Chapter Five – Goodbye Yellowbrick Road

'Maybe you'll get a replacement,

there's plenty like me to be found...' Elton John

May, 2007

It's a gorgeous day. It's sunny and bright, and it is perfect for tank tops and short shorts. I love it. It is also the day of my first non-Nathan date ever. I caved and decided that it'd be cool if I went out with Jason.

I don't know what possesses me sometimes.

There is just no way I foresee this ending well. Number one, he is Tim's cousin. Tim has become one of my best friends. What happens if Jason and I end up hating each other? That's a shitty position to stick Tim in. Number two, I'm not ready to date yet. Oh, I know I need to get my ass out there again, but I'm just not feeling it. It's easier this way, which I know is such a slacker attitude. And number three, part of the reason I'm going ahead with this is that I know Nathan is dating. Not only is Nathan dating, but he's been dating the same girl for two consecutive months. Obviously that is the worst reason of them all – sticking it to the ex.

Still, knowing all that, I'm doing it. For all the wrong reasons, although I did genuinely think he's a great guy; a cute guy, too. It's not really about that, though. Any of the issues I have with dating him are issues with myself, not him. Maybe they're stupid, maybe they're wrong, but they just are. And I don't know how to resolve them.

Tim and I are jogging right now. He's harassed me into it, so every morning at 7 AM we are up and jogging through the quiet streets of Tree Hill. He's actually the one who really pushed that I call Jason and ask him out; he seems to think we'd go really great together, and he might be right. We might be really compatible. The only problem is that I can't promise I'll let myself be compatible with anyone else.

"Where you two crazy kids going tonight for your date?" Tim huffs out.

"I don't know, Jason said it'd be a surprise. I'm sure it'll be fine no matter what it is, though," I smile.

"He's a really good guy, James, and I don't only say that because he's my cousin either." He wipes sweat off his forehead. "I know it's still hard for you, I mean with Nate and all, but don't write Jase off because of that."

I slug him in the shoulder. "I'll try not to. I can't make any promises, Tim, and I hope you don't hold it against me if this doesn't work out. All I can do is try."

He stops running, and I stop, too, turning to look at him. "Hey, whatever happens happens. It's not going to be the end of the world one way or another. Besides, he knows about Nathan, right?" I nod, hands on my head trying to catch my breath. "So, he's forewarned. That's something."

"Maybe this won't be as bad as I figured then," I smile.

"I should hope not. Look, at least let yourself have fun. I'd bet you good money that whatever he has planned for you tonight will be fun, so at least promise me you'll be willing to try having fun, okay?"

I laugh, holding out my pinky, which he links with mine. "Pinky swear," I smile, "That is one promise I can make. Besides, Jason is so nice and easy to talk to, I'd have to be a complete ass not to."

He starts jogging again, grabbing my hand and pulling me along with him. "Come on, we've got a little more exercise to get." I make a face at him. "Don't be a baby," he says, laughing at me, "Suck it up, James!"

"'Kay, Tutor Girl, how hot do you want to look tonight?"

There's a scale? "Um, I don't really know, Tigger. Haven't thought about it much." Which isn't true, of course I've thought about it. There aren't many girls I know that don't think about how they look on a fairly regular basis.

Brooke ain't buying it either. "Pfft, whatever. Where are you going? That'll help me decide what you'll wear," she says, looking through her closet. She's decided that her wardrobe is more date suitable than mine, and I'm more than happy to let her dress me.

"He won't tell me," I tell her, furrowing my brow, trying to decide how I feel about the shirts, she is holding up. "I guess he wants it to be a surprise or something."

She smirks. "That's strangely sweet. I think."

I laugh, "Well, I think it is sweet. And I never said he was anything but a nice guy. It just feels like this is too soon or something."

She looks at me plaintively. "Tutor Girl, it's been 9 months since you and Nathan officially broke up. Now, I know you've both had these really strange issues with letting go, but come on. You need to realize that dating someone else isn't a bad thing."

"Tigger, he's the only guy I've ever dated. Seeing someone else is really hard for the first time?"

"That's your problem. Being with Nathan is too easy, too comfortable. There was nothing challenging about it, nothing remotely interesting. It was just simple and uncomplicated and fun."

If only she knew. I sigh, "It wasn't like that. I don't know, maybe since he was my first love – my only love – it isn't so easy to let go."

"So? That doesn't make it an excuse to hang on, which is exactly what you're using it as," she points out.

I know she's right, but it is still irritating to hear. "Whatever," I mutter, not thrilled with this topic of conversation, "This is pointless, Brooke. Seriously, what good is torturing myself with this discussion?"

"Hello? The torture you're inflicting on yourself is that you won't move on. That's what is causing you pain!"

I sigh, defeated. She's right and there isn't anything I can say to disprove that. Every single thing she has said is truthful and full of common sense. A little disconcerting that it is coming from Brooke, those things.

"Okay, you're right. I'm doing the right thing by going out with Jason. He's a nice guy, and by all indications we'll have fun together."

"Could you at least say that shit with a teeny, tiny bit of enthusiasm? You're acting like you're going to a gassing, not on a date."

I roll my eyes at her exaggeration. "Come on, I'm not acting that bad about it, am I? Really?"

"Yes, really!" she exclaims, "You totally are! Geez, you've practically written this date off as pointless already, not even open to the possibility that it could be great! And, oh, I don't know, you just need to get over yourself."

I sigh, laughing a little ruefully. "I don't think it's me that I need to get over," I point out, thinking of Nathan.

"Yes, it is," she returns point blank. "YOU are the one who won't even let you have fun. YOU are the one that won't admit that moving on isn't just something you can tell Nathan to do. YOU are the one that tells yourself that you don't mind being alone, even though you're lying. All you, Tutor Girl."

I shrug. "Given this a lot of thought, have you?"

"Nah, not especially. It's not really brain surgery to figure this stuff out. And look, if you feel guilty about Nathan or something, dude, move on. He's dating, right? The same girl for the past couple of months?"

"Yeah, her name is Miranda," I say, trying to keep my voice devoid of emotion. I think I hate Miranda, although I obviously do not know her.

"Right. Anyways, that goes beyond dating. They're like, a couple, Tutor Girl. So, why shouldn't you date a hot guy who has been bugging his cousin to hook you up for the past four months?"

I can't think of any good reasons, honestly. Hell, I can't even think of any bad ones, for that matter. There is no reason for me to not want this date. None. "Okay," I surrender, "You're right."

She blinks in surprise. "I'm right? Really?"

"Yes," I laugh, "You're right. So do your magic, make me look all cute for the date. Not slutty, just cute!"

"Hmm, that could take some work," she jokes, heading back towards her closet. "I guess you don't want to wear a skirt if you don't know where you're going, right?"

"Yeah, probably not a good idea," I smile, "Who in the hell knows what he has planned? I mean, we could be going bowling or something, and a skirt wouldn't fly so well with that."

She crinkles her nose up, "Actually I think it would fly very well. Too well, obviously. But seriously, I hope he isn't taking you bowling. That's so – boy-like, I guess."

"Well, I'm sure that's not what he's got planned. It couldn't be, right?" I, Haley James, am the world's worst bowler, and can think of nothing worse to do on a date than get humiliated by the continual tossing of gutter balls.

"Scared of a little bowling?" she asks with a smirk, "Because that is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Actually, if I'd known how anti-bowling you are, I'd have called Jason myself and suggested it!"

"Some friend you are," I grumble, "Wanting to exploit my inner turmoil for a good laugh. Tim's right, you are evil!"

She giggles. "You're a freak. And for the record, I am a wonderful friend. You should be praising me, not whining at me!"

I cock my head to the side, regarding her. "You know, you really are a great friend, Tigger. A year ago? I never would have imagined it, but you've been great. I'm really glad I got to know you."

She blushes, ducking her head. She looks back up, crying unabashedly. "Thank you. You have no idea how important it is to me that you said that." She launches herself into my arms. "I love you; you're the best friend I ever had," she sobs.

I hug her tight. "Brooke, I love you, too. I meant every word I said – you're a great friend, and you're extremely important to me."

She pulls back to look at me. "You know I haven't had many friends. It sucked, but I never cared that much when I cycled through them. I just want you to know that if I lost your friendship, I'd really hate that."

"Well, that's the thing, you won't. There is no reason why you should or would. Friendship doesn't just go away."

She sniffs. "I know, but what if something happens? Like what happened with Peyton and I?"

"Brooke, stay away from Nathan, and we'll be fine," I joke, not entirely sure what she means. "Besides, my thing with Peyton? Well, she's sick, and she needs help that I can't give her. And we can't be friends in the meantime – she doesn't want that."

"I know," she sighs, "It's just weird. And I've never been good at maintaining healthy relationships, you know?"

I smile. "We'll figure it out. We're doing a great job so far, don't you think?" She nods. "Okay, then, we'll just stick with what works."

She grins at me. "I can do that. I think. I make no promises, but I think I can do this." We laugh together.

"You can. All three of us can," I say, including Tim.

"Yeah, we can. Okay, mushy stuff is done for now. We have to get to work on your hair!" She picks up the curling iron and goes to work.

Jason and I are meeting in a small town – even smaller than Tree Hill, actually – about halfway between us and going from there. I pull into the parking lot of the church we're meeting at, and spot him immediately, standing beside his car.

"Hey," I call after I roll down the window, turning off the car, "How are you?"

He grins, walking over. "Hey yourself! It's good to see you again."

I step out of the car, reflexively hugging him back when he leans down, arms outstretched. "It's good to see you, too."

"You ready to go?" he asks.

"Sure, let me just grab my purse and lock my car. Unless you wanted me to drive, of course," I smile.

"Hey, I think your car is nicer than mine, but nah, I'll drive. Hey, I'm the one who has been requesting this date for the last, oh, three months, right?" he laughs with a wink.

"Yeah, well, is it okay if I tell you I'm glad you kept asking and harassing Tim? Because I am," I tell him, surprising myself a little by meaning it.

"Oh, good, I was afraid I was coming off a little stalkerish or something. I don't think I've ever been so persistent about something. At least not since I was five and I really wanted my mom to give me candy and I'd keep asking until she gave in. I suppose it is good to see it still works!"

I laugh. "Why don't we chalk it up to charm rather than any stalker sensibilities you may or may not have?"

He blushes a little, "Yeah, let's do that."

We get to his car, and he opens the door for me, which is sweet. Totally unnecessary, of course, but still sweet.

"So you going to tell me now where we're going?" I ask as he settles into his seat.

He smiles. "Well, not especially, but it might be a good idea."

"Huh, and why is that? Oh, God, if you're taking me to like, the Reptile House or something, I will flip. I don't do snakes and shit like that," I tell him, having fun kidding around with him.

"Damn. Okay, I guess we'll move on to Option B, in that case," he sighs, playing along, "Okay, this one might need approval, too." He pretends to think hard about it, causing me to giggle a little.

"So, Option B sounds scary, too? Okay, well, as long as it isn't cliff diving, again, we're cool. Because that whole jumping and sliding and getting nasty and messy thing? Not so good when you're wearing shorts!" I joke.

"Well, so that's out," he smiles, "Why don't you just tell me where you want us to go, and then I'll take you there."

"Oh, no, I like surprises," I inform him, "And I also like giving dates a bad time, too. See, I'm having double fun right now."

He laughs. "Well, that's all I wanted – you to have fun."

I look at him sideways. "So, you don't care if you have fun or not? Because I bet it wouldn't be too hard to come up with ways to make this terribly not fun for you," I smirk, ruining the saber wit effect by letting out a giggle.

"Yeah, yeah, well, you just buckle your seatbelt, and tough out whatever gross, manly thing I have planned, okay?"

I laugh, "Yeah, okay."

We talk about the school year being almost over and our plans for the summer. He'll actually be even closer to Tree Hill since he's going back to his dad's house, so if this works out, we could be seeing a lot of each other.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asks, looking at me cautiously. I know immediately what he wants to ask.

"Sure, of course," I smile.

"Okay, just tell me if this is none of my business. No, I know it is none of my business right now," he smiles, "But tell me if I've crossed lines I shouldn't have, okay?" I nod. "Okay, I was just wondering what happened with you and your ex-boyfriend. I remember when we talked at that party; it seemed like there was still something there. You didn't say that, but the way you sounded when you talked about him, I could tell."

I sigh, smiling softly as I look down at my hands which are folded in my lap. "Yeah, I guess a lot has changed since. No, that's not true. Everything changed last September, when the only four friends I really had moved away for college. That's when I became friends with Brooke and Tim. It honestly wasn't out of some great desire to get to know them better or anything, it was out of necessity. And Brooke harassing me, and then Tim harassing the both of us," I say, causing him to smile, "Eventually it just became a really great friendship between the three of us."

"I could tell how close you guys were at the party. I wasn't sure if you guys realized it, but it was pretty obvious then, even."

"Yeah. We're a weird little threesome, but it definitely works," I laugh. "Anyways, I guess somewhere along the line, it just became obvious that I can't sit around missing the boyfriend I broke up with. There was no point to it. I'm not gonna lie, of course, it was hard. Hell, it IS hard. But it's good, too."

He glances sideways at me, keeping his eyes on the road. "You know, if it is still too soon, I'll understand. I don't want you to feel pressured into being here, whether it was by myself or Tim."

I reach over and place my hand on top of his. "I don't. I'm a little nervous," I admit, "I've never dated anyone aside from Nathan, so this is a first for me. But I want to be here for myself."

He looks over and grins at me. "Well, fair enough."

I've been so wrapped up in our conversation that it just now registers with me that he pulled into a parking lot a few minutes ago, and that he turned the car off. "Are we here?" I ask in surprise.

He laughs at my question. "Why, as a matter of fact, we are here. Want to know where 'here' is?"

I unbuckle my seat belt, looking around. I gasp when I realize where we are, and break into a grin. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God!" I clap my hands together. "I haven't been here since I was fifteen! My best friend's mom used to take us here all the time!"

He laughs. "So, why haven't you been back since then?"

"I don't know. Life happened, I guess. Lucas and I made friends beside each other," I laugh, "And he joined the high school basketball team, and I started dating Nathan not too long after that. Even Karen, his mom, got too busy to take us or come with us."

"Ah, gotcha. I remember when that happened with me and my friends," he sighs, "You just grow up after awhile, I guess. So, anyways, you ready?"

"I am definitely ready!" We jump into the car and walk through the parking lot to the little store that is the first stop on our way to our final destination.

Windy's Kite Shop is one of the most popular kite shops on the coast. I doubt there is a single person I know that hasn't been here at least once. Jason and I walk in, browsing through the kites. He picks out one with the Superman logo, and I choose one that is striped in bright colors with black polka dots all over it.

I refuse to let him pay for mine, and he does the same, so we finally compromise by buying each other's kite.

"Okay, we have to stop back at the car really quick," he smiles, "I know kite flying is fun, but we need some food and drink, too."

He grabs a cooler out of the trunk, and he carries it while I carry our kites down through the dunes to the beach. It's beautiful tonight, and there is enough of a breeze that flying the kites will be, well, a breeze.

"Eat first or should we get the kites up?" he asks.

"Kites!" I chirp, suddenly excited to take my shoes off and run around on the beach. He laughs at my enthusiasm.

"Okay, kites it is," he agrees, setting down the cooler. I put the blanket on top of it, and toss him his kite to set up.

"Wow, is it just me or were these things a lot easier to put together when we were little?" I ask him, getting frustrated with my string after a few minutes of wrestling with it in silence.

He laughs. "Way easier back then." He holds up his hand with the kite string tangled around it as proof.

We finally get them untangled, and then kick our shoes off and get them up in the air. Jason shows me some of those fancy kite tricks, and I don't tell him that Lucas taught me then when we were nine. It's fun, and once we tire of the kites, we walk through the water awhile before heading back to the blanket to eat. We talk then, and it's comfortable; never stilted or filled with uncomfortable silences.

He takes me back to my car, and before I get out of his, I make plans with him to see him again. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship; which thankfully he knows, but there is no good reason not to see him again. He's funny and sweet and cute and smart, so I'd be crazy to write him off because I'm still hung up on an ex.

All in all, it was a great night. I didn't think about Nathan at all after our talk in the car until he was driving me back to my car.

Funny how he's all I can think of now.

"Lucas, you can't seriously expect me to drop everything for you, can you?" I ask, feeling a little irritated.

"Well, Haley, it's not like I ask all that much of you these days. You know, considering I only see you once every three months or so."

"Luke! You call me from the airport asking for a ride! You could've pre-planned this ride any time after you bought your plane ticket! But no, you figure it's better to wait until you actually get to the damned airport!" I rant, "And call me THEN, asking for a ride. No, not asking, expecting. Jesus, Luke!"

I pause to take a breath, fully prepared to continue on with my rant when someone taps me on the shoulder, causing me to spin around in shock. I gasp when I see him standing there.

"Luke! You asshole!"

He just cracks up at my expense, laughing even harder when he sees the angry expression on my face. "Oh, God, Hales, I'm sorry, but this is too funny. You get so worked up about such little things that I just had to have a little fun with you." He grins at me. "Aren't you at least happy to see me?"

I stare at him a minute before snapping out of it and jumping into his arms, throwing my arms around his neck. "God, I've missed you! I know it's only been a month and a half since Eric was born, but still."

He hugs me tight. "I missed you, too, Hales. Speaking of my little brother, why aren't you over there now keeping an eye on him?"

I roll my eyes at him. "You're ridiculous. Besides, I think your mom and Keith have that more than under control. Oh, Luke, you are going to love seeing Keith with him. It is truly the sweetest thing you'll ever see."

"Yeah?" he grins, "I knew he'd be a good dad. I mean, he was a good one to me in a lot of ways."

"I know. So, you want a ride over there to drop your bags off?" I ask, gesturing the pile of crap he left lying in the doorway.

"Uh, actually, no, I'm not going to stay there. My mom turned my room into a nursery, which is fine, but spending the time on the couch isn't really high on my list of things I'd like to do for a week."

"Oh, you planning on staying here then? Cool, let's move your stuff up to the 'guest room'."

He smiles again. "Thanks for the offer, Hales, but I've already accepted Deb and Dan's offer to stay there. I know it isn't the most expected thing in the world, but Dan and I have been talking a lot, and you know they came up for a couple of games. And when Deb suggested this, Dan and I both agreed it'd be a great opportunity to get to know each other better."

I stare at him, resisting the urge to bring my hand to my face to check if my mouth is hanging open. "Since when did you lose the bitterness this much?"

He shrugs, not offended by my question. "Dunno. All that I really know now is that it doesn't matter. What difference does all that crap make now if both Dan and I are willing to make the effort, right?"

"Wow, that is very mature, Mr. Scott!" I tell him, impressed, "So, maybe I do the honor of being your chauffer over to Deb and Dan's this afternoon?"

"Only if we can swing by Mom's to see Eric first," he bargains, knowing already that I adore that baby and don't need a reason or an excuse to want to see him. "Oh, and Deb and Dan would like it if you stayed for dinner. I told them I'd invite you and only let you off the hook if you had legitimate plans."

"That sounds good. I'm meeting Brooke and Tim tonight, but Brooke works until ten-thirty, so I'm probably free until eleven. And you know I'd love to stop by and see Karen and Eric."

"Good. It's not that I'm scared or anything, but it'd be to have a buffer there for the first part of my week at Dan's, you know?"

I smile at him, understanding. "Yeah, I know. And I'm happy I can be here for you," I tell him, seriously. I really miss Lucas and the comforts of having him here on a daily basis. I hate when he calls up, upset about something or other, and being unable to do something about it. As much as I love Brooke and Tim, I still miss Lucas.

"So, um, can we go now?" he asks, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"Anxious to see your baby brother?" I ask him, smiling.

"Oh, you know, I really am. I thought was one enough," he jokes, "Hell, for the longest time, he was way too much." I laugh with him. "But now, I don't know, maybe it's because I've been away so much for school, but family just seems really important."

"Which is why it's so nice that you and Dan have gotten to the point you have," I say, understanding.

"Yeah, it is. Now, if Mom and Keith would just get married or at least move in together, we'd be doing really good," he laughs.

"I have no doubt it'll happen eventually," I tell him, taking his hand and squeezing it. "Now, come on, let's get your stuff in my car."

We toss his bags in the trunk, and jump in the car. He talks me into letting him drive, and he whines about how unfair it is that I have a pretty little sports car and he's got nothing, at the moment. Even though he wasn't here so long ago, he's excited to be back, and as we pass the high school and some other places, he slows down to point them out.

"Lucas, I can see them," I tell him, sounding grumpy, "I have eyes, you know. And I see these places every day."

"Aww," he laughs, "I'm sorry. I'm just excited to be home again. If it makes you feel better, I'm most excited to see you. Even more than the school."

"You're a big liar, Lucas Scott," I grin, "We both know that a certain younger brother is your main reason for visiting, and there is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise."

"Well, he is pretty important, too," he admits, "But it is always great to see you. I miss having you around, annoying me, day in and day out." I slug him on the arm. "Ow! Geez, Hales, you don't have to get physical."

"Yes, I do, you brat! So, anyways, I'm going to change the subject before your big mouth gets you in even more trouble," I warn him with a laugh, "How was the end of the school year? Any hot dates?"

He grins. "Finals went well, I probably have a 3.3 or 3.4, which is decent. And I've kinda been seeing this girl, her name is Kirsten. She's like – God, this is going to sound pathetic, I'm afraid, but she's kind of a cross between Peyton and Brooke."

I stare at him. "I hope the parts of Peyton she has are the artistic, alternative sides, not the mental illness side."

He makes a gurgling sound, like he's trying to choke back his laughter. "God, that's not funny."

"Well, I know it isn't funny, but I guess I'm just at this point where if I don't joke about it – well, I don't know, it's just easier to think of it in slightly joke-y terms rather than as reality, you know?"

He nods. "Yeah, I know. So, you surprised or freaked that she's kind of a cross between the two?"

I think about it for a minute before shrugging. "I don't know, Luke. Maybe it's kind of weird – wait, does she look like one of them?"

"Oh, no. She's Asian-American."

"Well, if she looked like one of them, that would be way weirder. And I might have to have you checked out or something. I don't know, I don't really see a problem."

"Thanks, Hales," he says, quietly, "I was afraid I was trying to recapture the glory of high school."

"No offense, but your whole mess with Peyton and Brooke wasn't so much glory as it was a debacle. You might do well to remember it as such, you know?"

He laughs. "God, but that was such a mess. Think we've grown up appropriately yet?"

"I have," I tell him smugly, "But you as always have a way to go."

He pulls my car into a spot in front of the café, and we jump out. "You're a brat, Haley James, but you're the best brat I've ever known."

"Why, Lucas Scott, I do think you might make me cry!" I grin, grabbing his arm and dragging him across the street.

The bell on the door chimes as we walk through, and Karen looks up from behind the counter, gasping. She drops her towel and runs towards Lucas, pulling him into a hug. I watch them with a smile before moving behind the counter to take Eric out of his bassinet and coo at him before Luke gets the chance to take him away.

"That's your big brother," I tell the infant I see nearly every day, "He loves you very much. And even though he's a big dork, he's still pretty tough. He'll be there whenever you need him."

"Hales," Luke whines, "I'm not a dork!"

I pass Eric off to him and move to stand by Karen. "Oh, I wish I had my camera," she sighs, "But I suppose there will be plenty of time for that over the next week. I can't believe Luke pulled a surprise visit off."

I smile at her. "I know, pretty incredible, isn't it?"

"Very," she says to me. She turns to Lucas then, asking, "Honey, do you want me to make up the couch for you, or are you staying with Haley?"

He looks uncomfortable for a minute. "Actually, I'm going to stay with Dan and Deb. They invited me each of the times they visited me at one of my games, and I don't know, it just seems like the time is right to do that."

Karen looks nonplussed by this, and sensing they need time to discuss this in private, I tell Karen I can watch Eric and the café for awhile. They head into the back.

"Well, Eric, your big brother sure knows how to make an entrance, doesn't he?" His eyes are drooping, so I lay him down in his bassinet, figuring he'll go back to sleep. By the time I fill up everyone's coffee cups and wipe off the counter, Luke and Karen are back.

"Come on, Hales, let's go."

I peer at him, trying to figure out if everything is okay. He grins and nods at me. "We're fine, don't worry. But it is approaching dinner time, and I don't want to put Deb out by being late."

"Okay, let's go. Bye Karen!"

"Bye honey, thank you for watching Eric."

"Anytime! I love that baby!"

Luke and I head over to Dan and Deb's place. We have a pleasant dinner with them, and Luke and Dan actually man the barbeque together. Deb and I just smile over it, kind of in awe of how far they've come.

All in all, it's a fun evening. It is kind of weird to be in Nathan's old house with Nathan's parents, but this night is so much about Luke and Dan that it is easy to put that aside. Still, though, there are pictures and trophies everywhere, and those aren't exactly easy to ignore.

Luke walks me out to my car at a quarter to eleven. "So, thanks for coming tonight. It made it easier for me to ease in with you here."

"Anytime," I smile, hugging him.

"Hey, you're okay, right? I know it must be weird to be in Nathan's house. I'm sorry I didn't think of that before I asked you to come. Didn't even put two and two together until I was in there and saw the pictures and stuff," he sighs, sounding regretful.

"Luke, I'm okay. It's okay. I won't lie, it isn't easy, but it isn't the end of my world, either. I'm okay."

"Whatever you say, Hales."

I laugh. "Don't you believe me?"

"Yeah, I do." He hugs me again. "I don't know, it's just a mess. I'll stay out of it, I promise."

Huh? "Uh, Luke, what's a mess?" I'm seriously clueless here.

"Oh, you know, you and Nathan."

"What about us?"

"I mean, you know I talk to Nathan, right?" He looks even more uncomfortable than when he was telling Karen he was staying with Dan. I nod. "Well, I mean, I just know that you guys have a complicated relationship."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Okay, what's going on? Because I have no idea what you're talking about, and if Nathan told me something, well, you've come this far, you may as well tell me now."

He sighs. "Look, you know he's been dating that girl for the past couple of months, right?" I nod. "Well, he mentioned they've been sleeping together. God, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, but I kind of figured he'd told you. I know you guys talk a lot still, right?"

"Yeah, um, we talk a lot." Funny how that never came up. I don't know why I'm surprised, though. He's 18, he's never been one to not have sex when he's in a situation he can, so it's stupid to think otherwise.

"Hales, I'm sorry. Fuck, I don't know why I told you." I can see the genuine remorse in his eyes, and I know he feels like utter crap for telling me this.

"Luke, it's okay. Hey, I mean, I knew it would happen, right? I practically pushed him into bed with her – all I didn't do was buy the condoms." My voice cracks a little, a sign of my distress, but I smile brightly. I don't want him to feel worse than he already does. "And I've been out on a date, too."

He looks doubtful, but he humors me. "Yeah, okay. Hey, I'll see you soon, okay?" One more hug, and I get in my car and get the hell out of there.

I knew this would happen, but it wasn't supposed to hurt like this.

July, 2007

"Haley J, where are you? I've left you two messages now, and you haven't called me back. What's going on? Okay, well, at least call me and let me know you're okay. I worry about you."

"Tigger," I whine, flopping dramatically on my bed, "Why does he have to sound so much happier than me?"

"Because he's getting laid and you aren't?" she asks. I glare at her. "Oh, that was one of those rhetorical things. Sorry."

"Crap, I don't know what's wrong with me. I've gone on three dates with Jason now. I have fun on these dates with him – so why can't I stop thinking about Nathan and his new girlfriend sex? It's not fair."

She laughs a little. "It usually isn't. I'm sorry, though, that this is hard for you. I don't know what to tell you."

I nod. "Well. Yeah, I don't know either," I laugh. "Maybe I was stupid to think that we could be friends and keep talking. Maybe that's what is making it so hard," I shrug.

"No, that's lame. You guys were friends first, and you should be friends now. Hey, we talked about this in terms of you, Tim and I, right? It's just too important to have good friends to cut off all ties with someone you love, even an ex."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. It just sucks. When I call him back, or when I don't think and just answer the phone and it's him, I'm going to be thinking of him screwing whatever that little sluts name is."

She looks surprised by my vitriolic rant. "Wow. Okay, well, you don't know if she's a slut. And you don't know what it means. It could just be hard-up sex. It doesn't have to be love sex."

"You aren't helping," I whine.

"Sorry. There's nothing I can tell you to make you feel better. I think you need to talk to Nathan about this."

"I can't," I whisper, "How can I ask him about his sex life? Number one, it is none of my business. Number two, I already know what he's doing, and I don't want him to know Lucas spilled. Number three, I'm scared. There is no answer or nothing he can say that will make me feel okay with all of this."

"So, what? You'll just ignore it? That's very un-Tutor Girl of you, Tutor Girl," she jokes, getting me to crack my first smile since hearing that damn message.

She lies down beside me. I look over at her, asking, "Do you think I should talk to him about this?"

"Well, personally, I wouldn't. But I've never been in a situation where it mattered this much to me. So, yeah, I guess I think you should. I don't think you'll be okay until you at least talk to him."

I sigh. "I do have to talk to him, you're right. I can't go on like this. It isn't fair to Nathan that I refuse to talk to him and it isn't fair to Jason that I have no closure with Nathan."

"And it isn't particularly fair to yourself, either." I look over, raising an eyebrow. "I'm serious, you are torturing yourself. Practically worrying yourself sick. Even Tim has noticed that you haven't been yourself lately, and that boy lives in oblivion."

I sigh. "If I call him now, will you stay and lend moral support?"

She laughs. "Sure, but if you start having phone sex, I am so out of here," she warns, "Like so fast you won't even see me leave."

"Point taken. And don't worry, I doubt that'll be a problem," I say ruefully.

I sit up, grabbing the phone off the base, and dialing his familiar number. Brooke puts a hand on my shoulder, and somehow, some way, it actually does help. God, the ringing is driving me crazy.

"Hello?" That isn't Nathan's voice. That isn't even Nathan's roommate. No, it's a girl. I panic a minute, wondering if it is the girl.

"Uh, hi, is Nathan there?" I trip out.

"Oh, sure hang on," she says into the phone. There are some muffled noises as she moves the phone away from her mouth. "Hey Nathan, baby, you have a phone call."

I almost drop the phone. I guess it is her.

"Hello?"

"Nathan, hi. It's Haley," I say neutrally, "I was just calling to let you know I'm alive, so you don't have to worry about that."

"Haley!" I can tell he's shocked to hear from me, especially when the girl is over. No, not the girl, his girlfriend. She is his girlfriend now.

"It sounds like you're busy, so I'll just let you go." It isn't so much that he's busy, but more that I'm about to start bawling. I can already feel tears forming in my eyes, and any minute they'll be spilling over.

"No, no. God, you know I always want to talk to you, Haley J!" He sighs. "I've missed you lately. What's going on, you avoiding me?"

"Any reason I should?"

"Um, no? Come on, Haley, what's going on? You've never not returned my calls; I don't get this. Are you mad at me for something?"

"No, everything is lovely, Nathan. Forget about it, okay?"

"I'm not going to forget about it, Haley. Damn it, what the hell is going on?"

Brooke looks at me sympathetically as the tears spill over. "It's nothing, Nathan. Anyways, I'll let you go back to your company now. Sorry for wasting your time."

"You've never wasted my time, Haley!" he says passionately. I can tell how frustrated he is getting with me. "Look, if something is wrong, I need you to tell me, okay? I can't stand being so far away from you thinking something is seriously wrong."

I take a deep breath, trying to quell the tears and the shaking that has started. My voice sounds shaky even to my own ears. "I promise you I'm fine. I'm healthier than ever – Tim even has me going running every morning. So, don't worry, you can hang up without fearing I'll be dead by morning."

He gasps. "That is a horrible damn thing to say, Haley James! Shit, what the hell is the matter with you? Why are you treating me like I'm some second cousin you barely know? Listen, I know something is wrong. I can hear it in your voice. I know you that well, Hales! So just tell me what's wrong, why you're crying."

"I – it's just – I can't, I can't do this."

"Can't do what, Haley? You have never, ever shied away from telling me what's going on. Not once. So what's the catch now?"

I can't tell him now. Not knowing she is there, probably listening to every word he says. God, maybe even in his bedroom, laying on his bed, listening in on our conversation from the phone he has in there. "I'm sorry, Nathan," I say dully, "But now isn't the best time for this conversation. Go, I know you have company."

"Wha – No, you know what, you're right, this is dumb. Goodbye."

And again with the hanging up. I deserved it this time, though. I can't even be honest with him when he practically begs me to be just that.

I collapse against Brooke crying.

The next day Tim and Jason come over, and we all go to the beach together. I spent the whole night crying and worrying over this thing with Nathan, but in a way, that was the closure I needed. It's kind of ridiculous to think that it took the trauma of calling him up and getting his girlfriend answering would be the wake up call I needed, but somehow it was.

Jason volunteers to run to the store and get more Coke and junk food when we run out, so it is just Tim, Brooke and I sitting here together.

"I can't believe we survived our first year in college," Brooke muses, "Of course, it's just THCC, but still."

"I think being stuck in this hellhole is actually harder than going away to a four-year university," Tim jokes.

I laugh, "Can't disagree with that. I mean, seriously, we have to deal with being stuck in an itty bitty small town and knowing all the people in our classes. Scary."

"Well, only another year and we'll be at the four-year schools, getting our degrees there. Um, provided I keep my grades high enough," he groans. "Thank God for you two. I'd have probably been kicked out for crappy grades after first quarter."

Brooke rolls her eyes. "And Timmy, you can start repaying us for that any time you like. Visa, Mastercard, I take it."

"You're leaving yourself pretty wide open for jokes there, Tigger," I tell her, shading my eyes to look at her. Tim laughs, nodding along.

"Hey, was that a hooker joke? Because if it was, I have to say that I am very impressed, Miss Haley James!"

"Why thank you," I grin, "If I was standing, I'd curtsy, but alas, my ass is firmly planted on this blanket."

"Hey, where are you guys going once we graduate THCC?" Tim asks, sort of out of the blue.

"Haven't really decided yet," I tell him.

Brooke nods. "Me neither."

"Well, I was thinking, we should all go to the same place." Brooke and I glance an 'he's crazy' glance at each other before looking back at him. "No, I'm serious. Look, we're really close now, right? Kind of a built-in support system. So, why shouldn't we all go to the same school if possible? You know, we could just make a pact or something."

"I don't even know what I'm doing tomorrow, so it's kind of hard to plan for something that is a year away," Brooke points out.

"Stop looking at me like I'm crazy," he mumbles, "This isn't such a bad idea. Look, you two are my best friends. Maybe that's dumb or weird or something else, but it's still true. And if wanting to stay close to my best friends is dumb and weird and other things, well, then fine, I'll be all that."

"Okay, when you put it that way," I tell him, "It's pretty sweet."

"See? And you guys think I'm such a bad guy."

"No, no, just misguided," I laugh.

"So, we make a pact to try and go to the same school?" Brooke questions, "Because I think I could get behind that. I honestly can't imagine going to college without you two, it has become so ingrained in me this last year."

"Yeah, me too," I agree.

"Hey!" Tim grins, "Does this mean I had a good idea?"

Brooke rolls her eyes and goes back to reading her magazine. I look over at Tim. "It means you didn't have a bad one for a change.

"Good enough for me."

Good enough for me, too. All of this, actually. Life changes, and it was about time I accepted that.