sound snotty, I know I do, but I don't get anything that happened this morning.
I stand up to walk away when she grabs my hand. "Stop. Sit down. I'm sorry, okay? I guess that's why I have no friends," she concludes with a bitter laugh.
There's really nothing for me to say to that. I don't know why she doesn't have friends, except stubbornness in terms of her and Pey, but other than that, what comments of comfort can I offer up?
"It's stupid," she mutters, "I know." I watch as she throws her hands in the air, standing up. "I don't know how to be a friend. Either I forgot or I never knew how, I guess it doesn't matter."
"That shit with Luke and Peyton really did a number on you, didn't it?" I stand up and we start walking towards the classes again.
"What do you mean?"
"You, this – it's obviously something huge. You're really bothered by the fact that you have no friends, but you're pretty and you're popular, so it's not that you have an inability to make them. That's why I think that thing did a number on you."
We walk quietly for a minute as she thinks about what I said. "She was my friend, and she lied to me. She knew how much I cared about him, and she went after him anyways. And then – then she chose him."
"Chose him? What do you mean?"
"After it all happened, like right before Luke moved to Charleston with Keith for that month or whatever, Peyton and I kind of made up. But then Luke came back, and they buddied up again. Maybe it was selfish, but I told her I couldn't be her friend if she was his friend, and she chose him." She shrugs it off, but I can see the hurt written across her face. "No biggie, right?"
"Brooke, it is a biggie."
She stops walking, laughing a little. "I guess it is if you're using my name, huh?"
"Why are you joking about this? If I were you, I think I'd be mad, too. But why'd you let it hold you back from making new friends?"
"You say it like it would have been easy. Hey, maybe it's for the better. It just hurts worse when the inevitable parting of ways happens if you let them get too close." She sighs. "Even I don't believe that."
"Because it's bullshit," I agree, "Why did you sit with me in class? I mean, like you said, you knew a ton of other people in there, so even if you just needed someone you know by you, why me? Is it because Pey's my friend and you think you can use me to get to her?"
She snorts. "God, who do you think I am, Nathan? Hell, no. Look, you're one of the few people who has always been real to me. When Lucas cheated on me, you called him on it. When I fucked up, you called me on it. I don't know, I guess you're just interesting to me."
I laugh, kind of confused. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but it works for me. Well, I'd better get to class. Biology."
A wide grin breaks out across her face. "Bio, you say? What a coincidence."
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oddly enough, Brooke and I have three classes together. Tim is in two of the three Brooke and I share, and in one more that I'm in alone. Even stranger, we've taken to studying together, which I'm trying to figure how to tell Pey.
"Peyton and Lucy's room, this is Peyton speaking, how may I help you?"
"Hey stranger!"
"Haley James!" she squeals, "How are you? How's school? Oh, my gosh, you wouldn't believe how cool it is here in New York, and would you believe that all of my classes are awesome? And my roommate and I actually get along? How's Tree Hill? Have you talked to Lucas, Nathan, or Jake?"
"Whoa, I'm now drowning in questions!"
She giggles. "Sorry."
"You are not! Anyways, I'm good, how are you?"
"I'm fabulous! I was freaked when I left here, but this is it, this is where I'm supposed to be. It's incredible."
"I'm so happy for you, Pey!" I am, really. A little unhappy for myself, which is unfair, but I can't help it. It's obvious she won't be finding any excuses to come home.
"Me, too! So what's going on with you? How're things with Nathan? Is he still being a dick about the split up thing?"
"Things are okay. Nathan is mad. He hung up on me a few days ago and has basically cut off communication. I'm waiting for him to get over it still," I sigh.
"Damn, I can't believe he's silent treatment-izing you. He will get over it, Hales, so don't get too stressed about it."
"Yeah, I'm trying not to. I just hate that things have gotten to this point, but I can't change it now. Besides, I still believe I did the right thing, you know?"
"Yeah, I know. So, how's Tree Hill's illustrious community college? Any fresh meat there for you to ogle?"
I guess this is as good a time as any to tell her what's been going on. "Actually, you'll never guess who the only two people I've talked to are."
"Oooh, do we get to play the guessing game? This could be fun," she laughs, "Of course, it's Tree Hill, so it probably isn't."
"That doesn't count as a guess," I warn, laughing, "Giving up already, Sawyer?"
"Give up? Never! I'll go down with this ship if I have to!" She sighs loud and long. "Okay, I think I'm ready to guess now. Let's see, who could it be. Someone I'd never guess. No, two someones I'd never guess. Hmm, Mouth? Is that one of them?"
"Nope, Brooke and Tim."
"Brooke? My Brooke? I mean, used to be my Brooke, I guess – we all know she'd shit bricks if she knew I called her that," she chuckles, "And Tim? How bizarre, Hales! How'd you get rid of them?"
"Eh, the three of us have two classes together, and then I have one class with each of them on our own. So, we're kinda sorta studying together." The last sentence rushes out sounding slightly incoherent.
"Wow."
"Pey? If you don't want me to study with Brooke, I won't. There's that whole history there, and I don't want to disrespect you or our friendship, okay?"
She just laughs. "Haley, its fine. I love you, and well, I don't want Brooke to be unhappy. So study, hang out, don't worry about stopping what you're doing on my behalf."
I breathe a sigh of relief. "You're sure? Because you're one of my best friends, and I am so not going to jeopardize our friendship. I want you to know that, so you can tell me if you hate the idea of us studying together."
She laughs again. "Hales, I promise, its fine. Maybe you shouldn't trust her, but as long as you're cool with it, I am, too. Now, Tim, on the other hand," she says, changing subjects so quick I don't get a chance to ask why I shouldn't trust Brooke, "I'd watch out for that one. He can be a real asshole. Of course, you're a big girl, you can handle a moron like him."
I spin around in my desk chair. "You know, I thought I would be the most pathetic person left behind in Tree Hill, but Jake is usurping my crown. He's, like, broken or something. I don't think he's in contact with any of those guys he hung out with anymore."
"Wow, depressing. Um, you're doing better than that, right, Hales? I mean, if you weren't okay, you'd tell me, right?"
I stop spinning. "You know, it's funny because I thought I'd be a depressed lunatic, but I'm not. Oh, things aren't perfect, obviously, but I'm holding my own. Now that classes have started, I at least have that distraction."
"A depressed lunatic? Depraved, maybe, from missing Nathan's sweet lovin'," she teases, "But not depressed."
"Thanks a lot," I laugh, "So, how's the New York love scene? Any hotties knocking on your door yet?"
"Not yet, but I have faith it'll be soon enough, you know?"
"Yeah, I know. I don't doubt it for a second," I assure her. There's a knock at my bedroom door, which almost startles me to the point of dropping the phone. It's Brooke, and I almost groan at her bad timing.
"Hey Tutor Girl," she calls as she walks in and makes herself comfortable on my bed.
"Tutor Girl?" echoes Pey through the phone, "Brooke's there now?"
"Just showed up, hang on." I cover the mouthpiece with my hand. "I'm on the phone, Tigger." She just shrugs and grins unabashedly at me. "It's Peyton."
"Oh. Well, I'll wait in the hall or something. Got any brothers?" I groan and shoo her out of the room, feeling grateful when she actually shuts the door behind her. Sure, she's probably got her ear pressed to it, but I appreciate that she at least pretends.
"Pey?"
"Yeah?" I can't tell if she sounds mad or not.
"I'm sorry about that, I didn't know she was coming over now," I quietly inform her. "I wouldn't call you when she's here."
"It's okay, Hales. She's still calling you Tutor Girl, huh?" she laughs.
"I'm hoping it dies a quick death," I admit, "But there are worse things I could be called, right?"
"Yeah, any of the thousand things she called me over the past two and a half years."
"Yeah, those."
"It really is okay, Haley. Don't feel bad about it. Look, Lucy just got back with food, so I'd better go. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeah, I'd love to hear from you tomorrow! Have fun, good luck finding that perfect hottie!"
She laughs. "You, too! And don't let Brooke drive you too crazy! I don't doubt for a second that she'll try."
"I won't. Love you, Pey."
"Love you, too, Hales!"
We hang up, and for a minute I just lean back in my desk chair trying to make sense of how strange my life has become. The shock of the door bursting open sends me tipping over in my chair.
"Goddammit, Brooke!" I shout, pissed, "Can't you knock?"
"Oh, shit," a male voice says quietly, "I'm so sorry, James!"
"Tim," I groan, rubbing my hip, "What the hell? Where do you get off barging into my bedroom?"
Brooke is in the doorway laughing. "Wow, that was so funny. You should've seen the look on your face, Tutor Girl!"
I glare at them both, picking myself up off the floor. "Well, knock next time. Can we agree that knocking is an acceptable thing to do before barging into someone else's bedroom?"
They both nod, Tim looking exceptionally contrite and Brooke looking like she'd just seen some great comedy routine.
"I – you're okay, right? Not hurt, I mean," Tim asks.
"Ha!" Brooke barks out, "He's afraid that Nathan is going to come back to town and kick his ass if he hurt you, Tutor Girl."
I roll my eyes. "I'm fine, let's just forget it now, please?"
And so we get on with studying.
"Hi Karen," I smile as I walk in for my shift at the café. "How are you doing this lovely day? How's the baby?"
She beams back at me. "The baby is wonderful, thank you, and I'm just great, too. How are you doing?"
"I'm good, school has been easy so far this quarter, so...well, that's a bonus," I laugh.
"It's good to see you smiling again," she comments as she starts a new pot of coffee, "I wasn't sure how long it would take."
"I couldn't mope forever," I point out, grabbing a rag to wipe off tables, "And besides, it's futile, you know? It won't bring them home, and it won't take me to them. I guess I just have to make the best of the situation or something. Besides, it could be worse."
"That usually is the case."
It's not crowded at all in here, so I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down at one of the tables. Karen sits down with me. "Heard from Lucas much?" I ask.
"Just once," she sighs, "It sounds like he's already really engrossed in basketball, too much so to call his mom."
"I've only gotten a couple of hurried emails, so don't feel bad. It sounds like he's working so hard between school and ball that he falls asleep the second he's done with his homework. I'm going to try calling him tonight, though, I miss hearing his voice."
"I'm sure he'd love to hear from you," she smiles.
"Well, even if he wouldn't, he's going to anyways," I joke.
The chiming of the bell on the door alerts us that customers have entered, and when they start arguing, I can tell immediately that it's just Brooke and Tim. Getting up from the table, I go over to greet them.
"Tutor Girl!" Brooke smiles. It is just really bizarre how, well, friendly she and I have become over the past few weeks.
"Hey, James, hardly working, huh?" Tim greets. He's a bit of a dickhead, but I think most of that can be attributed to foot-in-mouth disease rather than any actual maliciousness.
"What can I get you two?"
"An 'A' on our bio test?" Brooke asks, sounding hopeful.
"Tigger, it's the same material we learned sophomore year of high school. It's not going to be that hard of a test."
"Easy for you to say, you're smart, you get that shit," Tim sighs, "I don't even remember taking biology, so I don't know what that says about me."
"You were in the same class as me, dipshit," Brooke informs him, and I can't help but laugh. Tim can't either and quickly joins in.
"Sue me, sophomore year was the biggest party year for me," Tim says in his defense, "That was the year my parents got divorced and they each spent more time with their new lovers than me."
"So he spent the year drunk and drugged out to forget about things," Brooke explains to me, "That was actually the last year that I hung around you at all, Tim, some of those were good parties."
"Yeah," he laughs, "And now those days have pretty much dried up. I have no one to party with."
"Boo hoo," I laugh, "No one to party with. That isn't exactly the world's biggest problem, you know?"
He shrugs. "It kinda is when you don't know how to do anything else. Or when you're not good at anything else. Especially when both are the case."
Brooke and I laugh. "Geez, Tim, it's not that bad," she tries to comfort him.
"Sure it is. No friends, not much of a family, no girlfriend – I have nothing to show for anything that I am or have done."
I raise an eyebrow at him. "Well, maybe your priorities just haven't been straight. Maybe you've been focusing on things that aren't going to win you friends or a girlfriend."
More customers enter the café, and I stand up to take them menus and offer them drinks. Brooke and Tim are still talking, and I can only hope that she has something better to offer him than I did.
By the time I get back to their table, they're actually laughing. And not one of them at the other, either, which is really the most surprising part when I think about it. That probably means they're laughing at me, then.
"What'd I miss?" I ask cautiously. I'm still very leery of this newfound – well, whatever it is that the three of us have. It's just weird.
"Not much," Brooke laughs, "We were just reminiscing, actually."
It's weird, but I feel left out immediately because I know the chance of me sharing a memory with the two of them is slim to none. And I can't remember any funny ones, that's for sure.
"Sounds like fun." I sound wistful even to my own ears.
Tim grins. "Well, James, you have to admit it was pretty when you feel trying to do that jump thing. You know, the one where you touch your toes in the air."
My face feels warm, and I know my cheeks are pink. I sit there for a minute before bursting out laughing at the memory. "Oh, my, I had totally forgotten about that embarrassment. Thank you two so much for bringing that joyous occasion up!"
It really is fun to laugh with them, and when I see Karen smiling from behind the counter, I realize just how mopey I must've been the last week or so. It's good to let go of that now and just go with the flow, something I haven't spent much time in my life doing. Maybe this is a Dr. Phil thing, and it's good for me to change drastically on an internal level now that my physical world has changed. Or something.
They both leave before my shift is over, so when closing time nears, I'm alone in here. I promise them I'll put in an appearance at this little party of Tim's before they agree to leave, though. Figuring there won't be a better time, I pull out my cell phone and dial Lucas.
"Hello?"
"Is Lucas there?" I ask, not recognizing the voice.
"Yeah, hold on." There's some shuffling noises in the background, and then, "Hey, Scott! Some chick is on the phone for you! Get your ass back in here!"
A few seconds later, Lucas is on the line. "Hello?"
"Lucas!" I squeal, thrilled to hear his voice.
"Hales! What's going on, I was just thinking of you today during basketball practice."
"Yeah? Good, and I hope the thoughts were those of sadness and longing for your best friend."
"Of course. So what brings you to my ear? Just a chat? How you holding up?"
"You sound like Peyton, a thousand questions," I joke, "But no, really, everything is fine. I just missed you and have been thinking about you, and it's dead here at the café, so I figured I'd give you a call. How're things with you?"
"Things are good so far, I think. My roommate is a bit of an ass; actually, he reminds me of Nathan pre-you. Other than that, though, it's okay here. Just different. No Hales."
I laugh. "Well, I've got one up on you since everything is different here, but at the same time, nothing is."
"Yeah, that must suck."
I set down the tray I was carrying and think about that. "Huh, you know what? I just realized that it does. Suck, I mean."
"Yeah? You find replacement friends already?" he jokes.
"No, of course not. In fact, the only people in school I've talked to are Brooke Davis and Tim Smith."
Dead silence.
"Luke?"
"Brooke talks to you?"
"Sure, it's not like I ever cheated on her," I say, instantly regretting it. I know how bad Luke feels about that, and I know how guilty he still feels to this day. "Oh, Luke, I'm sorry, that was totally tasteless, and I didn't mean it anyways."
"No, it's okay. I guess I'm just surprised. Thought she hated all of us. Guess it was just me."
"If it makes you feel any better, all the animosity I've seen from her is directed towards Peyton."
He sighs into the phone. "I guess it doesn't matter now anyways. Besides, it's not like you guys hang out all the time or anything, right?"
It's my turn to sigh. "Well, we're sort of studying together frequently. Um, the three of us have two classes together, and I have one with each of them, also. So we're kind of doing that. I think they think I can get them A's or something," I try and joke.
"Haley, do you remember Tim Smith? Do you remember what an asshole he is? Because if you don't, I'd love to refresh you memory."
I pull a stool out and sit down. "Luke, come on, that was years ago. Let the past go."
"Jesus." I can picture him right now, probably standing with his legs a little apart, running his free hand through his hair in frustration. I barely manage to hold my giggle in. "It's just, Hales, he's an ass, and even in terms of friends, you deserve better."
"I guess this next part is where you tell me I should stay away from Brooke because she is similarly not good enough."
"Hey, that's not fair, I've never said anything bad about Brooke, and I never meant to hurt her."
I sigh, knowing he's right. "I'm sorry, I know you haven't and didn't. I just don't see what the big deal is – it's just Tim. He's harmless."
"If by harmless, you mean brainless, then yeah, I think you're right."
"I'm not going to argue with you about this, Luke. So, if you're right, I'll figure it out soon enough, and if you are wrong and I'm right, then you owe me a diamond necklace for Christmas," I tease.
"Ha, you think we'll know by Christmas?"
"Hey, like you said, brainless, right? If it's all a charade, then he won't be able to hold onto it that long."
He laughs. "Okay, fine, but don't hold your breath for that diamond necklace. I don't care how right you are, you ain't getting one of those from me. Better take that one up with Nathan," he jokes, gasping when he realizes what he said, "Ah, Hales, now I'm sorry."
"No, no, we can't pretend like he doesn't exist, Luke. That's stupid. He's a huge part of both of our lives. We love him."
"Yeah, but I know it's hard for you and him right now, I didn't even think before I tossed that in your face."
I sigh, not wanting him to feel bad. "Luke, stop. It's okay, I promise. And hey, like three weeks ago, he and I were together. If you'd said that then, we wouldn't have batted an eye. It's okay!"
"If you say so. Have you guys talked much?" he asks quietly.
I shrug, even though he can't see me. Habit, I guess. "We talked a few days ago. He got mad at me, and I haven't heard from him since, nor will he accept my attempts to get in touch with him."
"Damn, what happened?"
I groan, kind of wishing I hadn't said anything about it. "He said something about how some things never change in reference to us, and I told him he can't do that every time we talk."
"Can't do what?" I can hear the confusion coloring his voice.
"Can't try and change my mind. It's hard on me, and it just – it can't be good for him, you know? Anyways, he told me I was a coward for not trying and hung up."
"Sounds intense."
"Yeah. You really have no idea," I sigh, "It was just hard, but maybe it's good that it happened now."
"Whatever you say, Hales." I know he too questions my decision, and frankly, I'm sick of it. Maybe this is the biggest mistake of my life, but it's mine to make and I wish people would remember that.
"Luke? I should go. It's time to lock the door, and then I somehow agreed to attend a mini-party at Tim's."
"Mini-party? At Tim Smith's? Hales, he's never gone mini anything in relation to partying. Don't get caught up at some raging party with no friends there to have your back."
I laugh at his protectiveness and concern. "Trust me, it'll be small if he knows what's good for him. He's living in that complex Nathan lived in for awhile. You remember how quick those people are to call the cops."
"Okay, fine," he agrees, "But still, be careful. Okay, I'll let you go. Love you."
"Love you, too."
I run around and finish closing this place up, finally turning off the lights and locking the door behind me on the way out. I'd brought a change of clothes with me just in case I decided to go to the party, so I shimmy into those awkwardly in the front seat of my car before driving off.
When I pull in the parking lot of Tim's apartment complex, my mind drifts back immediately. I feel like I'm sixteen again, and that Nathan will come out any minute and carry me over his shoulder into his bedroom.
But I'm not, and he doesn't, so I just feel stupid sitting here instead. Shaking away the slightly depressing thoughts of things I don't have anymore, I jump out of the car and practically run to the apartment Tim said was his. There is surprisingly quiet 'party' music coming through the door – I guess Tim was serious about not letting things get out of hand.
I knock on the door tentatively, visions of Brooke's suggestion that Tim was only inviting us over for a threesome floating in my head. I'm half of a mind to turn around and head back for my car, and I actually take a step backwards when the door swings open.
"Hey!" Tim smiles as he greets me, "Wasn't sure if you'd show, but here you are!"
"Here I am," I agree, looking past him to see that there really are only about fifteen people in there, just like he promised. As he ushers me in, I raise an eyebrow at Brooke who just kind of shrugs that she doesn't know what's going on.
"Tutor Girl, let's get you a drink," Brooke decrees, taking my arm as she is wont to do. "So, this is weird," she says, motioning back out to the living room with her cup, "It's like, I don't know, have you ever seen Tim so tame?"
I shrug. "I've barely seen Tim period," I point out, "And I've only been to occasional parties of his, but no, they were never this small and casual."
"I know! No one is even puking!"
I laugh at this, wondering how that's a bad thing, but decide it's better not to ask. "Well, I'm not going to complain. It's a little tame, but it could be worse."
"Well, I bet you ten bucks it's just you, me, and Tim within the hour," she says, sticking out her hand.
"What? Why would you bet that? It's a party, right? Alcohol, music, dancing. No one is going to leave," I scoff.
"Hello? Did you see dancing? And you can barely hear that music. Trust me, it's not enough to keep people here. There are other parties they can find on a Friday night, ones with loud music and actual dancing and drinking games."
I glance back out there, realizing she's right – everyone does look incredibly bored. Even Tim, I note, stifling a laugh. Brooke looks at me questioningly. "Even Tim looks bored."
She does laugh. "Well, look at these idiots he invited. I mean, they act like they can't talk to people they don't know. No wonder it's so boring here!"
Can't disagree with that. "Why'd Tim invite them? Just because we went to high school with them?"
She shrugs. "Hell if I know. All I can think is that he's just doing what's expected of him. Having a party, I mean. I don't know, but it's not working out so great, is it? Oooh, look," she says, pointing to the door.
And they're leaving already. I don't know if I should feel glad it'll just be Brooke, Tim, and I, since we've gotten to this odd point where it's kind of comfortable to be around them, or if I should be annoyed that this won't be a chance to interact with more people.
"You okay, Tim?" Brooke asks when the door closes and the last of his few guests shuffles out.
He nods. "Sure, it's no big deal, just a party. And I should've known – I wouldn't have stayed at a crapfest like this myself, so it was stupid to think other people would."
I laugh, "It wasn't that bad."
Brooke snorts. "Please, you just got here. It was awful. No dancing, no talking, no flirting, nothing. It was dead. Like being at a funeral or something." She claps her hand over her mouth when she realizes that Tim is in fact standing right there. "Sorry, Tim."
Luckily for her, he just laughs. "It's fine. You're right, it was boring. The weirdest part is that I don't even care." He looks around. "Want to get drunk and watch crappy b-movies?"
I look at Brooke. "I'm in if you're in, Tigger."
She gives me an exasperated look. "Well, I'm in for anything if it means I don't have to go home and see my parents right away."
And so we settle on the couch with large glasses of vodka and lemonade and watch lame movies and laugh our asses off the whole time.
And I have fun.
The faint ringing sound of a cellphone wakes me up. looking around, I'm surprised to see Brooke picking up my phone and putting it to her ear. I'm actually more surprised to find myself still at Tim's sharing the couch with Brooke as he still sleeps soundly on the chair.
"Tutor Girl's phone," Brooke answers, winking at me when I groan. "Well, hello, Nathan Scott, let me get her for you."
My eyes widen in alarm when she says his name. "Jesus, Tigger, why are you answering my phone? It could've been Peyton, and I know how you would've hated that."
"Nah, his name flashed on the display screen. I can read, you know," she laughs.
"Nathan?" I gasp into the phone, "I'm so glad you called me!"
"Yeah, I'll bet," he mutters, and I can tell he's pissed. "What the hell are you doing hanging out with Brooke Davis? And why can't you answer your own phone?"
"Don't get mad, please," I sigh, dreading where this conversation was going, "Why is it such a big deal that I'm hanging out with Brooke?"
"Do you remember her? Do you remember what shit she treated Pey and Lucas like? You remember them, right, your best friends?"
"Nathan!" I begin as I extricate myself from the couch so I can find some privacy for this call, "Of course I remember them, and she didn't do anything to them. She stopped being their friend, which is entirely her prerogative."
He doesn't say anything for a minute, and I'm afraid he's going to hang up again. Finally, though, he starts talking again, saying, "Hales, I don't get it. You and Brooke Davis were never really friends, or even friendly to each other. What the hell is going on?"
I finally make it into the bathroom, and closing the door, sit down on the edge of the tub. "Nathan, what is the big deal? Am I not allowed to hang out with people you don't like or something?"
He sighs. "I'm just surprised, Haley. I don't know, when I pictured you making new friends, Brooke Davis wasn't exactly on the list."
Gee, he's making it easy to tell him whose apartment I'm at. "Okay, I get that it seems weird, but if Luke and Pey can be okay with it, can't you?"
"You've already told them and not me?"
Oh, my God, I can't believe he's doing this. "Well, you wouldn't answer my calls or call me back, so what the hell was I supposed to do?"
"Fine, you're right, I was being an ass. I'm sorry for that, too. Guess I'm just not taking any of this well at all."
I soften immediately, wishing I was there to hold him. "Oh, Nate, I'm sorry. I didn't even ask how school's going."
He chuckles. "It's not school, that is tough, Haley J, it's being away from you. It's knowing that there is nothing to keep you from dating someone else. I guess I'm just jealous of the fact that you could be out there meeting someone new."
I have to tell him now where I am. If I don't, and wait till later, he'll flip. "Look, Nathan, you should know where I am right now."
"Please don't tell me that you're at some guy's house. Please don't tell me that you've already met someone new," he begs.
"No! Of course not, Nate, there is no way that could possibly happen. Look, I have three classes with Brooke. That's how we started, well, I guess hanging out together. Tim Smith is in two of those classes, and I have another with just him. So, we're also hanging out with him."
"And that's where you are now?"
I sigh. He sounds so angry with me. "Yeah, he had a party last night that turned out to be a total flop, so he, Brooke, and I sat around drinking and watching crappy movies. I was too drunk to drive, so I crashed."
"Yeah, okay," he says, not sounding happy with this, but at least not biting my head off, "But you know, as odd of a choice Brooke is for your new friend list? Tim is about a thousand times stranger to find out about."
"I know," I laugh, "It's weird to me, too. But it's not a bad thing, Nathan. They're kind of fun and they make me laugh, and that's better than how it was last week when I walked around town in a daze missing you and the others. I don't want to cry every day because I don't have friends here."
"I don't want that for you either. I guess that means if you want to be friends with Brooke and Tim, I can try and support that."
"You're a really great guy, Nathan Scott," I whisper, missing him more in this moment that the rest of the time put together, "I'm terribly lucky to have you in my life."
"Don't you know it," he laughs, and I join in. "Hey, baby? I have an early morning practice. It's probably more of a hazing thing, but I have to go."
"Okay. I'm really glad you called, and I'm even gladder that you listened."
"Anything for you, Haley J! Love you."
"You, too," I say, smiling.
I stay in here for a few minutes after hanging up with him, just letting myself miss him. Composing myself, I step back out into the living room where Brooke and Tim are waiting.
"You okay?" Tim asks, sounding like he just might care.
I nod, even manage a small smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. It wasn't too bad, actually," I laugh.
"He pissed you're hanging out with us?" Brooke asks.
"A little, Tigger," I tell her, deciding honesty is the best policy, "But I think he's mostly still just mad that I broke up with him."
Brooke awkwardly puts an arm around my shoulder, I guess trying to comfort me. "I guess he'll be less mad when he starts making new friends," Tim points out.
Brooke nods. "Sure, he'll get over it. Anyways, he's not here, and what does he think you're supposed to do? Sit in your room all day? Someone needs to get over himself, I'm thinking."
I laugh. "It's not like that. This is just a weird adjustment period for us, you know?"
"For everyone," Tim sighs, "I guess we all learn this the hard way." He laughs, looking around his apartment. "Hell, look at this place, you can't even tell I had a party here."
"Uh, I hate to break it to you, Tim, but you didn't really," Brooke points out, "I mean, three people does not a party make. No one else stayed long enough to count as party guests, either."
Tim and I laugh. "Well, when she's right, she's right," I agree.
"Yeah, I guess it wasn't a party. Oh, well," he says brightening, "This wasn't so bad either. Maybe my parents weren't kidding when they said that not everything had to be a party."
I shake my head. "If you'd learned that a few years ago, you might not be stuck in Tree Hill now."
"Maybe being stuck here isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be," he muses.
Maybe he's right.
Chapter Two – Freebird
If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me? If I stayed here with you, girl, well, things just couldn't be the same, Cuz I'm as free as a bird now, and this bird you'll never change.... Freebird – Lynyrd Skynard
September, 2006
"Shit, shit, shit," I mutter, having just slammed my knee into the edge of my desk, "Son of a bitch that hurts!"
Today is my first day at Tree Hill Community College, which might as well be Tree Hill High School extended diploma program, because that is seriously what it is. I'd assume 75% of the students at THCC are Tree Hill High grads, most of them from within in the last three years, so there will be few people I don't know. I can't decide if this is a good thing or a very, very bad one.
So, the good side is that I'm not nervous. Why would I be? It's barely even a new environment, what with the campus being about a half mile from the high school. Plus, it'll be a lot of the same faces. Of course, not the ones I want, but what can you do? On the other hand, I spent so much of my time with Nathan, Lucas, Pey, and Jake that I barely know anyone else, and those I do, I have no reason to like.
I'm not expecting things to be perfect. Obviously perfection is a state that just sets up everything that comes after it for a letdown – at least that's how it feels to me. Because as cheesy as it sounds, even in my own head, I had perfection. It was messy and it was rough and there were bad times, but it was also beautiful and charming and strong.
But my perfection is gone. So now I'm just looking for something comfortable, something stable. I guess that means that THCC should be perfect for me.
The phone ringing startles me out of my reverie. "Hello?" I ask, breathless after hunting around the room for the purse I left it in.
"Hey baby, I just wanted to wish you good luck on your first day of school!"
"Nathan! Well, I guess I could do the same for you. How are you, how's your second week in Connecticut going so far?"
He sighs into the phone. "I miss you. It sucks here. I'd even rather have my dad riding my ass about some stupid shit if it meant being there with you."
"Oh, it can't be that bad. What, do all the girls have horns and warts on their noses or something?"
He laughs a little. "I haven't noticed any other girls, but I'm sure they're fine. Like I told you before, my roommate is a complete tool, so he's sucking a lot of my enjoyment out of this whole thing so far."
"Have you met any of the guys on the team yet? Maybe they'll be better to hang out with. Just be careful – don't get too wild at basketball parties, okay?"
"I won't. What about you? How are you doing?"
"Well, I miss you. I miss everyone else, too. And I can't decide if I should be nervous or happy that I'll be at THCC where everybody knows my name."
I flop down on the bed. "It'll be fine, Haley J."
I laugh, and sound stupidly bitter even to myself. "How can you say that, Nathan? You, Pey, Jake and Luke are the only friends I really had. People probably think I'm some sort of exclusionary bitch or something."
"What if they do? Prove them wrong, show them what me and the rest of our friends and family know. Hales, you're gorgeous, you're smart, you're funny – people are probably glad the rest of us are out of the way so they can try and become your friend."
His words cause me to break out into a smile. "Thank you. You always know what to say to make me feel better."
"See? Some things don't change, even with a thousand miles in between us."
"Oh, Nathan," I sigh, sitting up. I move over to the closet and find shoes to wear to school. "We can't do this every time we talk, okay?"
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, forget I ever mentioned it."
"Nathan..."
"No, Haley. God forbid I tell you I love you and think it's asinine that we can't continue the relationship we built for almost three years. How dare I, right?"
I throw a shoe at the wall of my closet, smiling at the loud noise it makes on contact. "Nathan, I'm sorry I can't give you what you want. I'm just trying to make this easier on you, on us."
"Bullshit. You're a coward." I almost drop the phone when I hear the clicking noise that indicates he hanged up on me.
"Oh, my God," I breathe. I sit down on the floor, mostly in shock, but at least it makes it easy to put my shoes.
If I don't leave now, I won't have time to find an espresso stand on campus, which is imperative. At the same time, all I can think of is Nathan hanging up on me. It would be so easy to call him back, tell him he's right, but I know I can't. Maybe I am a coward, but I can't go back on this. We're 18 years old, Nathan can't even remember to make his bed every day, and I can't even bother to balance my checkbook – there is no way a long distance relationship between us would work out.
I grab the messenger bag I'm using as a backpack and jump in the car, and drive to school. I sit in the car for a few minutes after I turn it off thinking about Nathan and how this is my first first day of school without Luke when Brooke's car pulls in next to mine.
"Tutor Girl," she smiles as she jumps out of her car. I mentally curse myself for not having rolled up the windows. "Fancy meeting you here."
"Fancy how, Tigger? Where do the Unfortunates who don't leave Tree Hill go?"
"Tree Hill Community College," we sigh simultaneously.
"Yeah, jinx or something," she says, eyeing me, "So, how come you're here? Aren't you supposed to be some sort of genius or something? Don't they have fancy colleges in different states for people like you?"
"I'm no genius," I laugh, "And I can't afford to go to college out of state. So here I am. What's your sob story?"
She snorts. "My grades sucked, what else? I'm not a genius like you, I'm not a basketball star like your little boyfriends, and I'm certainly not an art geek like that other girl you're friends with."
I just shrug. "It was just a question, you don't have to be so defensive." A glance at my watch mercifully shows that it's time to go to class. "Well, got to go to English now. It's been....something, as always."
"English? 101?" I nod warily at her look of glee. "In room 105? Oooh, we have a class together, Tutor Girl! Isn't that exciting?"
God, not really. "Sure, exciting," I repeat dully.
She links arms with me. She actually has linked arms with me and is dragging me through the measly little campus that is THCC. The thing is, I barely know Brooke. Sure, if a few things had gone down a little different, I'd probably know her pretty well, but the fact is, they didn't. And I don't. So her proprietary attitude toward my arm right now is throwing me off.
She chatters the whole way there; something about how we can study together, I think. My mind is having a really hard time wrapping around any of this, so her words aren't really penetrating.
All of a sudden I really miss Peyton. It's not that Brooke reminds me of her, because she doesn't. They've very different; even when they were best friends it was clear how different they were. Maybe it's just having another girl to talk to or something, I don't really know.
"Are you even listening to me?" she bursts out, sounding peevish.
I nod. "Yeah, kinda. Sorry."
She rolls her eyes. "Fine. Look, I'm perfectly aware that at the very, extreme least, there are four other people you'd rather be around right now. But they aren't here, and since you and your little Pretty Posse kept so much to yourself, I thought you could use someone to talk to."
It's my turn to roll my eyes. Pretty Posse? "Brooke, are you trying to say that none of your friends are going here, and you need someone to cheat off of on tests?"
She drops my arm; I guess she has more pride than I gave her credit for. She doesn't say anything as she walks off, and for some reason I feel obligated to call her back. "Brooke? I'm sorry, it's just been a bad week or two."
She turns around and nods. "Apology accepted. And for the record, I'm not a good student, but I don't cheat."
"I should've known; if you had, I'm sure you'd be off at some fancy college, right?"
"Yeah, if I'm going to do something, I'd do it right. So if I was a cheater, straight A's would've been it for me. Heh, like you."
"Yeah, excepting with the cheating."
"Whatever, I didn't and I don't plan to, so it's irrelevant."
"I guess so." We arrive at the door of the classroom, watching as at least nine people we just graduated with in June walk in the room. "Extended high school," I sigh, as we walk in and take seats in the middle. I'm a little surprised she's still sticking by me.
"Yeah, this place is creepy as hell." She points to a guy who is sitting a few rows ahead of us, hunched over a lunch pail. "I think he peed in my pool once. When I was little, we had this housekeeper who was kind of a nanny to me, too. Anyways, she would throw my birthday parties, and she'd insist that everyone from my class be invited. He was invited and he peed in my pool. How many people end up in a college level freshmen English class with a dork who peed in their pool eleven years ago?"
I can't help but laugh at her story. "I always thought college would be different, too," I tell her with a smile.
"It's kinda messed up that it isn't," she sighs. She and I point out a few other people we've known forever before she changes the subject again. "Were you going to go with Nathan?" she asks, blunt as always. I guess I can admire her consistency.
"If I could've afforded it, I would've gone to Boston. That would've been a lot closer to him, at least." I start rooting around in my bag for my notebook and a pen.
"What's the status of you two? Friends, lovers, enemies?"
"Friends, I guess. We, uh, broke up, but since we wouldn't have if he was still here, I guess it's complicated."
"You think we'll need those?" she asks, indicating my pen and paper. I nod, stifling the urge to roll my eyes. "Anyways, if you tell anyone I said this, I'll deny it until I'm blue in the face, but I admire you for loving him enough to set him free. And yourself, now you can party like crazy."
I brush my hair out of my eyes. "You say it like I created world peace or something. All I did was break up with my boyfriend before he could break up with me. What's to admire in that?"
She locates a few sheets of slightly crumpled paper in her bag along with a pink pen that has a fluffy, feathery top. "At least you did something proactive. Shit, you're both 18 years old. There's not exactly a high success rate among 18 year olds in long distance relationships, Tutor Girl."
"How come I couldn't have been dating you? At least you would've got in when I broke up with you. Nathan hung up on me today," I grumble.
"I know I'm hot," she says, serious, "But I don't swing that."
"I wasn't asking – oh, nevermind." The teacher, or professor I guess, walks in, effectively ending our conversation.
Class is short; apparently that is a common thing on the first day. So once the syllabus is distributed and read through, we are dismissed. I'm not sure what to do now – I don't have another class scheduled for an hour after that one was supposed to end, so now I have an hour and forty-five minute break.
"We're getting coffee, Tutor Girl," Brooke commands, grabbing my arm, "I'll tell you now that I don't take 'no' for an answer, so come on."
"You sure like to manhandle people, don't you?" I reluctantly walk along with her as she points to the espresso stand about a hundred yards away. I'm mentally salivating already.
"If it gets the job done, sure, I guess it's a fine way to do things. Besides, it gets their attention, and sometimes that's what you need."
I don't respond to that, kind of seeing Brooke clearly for possibly the first time. When she was still friends with Pey and when she was dating Lucas, I remember that I'd wondered if she was happy. She just seemed lonely sometimes.
"Do you miss Peyton?" I ask abruptly. She looks at me like I lost my mind, but her grip on my arm tightens a little.
"I – no, why would you ask that?"
"I don't know. Forget I said anything."
We walk on a ways before she says quietly, "I don't miss her, exactly. It's been a long time since everything happened. Anyways, I don't think I miss her exactly, I just miss having a friend like I had in her."
I know what she means. Well, sort of, since I actually do miss Pey, not just what she represented in my life. "You know, Peyton wanted to be your friend. She hated that you guys couldn't figure things out."
Brooke just nods. "I know that. The thing is I couldn't trust her anymore, so even after I forgave her, there was nothing there."
"That makes sense, I guess." As bad as I feel for Peyton, I can't help but feel sorry for Brooke.
"You still think I lost out on a lot because I couldn't be her friend after that, right?" she says roughly.
I shake my head. "I don't know, Brooke. I never knew you well enough to know if the things you missed are things you even would've cared about missing, and I don't know if you had better things going on that surpassed what missed."
We arrive at the espresso stand, and our focus shifts to placing orders and getting our hands on our iced lattes. There's an empty bench, so I sit down on it, waiting for her to join me. After she does, we're both quiet for a few minutes as we enjoy our coffee and think about things.
"I didn't." She practically whispers that.
"Didn't what?"
"Have anything better. I – oh, shit, this is so pathetic, but I don't have friends."
I laugh at this. "Brooke, I've seen you with your friends. You're almost always in a group of twenty people, the center of attention. You have adoring fans!"
"They aren't my friends. They never were, really. Maybe they just hung around because I was a cheerleader, maybe they were afraid of what I'd do if they didn't adore me. They weren't my friends, though, none of them."
I lean back on the bench, surprised by this in some ways, and more surprised that I'm not completely surprised. "Why not?"
She raises her eyebrows at the question, and for a minute I think I crossed the line of...well, whatever this is. But she merely shrugs and leans back, too. "I don't know. They never knew me, and I didn't want them to." She pulls her legs up against her chest, resting her chin on her knees. "I guess it sounds stupid."
I shake my head, negating that. "No, it just sounds lonely, I guess."
She lets out a puff of air. "I guess it is. Yeah, actually, I know it is." Setting her feet down, she brightens up, but I can tell she's faking it. "Well, this is lame. Why don't we talk about more exciting things like where we're going to party this weekend?"
"How about my place?" a voice suggests from behind us.
Tim. Brooke sighs beside me. "Aren't you tired of having parties at your parents' place?" she asks.
"Hey, not all of us are still living with mommy and daddy, Davis. I have an apartment now. Oh, James, you'll know where it is – same building where Nathan had his." His eyes widen a little at what he said. "Oh, uh, is that a bad subject? Nathan, I mean, because I didn't mean, er, I didn't want to – "
"Its fine," I interrupt, "He's in Connecticut, not dead."
"I – yeah, sorry." He kicks at the dirt, stirring up a little cloud of dust. "But yeah, if you want to come, you can. It'll be a small party, I don't want to get kicked out of my apartment, not yet, anyways."
"Small party? Like so that's fifty people instead of a hundred and fifty?" Brooke snorts derisively.
"Dunno. Haven't invited anyone but you two yet, but I was think fifteen to twenty at the most."
This feels so surreal. I barely know Tim – his friendship with Nathan disintegrated when Nathan and Lucas started getting along, but he was always such an obnoxious prick that I can't help but wonder at his motives now.
"You haven't invited anyone else? I certainly hope you don't expect us to have a threesome with you," I warn him, only semi-joking.
He rolls his eyes. "I'm not that stupid," he mutters. "Look, I just thought I'd be nice and invite you. Don't feel obligated or anything."
"Oh, we won't," Brooke smirks, "Ciao!"
He sighs and walks off. "Wonder what that was all about," I comment, glancing at Brooke, "I thought you two were kinda friends. Or acquaintances, whatever."
"Ha! I hung around him when Peyton was with Nathan, but other than that it was mostly just at parties, and that hardly constitutes a friendship. Story of my life, I guess."
I suck down the last drops of my latte, the ice rattling around in the bottom of the cup. "It doesn't have to be, you know."
"Well, it is, so what difference does it make?"
I shrug. "I guess if it doesn't matter to you, then none. It makes no difference whatsoever."
She tosses her empty cup towards the trashcan, surprising me when it drops right in the hole. "Why are you still here?" she asks. I raise an eyebrow at her in surprise. "I mean, why are you still talking to me? You don't have to pretend that we have some great friendship. We both know otherwise, right?"
"Who's pretending we do?" Again with the eye rolling. "Fine, Tigger, you know what? You linked arms with me, you dragged me over here for coffee, you sat next to me in class. And now you're pushing me away? Fine, I'll go, no problem." I sound snotty, I know I do, but I don't get anything that happened this morning.
I stand up to walk away when she grabs my hand. "Stop. Sit down. I'm sorry, okay? I guess that's why I have no friends," she concludes with a bitter laugh.
There's really nothing for me to say to that. I don't know why she doesn't have friends, except stubbornness in terms of her and Pey, but other than that, what comments of comfort can I offer up?
"It's stupid," she mutters, "I know." I watch as she throws her hands in the air, standing up. "I don't know how to be a friend. Either I forgot or I never knew how, I guess it doesn't matter."
"That shit with Luke and Peyton really did a number on you, didn't it?" I stand up and we start walking towards the classes again.
"What do you mean?"
"You, this – it's obviously something huge. You're really bothered by the fact that you have no friends, but you're pretty and you're popular, so it's not that you have an inability to make them. That's why I think that thing did a number on you."
We walk quietly for a minute as she thinks about what I said. "She was my friend, and she lied to me. She knew how much I cared about him, and she went after him anyways. And then – then she chose him."
"Chose him? What do you mean?"
"After it all happened, like right before Luke moved to Charleston with Keith for that month or whatever, Peyton and I kind of made up. But then Luke came back, and they buddied up again. Maybe it was selfish, but I told her I couldn't be her friend if she was his friend, and she chose him." She shrugs it off, but I can see the hurt written across her face. "No biggie, right?"
"Brooke, it is a biggie."
She stops walking, laughing a little. "I guess it is if you're using my name, huh?"
"Why are you joking about this? If I were you, I think I'd be mad, too. But why'd you let it hold you back from making new friends?"
"You say it like it would have been easy. Hey, maybe it's for the better. It just hurts worse when the inevitable parting of ways happens if you let them get too close." She sighs. "Even I don't believe that."
"Because it's bullshit," I agree, "Why did you sit with me in class? I mean, like you said, you knew a ton of other people in there, so even if you just needed someone you know by you, why me? Is it because Pey's my friend and you think you can use me to get to her?"
She snorts. "God, who do you think I am, Nathan? Hell, no. Look, you're one of the few people who has always been real to me. When Lucas cheated on me, you called him on it. When I fucked up, you called me on it. I don't know, I guess you're just interesting to me."
I laugh, kind of confused. "I have no idea what you're talking about, but it works for me. Well, I'd better get to class. Biology."
A wide grin breaks out across her face. "Bio, you say? What a coincidence."
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oddly enough, Brooke and I have three classes together. Tim is in two of the three Brooke and I share, and in one more that I'm in alone. Even stranger, we've taken to studying together, which I'm trying to figure how to tell Pey.
"Peyton and Lucy's room, this is Peyton speaking, how may I help you?"
"Hey stranger!"
"Haley James!" she squeals, "How are you? How's school? Oh, my gosh, you wouldn't believe how cool it is here in New York, and would you believe that all of my classes are awesome? And my roommate and I actually get along? How's Tree Hill? Have you talked to Lucas, Nathan, or Jake?"
"Whoa, I'm now drowning in questions!"
She giggles. "Sorry."
"You are not! Anyways, I'm good, how are you?"
"I'm fabulous! I was freaked when I left here, but this is it, this is where I'm supposed to be. It's incredible."
"I'm so happy for you, Pey!" I am, really. A little unhappy for myself, which is unfair, but I can't help it. It's obvious she won't be finding any excuses to come home.
"Me, too! So what's going on with you? How're things with Nathan? Is he still being a dick about the split up thing?"
"Things are okay. Nathan is mad. He hung up on me a few days ago and has basically cut off communication. I'm waiting for him to get over it still," I sigh.
"Damn, I can't believe he's silent treatment-izing you. He will get over it, Hales, so don't get too stressed about it."
"Yeah, I'm trying not to. I just hate that things have gotten to this point, but I can't change it now. Besides, I still believe I did the right thing, you know?"
"Yeah, I know. So, how's Tree Hill's illustrious community college? Any fresh meat there for you to ogle?"
I guess this is as good a time as any to tell her what's been going on. "Actually, you'll never guess who the only two people I've talked to are."
"Oooh, do we get to play the guessing game? This could be fun," she laughs, "Of course, it's Tree Hill, so it probably isn't."
"That doesn't count as a guess," I warn, laughing, "Giving up already, Sawyer?"
"Give up? Never! I'll go down with this ship if I have to!" She sighs loud and long. "Okay, I think I'm ready to guess now. Let's see, who could it be. Someone I'd never guess. No, two someones I'd never guess. Hmm, Mouth? Is that one of them?"
"Nope, Brooke and Tim."
"Brooke? My Brooke? I mean, used to be my Brooke, I guess – we all know she'd shit bricks if she knew I called her that," she chuckles, "And Tim? How bizarre, Hales! How'd you get rid of them?"
"Eh, the three of us have two classes together, and then I have one class with each of them on our own. So, we're kinda sorta studying together." The last sentence rushes out sounding slightly incoherent.
"Wow."
"Pey? If you don't want me to study with Brooke, I won't. There's that whole history there, and I don't want to disrespect you or our friendship, okay?"
She just laughs. "Haley, its fine. I love you, and well, I don't want Brooke to be unhappy. So study, hang out, don't worry about stopping what you're doing on my behalf."
I breathe a sigh of relief. "You're sure? Because you're one of my best friends, and I am so not going to jeopardize our friendship. I want you to know that, so you can tell me if you hate the idea of us studying together."
She laughs again. "Hales, I promise, its fine. Maybe you shouldn't trust her, but as long as you're cool with it, I am, too. Now, Tim, on the other hand," she says, changing subjects so quick I don't get a chance to ask why I shouldn't trust Brooke, "I'd watch out for that one. He can be a real asshole. Of course, you're a big girl, you can handle a moron like him."
I spin around in my desk chair. "You know, I thought I would be the most pathetic person left behind in Tree Hill, but Jake is usurping my crown. He's, like, broken or something. I don't think he's in contact with any of those guys he hung out with anymore."
"Wow, depressing. Um, you're doing better than that, right, Hales? I mean, if you weren't okay, you'd tell me, right?"
I stop spinning. "You know, it's funny because I thought I'd be a depressed lunatic, but I'm not. Oh, things aren't perfect, obviously, but I'm holding my own. Now that classes have started, I at least have that distraction."
"A depressed lunatic? Depraved, maybe, from missing Nathan's sweet lovin'," she teases, "But not depressed."
"Thanks a lot," I laugh, "So, how's the New York love scene? Any hotties knocking on your door yet?"
"Not yet, but I have faith it'll be soon enough, you know?"
"Yeah, I know. I don't doubt it for a second," I assure her. There's a knock at my bedroom door, which almost startles me to the point of dropping the phone. It's Brooke, and I almost groan at her bad timing.
"Hey Tutor Girl," she calls as she walks in and makes herself comfortable on my bed.
"Tutor Girl?" echoes Pey through the phone, "Brooke's there now?"
"Just showed up, hang on." I cover the mouthpiece with my hand. "I'm on the phone, Tigger." She just shrugs and grins unabashedly at me. "It's Peyton."
"Oh. Well, I'll wait in the hall or something. Got any brothers?" I groan and shoo her out of the room, feeling grateful when she actually shuts the door behind her. Sure, she's probably got her ear pressed to it, but I appreciate that she at least pretends.
"Pey?"
"Yeah?" I can't tell if she sounds mad or not.
"I'm sorry about that, I didn't know she was coming over now," I quietly inform her. "I wouldn't call you when she's here."
"It's okay, Hales. She's still calling you Tutor Girl, huh?" she laughs.
"I'm hoping it dies a quick death," I admit, "But there are worse things I could be called, right?"
"Yeah, any of the thousand things she called me over the past two and a half years."
"Yeah, those."
"It really is okay, Haley. Don't feel bad about it. Look, Lucy just got back with food, so I'd better go. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeah, I'd love to hear from you tomorrow! Have fun, good luck finding that perfect hottie!"
She laughs. "You, too! And don't let Brooke drive you too crazy! I don't doubt for a second that she'll try."
"I won't. Love you, Pey."
"Love you, too, Hales!"
We hang up, and for a minute I just lean back in my desk chair trying to make sense of how strange my life has become. The shock of the door bursting open sends me tipping over in my chair.
"Goddammit, Brooke!" I shout, pissed, "Can't you knock?"
"Oh, shit," a male voice says quietly, "I'm so sorry, James!"
"Tim," I groan, rubbing my hip, "What the hell? Where do you get off barging into my bedroom?"
Brooke is in the doorway laughing. "Wow, that was so funny. You should've seen the look on your face, Tutor Girl!"
I glare at them both, picking myself up off the floor. "Well, knock next time. Can we agree that knocking is an acceptable thing to do before barging into someone else's bedroom?"
They both nod, Tim looking exceptionally contrite and Brooke looking like she'd just seen some great comedy routine.
"I – you're okay, right? Not hurt, I mean," Tim asks.
"Ha!" Brooke barks out, "He's afraid that Nathan is going to come back to town and kick his ass if he hurt you, Tutor Girl."
I roll my eyes. "I'm fine, let's just forget it now, please?"
And so we get on with studying.
"Hi Karen," I smile as I walk in for my shift at the café. "How are you doing this lovely day? How's the baby?"
She beams back at me. "The baby is wonderful, thank you, and I'm just great, too. How are you doing?"
"I'm good, school has been easy so far this quarter, so...well, that's a bonus," I laugh.
"It's good to see you smiling again," she comments as she starts a new pot of coffee, "I wasn't sure how long it would take."
"I couldn't mope forever," I point out, grabbing a rag to wipe off tables, "And besides, it's futile, you know? It won't bring them home, and it won't take me to them. I guess I just have to make the best of the situation or something. Besides, it could be worse."
"That usually is the case."
It's not crowded at all in here, so I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down at one of the tables. Karen sits down with me. "Heard from Lucas much?" I ask.
"Just once," she sighs, "It sounds like he's already really engrossed in basketball, too much so to call his mom."
"I've only gotten a couple of hurried emails, so don't feel bad. It sounds like he's working so hard between school and ball that he falls asleep the second he's done with his homework. I'm going to try calling him tonight, though, I miss hearing his voice."
"I'm sure he'd love to hear from you," she smiles.
"Well, even if he wouldn't, he's going to anyways," I joke.
The chiming of the bell on the door alerts us that customers have entered, and when they start arguing, I can tell immediately that it's just Brooke and Tim. Getting up from the table, I go over to greet them.
"Tutor Girl!" Brooke smiles. It is just really bizarre how, well, friendly she and I have become over the past few weeks.
"Hey, James, hardly working, huh?" Tim greets. He's a bit of a dickhead, but I think most of that can be attributed to foot-in-mouth disease rather than any actual maliciousness.
"What can I get you two?"
"An 'A' on our bio test?" Brooke asks, sounding hopeful.
"Tigger, it's the same material we learned sophomore year of high school. It's not going to be that hard of a test."
"Easy for you to say, you're smart, you get that shit," Tim sighs, "I don't even remember taking biology, so I don't know what that says about me."
"You were in the same class as me, dipshit," Brooke informs him, and I can't help but laugh. Tim can't either and quickly joins in.
"Sue me, sophomore year was the biggest party year for me," Tim says in his defense, "That was the year my parents got divorced and they each spent more time with their new lovers than me."
"So he spent the year drunk and drugged out to forget about things," Brooke explains to me, "That was actually the last year that I hung around you at all, Tim, some of those were good parties."
"Yeah," he laughs, "And now those days have pretty much dried up. I have no one to party with."
"Boo hoo," I laugh, "No one to party with. That isn't exactly the world's biggest problem, you know?"
He shrugs. "It kinda is when you don't know how to do anything else. Or when you're not good at anything else. Especially when both are the case."
Brooke and I laugh. "Geez, Tim, it's not that bad," she tries to comfort him.
"Sure it is. No friends, not much of a family, no girlfriend – I have nothing to show for anything that I am or have done."
I raise an eyebrow at him. "Well, maybe your priorities just haven't been straight. Maybe you've been focusing on things that aren't going to win you friends or a girlfriend."
More customers enter the café, and I stand up to take them menus and offer them drinks. Brooke and Tim are still talking, and I can only hope that she has something better to offer him than I did.
By the time I get back to their table, they're actually laughing. And not one of them at the other, either, which is really the most surprising part when I think about it. That probably means they're laughing at me, then.
"What'd I miss?" I ask cautiously. I'm still very leery of this newfound – well, whatever it is that the three of us have. It's just weird.
"Not much," Brooke laughs, "We were just reminiscing, actually."
It's weird, but I feel left out immediately because I know the chance of me sharing a memory with the two of them is slim to none. And I can't remember any funny ones, that's for sure.
"Sounds like fun." I sound wistful even to my own ears.
Tim grins. "Well, James, you have to admit it was pretty when you feel trying to do that jump thing. You know, the one where you touch your toes in the air."
My face feels warm, and I know my cheeks are pink. I sit there for a minute before bursting out laughing at the memory. "Oh, my, I had totally forgotten about that embarrassment. Thank you two so much for bringing that joyous occasion up!"
It really is fun to laugh with them, and when I see Karen smiling from behind the counter, I realize just how mopey I must've been the last week or so. It's good to let go of that now and just go with the flow, something I haven't spent much time in my life doing. Maybe this is a Dr. Phil thing, and it's good for me to change drastically on an internal level now that my physical world has changed. Or something.
They both leave before my shift is over, so when closing time nears, I'm alone in here. I promise them I'll put in an appearance at this little party of Tim's before they agree to leave, though. Figuring there won't be a better time, I pull out my cell phone and dial Lucas.
"Hello?"
"Is Lucas there?" I ask, not recognizing the voice.
"Yeah, hold on." There's some shuffling noises in the background, and then, "Hey, Scott! Some chick is on the phone for you! Get your ass back in here!"
A few seconds later, Lucas is on the line. "Hello?"
"Lucas!" I squeal, thrilled to hear his voice.
"Hales! What's going on, I was just thinking of you today during basketball practice."
"Yeah? Good, and I hope the thoughts were those of sadness and longing for your best friend."
"Of course. So what brings you to my ear? Just a chat? How you holding up?"
"You sound like Peyton, a thousand questions," I joke, "But no, really, everything is fine. I just missed you and have been thinking about you, and it's dead here at the café, so I figured I'd give you a call. How're things with you?"
"Things are good so far, I think. My roommate is a bit of an ass; actually, he reminds me of Nathan pre-you. Other than that, though, it's okay here. Just different. No Hales."
I laugh. "Well, I've got one up on you since everything is different here, but at the same time, nothing is."
"Yeah, that must suck."
I set down the tray I was carrying and think about that. "Huh, you know what? I just realized that it does. Suck, I mean."
"Yeah? You find replacement friends already?" he jokes.
"No, of course not. In fact, the only people in school I've talked to are Brooke Davis and Tim Smith."
Dead silence.
"Luke?"
"Brooke talks to you?"
"Sure, it's not like I ever cheated on her," I say, instantly regretting it. I know how bad Luke feels about that, and I know how guilty he still feels to this day. "Oh, Luke, I'm sorry, that was totally tasteless, and I didn't mean it anyways."
"No, it's okay. I guess I'm just surprised. Thought she hated all of us. Guess it was just me."
"If it makes you feel any better, all the animosity I've seen from her is directed towards Peyton."
He sighs into the phone. "I guess it doesn't matter now anyways. Besides, it's not like you guys hang out all the time or anything, right?"
It's my turn to sigh. "Well, we're sort of studying together frequently. Um, the three of us have two classes together, and I have one with each of them, also. So we're kind of doing that. I think they think I can get them A's or something," I try and joke.
"Haley, do you remember Tim Smith? Do you remember what an asshole he is? Because if you don't, I'd love to refresh you memory."
I pull a stool out and sit down. "Luke, come on, that was years ago. Let the past go."
"Jesus." I can picture him right now, probably standing with his legs a little apart, running his free hand through his hair in frustration. I barely manage to hold my giggle in. "It's just, Hales, he's an ass, and even in terms of friends, you deserve better."
"I guess this next part is where you tell me I should stay away from Brooke because she is similarly not good enough."
"Hey, that's not fair, I've never said anything bad about Brooke, and I never meant to hurt her."
I sigh, knowing he's right. "I'm sorry, I know you haven't and didn't. I just don't see what the big deal is – it's just Tim. He's harmless."
"If by harmless, you mean brainless, then yeah, I think you're right."
"I'm not going to argue with you about this, Luke. So, if you're right, I'll figure it out soon enough, and if you are wrong and I'm right, then you owe me a diamond necklace for Christmas," I tease.
"Ha, you think we'll know by Christmas?"
"Hey, like you said, brainless, right? If it's all a charade, then he won't be able to hold onto it that long."
He laughs. "Okay, fine, but don't hold your breath for that diamond necklace. I don't care how right you are, you ain't getting one of those from me. Better take that one up with Nathan," he jokes, gasping when he realizes what he said, "Ah, Hales, now I'm sorry."
"No, no, we can't pretend like he doesn't exist, Luke. That's stupid. He's a huge part of both of our lives. We love him."
"Yeah, but I know it's hard for you and him right now, I didn't even think before I tossed that in your face."
I sigh, not wanting him to feel bad. "Luke, stop. It's okay, I promise. And hey, like three weeks ago, he and I were together. If you'd said that then, we wouldn't have batted an eye. It's okay!"
"If you say so. Have you guys talked much?" he asks quietly.
I shrug, even though he can't see me. Habit, I guess. "We talked a few days ago. He got mad at me, and I haven't heard from him since, nor will he accept my attempts to get in touch with him."
"Damn, what happened?"
I groan, kind of wishing I hadn't said anything about it. "He said something about how some things never change in reference to us, and I told him he can't do that every time we talk."
"Can't do what?" I can hear the confusion coloring his voice.
"Can't try and change my mind. It's hard on me, and it just – it can't be good for him, you know? Anyways, he told me I was a coward for not trying and hung up."
"Sounds intense."
"Yeah. You really have no idea," I sigh, "It was just hard, but maybe it's good that it happened now."
"Whatever you say, Hales." I know he too questions my decision, and frankly, I'm sick of it. Maybe this is the biggest mistake of my life, but it's mine to make and I wish people would remember that.
"Luke? I should go. It's time to lock the door, and then I somehow agreed to attend a mini-party at Tim's."
"Mini-party? At Tim Smith's? Hales, he's never gone mini anything in relation to partying. Don't get caught up at some raging party with no friends there to have your back."
I laugh at his protectiveness and concern. "Trust me, it'll be small if he knows what's good for him. He's living in that complex Nathan lived in for awhile. You remember how quick those people are to call the cops."
"Okay, fine," he agrees, "But still, be careful. Okay, I'll let you go. Love you."
"Love you, too."
I run around and finish closing this place up, finally turning off the lights and locking the door behind me on the way out. I'd brought a change of clothes with me just in case I decided to go to the party, so I shimmy into those awkwardly in the front seat of my car before driving off.
When I pull in the parking lot of Tim's apartment complex, my mind drifts back immediately. I feel like I'm sixteen again, and that Nathan will come out any minute and carry me over his shoulder into his bedroom.
But I'm not, and he doesn't, so I just feel stupid sitting here instead. Shaking away the slightly depressing thoughts of things I don't have anymore, I jump out of the car and practically run to the apartment Tim said was his. There is surprisingly quiet 'party' music coming through the door – I guess Tim was serious about not letting things get out of hand.
I knock on the door tentatively, visions of Brooke's suggestion that Tim was only inviting us over for a threesome floating in my head. I'm half of a mind to turn around and head back for my car, and I actually take a step backwards when the door swings open.
"Hey!" Tim smiles as he greets me, "Wasn't sure if you'd show, but here you are!"
"Here I am," I agree, looking past him to see that there really are only about fifteen people in there, just like he promised. As he ushers me in, I raise an eyebrow at Brooke who just kind of shrugs that she doesn't know what's going on.
"Tutor Girl, let's get you a drink," Brooke decrees, taking my arm as she is wont to do. "So, this is weird," she says, motioning back out to the living room with her cup, "It's like, I don't know, have you ever seen Tim so tame?"
I shrug. "I've barely seen Tim period," I point out, "And I've only been to occasional parties of his, but no, they were never this small and casual."
"I know! No one is even puking!"
I laugh at this, wondering how that's a bad thing, but decide it's better not to ask. "Well, I'm not going to complain. It's a little tame, but it could be worse."
"Well, I bet you ten bucks it's just you, me, and Tim within the hour," she says, sticking out her hand.
"What? Why would you bet that? It's a party, right? Alcohol, music, dancing. No one is going to leave," I scoff.
"Hello? Did you see dancing? And you can barely hear that music. Trust me, it's not enough to keep people here. There are other parties they can find on a Friday night, ones with loud music and actual dancing and drinking games."
I glance back out there, realizing she's right – everyone does look incredibly bored. Even Tim, I note, stifling a laugh. Brooke looks at me questioningly. "Even Tim looks bored."
She does laugh. "Well, look at these idiots he invited. I mean, they act like they can't talk to people they don't know. No wonder it's so boring here!"
Can't disagree with that. "Why'd Tim invite them? Just because we went to high school with them?"
She shrugs. "Hell if I know. All I can think is that he's just doing what's expected of him. Having a party, I mean. I don't know, but it's not working out so great, is it? Oooh, look," she says, pointing to the door.
And they're leaving already. I don't know if I should feel glad it'll just be Brooke, Tim, and I, since we've gotten to this odd point where it's kind of comfortable to be around them, or if I should be annoyed that this won't be a chance to interact with more people.
"You okay, Tim?" Brooke asks when the door closes and the last of his few guests shuffles out.
He nods. "Sure, it's no big deal, just a party. And I should've known – I wouldn't have stayed at a crapfest like this myself, so it was stupid to think other people would."
I laugh, "It wasn't that bad."
Brooke snorts. "Please, you just got here. It was awful. No dancing, no talking, no flirting, nothing. It was dead. Like being at a funeral or something." She claps her hand over her mouth when she realizes that Tim is in fact standing right there. "Sorry, Tim."
Luckily for her, he just laughs. "It's fine. You're right, it was boring. The weirdest part is that I don't even care." He looks around. "Want to get drunk and watch crappy b-movies?"
I look at Brooke. "I'm in if you're in, Tigger."
She gives me an exasperated look. "Well, I'm in for anything if it means I don't have to go home and see my parents right away."
And so we settle on the couch with large glasses of vodka and lemonade and watch lame movies and laugh our asses off the whole time.
And I have fun.
The faint ringing sound of a cellphone wakes me up. looking around, I'm surprised to see Brooke picking up my phone and putting it to her ear. I'm actually more surprised to find myself still at Tim's sharing the couch with Brooke as he still sleeps soundly on the chair.
"Tutor Girl's phone," Brooke answers, winking at me when I groan. "Well, hello, Nathan Scott, let me get her for you."
My eyes widen in alarm when she says his name. "Jesus, Tigger, why are you answering my phone? It could've been Peyton, and I know how you would've hated that."
"Nah, his name flashed on the display screen. I can read, you know," she laughs.
"Nathan?" I gasp into the phone, "I'm so glad you called me!"
"Yeah, I'll bet," he mutters, and I can tell he's pissed. "What the hell are you doing hanging out with Brooke Davis? And why can't you answer your own phone?"
"Don't get mad, please," I sigh, dreading where this conversation was going, "Why is it such a big deal that I'm hanging out with Brooke?"
"Do you remember her? Do you remember what shit she treated Pey and Lucas like? You remember them, right, your best friends?"
"Nathan!" I begin as I extricate myself from the couch so I can find some privacy for this call, "Of course I remember them, and she didn't do anything to them. She stopped being their friend, which is entirely her prerogative."
He doesn't say anything for a minute, and I'm afraid he's going to hang up again. Finally, though, he starts talking again, saying, "Hales, I don't get it. You and Brooke Davis were never really friends, or even friendly to each other. What the hell is going on?"
I finally make it into the bathroom, and closing the door, sit down on the edge of the tub. "Nathan, what is the big deal? Am I not allowed to hang out with people you don't like or something?"
He sighs. "I'm just surprised, Haley. I don't know, when I pictured you making new friends, Brooke Davis wasn't exactly on the list."
Gee, he's making it easy to tell him whose apartment I'm at. "Okay, I get that it seems weird, but if Luke and Pey can be okay with it, can't you?"
"You've already told them and not me?"
Oh, my God, I can't believe he's doing this. "Well, you wouldn't answer my calls or call me back, so what the hell was I supposed to do?"
"Fine, you're right, I was being an ass. I'm sorry for that, too. Guess I'm just not taking any of this well at all."
I soften immediately, wishing I was there to hold him. "Oh, Nate, I'm sorry. I didn't even ask how school's going."
He chuckles. "It's not school, that is tough, Haley J, it's being away from you. It's knowing that there is nothing to keep you from dating someone else. I guess I'm just jealous of the fact that you could be out there meeting someone new."
I have to tell him now where I am. If I don't, and wait till later, he'll flip. "Look, Nathan, you should know where I am right now."
"Please don't tell me that you're at some guy's house. Please don't tell me that you've already met someone new," he begs.
"No! Of course not, Nate, there is no way that could possibly happen. Look, I have three classes with Brooke. That's how we started, well, I guess hanging out together. Tim Smith is in two of those classes, and I have another with just him. So, we're also hanging out with him."
"And that's where you are now?"
I sigh. He sounds so angry with me. "Yeah, he had a party last night that turned out to be a total flop, so he, Brooke, and I sat around drinking and watching crappy movies. I was too drunk to drive, so I crashed."
"Yeah, okay," he says, not sounding happy with this, but at least not biting my head off, "But you know, as odd of a choice Brooke is for your new friend list? Tim is about a thousand times stranger to find out about."
"I know," I laugh, "It's weird to me, too. But it's not a bad thing, Nathan. They're kind of fun and they make me laugh, and that's better than how it was last week when I walked around town in a daze missing you and the others. I don't want to cry every day because I don't have friends here."
"I don't want that for you either. I guess that means if you want to be friends with Brooke and Tim, I can try and support that."
"You're a really great guy, Nathan Scott," I whisper, missing him more in this moment that the rest of the time put together, "I'm terribly lucky to have you in my life."
"Don't you know it," he laughs, and I join in. "Hey, baby? I have an early morning practice. It's probably more of a hazing thing, but I have to go."
"Okay. I'm really glad you called, and I'm even gladder that you listened."
"Anything for you, Haley J! Love you."
"You, too," I say, smiling.
I stay in here for a few minutes after hanging up with him, just letting myself miss him. Composing myself, I step back out into the living room where Brooke and Tim are waiting.
"You okay?" Tim asks, sounding like he just might care.
I nod, even manage a small smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. It wasn't too bad, actually," I laugh.
"He pissed you're hanging out with us?" Brooke asks.
"A little, Tigger," I tell her, deciding honesty is the best policy, "But I think he's mostly still just mad that I broke up with him."
Brooke awkwardly puts an arm around my shoulder, I guess trying to comfort me. "I guess he'll be less mad when he starts making new friends," Tim points out.
Brooke nods. "Sure, he'll get over it. Anyways, he's not here, and what does he think you're supposed to do? Sit in your room all day? Someone needs to get over himself, I'm thinking."
I laugh. "It's not like that. This is just a weird adjustment period for us, you know?"
"For everyone," Tim sighs, "I guess we all learn this the hard way." He laughs, looking around his apartment. "Hell, look at this place, you can't even tell I had a party here."
"Uh, I hate to break it to you, Tim, but you didn't really," Brooke points out, "I mean, three people does not a party make. No one else stayed long enough to count as party guests, either."
Tim and I laugh. "Well, when she's right, she's right," I agree.
"Yeah, I guess it wasn't a party. Oh, well," he says brightening, "This wasn't so bad either. Maybe my parents weren't kidding when they said that not everything had to be a party."
I shake my head. "If you'd learned that a few years ago, you might not be stuck in Tree Hill now."
"Maybe being stuck here isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be," he muses.
Maybe he's right.