A/N - If anyone has a suggestion on a OTH site where I can also post this story, I'd appreciate it. Thanks to all who have reviewed, I really appreciate them! :)
Chapter Three – Gypsy
'She is dancing away from you now, She was just a wish, she was just a wish, And her memory is all that is left for you now, You see your gypsy...' - Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac)
November, 2006
I've seen all the posters and pictures on the wall in Brooke's bedroom about twenty times now, but they're becoming extraordinarily fascinating as I focus on them to avoid hearing her conversation.
"Okay, I understand, Mom," she sighs into the phone, "It's not like this is the first Thanksgiving I'll spend without you, right?"
I can't help but wonder who she spends her holidays with, and a glance towards Tim tells me he's wondering the same thing. I'm kinda in the same boat, my parents were never interested in family time or holiday celebrations, so we often skipped them, but I had Lucas, Karen, and Keith. But Brooke, well, I'm getting the feeling that once she stopped speaking to Pey, she didn't have anyone.
She finishes up her conversation with her mother, pacing all the while, and then collapses onto the loveseat Tim is sitting on.
"I am so fucking sick of her," she mutters. Tim puts a comforting arm around her shoulders, and she smiles sadly at him.
"It'll be okay," he tells her, "You can hang out with me for Thanksgiving. My family won't mind at all."
She smiles, a little less sad this time, "It's not that, Tim. I mean, they've been gone for every major holiday that I can remember since, well, since I can remember, you know? But she acts like it is my fault or something. Like I did something to make them stay away."
"Oh, that's not true, Tigger," I tell her, not liking her acting so depressed, "I don't know what it is, but I know it wasn't you."
"I know that. But they pretend like they aren't selfish bastards and that it was something I did. They've been doing it since I was a baby, though, so what could I have done then?"
Knowing it's rhetorical, which is somewhat surprising for him, Tim asks, "What do you do when they're gone? Whose house did you go to for holidays?"
"When I was little, there were nannies. I usually just stayed with them. I didn't really get what a deal holidays were until kindergarten. And then, sometime after that, Peyton started inviting me over. After that? Well, I was old enough to know Santa Claus doesn't exist, so it didn't really matter."
Tim and I exchange glances. "You shouldn't be alone on holidays," I tell her, grabbing her hand spontaneously, "Even if it's not with family, you should be with friends. Or surrogate family."
"Not all of us have that, Tutor Girl."
"Well, you do now," I tell her firmly. Tim nods in agreement. "If you don't want to go with Tim, then you're welcome to come with me to the café. That's where I go every year," I explain.
"Really?" Tim asks, "What about your family?"
"Same thing, kind of. Only my parents aren't jetsetters, they just don't care about holidays or celebrating. I mean, I have a lot of siblings, but they're all way older. I think my parents were just tired of being parents by the time they had me."
I can tell they're both surprised. "I never knew that," Brooke says softly, "You're so together I just figured you had some sort of Brady Bunch upbringing or something."
"Yeah, not so much. But Lucas, Karen, and Keith were a really great family for me, and then I had Nathan, Peyton, Jake, and Jenny, plus Jake's parents and Deb. It wasn't so bad. Maybe better, in some ways."
"Sounds nice," Brooke says wistfully.
"Well, then, that's that. You're coming with me to the café. Luke won't be there, and it's beginning to sound like Peyton won't either, so you should be in the clear. I know Karen always liked you," I inform her, which is true. Granted, she didn't push Lucas to find out what happened with Brooke, but I do know she liked her.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea," she sighs, "It'd be weird."
"Any weirder than this?" Tim laughs, gesturing to the three of us.
"Wow, you know it's a weird situation when Tim Smith gets the bizarreness of it," Brooke deadpans.
He raises his hands in protest. "Hey now, I'm not stupid. I know that I was a jerk, especially to you and your friends, Haley, so it's not like you guys have any reason to want to hang out with me."
I ruffle his hair. "We've all done shitty things in the past, but there is no reason we can't move past them now, right?"
He shrugs, looking semi-miserable. "I don't know, maybe I don't deserve it."
"Where the hell is this coming from?" Brooke practically yells at him, "I mean, one minute we're talking about my abandonment issues, and now you're trying to martyr yourself over past behavior. I don't get it."
I can't help but laugh at her speech. Tim looks at me in surprise, and Brooke glares at me. "Well, she's right," I choke out between laughs, "I mean, now is a pretty weird time to bring that up."
"Now's as good a time as any?" he suggests feebly, not believing it himself. We fix him with our best woman-do-what-we-tell-you-now stare, and he quickly caves. "Look, I guess I just felt guilty. I have ever since I started hanging with you two. I've been an ass to both of you, and, oh, I don't know, there might've been a tiny part of me that thought this was some kind of revenge thing."
I laugh. "I thought that about Brooke hanging out with me. Like it was to get back at Pey and Luke or something. She quickly disabused me of that notion." I wink at her.
"Shit," Brooke swears, then sighs, "Can't this just be something that has nothing to do with past crap that's happened? This is totally separate, and it shouldn't be affected by what any of us have done in the past. It's working out fine so far, right?"
I nod, kicking Tim on the leg so that he does the same. "Okay, how about this," I start, "Fresh slate. Past screw ups are just that, the past. If someone messes up going forward, then we'll deal with if it happens. Fair enough?"
"Sounds good to me," Brooke bubbles in her trademark husky voice.
"Okay," Tim says, taking a deep breath, "If you two are willing to cut me that slack, I won't deny you the right."
I cock my head to the side, looking at them. "So, what are we doing for Thanksgiving?"
"Argh, too much to deal with," Brooke complains, "I can hardly think about what I'm going to wear tomorrow, let alone where I'll be on a holiday that isn't until – hey, when is it?"
"Next week," I inform, getting up for a trip the mini-fridge by the door. I grab myself a water, a Diet Pepsi for Brooke, and a Coke for Tim.
"Next week? Where does time go?" she sighs. "So, I think this is the part where you each flatter me half to death trying to get me to attend your shindig!"
I roll my eyes at her. "Well, you know what? You are both welcome to come to the café. I'll be there early helping with the cooking, so just let me know if you're interested and I'll put you on the list."
I guess it's kind of assy of me to want them there so badly; Tim has family he could be with, but I'd still prefer if he came to the diner. They've just become a new constant for me – always in class, always ready to hang out or study, always ready to chat, and always dragging me out to do new things.
It's fun – I honestly never would've I'd be having this much fun now. I guess it's easy to assume that spending the holidays with Tim and Brooke would be fun, too. Selfish, sure, but I can't shake that thought. It's like they're my buffer against missing my 'real' friends, which isn't fair to them at all. The mere thought actually makes me feel like all sorts of crap.
Brooke and Tim are discussing the best way to handle Brooke's family-less Thanksgiving, so it's easy to get lost in my own thoughts. Would I ditch these two if Nathan, Luke, Pey, and Jake were back? I want to say 'no', but in all honesty, I can't.
"Earth to Haley, come in Haley," Brooke spits out, partially amused that I'm so out of it, partially irritated that I'm not paying attention to her.
"Oh, sorry, what'd I miss?"
"Where'd you go? Thinking about Nathan again?" she asks, rolling her eyes.
"Not really," I tell her, and it is somewhat honest, "I was just spacing out, not thinking of anything in particular."
"Oh, okay," she says, although she shares a dubious look with Tim, "I guess I – well, we – were just wondering if you were wishing your holiday would be different. Obviously we aren't your first choice friends."
She tries to make it sound like a joke, but like they say, behind every joke lies some truth. "It's not that at all," I try, going for the brush- off, "You know I miss them all, but that doesn't lessen the time we've spent together."
"Hey, that works for me," Tim laughs, "What's that dipshit poem? 'Make new friends, but keep the old'?"
"'One is silver and the others gold'!" Brooke and I finish, singing.
"Oh, my God, we totally sang that at summer camp," Brooke laughs, "I can't believe you know that song, Tim!"
"I didn't know it was a song," he mutters, looking at us like we've lost our minds. Probably because we're laughing like maniacs. Whatever.
Brooke jumps up, moving away from the loveseat she was sitting on with Tim to come over and squeeze into the chair I'm sitting in with me. She elbows me lightly. "He is so lying," she smirks, "I'll bet you fifty bucks that he sang that song in Cub Scouts or some shit."
I crack up, "Oh, can't you just picture a tiny, little Tim in a little Scout uniform? Oh, my God, Brooke, he was Tiny Tim!"
She and I are both doubled over as Tim rolls his eyes and tries to look pissed off at us. "You two are really immature, you know that?"
"Not as immature as you in your tiny Scout uniform!" Brooke retorts, clutching her stomach she's laughing so hard, "Did you have the shorts with the knee-high socks? Because that would've been so great!"
"I wasn't in Scouts," he reasserts, but we just ignore him.
"Brooke! We need pictures! I want to see Tiny Tim in his little Scouts uniform with the shorts and the vest and the socks!"
She gasps, "I bet his mom has some!"
I squeal, clapping my hands, which is awkward to do with Brooke half on my lap. Tim groans, "No, no, stay away from my mom, she doesn't have any pictures of that, I swear!"
"Ooh, even if she doesn't, I'm sure she has other embarrassing ones!"
"Naked tub pictures!" we say in unison causing Tim to bury his head in his hands, groaning. Brooke and I are cracking up.
Tim is spending the afternoon with his family, and Brooke is joining him, but I've talked them into coming by the café in the evening. Karen and Keith are perfectly fine with it. In fact, I'm guessing that Karen is relishing it a little bit since Lucas won't be around and this will be the smallest gathering for a holiday here since Peyton, Nathan, and Jake joined me and Lucas's group.
"How's school going, Haley?" Karen asks as I set the table.
"It's okay. My classes are pretty easy, but studying with Tim and Brooke helps to make it more interesting. Or fun, at least. I guess it's hard to infuse interest into biology if it isn't pre-existing for you."
"Sounds true to me," she smiles.
"How are you doing?" She's about five and a half months pregnant now, and she just glows. I've never seen a person so literally radiate happiness. It's amazing.
"Aside from missing Lucas, I don't think I've ever been better. Keith and I are doing well, and I've got this little bundle to look forward to," she gestures to her stomach.
"Keith must be thrilled beyond belief. I love seeing you guys so happy," I tell her seriously, impulsively grabbing her hand and squeezing it.
"I know you do, sweetheart. And I'm glad to see you smiling so much more now, too. You're really developing a friendship with Brooke and Tim, aren't you?"
I smile a little. "Yeah, it's weird, but we are."
"Why is it weird?"
I shake my head. "Wow, and I thought Lucas told you everything." We both laugh. "No, it's just each of my old friends dislikes one of them for some reason or another, or they dislike one of my old friends. You'd think it would be really uncomfortable, right? I guess because they haven't all been in the same room yet, it hasn't."
She looks at me thoughtfully. "I know some of the history with Tim and Brooke, especially the whole Lucas, Brooke, and Peyton saga and Tim's hand in hazing Luke. But when you get older, stuff like that tends to fade into the woodwork a little. Who doesn't change throughout high school? Hell, look at Dan Scott – would you ever have thought he'd get to a point where'd he'd fly across the country to watch Lucas play basketball?" I chuckle, shaking my head 'no'. "There's good in everyone, Haley."
"Yeah, there sure is. Thank you for letting me invite them, by the way. I didn't realize how important they'd become in my life until the Thanksgiving thing came up and it hit me that I wanted to spend it with them."
"As long as they're friends to you, then they're more than welcome here," she smiles before she gets up to head back in the kitchen. She has perfect timing, as my phone starts ringing.
"Peyton!" I greet, after glancing at the caller ID, "Happy Thanksgiving!"
"Back at you! You will never guess where I am right this second!"
"Um, New York City, at some fabulously quirky little art gallery listening to angst-y punk music being fawned over by a hot Indie guy?"
She laughs. "Oh, how well you know my dream day. But no, that is not where I am. Oh, no, my darling Haley James, I am about two blocks away from Karen's Café, which is where I assume you are right now."
I squeal. "Shut up! Oh, my God, I thought you were staying in the City! Why didn't you tell me, I'd have picked you up at the airport!"
"I wanted to surprise you, but then I couldn't wait any longer! I hear Jake is in town, are he and Jen coming to dinner?"
"Nope, they aren't," I tell her, realizing that Brooke and Pey in the same place will not be such a great thing, "Look, Pey, I have to tell you something. Brooke is going to be at dinner. With Tim Smith."
She groans. "But I give her indigestion, amongst a ton of other ailments, I'm sure. Damn, now I really wish I'd have told you beforehand."
I don't tell her that I'd have still invited them. "Look, I just wanted you to be forewarned. Um, I'm kind of guessing that Brooke isn't going to be thrilled to see you."
"Forewarned is forearmed?" she questions with a sigh.
"Something like that. Look, I'll try and get her to be on her best behavior. I don't want to tell her beforehand because I'm afraid she'll back out."
"You guys are getting close, huh?" She sounds a little hurt, but she doesn't say anything other than that, so I don't push the matter.
"We spend a lot of time together," I tell her carefully, "And since I'm gathering holidays are rough on her, I don't want to chase her away."
"Yeah, no, you're right, absolutely. Would it be better if stayed away? We could hang out tonight, I mean, assuming you don't have plans."
She comes walking in the door, and I squeal, turning my phone off and running to her for a hug. "I can't believe I'm here!" she laughs, squeezing me tight.
"Me neither! This is so awesome, Pey, I've missed you so much!" I grab the coffee pot as she sits down. "So, tell me all about New York, it sounds so exciting and perfect for you."
She laughs. "Yeah, it really is. Everything about it is opposite of Tree Hill, and it's working out pretty nice for me. And classes are even going well."
"I'm glad to hear it, Pey. I'm happy you're happy." I smile genuinely at her.
"What about you? How's everything here going for you so far? All I know about is Brooke and Tim – what else is going on?"
I shrug, unsure how to describe it. "It's weird, but it's kind of a 'the more things change, the more they stay the same' situation here in old Tree Hill." I laugh, causing her to raise her eyebrows at me. "Sorry, I was just laughing at my overuse of the word 'weird' lately."
"Well, as far as a word goes to describe how life is these days, that one works for me. Or crazy. That one works, too."
It's fun, being with Peyton again, but it's weird, too. I know she's not okay that I've been hanging out with Brooke, and that she doesn't want to say so, though. I wish she'd just say it, though, but leaving it this way means we can both pretend it isn't there.
"What time are they coming over?" she asks quietly.
"Around 6, I think. They're going to Tim's parents for Thanksgiving lunch, and then dropping by here to keep Karen, Keith, and I company."
"It's just y'all? I can't remember there ever being so few people here for a holiday," she says, shaking her head.
"Well, Lucas and his friends are mostly gone," I point out gently, "And while Dan is acting human, I don't know if anyone is really ready for a family Thanksgiving."
She shudders. "Now that would give new meaning to the word 'weird'. I think the world would forgive you for your overuse of the word then," she giggles.
"I've ran into him a couple of times," I confide, "And he keeps trying to get me to go over to the dealership. Says he'd work out a really great deal for me on a new car. I don't know whether to be flattered or afraid."
Her eyes are wide. "Maybe a little of both?"
"Probably," I agree, "I don't know, but he does seem different. Even Lucas has said so."
"Have you talked to him much? Or Nathan?"
I shrug. "I talked to both of them a lot, but now that basketball is full swing, not so much. They're so busy that they don't have time to talk. At least to me – they talking to you much?"
"Oh, no, not at all, really. And you know, it was okay, I have been busy, too. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I got here with you. At least Jake is in town. And hey, we're still going to go catch a game over Christmas break, right?"
I nod, remembering her suggestion that go watch either Luke or Nathan play basketball, choosing who to see based on their locations. "Yeah, that'd be fun. I think Lucas's team will be in Florida. That's close enough that it won't be too expensive."
"Sounds good to me. You sure you don't want to go wherever Nathan will be?" she asks, looking at me intently.
"He'll be in Arizona. I mean, nice weather, yeah, but what is there to do there?"
"I don't know, but I'm sure there's something. If you want to go there, we can. I'm sure Luke would understand."
She smiles a little, shaking her head. "Well, whatever you say. And anyways, Florida definitely sounds more fun."
"It's the week between Christmas and New Year's."
"Perfect, I kinda wanted to be in New York for New Year's. Unless you wanted me to hang around."
"Oh, no, no, you should be in New York. It'll be your first New Year's there, and I don't know anyone who'd rather be in Tree Hill!"
"You're more than welcome to come visit," she smiles, "It'd be tons of fun. You, me, a city at our fingertips. Come on, Hales, come visit!"
I laugh at her. "You're wandering dangerously close to whining territory, you know, and that isn't going to get you anywhere with me."
"Hah, I should've known. All those years with the Scott brothers has turned you immune to the whining. Damn. I should've known, seriously!"
I nod, winking at her. "You definitely should've. Well, you're okay with dinner with Brooke and Tim, right? I mean, I can't un-invite them."
"No, you shouldn't even if you could. It'll be fine, I'll just sit far away from her, and I'll even promise to ignore all of her catty comments, okay?"
I look at her, remembering something that Brooke had told me, but unsure if this was even any of my business. Deciding if it's not she can tell me to butt out, I ask, "What happened with you and Brooke? She said that you guys were on the path towards making up, and then – well, obviously it didn't happen."
I don't think I should reveal that Brooke told me Pey 'chose' Lucas over Brooke when Brooke asked her not to see Lucas. Even though Brooke felt it was fine if I knew, I don't know how Pey feels about it.
She sighs. "She just couldn't get over it. She thought she could, I believed her, and then she flipped out about it. Couldn't stand me again."
I don't know if I'm surprised or not that she's sugar-coated the truth, but I shrug it off, figuring it isn't my business. "Okay," I smile.
"Why, did she say something different?" she asks, sounding defensive.
"She hasn't said much about it at all, Peyton." I shrug, "I don't know, I think it's still a sore spot for her, and maybe she's not exactly ready to face it yet."
Peyton rolls her eyes. "I doubt it's that much of a sore spot, Haley. She has thrown it back in my face a thousand times how much she hates me. Sore for me, is more like it."
I nod, letting it go. I disagree with her, but dragging this conversation out isn't going to do anyone any good, so it's pointless.
"Well," I say, clearing my throat, "Hopefully things will stay calm tonight. I think Karen is looking forward to having people here."
She smiles slightly. "Yeah, I bet. There's definitely an empty feeling here that I can't ever remember experiencing before."
Could she rub it in a little more? No, that's not fair, she's not saying this to hurt me, I know that. "She misses Luke a lot, and it is definitely more quiet around here these days."
"Time marches on, huh?"
I laugh. "Yeah, no stopping it. It's not such a bad thing, though."
"Shut up. Don't tell me that Haley "I hate change, change is the work of the devil" James is learning to accept and embrace change."
I roll my eyes, shoving her lightly. "You're a brat. Anyways, I wouldn't say that. Change still freaks me out, but I am willing to admit it isn't always the worst thing in the world."
"Wow, I'm impressed. That is a big admission from one Haley James. I think this warrants a call to Nathan," she teases, whipping out her phone, scrolling through her address book.
I'm positive she's bluffing, so I ignore, even when she starts talking to 'Nathan' and 'Haley has started accepting change'. When she says 'Sure, here she is', I just roll my eyes at her and take the phone, ready to call her bluff.
"Hi Nate!" I chirp into the phone, "Yes, I have accepted change. In fact, now I embrace it and I welcome and I want more of it. Everything that has happened in the last few months have been wonderful and beautiful, and I wouldn't change a second of it. Oh, and all the sex with strangers that I've been having has been great. That good enough for ya, Pey?"
"Haley?"
I drop the phone like it burned me. I look up to see Peyton staring at me with a horrified look on her face. "Peyton, I thought you were joking!" I yell, breathing hard in my surprise.
"Well, sorry! Don't just stand there like a moron, Haley, pick up the phone and talk to him!"
I groan, knowing automatically that this phone call can't go anywhere good. "Nathan?" I whisper, "Please say something and tell me you didn't hang up on me for being a big asshole. Please?"
"Haley," he sighs, "What the hell is going on?"
"Oh, Nathan, I'm so sorry, I thought Peyton was messing around when she said you were on the phone," I try to explain, glaring at her. She shrugs back, mouthing an apology. "I was just playing around."
"How many guys have you had one night stands with?" he asks, sounding uncomfortably (for me) close to tears.
"God, Nathan, none! You know me better than that! That was purely for Pey's benefit, it was just a joke! I can't believe you'd think I was sleeping with strangers."
"You said it, not me," he retorts, "Look, Haley, what's going on? Why is Pey there?"
"She came back for her break instead of staying in New York. And we were just goofing around. When I told her I was getting used to all the change I've been growing through, she pounced on it and called you. That's all, I swear it was nothing."
"I don't even know what to think anymore, Haley J," he says, his use of my nickname slightly reassuring.
"Nathan, come on, you know how it is."
"Do I?" he challenges, "Because if I did, maybe I'd understand why you won't let us be together. Maybe then I'd understand even a little of this. But I don't, so maybe I don't know how it is, either."
I don't even know what to say. Maybe he's right – maybe there is no way for me to make him understand this, although I tend to believe it is just more unwillingness on his part. This is just out of hand now.
"Nathan, look, it was a stupid misunderstanding of a joke. If you want to be mad at me because of it, I guess that's your right."
"That's not why I'm mad at you, Haley. I'm just mad you're pushing me so far away. I hate feeling so separated from you, especially since I know you want it that way."
I nod, although he can't see it. "Nathan, I'm just trying to do what's best." Peyton looks at me sympathetically. I sigh, feeling tears coming on. "Why can't you understand that I can't let you limit yourself to me?"
"Ah, so that really is what it's all about? You really think that if we stayed together you'd be holding me back or something? Haley, that's just not the case. I love you," he states, causing my tears to spill over, "And that's not going to change because you tell me it should. That's ridiculous!"
I don't know what to do anymore. "Maybe it is ridiculous," I concede, "But it is what it is, and I'm not changing my mind. Nathan, you are some young, hotshot basketball player, and I will not be the one to hold you down, okay? In ten years, I would die if you woke up one morning and realized you hated me for holding you back. Die, do you understand that?"
He sighs into the phone. "Hales, it couldn't be like that. Do you have any idea how much I love you? Need you? You're my world, you're the only person I trust one hundred percent, and I don't mind telling you, it's getting harder and harder to keep trusting you like that when you're doing this."
I start full-on crying. Peyton moves over to me, wrapping her arms around me from behind. "Why does this have to be so hard?" I choke out, "Why can't we just be friends?"
"Why can't we be friends? Shit, Haley, after all we've been through, that's just barely even a possibility. We were lovers, Haley, soulmates, and – well, you know." He can't even say it now, and I don't blame him.
"I know, I know how much more than friends we were, but Nathan, I don't think it's in either of our best interests to try and continue that now."
"No?" he challenges, "Well, I'm miserable here. And I know – I know – Haley, that I'd be a thousand times happier if you would stop this ridiculous break up. And you, are you happy?"
I try and choose my words carefully. "I'm not unhappy, Nathan. I've made some friends, and I have fun occasionally."
"Well, good for you." Click.
"Shit," I curse, "He hung up on me. I can't believe this."
Pey wraps her arms tighter around me. "It'll be okay, Hales. He'll get over it, we both know he will. Nathan isn't one to hold grudges."
I shake my head, pulling away. "I don't know. I think this is it, I've finally driven him away, Pey. I know I've said that before, but it was different this time. Things are different now, and I hate it."
"Hate it like you're having second thoughts about breaking up with him?"
"No, I maintain that was the right decision. What I told him is true, I'm afraid he'd stay with me and regret it some day. I couldn't live with that, Pey, I just couldn't."
She pulls away from me. "Okay, so if nothing is going to change, stop moping. Obviously you aren't going to get through to Nate, so maybe this just needs to end quickly. Rip that band-aid off."
I roll my eyes at her, a little pissed she's being this way when she knows how huge and hard this is for both myself and Nathan. "That's impossible. There is no way I can do that, and I don't even know why you would think I possibly could!"
She holds her hands up. "Fine, sorry. I was just thinking that this has gone on long enough, and that dragging it out anymore is detrimental to you both."
"So, what? Cut him off? Ignore his calls, ignore wanting to talk to him as a friend? I can't do that, Peyton, not to him, or me."
"It was just a suggestion, Hales, don't get so defensive."
I nod, sitting back down across the table from her. She takes the seat I had vacated. "Sorry, Pey. I'm just stressed about this shit. More than I knew, I guess."
She nods. "I know, I'm sorry. There I go again, not minding my own business. I know you'll figure out a way to do what's best for all of you."
"I just wish – well, in all honesty, I wish that we didn't love each other so much. That makes it so damn hard."
"Maybe its just lust now?" she suggests.
"It was never really about lust for us," I tell her with a sigh, "But it'd be easier if it was. It's so hard this way."
She nods, about to say something when the door swings open. "Keith!" she exclaims with a grin, "How are you? Happy Thanksgiving!"
"Hey ladies," he smiles, "It's good to see both of you." He gives Peyton a hug. "How's the big city treating you?"
"It's great, I love it there."
"I'm glad to hear it," he smiles, "Okay, I have to get upstairs. Karen gets, uh, a little moody these days."
Pey nods, looking confused. "Why is she moody? Something going on?"
I realize no one mentioned the pregnancy to her. "Oh, my God, Luke didn't tell you? Karen is pregnant!"
She gasps goofily. "Shut up! That is so awesome! How come no one ever tells me the good stuff?" she pouts.
I shrug. "I figured Luke was bragging to everyone he knew who would listen. Especially now that they're telling people, too."
She smiles brightly. "Well, that's wonderful. Are they finally going to bite the bullet and get married?"
I cringe briefly at her words, but hope it doesn't show. "I don't know, not that I've heard. It feels like it's inevitable, though."
"Yeah, it definitely does. They're meant to be. Some people just are," she says cryptically, "And some aren't." She adds extra emphasis to 'aren't'.
I ignore that. "Yeah, well, they'll do it when they're ready."
The afternoon passes quickly. Karen and I finish up the food while Peyton heads to her dad's place to fix herself up, so she isn't here when Brooke and Tim arrive. Brooke, true to form, bounces over and hugs me. Tim hugs me, too, but much more sedately.
"Tigger, can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second?"
She nods, looking baffled. "Well, I should warn you that I don't know much about cooking. In fact, not much means none, in this case. So if you have questions about the stuffing or something, you might want to get Karen."
I laugh. "It's not a cooking question." I grab her hand. "Just come with me."
"I told you I don't swing that way, Tutor Girl," she jokes, "So what the hell is going on?"
Just then the door opens, and Peyton steps in. I cringe, and Brooke turns around, seeing her. She turns back to me, calmly, squeezes my hand and pulls me into the kitchen.
"What the hell is she doing here, Haley?" Ouch, first name.
"I'm sorry, that's why I was dragging you in here. She called earlier this afternoon, and just showed up. Please believe that I didn't know!" If someone had told me five months ago that I'd be practically begging Brooke Davis for anything, I'd have laughed in their face. But here we are.
She sighs, looking tense. "I just – I don't know if I can sit there with her, at the same table, for an entire meal. Especially a long one like Thanksgiving."
I take a deep breath. "Okay. Fair enough. If you can't stay, I'll understand, but I'd really like it if you did."
She peers at me. "Yeah, I think you would." She says it like she's surprised – I don't know, maybe she is.
"I would. Not only me, but Karen, too. She likes you a lot, Tigger, so it'd be a shame for you to leave just because Peyton's here."
She slings an arm around my neck. "You know what? I am not going to leave. You and Tim are here, Karen is here, and it would be really nice to spend a holiday with people who actually want me around. And I won't let her drive me off with my tail between my legs again"
"Good," I tell her, returning her embrace, "We definitely want you here. Plus, you won't find better food anywhere else."
"Oh, Tutor Girl, how well you know me," she mutters, rolling her eyes, "Food is so high up on my list."
"Enough with the sarcasm!" I tell her.
She shrugs. "Can I help it if my wit overwhelms you? I think not."
"Okay," I laugh, "So you ready to go back out there?"
"No, first I want you to tell me what's bothering you."
"What? Why would something be bothering me? I'm fine, Tigger, don't worry about me." I smile at her, trying to convince both of us.
"You're a liar," she retorts.
"Honestly, come on. What good would it do for me to lie about something bothering me? None. I'm fine, I promise."
"Tutor Girl, haven't we established I'm not a total moron?" I nod. "Okay, so I can tell that something is bugging you. I've spent enough time with you to realize that by now."
I sigh, realizing I ain't winning this fight. "Fine, Peyton and I were talking about how I've kind learned to accept change a little, so she pretended to call Nathan, and when she gave me the phone, I said a whole bunch of shit about of how great my life is now, how many guys I've slept with, blah blah blah I'm stupid."
"Huh. And he was really on the phone?" I nod miserably. "And he threw a fit, obviously, or else you wouldn't be upset about it. Tell him to get a life next time."
"Like I can do that," I scoff.
"He might disagree with your decision to break up, and yeah, that's his choice. But it doesn't give him the right to treat you like crap," she points out.
"Thanks," I tell her, squeezing her hand. Right or wrong, it's nice to have someone completely on my side, biased or not. "You ready to head out there?"
"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess," she smiles. It's a nervous smile, though, which catches my attention.
"It'll be okay, Tigger, I'm sure Peyton will be on her best behavior. And you two will sit at opposite ends of the table."
"Thanks. Okay, let's go."
We go back out there, finding Tim and Peyton quietly conversing. Tim looks relieved to see us for whatever reason, and makes a beeline towards Brooke, guiding her to a chair away from Peyton. I pick what I hope is a neutral seat right in the middle, not too close or too far from anyone.
Karen and Keith come in, each carrying platters of food. "Can we help?" Tim asks.
"No, no, you kids stay seated and visit. We don't mind at all," Keith smiles, "Oh, and in case anyone has moral opposition to my brother, which isn't so impossible, he and Deb will be stopping by for dessert."
Peyton particularly looks surprised and fascinated by this, and when Karen and Keith are back in the kitchen asks, "So, it really is one big, happy Scott family now, huh?"
I shrug. "Dunno about that, but things are definitely improved. Dan really is different, I guess."
Tim nods. "I ran into him last night, and he was not only cordial, but actually friendly. It was a little unnerving."
I laugh. "That's how I felt the first time he was nice to me. Like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it seems genuine, surprisingly enough. Even now that Nathan is gone, he's still being freakishly nice to me."
Brooke smirks, "Well, I wouldn't trust him. Can you really forget the years where he was the town terror?"
"Excuse me," Peyton growls, "But if that was a thinly veiled insult directed at me, then save your breath, Brooke."
Peyton has a very malicious look on her face, and I can tell the possibility of bloodshed is there. Brooke, for her part, does look confused.
"It had nothing to do with you, Peyton. I'm sure it's shocking, but the whole world? It does not revolve around you." She rolls her eyes and tosses her hair. Tim catches my eye and mimes diving under the table for cover. I almost laugh, but hold it in. "But for the record, trust isn't something I'd recommend anyone give freely to you either, Peyton," she finishes.
"So, Peyton, how's life in New York?" Tim asks, jumping in.
"It's fine," she mutters mindlessly, turning back to Brooke, "There are tons of girls on the street corners that remind me of you. I'm sure you'd fit right in with them."
"Peyton!" I gasp, appalled, but unsure what else to say.
Brooke shakes her head. "It's okay, Tutor Girl. Don't worry about it." She calmly picks up her water glass and takes a sip.
Karen and Keith come back in with the rest of the food, mercifully putting an end to wherever this conversation was going. Karen says a brief grace, and then we all dig in, except Peyton, who sits there and pouts.
Brooke bounces back nicely, though, engaging everyone except Peyton in conversation. Peyton mopes throughout the entire dinner, politely speaking only to Karen and Keith, who, for their part, try to ignore the obvious tension in the room. Tim also does his best to ignore the tension.
Peyton ignores every attempt I make at including her in the conversation, so I basically give up trying. What's the point when she is so obviously set in this funk? All in all, aside from the tension it's okay. Tim is on his best behavior so there are no threesome jokes, and Brooke proves to be as charming with adults as she can be with our peers.
When dinner is over, Karen and Keith insist upon clearing the table themselves, not allowing any of us to help. I'm tempted to do so anyways; the tension in here is almost too thick to bear. Once they're in the kitchen loading the dishwasher, Peyton grabs me by the arm and drags me outside.
"What the hell is going on, Hales? Why are you taking that bitch's side?"
I gape at her. I don't know what to say. "Peyton, since when do you have such hate for Brooke? I mean, I know you guys aren't on good terms, but you always sounded so sad when you talked about her and what happened."
"Yeah, well, that's just not the case, is it?" she snaps, "And you! I can't believe how you are treating her. You're acting like she hasn't done anything wrong!"
"Well, she hasn't," I tentatively inform her.
Wrong thing to say. She practically explodes. "Goddammit, Haley! She comes into the café owned by the mother of one of my best friends, commandeers the attention of one of my other best friends, and I'm the bad guy! What the fuck is that?" she screams.
"Peyton, calm down," I implore, "This isn't doing anyone any good!"
"Shut up! Don't tell me what's good and what isn't!" she shouts as she gestures wildly, "You don't have a clue how I'm feeling right now!"
I shake my head at her. "So what? You think this is helping? You think I can understand better when you scream at me like I've done something wrong? Pey, this is ridiculous!"
She just glares at me. "I should've known, I'm sure. Of course you'd take her side. God, how could I be so stupid as to think you were actually my friend?"
I just gape at her. I don't know what else there is for me to do. "Peyton, where is this coming from? You know you're my friend and you know I love you! This is just so out of the blue, I don't get it!"
"You know what? I have to go. There are countless other places I could be where I'd actually be welcome. I think I'll go to one of those." And with that, she storms off to her car. I stare after her for a minute, kind of unsure what to do.
"Haley? Are you okay?" I look up, stupidly surprised to see Deb and Dan staring at me, Dan waiting for an answer to his question.
"Uh, I guess you saw that, huh?" I ask with a little laugh, "I'm sorry, I just – I don't know what's going on."
Deb walks over and puts an arm around me. "Oh, honey, what happened?"
I shrug helplessly. "She wasn't supposed to come home for Thanksgiving, but she called me earlier from just outside the diner. And then after dinner, she freaked out at me because I had invited Brooke and Tim. I don't know why, she's always said she wanted to reconcile with Brooke, but now she's acting like she hates both of us." I know I sound bewildered, but I can't help it.
"Perhaps it was just a misunderstanding," Dan suggests, "Or holiday stress?"
I manage a small smile at him. "Maybe, I don't know. It was just weird. And today, ugh, today has been a nightmare." And I really don't want to think it, but I can't help but notice that Peyton started every aspect of the nightmare.
He smiles back as I take one of the three pies he's carrying from him. "Well, things have a way of working themselves out. If I'm not living proof of that, then nothing is," he jokes.
Deb groans, "Oh, Dan, don't remind us, please! Now, Haley, aside from this trouble, how are you? I haven't seen you in a few weeks, but Dan told me he ran into you last Monday."
"I'm okay, really. School and work are keeping me nice and busy," I tell her, "And yes, I ran into Dan. He's still trying to get me to buy a new car from him."
He smirks. "I'm just saying I think you should have more reliable transportation, and I am just the guy to get you the perfect deal!"
Deb pats him on the back. "That's my husband, a real humanitarian," she jokes, and I laugh, but only after they both do. This is still so surreal; I think Nathan would be having apoplexy if he were here to witness this.
We all head back inside, Brooke and Tim looking at me in concern as I set the pie down on the table. I smile at them, mouthing 'later' so that they know I'm not going to talk about it now. Dessert is fun, though, and despite a tiny bit of awkwardness, it turns out to be the best part of the day.
Once dessert is over, Deb and Karen clean up while Dan and Keith stay and chat with us. It is so weird to see those two interact on a brotherly level. Well, it's weird to see Dan interact with anyone on any kind of normal level. But when he says that he and Deb are discussing having another child, it doesn't seem like the most appalling thing in the world.
Keith grins at this news, and tells him that it'd be nice for his and Karen's child to have someone to grow up with. Brooke and Tim congratulate him and wish him luck, although Brooke looks quite skeeved out that someone of Dan and Deb's advanced age would be trying for children.
I smile genuinely at him. "Nathan would really love to have a younger sibling. He'd spoil him or her like crazy, but he'd really love it. And Lucas would, too." I'm not as sure about Lucas, but I know that if he can accept and come to love Nathan, then he'd do the same for a baby.
His face lights up. "You think so? I know it's asking a lot, but I'd like to form some kind of family with them. And if we do have another child, I'd like them to be happy about it. Or at least accepting. I can't ask too much," he sighs.
Keith pats him on the shoulder in that manly, jock way. "It'll all work out, Dan."
Brooke, Tim, and I leave shortly after that, but not before I promise Dan I'll stop by the dealership next Monday and look at cars with him. Karen and Deb both give me warm hugs, and Keith ruffles my hair the way he has since – well, since I can remember. We take a walk while we decide what we're going to do tonight.
"That was a weird meal," Tim says, breaking the silence, "I remember sophomore year, how much Nathan hated Lucas and Dan hated, well, everybody, and it just makes that whole scene so hard to believe."
"Tell me about it," I laugh.
"What happened with Peyton?" Brooke asks, "She seemed really upset. We could see out the window, not that we were watching."
I shrug, unsure what to say. Fact of the matter is that I don't know what happened. I don't know why Peyton freaked out when she's always said that she wishes her and Brooke could mend things.
"I don't know what happened. She just started screaming at me, and then stomped off in a huff. Apparently I'm evil for taking someone's side beside hers."
"Mine, you mean," Brooke states, "Look, I'm really sorry that my presence caused you so many problems. I, um, I didn't want that."
"I know," I tell her, smiling, "And it's not like you did anything wrong. She just – you know, she's always – always – said that she hated how your friendship ended, that she wanted to be your friend again. So, why would she treat you like this? I don't get it."
Brooke looks like she wants to say something, but just shrugs instead.
"Maybe she's just doing another of her moody, pseudo punk things," Tim contributes, "I remember Peyton getting randomly pissy occasionally for no reason other than....well, no reason, I guess."
Brooke laughs bitterly. "Well, she'll come around, Tutor Girl, you'll be as chummy as always soon, I'm sure."
"We'll see, I guess."
Tim snorts, "Why would you want to be friends with such a bitch anyways? I'm sorry, but that's just stupid."
I laugh. "Maybe you're right. But she isn't always like this. In fact, I've never seen her like this, that's why it's so hard to figure out what the hell is going on."
Tim pats me on the head. I raise an eyebrow at him, silently questioning his methods of affection. "I don't know, you looked like you needed comfort."
"So you pat her on the head?" Brooke asks, "Real slick there, stud!"
I laugh at the two of them. "Y'all are freaks, but I have to admit that I kind of like that about you."
Brooke curtsies and Tim just smiles kind of, well, dumbly. "We aim to please, right Slick?" Brooke smiles, elbowing Tim on her way up from her curtsy.
"Oh, yeah," he agrees, "I like to do some pleasing. If you know what I mean." We both groan as he waggles his eyebrows suggestively.
"Oh, gag me," I laugh, linking arms with Brooke, "That's classy Tim."
"Yeah, remind me why you're single again," Brooke requests, giggling, "Because you're such a catch that I just can't get it!"
Christmas came and went, and it was pretty much how I predicted it would be – lonely, sad, a little miserable, but also good. Peyton came back to Tree Hill again, and she and I patched things up enough that I accepted her last minute gift of plane tickets to Florida to see Luke play.
Things are still tense between us, and sitting her next to her on the plane, I'm beginning to realize that I have no idea what to say to her. How did this happen?
"Haley?" she says tentatively.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry about Thanksgiving. I know I haven't said that, and I really know that I should've – no, could've – but I've been selfish and haven't."
"You know, I'd really rather not talk about that, Peyton. It just, well, I don't know if anything we say about it is going to change anything, so why bother? Last time we talked about it, you stormed off."
"Couldn't we chalk that up to heat of the moment or something?" she asks, nervous sounding. I really couldn't give a shit how nervous she is; she brought all of this on herself and me. No sympathy from me.
"No, we can't," I tell her bluntly, "And that's exactly why I don't think we should be having this conversation. Nothing good will come of it."
She looks rather dumbfounded. "I – I, well, fine. Whatever you want. But this is really something we should talk about Hales. We're friends, we've been friends for several years now, and I hate that there is this thing between us right now."
"Peyton, I don't know what to say. I just do not know how to reconcile your behavior at the café on Thanksgiving with the Peyton I've known since sophomore year! It was so uncalled for, so out of character, but it happened. I can't forget that, I can't forget the look on Brooke's face."
Peyton snorts. "She's really done a number on you, Haley James."
"What are you talking about?" I ask quietly.
"She's got you believing that she has the capacity to feel hurt or upset or even anything. That's not possible with Brooke, she has no emotions. She's like a little robot." She tries to make it sound like a joke, but neither of us are laughing.
"Jesus, Pey, what happened? You have always been broke up about what happened with you and Brooke, and you told me countless times that you hated how much you hurt her, that you would've done anything, anything if it meant being her friend again! Now you're saying she doesn't have the capacity to hurt?"
She leans back heavily in her chair. The couple in the seats next to us are giving us odd looks, but I don't really care.
"It wasn't like that. I wanted to make up for what I did, but she's so heartless, she wouldn't even hear me out, Hales!"
"Peyton, please, let's just drop it." She readily agrees, smiling brightly at me and chattering on about a good punk/metal club she had info on. All I can think about is what Brooke has told me, and I don't know what to do.
It's such a conflict, this old life/new life stuff. The one good thing about the next couple days will be watching Luke play and hopefully getting a night to hang out with him. He thinks that is a possibility since the coach promised to make curfew exceptions to players with family in town, and who am I to Luke if not family?
We spend two days at the beach during the day and at clubs at night. Both nights Peyton meets hot college boys that she makes out with while I stand around like a loser wishing I was anywhere else. Lucas hasn't been able to come out with us yet due to early games, so that part of the trip isn't even panning out.
The worst part is that I feel like Pey and I are getting further and further apart with each passing minute. We barely talk, and we avoid situations where we might have to at all costs. Tonight, for instance, I went for a jog on the beach, and by the time I got back, Peyton had eaten and was plastered.
I don't know what to do about it. Hell, I don't know if there is anything I can do about it. Maybe I'm stupid and making a really rash decision here, but because of what Brooke has told me and the way Peyton has acted since Thanksgiving, I feel like I can't trust her anymore. I'm tempted to ask if it is true that she promised Brooke she'd do anything to get their friendship back, and then broke that promise by hanging with Lucas.
Because I apparently have some good luck left, my phone rings, which is more than enough to snap me out of this depressing reverie.
"Hello?" I sing-song, seeing that it is Lucas on the caller ID.
"Hey, Hales! Guess who has some free time tonight and wants to spend it with his best buddy ever..."
"Why – why could it be the ever-popular, the amazing, the gorgeous basketball stud Mr. Lucas Scott?" I chirp out in a fan girl voice.
He laughs. "Well, my dear, it certainly could be. You know, if you want it to! So, what do you say? You, me, and Peyton, hanging out tonight?"
"Uh, actually, I think it is just going to be you and me, cowboy. Peyton left, probably for a bar."
"What?" He sounds confused. "Why would she be out at a bar already? It's only 6, and I know Peyton can throw them back better than anyone we know, but come on. Isn't that too early for even her?"
"Not on this trip," I mutter, knowing I can't really complain because I haven't been helping the situation.
"Sounds ominous," he comments, "And you can tell me all about it. Meet in the lobby of your hotel in fifteen minutes?"
"I'll be there!"
"Good."
We hang up and I go about making myself at least a tiny bit presentable. I spent the entire couple days we've been here on the beach, so I'm a nice golden brown and my hair has lightened several shades. I look like a sun- kissed beach bum, which isn't so bad.
I head for the lobby ten minutes later, figuring Luke will be early and knowing it will impress him if I am, too.
"Hey, look at you," he says from behind me. I whip around, jumping into his arms. "Hales, God, I really missed you."
"I missed you, too!" I pull away from him, smiling. "God, everything about you is perfect. I missed you so much, Lucas Scott!"
He pulls me into another hug. "I missed you, too. There is no one half as fun to hang out with as you."
"You know it," I tell him with a grin, "It is so good to see you again. So, what are we going to do? Bar, beach, dinner?"
He matches my grin. "Oh, no. I was thinking your hotel room, movies, and tons of junk food!"
I groan, "Oh, Lucas, I'm on a diet, I can't eat that crap!"
He gapes at me. "You – you are on a diet? You've never dieted before? Besides, you look perfect, so what's going on, Hales?"
I shrug, "I'm just moral support for Brooke's diet, mostly. Apparently dieting is a strength in numbers thing."
He rolls his eyes. "First of all, that is ridiculous. Second, you're so tight with Brooke that you'd keep a diet while you're on vacation instead of pigging out with me? And – and what you do on vacations don't count, right? It's a gimme, I think!"
My turn to roll my eyes. "Please, so we could have sex here in the lobby and it wouldn't count?" His eyes bulge out and he looks ill. "Geez, thanks, your reaction was flattering! It's a good thing that was just an example, you butthead!"
"I, um, well, fine, so you're on a diet. You're not one of those mean dieters on sitcoms where they freak out when their friends or family eat real food in front of them, are you?"
I wink at him, laughing. "Well, let's make a run to the store and find out, huh?"
We go to a convenience store around the corner, both still too ingrained with the idea that bargains are good to go to the better located hotel store. We stock up on junk food, and looking at the selection in Luke's arms, I know I'll be giving in and jumping off the diet for the night.
We each pick out a movie and rent a VCR from the front desk on our way up to the room. I'm not sure what time Peyton will be back here, and at this point I don't even know if I care. It doesn't really matter anymore when there is nothing for us to say to the other.
We make a huge mess over my bed, which we are both sitting on, throwing popcorn and candy at each other. I fill Luke in on what's gone on with Peyton since Thanksgiving, and while he looks mildly surprised, he tries to tell me that it's best I stay out of the uber-complicated Peyton/Brooke relationship. If that was possible, I would.
We let the subject go and just watch the movie, occasionally interjecting our own commentary, making each other laugh. For awhile it feels like we are back in Luke's bedroom in Tree Hill, and that once the movie is over, I'll head over to Nathan's. Of course, this isn't the case, but it's nice that for a little while I can pretend that it is.
We're talking about the classes he's taking next semester when Peyton comes stumbling in the room, obviously inebriated. Lucas's eyes reflect his surprise as she glares at us.
"What the hell is wrong with you two?" she barks, "Could you at least pretend to care about someone other than yourselves? This mess is disgusting!"
If this situation wasn't so uncomfortable, I'd laugh at the fact that Luke's jaw has literally dropped open and he is gaping at her now.
"Hey Pey," he tries, "We were hoping you'd get here soon."
"Oh, bullshit, Luke, do you really think I'm that stupid?" Neither of us know what to say to her, so we just watch in silence as she gathers her stuff up, stealing glances at each other.
She fills one of her suitcases and takes off again, stopping only to glare at us from the doorway.
"O-o-oh," Luke stutters, "I think I see what you mean now. What the hell was that? Please, tell me I just imagined that!"
"I wish I could."
"Is that how she's been acting towards you, Hales?" he asks, his voice tight and hard.
"I – well, sort of. That was the worst."
"Stay away from her," he orders.
"What?" I'm completely baffled that he'd order me to stay away from Pey.
"I'm not kidding, Hales. Peyton gets really self-destructive, and I know for a fact that she's not one to shy away from taking others down with her," he grimly informs me, "And I don't want you in her line of fire."
"What the hell are you talking about, Luke?"
He sighs, looking away. "Look, I promised Peyton I'd never tell anyone about this. So did Jake. She got help and everything, so it didn't seem like something that people should know."
"Okay, you're scaring me, what's going on?"
"You remember the summer after sophomore year? Duh, of course you remember, anyways. That summer, Peyton and Brooke kinda became friends again. Maybe friends is pushing it, but they found a way to be civil to each other. I guess you know more about than me, that was the summer I was in Charleston with Keith."
I nod, knowing all this. "Yeah, so what's with the history lesson?"
"Let me finish," he sighs, "It gets a lot more interesting."
And it did. Oh, how it did.
"So let me get this straight," I say when he has finally finished, "You and Jake caught Peyton trying to poison Brooke's vodka? And instead of, oh, say calling the police, you hooked her up with a psychologist? And this was after an entire summer of her completely insane shenanigans! Oh, but I'm the only one you don't see fit to tell? That is bullshit, Luke!"
"I can't believe you're more angry that we didn't tell you than you are about all the shit she tried to pull," he grumbles.
"I just don't like being kept out of the loop. I really don't like that you told Nate so he could 'protect me'. This whole thing is bogus. And that doesn't even scratch the surface in terms of Peyton and what she did." I rub my hands over my eyes, suddenly dead tired. "I can't believe this, Luke."
"I wish I'd told you," he murmurs regretfully, "You should've known, you should've been aware so that when she got like this again..."
"It is okay, Luke. I can understand why you didn't want to tell anyone besides the necessary. So what do we do? Do we get her help again? I don't know if she's going to accept hearing that she needs it from us, me especially."
"I'll talk to her dad. He's the one who convinced her last time."
"Is this why Jake never let her babysit Jenny?" I ask quietly. "I mean, it was never a big deal, and he never seemed to care if she visited when I was watching, but if I suggested he ask Peyton he'd always make up some excuse not to. I never thought anything of it until now."
"Yeah, that's exactly why. I thought it was stupid at the time; she seemed fine. Obviously I was way off on that one."
"So, you'll call Larry?" He nods. "And maybe I should call the airline in the morning, see if I can get a different flight. I can't be around her like this. Oh, unless she needs someone with her at all times. God, she isn't suicidal, is she?"
"I don't know," he whispers, "She wasn't really before. It was more a reckless, tempting fate kind of thing."
I shake my head. "Does Brooke know she tried to poison her?" He nods. "She never told me that."
"She promised," he states simply.
I fly home the next morning, leaving a note for Peyton telling her that I had a family emergency to tend to. Tim agreed to pick me up at the airport, so I was covered on that end. My goodbye with Luke was bittersweet. It was amazing seeing him again, and up until Peyton barged into the room spazzing, things were going great. Just like old times.
Everything has changed now, and although that was the case as soon as my friends moved away last September, it feels more permanent, final now.
Chapter Four – Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses, you've been out riding fences for so long now? Oh, you're a hard one, but I know that you've got your reasons... The Eagles
February, 2006
Valentine's Day. My least favorite day. Give me St. Patrick's Day, give me Martin Luther King, JR Day, give me anything but Valentine's Day, please. Any day of the year is better than Valentine's Day.
Hell, who am I kidding? Not even myself, that's for sure. The only reason I hate Valentine's Day this year is because I'm alone. I can't let go of my relationship with Nathan enough to date anyone else, even casually, but at the same time I can't give in and get back together with him.
I've talked to him about once a week since the big Thanksgiving blow-out, and he's sent me presents and I've sent him some, too. Things are still strained, though, and although he tries to brush it off, I know that a big part of him is very angry towards me. There's nothing I can do about that, though. Well, there is nothing I'm willing to do about it. I guess that there is a difference in that.
He hasn't asked me to get back together with him once since then. Selfishly, that hurts. I know it is exactly what I wanted, and now that I have it, well, I don't know what to think of it all. I really hate that I feel that way. I put myself in this position, and I have no right to feel like shit because of it.
The phone rings, and the caller ID tells me it is Nathan. Maybe that ESP thing isn't so much bullshit.
"Happy Valentine's Day," I tell him, trying to sound unaffected.
"Back atcha! How are you, Haley J?"
"I'm pretty good. Caught your game last night. Saw you get your few minutes of playing time. Keep that up you'll be starting in no time."
He laughs, "Well, the season is almost over except for the tournament, and I know I won't get much time then, but thanks. How're things in Tree Hill? Still loving that car my dad coerced you into buying?"
I laugh. "Coerce? Geez, I'd have to be the stupidest person alive to turn down the deal he was offering me. But yes, I still love it. Next time you talk to Dan, tell him again how much I love it and appreciate his doing that for me."
"You've told him about a thousand times yourself, Haley J, I don't think that man's ego needs further inflating," he jokes.
"Okay, maybe not, but still, that was a nice thing he did for me."
"Yeah, it was. Nice, but surprising, which I guess isn't always the worst thing in the world," he decides.
"I should hope not!" I laugh.
"So, what's up? How's life with Brooke and Tim?"
Surprisingly, Nathan has either accepted that they are friends to me now, or has just decided this isn't a battle he wants to fight. Either way, it is much better than the open hostility that existed whenever they'd come up in conversation a few months ago.
"Well, we're going to a party tonight. Some sort of Valentine's Day BS thing. I can't decide if it is going to be really fun or a really awful train wreck. I guess that either way, it will be interesting."
"Sounds like it. You gonna be dressing up in pink and red and passing around candy hearts?" he laughs.
I shudder. "God no, there is no way I will ever be that festive! Although Brooke has been working on creating a drink called Candy Hearts for the past week. Last I heard it involved Everclear and different flavors of Pucker. I'm scared!" I laugh.
"Damn, I wish I could be there to see you drinking that stuff."
"Hey, you just know it'll knock me on my ass!" I protest, "You big brat! And what about you? What plans does the great Nathan Scott, basketball stud have for the evening?"
He clears his throat. "Uh, I kind of have a date."
Oh. Oh my. This is – well, this is really something. "So, how do you kind of have a date?" I ask, trying to play it off.
"Okay, so maybe I shouldn't say kind of," he concedes tersely, "It's just this stupid thing that some of the older guys on the team set up. Since the tournament is coming up soon, this is our last chance to have fun because we'll be focusing on practice so much. So, they hooked everyone up with dates."
"Sounds like fun!" I say brightly, probably more for my benefit than his. "I hope she's a nice girl," I tell him softly.
I can hear him sigh, so I know he was trying to get a reaction out of me. "Eh, it's nothing. Just a stupid basketball thing, but everything about my life here involves basketball, so no surprise there."
"Well, still, have fun. At the very least, you'll be hanging out with guys from the team, so that's good, right?"
"Yeah, that's not so bad. Look, I gotta go, Haley J. I have this math test that is going to kick my ass tomorrow, and I need to study for it. I wish you were here to tutor me," he informs me in a flirtatious voice.
"I wish that, too, but I know you'll be wonderful. Make me even prouder than you already have, Nathan!"
"Yeah, I will." By the sound of his voice, it really is more than an empty promise. "I love you."
"Love you, too."
I really miss him when we hang up. That's not to say I don't miss him all the time anyways, but I just feel so bereft right now that it's almost a physical pain. I just hurt.
Lucas had held true to his promise and discussed getting Peyton help with Larry, who promptly flew up to New York City to confront her behavior. She ended up in the psych ward of a hospital up there, and we haven't heard anything from Larry or Peyton since.