Chapter Six – You Can't Always Get What You Want
'You can't always get what you want, no!
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need' – Rolling Stones
August, 2007
The café is over-crowded for a Tuesday, and since Karen had to run out and buy some things for Eric, I'm stuck here not only with the crowd, but trying to keep Eric happy as well. It isn't easy, and although I love spending time with Eric, this is certainly not my ideal way of doing that.
I've got Eric in one of those frontal baby carrier things, and am carefully carting him around as I fill up people's coffee cups. Karen has done it a thousand times, and she makes it look easy, but I'm terrified of spilling coffee on him, so I'm going super slow. Luckily, everyone cares way more about baby-talking at Eric, so no one is upset about the slower service. Plus, I am pretty sure half these people are just here for the air conditioning.
I'm chatting with two of the 'regulars', an older couple who come in nearly every day when the door opens and the bell jingles. I don't know why I look up – I usually don't. But this time I do, and much to my shock, Nathan is standing there in the doorway.
If Eric wasn't in this sleeper thing, there is a good chance I would've dropped him. Likewise I'm lucky that I had set the coffee pot on the table while I was talking to Mr. and Mrs. Owens.
"Will you excuse me?" I ask them nervously. They nod, Mr. Owens patting my hand and Mrs. Owens brushing a hand over Eric's cheek.
"Almost makes you want children in the house again," I hear Mr. Owens comment.
"Which one, the baby or Haley?" Mrs. Owens laughs. If I wasn't on a mission right now, I'd probably go back to the table and pretend to be affronted, but right now Nathan is a magnet drawing me.
I stop about ten feet away from him. I don't know if I'm scared to go closer or if I just have this built-in ability to protect myself, but my feet won't let me get any closer.
"Haley," he says, looking at Eric. Avoiding eye contact with me, nice. "That must be Eric, huh? He's cute."
"Yeah, it's Eric." God, way to go, Hales, can't come up with anything better to say? "Would you like to hold him?" I ask.
Finally, he looks up and makes eye contact. "Wow, really? I mean, can I?"
"Yeah, sure. Um, actually it'd help me out a lot, it's kinda busy today." I lift Eric out of the pack and hand him to Nathan. "Thanks a lot."
"No problem." I move away from him, not needing to be any closer than necessary. I busy myself, running around taking orders and filling cups.
Karen finally comes back, delighted to see Nathan. "Oh, Nathan, your mom told me you were coming!"
Shit, Karen knew he was coming; apparently I wasn't supposed to. I don't even know what to think about that. Obviously, it's none of my business. I made it that way. It still hurts to think that he wouldn't tell me he was coming back to town, though.
Of course, I haven't talked to him in over a month. Why would he tell me? It doesn't matter, though, that logic dictates he shouldn't tell me – it still hurts. Quite possibly hurts worse than finding out that he was sleeping with that slut Miranda. I accidentally burn my hand on the coffee pot, letting out a little yelp as I drop. Stupidly, I burst into tears when it hits the floor. Even more stupidly, instead of cleaning it up, I rush into the kitchen.
"Haley?" I am so relieved that it is Karen who came after me.
"Hey, I'm sorry about that. You can take that out of my paycheck, along with that sugar bowl I broke last week," I sigh.
"Oh, honey, you know I don't worry about broken dishes. If I did, we both know I would've had you out the door a long time." I'm impressed that she managed to elicit a giggle from me. "Now, I take it you didn't know Nathan was coming to town." She says it as a statement rather than a question. "Are you okay?"
"Yes. No, not really. I guess it's just hard to see him again, what with everything that's been going on. Everything that has happened between us. The worst part is that he didn't tell me he was coming; but that's my fault. I've been a bitch to him."
She puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Hey, I don't know all that's happened between you two, but since Lucas will be here tomorrow, you two will probably be spending some time together. That's why Nathan is here, I gather, to see Luke."
I sigh, having completely forgotten Luke was coming. "Damn," I curse softly, "This is going to be torture. Maybe we need a custody agreement or something."
She laughs softly. "I'm sure you'll figure it out, honey, I have faith in you. Now, why don't you take off early? I ran into Brooke and Tim while I was at the grocery store, and I told them I'd let them kidnap you tonight."
I smile at her genuinely. "And I have makeup all over my face and you're giving me a heads up so I fix it in time, right?"
"That might have something to do with it." She hugs me, and I gratefully return her embrace. "And you've worked every day for the past two weeks. You deserve an early night, at least."
"Thanks, Kare." I grin at her, suddenly really happy that Brooke and Tim will be here soon. I pull out my compact once she leaves and fix my hair and makeup. Not great, but seriously, it is just Brooke and Tim.
I hear Brooke's voice, then, saying something loud and snotty to Tim, and I just have to laugh. It is such a relief to have the two of them here. I stand up, glance at myself one last time in the compact, and walk through the swinging door to greet them. I see Nathan sitting at the counter, still holding Eric.
"Hey Tutor Girl," Brooke grins, "Guess what we're doing tonight?"
I groan, "I hate when you make me guess. It is always something bad." I turn to Tim. "On the badness scale, how bad is it?"
He pretends to ponder for a minute. "Hmm, only a two tonight. I think she's PMSing or something because she's not on the ball with her ideas right now."
Brooke slaps him upside the head. "You never learn, Timmy," she laments, "We've spent how much time together the last year, and you still say exactly the wrong things. You're pitiful."
I continue making a show of ignoring Nathan. Brooke looks at me questioningly, but I shake my head a little, warning her not to say anything. "Come on, let's go," Tim decrees, taking each of us by the arm, "We've got movies and junk food waiting for us."
"Awesome, I could really go for some ice cream right about now," I say hopefully, smiling at Tim.
"Yeah, yeah, we picked up some Butter Pecan." I squeal, hugging him, then Brooke.
"You two are the best," I beam, suddenly ready to gorge myself on ice cream, bad movies, and good friendship.
"Yes, we know," Brooke preens.
"Oh, I almost forgot," Tim sighs, "Jason wanted me to give you this." He pulls an envelope out of his back pocket, handing it to me. It obviously contains a greeting card, so I rip it open. There's a picture of a couple flying kites on it, which immediately has me smiling. The note inside tells me that he misses me, and that he'll make up the fact that he's been working so much to me soon.
"I'll have to call him tonight," I tell Tim.
"What'd it say?" he whines. I smack him from one side, Brooke the other.
"None of your business!"
"Fine," he sighs.
We leave the café then, and as we cross the street, I can feel the heat of Nathan's stare on my back.
The next morning I'm feeling drained. Lucas gets here today, and I know that if I want to hang out with him tonight, I have to be prepared to do so with Nathan around. The only saving grace for this situation is that Theresa, a girl we went to high school with, is having a party, and invited Tim, Brooke, and I. So now I am hoping that I can talk Luke into attending.
The one issue that might arise with this is that I know Tim is inviting Jason. I can't tell Tim he can't, and I don't even want to. There is just the possibility that things will get mighty uncomfortable.
"Rise and shine, my lovely Tutor Girl best friend!" Brooke chirps as she walks into my room, way too excited for 9 AM.
"What are you doing up so early?" I ask her, "On a Tuesday of all days."
"I'm working early today so I can have the evening off. I don't want to miss this party of Theresa's. You know, she backstabbed the hell out of me senior year. I kind of owe her one."
"Oh, God," I groan, knowing what Brooke's idea of 'owing' is, "Promise me you'll be nice. It is her house, after all."
"Oh, darling, all the more reason to fuck with her fugly little head."
I shake my head, but can't help but laugh at her. "You're a trip, Tigger. Ugh, but did you have to wake me up so early? This is pathetic."
"No, what is pathetic is the amount of time I know you spent last night after you left Tim's feeling sorry for yourself over Nathan Scott."
"It wasn't that long," I defend, "I fell asleep pretty fast."
"Exactly my point – ANY amount of time wasted on him is too much. You have to kick that habit. You have to face him today, and you have to be normal."
"What the hell is normal, anyways?" I ask, sighing.
"Oh, don't ask me that," she giggles, "Not much is normal about my life. Just treat Nathan the way you treat Lucas."
"Oh, right. I'll hang on him and tease him and ruffle his hair and beg to borrow his sweatshirt. That'll go over well, I'm sure," I bitch sarcastically.
"Okay, okay. Damn. Maybe not that stuff, but maybe like we are with Tim?" she suggests. She thinks about that for a minute. "Okay, that's probably not a good idea, either. Look, just be civil to him. That isn't too much to ask, right?"
I sigh, knowing she's right. "Okay, civil. I think I can do civil," I concur, still thinking of ways I can avoid him, though.
"Ha! Well, it'll be fun to see you try, anyways," she smirks, teasing me.
"God, not funny. Honestly, I don't know if we can even carry on a conversation. I treated him like such shit that honestly, I wouldn't want to talk to me if I were him."
"Well, we'll see. Look, Nathan loved you for a really long time, and time counts more than a few rash words, right?"
I shrug. "I guess we'll find out later today, huh?"
"Looks like it." She glances at her watch. "Crap, I gotta go, hun. Work calls. You know, I still can't believe I have a job. Oh, I almost forget. I brought these for you to wear tonight – you'll look spectacular!"
"Neither can the rest of the world," I call to her as she leaves the room, pausing only to turn around and flip me off. I laugh, "Bye Tigger!"
I get out of bed with a sigh. "Oh, it is gonna be a great day," I tell my mirror image sarcastically as I pass by. I don't even bother to see what Brooke put in the bag. With my luck, it's probably a bra, panties and a pair of buttless chaps.
A great day indeed.
Karen suggested that I pick Luke up at the airport, so an hour later, I head out. I blast the radio on my way there, which is nice because it doesn't allow me to think much. I'm about a half hour early, so I get out and walk around. It's weird now that you can't go all the way into the airport if you aren't traveling. I remember going with an older sibling when I was younger to pick up or drop off our parents, and if they were feeling nice we'd go early and watch the planes land and take off.
I head for the baggage claim area and take a seat to wait for Luke. I must be tired, though, because the next thing I'm cognizant of is Luke shaking me awake.
"Hales," he whispers, "Wake up, sleepyhead."
I yawn loudly. "I don't wanna. I'm sleepy."
He laughs out loud. "Okay, get your ass out of the chair." He picks me up and sets me on my feet. I keep my eyes closed the whole time.
"I really hate you, Scott," I mutter.
"Thought you'd be saying that to me, not him," a voice says behind me, jarring my eyes wide open.
I don't even know what to say as I stare at him. Luke jumps in, "Okay, Hales, I got my bags. You get to carry the big one, right?" I don't react, just keep staring at Nathan until Luke elbows me. "Hey, you got the big one, right?"
"Oh, um, yeah, of course," I say, smiling brightly at him. He laughs, tossing me his carry-on. "Hum, so what's the plan? Over to the café? Oh, wait, um, are you still riding with me?"
He looks at Nathan. "Well, actually we both are, if that's okay, of course."
I nod shakily. "Yeah, of course. Car is this way." I lead them out of the airport and through the parking garage to my car. We load Luke's bags into the trunk.
"I get to drive, right?" Lucas asks with a grin, "Come on, Hales, you know I don't have a car of my own up there in Michigan, so you owe me the chance to drive this car again."
"I owe you? Huh, whatever, Scott. You could've stayed here and driven it any time you wanted, you know," I tease back, "Maybe if you had, Dan would've given you a stellar deal, too."
He groans, "You know, he tried to buy me a car one of the visits they made. I kept refusing, he kept asking, and finally Deb had to step in and tell him to leave me alone."
I chuckle and Nathan groans. "Sounds like Mom and Dad. He never did know how to take 'no' for an answer, even now when it isn't necessarily a bad thing."
Luke nods at him, and then turns back to me. "Does this mean I get to drive?" He holds his hand out for the keys.
I toss them to him. "Fine, but I get to sit in the backseat and sleep. I am just dead tired; Brooke woke me up at 9 this morning."
"Brooke was up at 9?" Nathan asks, incredulous. I think after a second he realizes that he spoke civilly to me because an oddly pained look crosses his face.
I choose to ignore that, though, and answer. "Yeah, she switched her work schedule so she'd be free for Theresa's party."
"Shit, she works?"
I can't help it; I laugh. "Yes, she works. As a volunteer at a vet clinic. She really likes it, and she's even pretty good at it."
Both of the guys look absolutely incredulous. "Wow," Luke breathes, "Never thought I'd hear of that day."
"You know, you two – oh, never mind," I sigh.
"No, what, Haley?" Nathan asks petulantly, "Come on, inform us of our wrongs."
I shake my head, getting into the back seat of my car. "All I was going to say is that maybe you seriously underestimated Brooke. I know I did."
"Anyways, where am I taking everyone?" Luke asks, "To your parents' place, Nate?" He nods. "Hales, you're gonna let me drop you off and keep the car, right?"
"Doubtful, hot shot. I'm not one of your groupies, falling for your basketball god routine," I tease.
Luke blushes. "Hey, it's not like I have tons of groupies or anything. Even if I did, I wouldn't do anything with them," he contends. I see Nathan's face harden at this statement, and Luke looks immediately chagrined.
My God, his girlfriend is a basketball groupie. Charming. Neither of them say anything, though, so I don't either. I just look out the window, resisting the urge to cross my arms over my chest and pout in anger. Both of them glance back at me, I can feel it, and I'm sure they're exchanging looks between the two as well.
"Hey Luke?" I say after a little while on the road.
"What's up, Hales?"
"Would you mind dropping me off at Tim's? I can grab my car from you later on today, if that's okay."
"Um, sure. But I thought you were going to hang out with me today. Did you forget about me already?"
"No, I'll catch up with you later, I promise. I just have something I need to do first," I say cryptically, not feeling like I owe either of them an explanation right now.
"Yeah, sure. If that's what you want."
"Oh, yeah, it is." I pause, looking back out the window. "Do you want to go to Theresa's party tonight? It sounds like a lot of people from high school will be there, and that might be fun."
"I wouldn't mind," Luke decides after thinking about it for a minute, "What about you, Nate?"
"Yeah, no problem, whatever."
We pull into Tim's driveway, and he and Jason are standing there shirtless tossing around a football. I feel like my old and new worlds are truly colliding for the first time, so I rush out of the car waving goodbye to Luke and Nathan. Luke promises to call when he has some free time to pick me up.
Tim tosses the ball to me, laughing as I drop it. Jason walks over and drops a kiss on my cheek, something that I'm sure doesn't escape either Nathan or Luke's notice. When he puts his arms around me in a hug, I reciprocate, something else I doubt escaped notice.
"You're a ball dropping spaz, James," Tim laughs at his own joke.
"Oh, Smith, you can come up with better jokes than that, can't you?" I taunt him, "Mr. B- average for his first year of college."
Jason just shakes his head at our joking around, and as Lucas and Nathan drive off out of sight, I give him a genuine smile. "I'm glad you're here," I tell him sincerely.
"Me, too. You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Liar," Tim sighs, "What happened with Lucas and Nathan?"
Jason raises his eyebrows in surprise. "One of those guys was Nathan? I wasn't paying much attention."
"Yeah, Nathan was in the passenger seat," I sigh, "Apparently Lucas couldn't be bothered to tell me he'd be at the airport, apparently to help me pick him up or something. Anyways, it was weird and uncomfortable, and I'm glad it's over."
I smile brightly at them, but neither look entirely convinced. Jason hands me the football saying, "I'm going in to grab some drinks. Need anything?"
"I'm good," I smile, squeezing his hand, "Thank you, though." Once he's gone, Tim puts his arm around my shoulder. "Hey," I smile.
"Hey. You can tell me if you aren't okay, you know."
"I know. I am okay, though, like I said, it was more awkward than anything else."
He thinks about it for a few minutes. "Well, maybe awkward isn't the worst thing it could be, huh?"
I laugh. "Absolutely not! I can think of at least a million worse things right off the top of my head. This could be a lot worse, I know."
"I'm glad you realize that," he tells me with a smile. "So, what brings you over here? Hiding out? Oh, shit, before I tease you, I guess I should make sure I'm not a moron who forgot you were coming over. I'm not that moron, am I?"
"No," I laugh, "You aren't. At least not about this."
"Ah, finally, to not be a moron. How awesome is that?"
I laugh. "Well, Smith, I don't know if I'd recommend getting used to it, if I were you. You never know when the moronism will return."
"What'd I miss?" Jason asks as he walks down the porch stairs, taking a seat on the bottom one. I walk over and sit next to him.
"I was just explaining to Tim why he shouldn't get to comfortable with not being a moron. I thought that was pretty stellar advice, but he's looking at me like he wants to kill me."
Jason grins at me and offers his hand up for a high five. "Right on, you go to keep that one in his place," he jokes.
Tim just rolls his eyes. "Fine, gang up on me. I'm used to it by now. It'll just get worse when Brooke gets here. It always does," he laments.
We hang out for awhile outside, and then head inside where I watch the boys play some video game for awhile. Luke calls eventually, and comes back to pick me up. Jason walks me out, and kisses me in the doorway. I kiss him back, and it actually turns pretty hot. I pull away from him, flustered, unsure if I'm ready for our relationship to get that physical yet.
He must sense my dilemma because he just smiles at me and says," It's okay, I know. We'll just take it as it comes, okay?"
I smile at him. "Thanks Jason. I'll see you in a few hours."
And I'm glad he'll be there.
Luke comes over to my house with me while I'm getting ready rather than going back to Karen's. I guess guys really don't need to get ready the way girls do, because we are going straight from here to Theresa's, unless I shock the world by lowering the time it takes me to get ready.
"Hales?" he asks from his spot on my bed.
I'm going through my closet, trying to decide if I have anything in there that I want to wear, or if I should just cave now and wear what Brooke leant me. "Yeah, what's up?"
"Is the reason you won't talk to Nathan because I told you he was sleeping with that girl?" He sighs, "I really didn't mean to cause you trouble."
"That's not why, Luke," I tell him, "I called up to talk to him about her, and she answered the phone. God, and then I acted like a bitchy idiot to him, so it's no wonder he doesn't want to talk to me."
"Well, if I hadn't told you, then you wouldn't have wanted to talk to him about it, and you might not have called and she might not have picked up the phone," he reasons, "So it is my fault."
I stop what I'm doing in the closet and sit down beside him. "Luke, I needed to know. Okay, it isn't any of my business anymore, but it wasn't such a bad thing for me to know. I can move on better from here."
"I guess that guy that was kissing you at Tim's is this Jason you've been telling me about," he smiles.
"Yeah, the one and only. He's a nice guy. I don't know if it's going anywhere, but he's a nice guy, and we're having fun. He'll be at the party tonight, I'll introduce you."
He nods. "Nathan will have a fit," he warns.
"Well, it isn't Nathan's place to have a fit, now is it?"
He shrugs. "I guess not."
"You guess not? Luke, he's sleeping with someone else that he considers a girlfriend. It is absolutely none of his business."
He shrugs again. "He still loves you, Hales. And he's just confused. I don't think he gets why you wouldn't talk to him for the last month when he had basically done what you had pushed him into doing."
"Whose side are you on?" I ask, grumpy, "Never mind, don't answer that. I'm sorry, I'd never put you in the middle of your brother and I and our little dramas."
"Hales, I'm always on your side. Thing is, I can see his point in this one, too. So it's just conflicted. But I'm here for you, and anything you need, I'm your man."
I laugh. "Sure, okay. I mean it, though – if you think I'm putting you in the middle of our shit, just tell me to knock it off. I would really hate for you to feel uncomfortable because of that."
"I'll remember that," he smiles, kissing me on top of my head. "Okay, I'll be downstairs watching TV. Just so you know, I told Nathan to meet us over here so we could go together. I hope you don't mind."
I sigh inwardly. "Nope, it's fine. Okay, I'll get changed, and I'll meet you downstairs." He turns to walk out of the room. "Hey Luke?" He turns back to face me. "Thank you. You know, for everything."
"I love you, too, Hales," he smiles before leaving for real.
I shower and get dressed in the outfit Brooke left me this morning, which is actually really cute and only mildly slutty. Very sexy, but without being slutty. Exactly my kind of outfit. I blow dry my hair so it curls a little, and put on more makeup than usual, and then head downstairs.
I walk down the stairs, and step into the dining room to grab my purse. As I'm walking towards the living room where Luke is waiting, I hear two voices. Nathan has arrived, too. I know it's wrong, but I stop in the hall and listen to their conversation.
"Cut her some slack, man," Lucas is saying, "Things haven't been as easy for her as you assume."
"Why should I?" Nathan retorts bitterly, "She pushed and pushed and shoved and kicked me away, and when I make a pitiful little attempt to move on, she won't even talk to me. Luke, three years, one marriage, countless hours of laughter and love, and she won't fucking talk to me. And the few times she deigns to do just that, she's a complete bitch. Tell me there isn't something wrong with this picture."
Luke sighs, loud enough for me to hear. "Fine, you two can continue whatever child games you're playing, and I'll just stay out of it."
I'm so irritated with both of them that I stomp in there, purse in one hand with my other hand on my hip. "This childish bitch is ready to go party with her friends right now. If you're riding with me, you might want to get in the car." Emphasis on friends.
They both look chagrined – especially Luke – to have been caught talking about me, and they follow me without any fuss. None of us say a word on the way there, and the tension is practically unbearable. It is all I can do to keep myself from bursting into tears as I speed down the road to Theresa's house.
I park on the street, and stay in the car, glaring Luke out when he tries to stay behind with me. I need a minute to calm down, or else I know I'll do something I'll regret. I take several deep breaths, forcing myself to stay in here until the urge to run in and jump all over Jason just to stick it to Nathan passes.
The door opens, and I'm prepared to do some serious battle, so I'm relieved to see it is just Brooke, not Nathan or Luke.
"So, you're not crying, that's something at least," she sighs, "I saw Tweedledee and Tweedledum walk in without you, so I figured something happened."
"Yeah, well, Nathan was there at the airport when I picked Luke up. We sniped at each other a little, but other than that, said nothing. And then I come downstairs after getting ready this evening – "
"You look great, by the way," she interrupts, smiling.
"Uh, thank you," I smile back, flustered, "Anyways, I come downstairs, and they're talking about me. Behind my back. Luke calls both of us childish, and Nathan calls me a bitch. Needless to say, I wasn't too happy. I stayed here to cool off. I didn't want to do something I'd regret in a half hour."
She leans over and gives me a hug. "I'm sorry you had a bad evening. But now is the time to come in and get shitfaced and hang out with your best friends and your maybe, kinda, sorta boyfriend," she jokes.
"Okay, sounds good. Let's go." Shitfaced – why not?
We get out of the car and walk in, arms linked. Theresa greets me rather snottily at the door, but Brooke and I both manage to mostly ignore her. Brooke does have her malicious gleam in her eye, and I'd bet good money she's got something planned, but I'm too selfish to care right now.
Nathan and Luke are standing in the corner of the room chatting with a couple of guys who had been on the basketball team with them. I drag Brooke in the opposite way towards the bar. "Jason and Tim here yet?" I ask her.
"They were, but they ran out to get some beer that Tim's parents have. Apparently keg beer isn't good enough for them or something. Ooh, but anyways, I have a fifth of vodka with our names on it, so let's go to the bathroom."
"Brooke?" I ask as I follow her down the hall, "Why the hell is the vodka in the bathroom?"
"Okay, my grandpa is a total alcoholic, right? So, when I was younger, he'd come stay with us for weeks at a time. And my grandma didn't like him drinking, so he'd hide in the back of the toilet."
"Ew, and that's where the vodka that we'll be drinking is now?"
She grins. "Yup. Clever, no? You know how party people are, stealing your booze, getting all rowdy. Well, they aren't stealing my booze if I have anything to say about it."
"God, well, I don't know if I even want any now," I tell her, kind of grossed out, "That is just weird and unsanitary."
"Get over yourself," she orders, "It's not like the toilet water is in it. The cap stays about the water level. It's perfectly fine. We'll just use Theresa's nice silk blouses that I might have jacked from her bedroom to wipe them off before we pour."
"You're bad," I laugh, not really caring what she wants to do to Theresa tonight.
"What? No lecture?" She looks shocked. Am I really that much of a naggy brat?"
"No, no lecture. Do what you gotta do, right?"
She nods, hesitantly. "Does this mean you'll drink the vodka?"
I burst out laughing. "Sure, why the hell not?"
"Woo!" she cheers, "Alright, let's get this party started." We fill our glasses half full with vodka, and head for the kitchen to find something to mix it with.
We find some wine coolers, and Brooke convinces me that those will make a good mixer for vodka, and against my better judgment, I go along with her. It actually tastes pretty good, but I can tell already it will hit me hard a few glasses from now.
"Let's go dance," Brooke shouts over the music. She doesn't wait for an answer, just grabs my hand and pulls me out to the makeshift dance floor. "Woo! Isn't this fun?" she screams as we dance to something that sounds suspiciously like decent classic rock.
I laugh with her, screaming back, "Yeah, it is definitely fun!"
She takes my hand and twirls me, and then I twirl her. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nathan and Lucas watching, but I don't care about either of them right now. We laugh and dance and chink our drinks together and just generally have fun. It's exactly what I need right now, and it doesn't hurt that Nathan and Luke are watching me have all this fun.
"Tim and Jason are back!" Brooke grins, making her way over to them. I grin, following her.
"Hey girls," Jason smiles as we approach. He leans down and kisses my cheek. I smile up at him. "How's the party?"
"Better now that you two are here," Brooke laughs. "Hey, Timmy, some not legal girl was asking for you. I told you had VD and weren't into that anymore," she grins, loving torturing him.
He just stares at her open-mouthed. I don't blame him, I can't tell for sure if she actually told this girl that or if she's just getting a kick out of torturing him. Of course, knowing Brooke, it's both.
"You're – you're evil!" Tim sputters, "I cannot even believe you!"
She just laughs her head off. I smile at Jason when he puts his arm around my shoulder. "God, Tim," Brooke laughs, "She's sixteen! You're nineteen, you should be thanking me for getting her off your back!"
He mutters something under his breath as he pulls open a beer and tosses it to Jason. He pulls out one for himself and cracks it open.
I can't resist messing with Brooke's head a little, so I add, "Its okay, Tim. Let's just forget about it for now. And if it happens again, you just tell everyone you caught the VD from Brooke."
She glares hotly at me as Tim and Jason laugh along with me. "When did you get so mean, Tutor Girl?"
"I learned from the master," I tell her, bowing towards her. She just laughs.
"I'm so glad my influence is wearing off on you," she laughs. "Okay, come on, Jason, come on, VD, we're dancing now. Tutor Girl, my student, would you make me another drink?" she asks, pouting.
I smile, "Sure, I can do that. I need another, too. I'll be right back."
I head back for the bathroom, waiting in line. It's finally my turn, and as I step in and try to shut the door behind me, someone blocks it. I whirl around in surprise, shocked to see Nathan standing there.
"We need to talk," he says tersely.
I sigh, turning away from him. "I don't know if that is such a good idea. I mean, I might get bitchy."
"Haley, I'm sorry I said that," he sighs, "You know I don't think that. It's just, you've been really difficult towards me the last few months, and I don't understand what's going on. I think you owe it to me to explain."
I ignore him, buying time by removing the vodka from the toilet. "Look, Nathan, I'm so sorry if I've hurt you, but this isn't a good time to talk about it."
"Why? Because your pretty boy boyfriend is out there waiting for you? Does he have you on a tight leash already, Haley? If he tugs on it, do you have to go running back to him?" he snaps angrily.
I slowly turn around to face him. "You don't know anything about my relationship with Jason, so don't even bring it up. It has nothing to do with you."
"What does that mean? That my relationship with Miranda actually has something to do with you?"
"You know what, Nathan? I don't want to talk about your groupie slut, so why don't you just leave?"
He shakes his head, stepping closer to me. "You're jealous, aren't you?"
"No, I'm not," I say as calmly as possible, "I have no reason to be jealous of anything. You just go and live your own life, screw as many sluts as you want. See if I care."
"Ah, isn't that the point, though? You do care. You know, this is exactly why you piss me off, Haley!" he shouts, "You go on for months – months before we even graduate high school, for crying out loud – about how we have to break up when I leave! And now, NOW, you're upset because I've been seeing someone! Which is exactly what you wanted all along! Was that all just lies, Haley?"
I sigh, struggling to hold myself together. I don't want to break down here, in a bathroom in front of Nathan. I just don't.
"You know, this isn't going to get us anywhere, Nathan. I should just go," I say quietly, trying to step around him. He puts his hands on my shoulders, and in that moment, I know I am lost.
"Don't go," he whispers, "We spent too many years caring about every little detail of each other's lives to stop caring even about the big stuff now."
I'm so close to tears now that I'm afraid to speak for fear of opening the floodgates. I look up at him, and I can see the pain I know is etched across my features reflected on his. "God, Nathan, I don't even know what to say."
He sits down on the counter of the sink, taking the bottle of vodka from me and taking a swig. "Tell me what's going on, Haley. I don't think I've ever been this disconnected from you before. It is scaring me."
I sit down on the edge of the bathtub, so I am across from him, but a few feet lower. He doesn't like this because he slides down onto the floor so we are closer to being at eye level. "I don't know, Nathan," I sigh, "I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know why I've shut you out, and the only thing I do know is that I don't have a right to do either of those things."
He takes my hand and pulls me down on the floor next to him. People are banging on the bathroom door, but we both ignore them.
"Haley, I love you. More than that, I care about you and your happiness. I want you to be happy, and right now it is killing me to think that I'm part of the reason you are unhappy."
I lean my head back against the cabinet, turning it to look at him. "I'm not unhappy. I'm not," I insist, unsure if it is more for him or me. "And I know that I've been really hurtful to you and I know I've shut you out unfairly." I repress the urge to beat my head back against the cabinet. "God, it's just that when I called, and your girlfriend answered the phone, that hit home. I mean, I knew you had her, and I knew you were sleeping with her by then, but still. I guess that made it official in my mind."
He groans, probably not knowing what to say. "I'm sorry she answered that day."
"No, don't be," I tell him, "I really didn't have any right to get mad. I don't know why I did," I shrug, "Maybe I was mad you beat me to that point or something."
"So, Lucas told you, huh?"
I nod. "I think it came out accidentally. He felt really bad that he betrayed your confidence." He nods. "Would you have told me yourself?" I whisper.
"I don't know, Haley. How do you say that? 'Well, I can't have you, the woman I love more than I love my own life, but since I can maintain erections, I have decided to starting have sex with a reasonably nice girl at college'. Is that what I was supposed to say?"
I can't help but giggle a little. "Maybe it was better Luke told me."
"Well, what about you? That guy seems to really like you," he sighs, taking another swig of vodka.
"Yeah, I guess he does. Look," I say, standing up, "I do need to get back. I promised Brooke I'd get her a drink."
"Okay," he sighs, "Plus, I think there is a line forming out there, anyways."
I nod, grabbing the bottle of vodka and our glasses. "I'll, um, see you around." I fervently wished this wasn't so awkward, but since I don't have a magic wand, that isn't going to change.
He just nods, and follows me out. We go our separate ways – me to the kitchen for the wine cooler mixers and him to the living room, presumably to find Luke. Once I get our drinks made, I walk to the living to find Brooke. Literally, I am shocked to find her dancing with Lucas. Jaw dropping open and everything. I look around for Jake and Jason, but they aren't anywhere to be found.
"Shocking, isn't it?" Nathan asks from behind him.
I nod. "What the hell is going on here? She – she hates him. And they, I mean they haven't talked for years. Huh."
"Where's pretty boy?" he asks harshly.
I look around. "I don't know. Can't find him or Tim. Oh, God, they are grinding. Why are my best friends grinding? With each other?"
Nathan is no help in explaining – he is laughing way too hard. "I think," he gasps out, "That it is Brooke's fault. Look at Luke's face! He looks like he wishes he were anywhere but there."
"I – should I stop her? If she's drunk enough to dance with him, then she couldn't possibly know what she's doing." I'm completely puzzled as to how to handle this.
He shrugs. "I don't know, it kind of looks like they're having fun. Or at least Brooke is, and you have to admit that it's kind of funny to see Luke tortured like that!"
"I'm putting a stop to this." I march over there, pulling Brooke away from him. "Tigger, whatcha doing?"
"I thought you forgot about me," she slurs, obviously having found something else to drink while I was talking to Nathan, "So I started making Broody Luke dance with me. But now my Tutor Girl is back." She throws her arms around my neck. "I love my Tutor Girl!" she squeals.
"I love you, too, Tigger. But come on, remember, we're mad at him," I tell her, jerking my thumb at Luke, "Let's go get another drink."
"Silly, you have drinks in your hand! I can feel them against my back," she laughs, "So let's play a drinking game instead!"
She drags me over to a table, and we take seats, as do a few of the other people standing around, including Nathan and Luke. I hold in the groan I feel at that, and mix a healthy amount of vodka with a little wine cooler.
"That's my Tutor Girl, drinking like a pro," Brooke beams. I laugh at her, leaning my head on her shoulder.
"What are we playing?" Nathan asks.
Brooke pauses in her card shuffling. "Oh. Umm, let's play Kings."
So we play Kings for an hour, and unsurprisingly, Brooke loses and has to drink the cup from the middle that is filled with a mix of beer and mixed drinks. She drinks it like a champ, and slams the cup down proudly when she's done.
She and I walk out to the deck; I need fresh air, and I can't imagine any possible way that she doesn't.
"How ya feeling?" I ask her, solicitously.
"I'm good. How was your bathroom time with Nathan?" she asks back.
I shrug. "I don't know. It's not like we resolved anything, but it's not like we really can. I'm beginning to think that the only thing to do is cut ties completely. God, Tigger, what else is there? He's got his new ho-bag girlfriend, and I've got Jason, who I can't commit to if Nathan is in my life. And it's so messed up." I kick the deck railing.
"You know, if you love him so much, just go be with him." I roll my eyes at her. "Okay, fine, not the best solution. Don't get your Victoria's Secret panties in a twist."
I laugh at her. "You know, just for one day I'd like things to be easy. Not this messy tangle of emotions and stress and mixed messages and unsure feelings."
She pats me on the head, drunk giggling. I don't know why I'm having a serious conversation with someone as wasted as her. "I'm sooooo drunk," she laments, but ruins it by laughing. I laugh with her, rolling my eyes at myself. Deciding to catch up with her, I take a few swigs directly from the bottle. "Go Tutor Girl!" she cheers, "I didn't know you could drink straight vodka!"
Somehow, I don't spit it back out. Or puke it up once I swallow it. How, I don't know, but I don't. "Yeah, that's me, a regular alcoholic," I say ruefully. I pour more vodka in my cup and fill it the rest of the way with wine cooler.
"I'm gonna get some cigarettes," Brooke announces, heading for the door, "And to find Timmy. I think he's still mad at me for saying he has VD." She looks so worried over him being mad that I almost feel bad for her.
"Don't worry – remember that he'll just tell people he got it from you," I wink. She rolls her eyes and stomps inside.
"You two are really good friends," Nathan's voice floats through the door. I turn around to nod at him. "I mean, yeah, you said it, and I've seen you together a few other times, but...Lucas is really the only person I've seen you act so," he pauses, searching for the right word, "I guess open with."
"I don't know what it is or how to explain it, but Brooke and I work as friends. I kind of wish we'd gotten to know each other better, but maybe everything happens for a reason."
"I'm sure it does," he sighs, "Anyways, I'm glad you have her."
"Thanks, me too. Lucas seems to hate it, though. He's never outright said so, but he hates it when I talk about her and Tim, I can tell."
"He's jealous," he confides, "Think about it. He was always the one you ran to before, and how often do you do that now? Probably not very, right?"
I sigh, getting that he's right. "Everything changes, huh? Do you ever wish things could just stay the same? Like you could get them this perfect way, exactly how you always pictured things, and then they'd just stay that way forever?"
"You can't always get what you want," he laughs, "But what is your perfect way?"
I laugh nervously. "I don't know. A year ago I knew, maybe even a few months ago I knew, but now everything is so skewed that I feel like I don't even know who I am."
He cocks his head to the side, looking intently at me. "I know who you are. You are Haley James, the most incredible woman I've ever met. You're Haley James, the smartest person I've ever met, one of the only people who can through to me. You're smart, you're funny, you're so beautiful. And you know what you want, and you should do anything and everything to get it."
"You're gonna make me cry," I whisper, sipping my drink nervously, "But thank you. I don't know how you do that."
"Do what?"
"Make me blush, after all this time. God, you've seen me in ways and know things about me that no one else on this planet even has a clue about, and I can still blush at the drop of a hat around you."
He laughs. "I'm gifted, maybe."
"Maybe," I concede. I pass him my drink and let him have a sip of it. "How come you're being nice to me? You know I don't expect you to, not after everything I've done and said."
He shrugs. "Because it's you, and it's me. And I can't imagine being mad at you for very long. And because I understand. I wanted to bash that pretty boy boyfriend of yours face in when I saw him kiss you on the cheek earlier. I just – I'm sorry."
I look at him in surprise. "Sorry for what? Nate, you didn't do anything wrong!"
"Sure I did," he smiles, "I acted like a whiny brat a bunch of times to you. I should've at least – well, I could've done a lot of things different."
I shrug. "We all could, at some point or another. Water under the bridge now, I guess, right?"
"Is it really?" I shrug again. "Well, no matter what it is, I'm here for you. I just – I can't imagine you not being in my life in some capacity, Haley. You've meant too much for too long to just let go of now."
I shake my head. "I don't know if that is such a good idea, Nathan. It didn't work out so well so far, did it?"
"Okay, maybe not, but Haley, we can be friends. I know we can."
I sigh. "Nathan, I don't think we can. I don't think that I can tease you and joke with your girlfriends and I don't think I can borrow your sweatshirts or lay my head on your shoulders or let you wrap your arm around me during a scary movie. I can't do that with you and not expect more."
"So, what? You want to drop me? Kick me out of your life, pretend like what we have doesn't matter, pretend like the past doesn't exist."
"No, it isn't. I just want to be able to move on. I don't know what your secret is, but I haven't gotten that part down yet. I'm not good at that."
"Tell that to your pretty boy," he snaps, pissed off.
"Stop it. Leave Jason out of this. This is about you and I and no one else."
"So you don't even want to try and be friends anymore?"
"It's too hard," I whisper.
And he walked out.
September, 2007
Nathan had stayed in Tree Hill for two weeks, the same as Lucas. But I didn't see him at all after the party, not even from a distance. He stayed away when Lucas and I begged each other for forgiveness, and he stayed away every time we hung out after that. I think Luke felt trapped in the middle, having to divide his time between me and Nathan like that.
And I felt shitty for putting him in that position, but it had to be done. I had arrived at the inevitable conclusion that the only way to get Nathan Scott out of my system was to deny myself completely. Never mind that he was also a friend, not just a lover. Never mind that he had been the best support system I had for over three years. Never mind any of my 'firsts' that he owns. Never mind any of that.
Like I told him, it was too hard. If I had tried to maintain a relationship with him, it would've been too hard. I never would've gotten over him. Oh, hell, I'm not even over him yet, but at least now I have the chance to figure a way to get there. I'm just terrified it'll take a really long time.
Jason has been really great through all this. I found out the next from Tim that he and Jason had left to give Nathan and I time to work things out. They figured that I'd be less distracted if Jason wasn't there. I suppose they are probably right, and I'm glad they left me to figure it out by myself without any outside pressure.
School has started again, so I'm seeing less of Jason. Of course, we spent the last few weeks of August almost constantly together when we weren't working, so that was good. I got to know him a lot better. We're actually officially dating now. It took long enough, since we've been seeing each other since May.
I'm laying on his bed in his fraternity right now, watching him try to find a matching tie to go with his new suit. He has a job interview for some part time work at a law firm tomorrow, and he's so nervous that it's cute.
"I told you I liked the dark purple one," I remind him as he stares at his fistfuls of ties, "And seriously, Jase, why do you need so many ties?"
He laughs. "Because obviously this whole job thing is going to drive me insane and I'll need something to hang myself with." He sighs, laying down beside me. I roll onto my back so I can look at him better. He leans down and kisses me, his tongue playing across my lips. Just as I open mine, he pulls back to smile at me. "I'm glad you're here. I know you have class tomorrow, and you'll probably be tired, so I really appreciate it."
I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling his face down close to mine. "I'm really glad to be here. Really glad." I lean up and kiss him, this time sliding my tongue out to meet his. It is a sexy and hot kiss, and when he moves more fully over me, I moan and pull him closer.
"God, you feel good," he mutters, dropping hot kisses on my neck. I'll probably have a few hickeys tomorrow, but it will be totally worth Brooke and Tim's teasing.
His hand slides up under my shirt, and at first I'm surprised – we haven't gone this far yet – but I immediately relax and enjoy everything he does to me and everything I do to him.
"You okay?" he asks an hour later. One of his fraternity brothers had just barged in, catching us half asleep and fully naked, lying on his bed talking to each other. Of course now we're up and he's got his boxers and jeans back on, and I've got my panties and skirt on, searching for my bra.
"Yeah, I'm fine. It was actually kind of funny when Matt came barreling in; you should've seen the look on your face," I tease him.
"When did you turn into such an exhibitionist?" he asks, "And how can I work this to my advantage?"
I smack him playfully as I pick up my bra. "You know what, you better keep your mouth shut. I'd hate for you to ruin a good thing, here."
After I finish putting on my bra, he pulls me to him. "A good thing, huh?" He leans down and kisses me softly.
"Well, yeah," I say, suddenly shy, "It was good. I mean, it was good for me, I guess I shouldn't presume it was good for you, though. But that's me for ya, always assuming and stuff. Oh, God, I'm babbling."He bursts out laughing. "Oh, honey, it was good for me, too. But I like seeing you flustered like this, it is very sexy," he smiles, hugging me to him. He kisses my temple, leaning back. "Hey, you're okay with this, right? I didn't push you too fast?"
I look at him in disbelief for a second before bursting out laughing. He really is too good to be true, in some ways. "It's been five months since we started seeing each other. I don't think it is too soon at all."
"Good," he grins, pulling away from me. "Shit, I can't stop smiling." When I laugh, he turns back to me. "Hey, don't laugh, it's your fault. You make me smile."
"Well, you have a similar effect on me, so I guess we're even."
"You know, this wasn't how I pictured it." I look at him questioningly. "Yeah, yeah, I pictured it," he laughs at my expression, "Anyways, I just figured it'd be in a more romantic setting than my bedroom in the fraternity, you know? I hope you don't mind too much."
I laugh. "I don't mind at all. At least you have your own room, right?"
"The benefits of being an upperclassman," he confirms.
He's holding my shirt. "You gonna give that back to me?" He shakes his head, so I lunge for it. He moves it out of my reach. "Hey, Jaaasoooon, give me my shirt!"
"What'll you do to get it back?" he smirks, putting it within reach only to snatch it back before I can grab it.
"Ohhh, blackmail, nice," I laugh, "You're being a brat, you know that?"
He nods. "Yeah, but I have to tell you it is totally worth it. You do realize that you are practically dancing around my room, in only a bra and skirt, don't you?"
I can feel my face heat up, knowing I'm turning red. "Did you plan that?" I ask suspiciously.
"No, it's just a really nice bonus for me," he laughs. I lunge for him, tackling him to the bed. This time when the door flies open and one of his brothers comes storming in, I'm straddling Jason, ass in the air, skirt flipped up for all to see. Instead of getting embarrassed, I just laugh. I laugh even harder when the guy who barged in gets over his shock and grins causing Jason to throw an empty beer bottle at him.
"This damn place needs lock," he whines, "Stupid fire codes."
"Aw, poor baby," I tease, laying down on top of him. "You know what? I hate to do this, but I have to go. It's almost six-thirty, and I told Karen I'd babysit Eric at seven."
He groans. "Damn, okay." He pulls his shirt on, giving me back mine. "I'll walk you down."
As we walk through the house, we are subjected to catcalls and tons of teasing, which has me laughing and Jason threatening his friends. He walks me all the way out to my car, which is a little much, but it's sweet, so I don't say anything.
"So, thank you," I say, smiling, "I'm not really sure the etiquette of these situations."
"Well, if there is supposed to be etiquette, I'm screwed," he jokes, blushing when he realizes what he said, "Aw, crap, I can't do anything right."
I wrap a hand around the back of his neck pulling him down for a kiss. "Thank you for a really good afternoon." He smiles at me as I get into my car. I glance up at his house, and there are at least twenty guys watching us. "Um, Jase? Are you sure you aren't in a sorority?" I ask, pointing out all the guys.
He groans, "I'll talk to them. I think they're just shocked that I have a girlfriend."
"And such a cute one at that," I joke, turning the car on. He laughs, leaning in for one last kiss. "Wear the purple tie!" I yell as I pull away.
I make it all the way to Karen's and get settled in the café with Eric and get her and Keith out the door before I collapse in the back. Luckily there is a new kid working out front, so I don't have to worry about that.
It really isn't that I regret sleeping with Jason, because I don't. It was sweet and sexy and fulfilling, and I have no complaints in addition to no regrets. But at the same time, it is just weird now that I'm not with him to keep my thoughts completely on him. Of course, my thoughts drift to Nathan, and I wonder if he felt this weird sense of sadness the first time he slept with that ho-bag groupie girlfriend of his.
"Eric, what's wrong with me?" I ask plaintively, making faces at him. "I have a great guy, who I adore and who is totally – "I cover his ears, whispering this part, "hot in the sack, and I still think about Nathan. Am I insane?"
He giggles, waving his hands in the air.
"Is that a yes?" I tickle his chubby little belly. "Probably, huh?"
The door swings open, and Brooke steps in. "Ah, Tutor Girl, thought I'd find you here," she grins. She stops short when she sees me. "Oh. My. God. You had SEX!" she squeals.
"What? How did you know that?" I gasp, "Oh, no, Tigger, tell me I don't smell like it!"
She laughs, taking Eric from me. "No, no, I just know these things. I can tell by the look on your face."
"What? I have a post-sex face?" I am thoroughly confused by her right now.
"I'm kidding. Actually, I talked to Matt. He told me he busted in on you two," she laughs, "I wish I'd been there to see that!"
"Crap, I forgot you two had become buddy-buddy," I sigh, laughing, "Oh, Tigger, you should've seen the look on poor Jase's face when Matt came in. It was about the funniest thing I've ever seen."
She giggles, bouncing Eric. "That's what Matt said. So, congratulations on the sex. How was it?"
I blush, "God, I make it through getting barged in on not once, but twice – once buck naked, mind you – but now that you're asking me about it, I can't stop blushing. Go figure. Anyways, it was good. Very good." I giggle. I freaking giggle. Unbelievable.
"Wow, you giggled," she blinks, "It must've been good." She looks at Eric. "Oh, this is too weird, talking about S-E-X in front of a baby."
I laugh. "I was thinking the same thing a few minutes ago."
"So, how are you?" she asks, changing the subject again.
"I'm fine. I told you, it was good."
"No, I mean about Nathan. This was your first post-Nathan sex, right? Has to be weird, you've only been with one guy."
"It wasn't weird until I left Jason. And then it was a touch odd," I admit. "I don't regret it, but still, it's just that a part of me had always thought Nathan would be the only one. I guess I'm a little sad, even though I'm happy Jason and I took the next step. Does that make ANY sense?"
"Not really," she laughs, "No, I'm kidding, it does. Look, three years is a long time to be with just one guy. And you were sleeping with him for over two of those years. So obviously there are some strong feelings involved, and it is bound to be odd the first time you're with someone new."
"Not bad," I reiterate, "Just not the same. And that's good, it would've freaked me out of it was."
She laughs. "You look happy," she comments, "Happier than you've been since you and Nathan broke up for good, or whatever that was last month."
"You mean since we cut off all communication?"
"Yeah, that," she nods.
We chat for awhile more, and then she leaves me alone with Eric. I check in periodically up front, but spend the majority of the evening back here with him. Of course, the majority of my thoughts are occupied by Jason and to a lesser extent Nathan, but they aren't really negative thoughts.
I guess I really am moving on. Finally.