Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…
It turned out that Jess had more trouble moving on then Rory had expected him to. He tried to be strong, and he did a good job at acting strong in front of the town, and in front of Luke, and everyone else, but he was weak. Rory had never seen him act like this before and honestly he was starting to scare her. He was depressed and Rory didn't know how to bring him out of it. He had a daughter to raise, now was not the time to be falling apart. But she couldn't blame him. She really had no idea what he was feeling inside. He had to hurt so much, and she was his best friend, there had to be something, just something that she could do to make it better. It was her job to make it better, and she was failing miserably, but Rory never failed at anything, not even with Jess. When things got tough, somehow they managed to keep it going, because she was here now, and he still meant just as much as he always did.
The funeral had been beautiful. The entire town came, along with Skylar's entire family and many of Skylar's old friends. They had all flown in from California to pay their respects. Jess had recognized them from a trip Skylar and he went on. They drove out west to her old home town; it was one of the best times he ever had with Skylar. He never imagined he could have that much fun with anyone but Rory, but Skylar was a lot more special that he made her out to be.
Everyone at the funeral had brought flowers, one by one they would lay it across her casket and say their final good-bye, when Jess's turn came everyone had left, it was his turn, his last turn to ever speak to her, and say everything he ever wanted to.
He walked slowly up to the casket tears in his eyes and he placed his hand on it, he choked back the tears and wasn't sure where to start.
"Skylar, Sky," he paused letting some of the tears flow, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do without you. I mean… you're really gone, and no matter how much I don't want to believe it, it's not going to change." He paused again and looked around him, he was alone, no one was in sight, he stared up at the grey sky before continuing, "I don't know why you left me… just when our life together was starting, it was about to be perfect, but now its far from perfect, and can never be perfect because your not here. You're supposed to be here… with me… now… raising our daughter, she's beautiful you know, she looks just like you, and sometimes it hurts to look at her, because it just makes me miss you more and I'm not sure I can even miss you more then I already do." This was getting harder, because the more he kept talking the more it was becoming a reality. "I want to say that I'm sorry, sorry for everything I ever did to hurt you, or make you cry, all of those times you thought Rory was a threat to you… she was never a threat; because I never wanted anyone more then I wanted you. I fell in love with you the moment I first saw you, and I never looked back… I knew that you were it for me, that as long as I could have you I would never need anything else. But now, I need you more then ever because your not here, because your never going to come back to me, and I love you. I love you so much and I can't stop. I can't turn it off, and I don't want to, but I think somewhere down the line I'll have to let go. But I want you to know I'm never going to forget you, not ever, no matter who comes into my life, I'm going to make sure you would approve of them for Reagan. I want you to know you're still the most important girl in my world… and you always will be, because no one can replace you, no matter how hard they try. I need you, and I love you so much, so much that I wish I could express it in words, but there's too much love inside me to express it all." Just then there was a hand on his shoulder, and then arms wrapped around him, "Good-bye Skylar." He whispered.
He turned around to face Rory and he returned the hug. "You know she loved you just as much as you loved her."
"I know it just hurts to have to let her go." He cried.
"I know" she grabbed his hand and led him to the car.
When they made it to the car everyone still seemed to be standing around, he swore when he was up with Skylar he was the only one in the entire cemetery, where had all of these people come from? They made their way over to Jess and tried to comfort him, he didn't know half of them and the truth was, they weren't helping, they were just making things worse. He was holding Reagan in his arms, and they couldn't get over how cute she was. How could people smile at a time like this? Skylar was gone and they were standing around smiling at each other, he didn't understand.
At the wake Jess couldn't stand to be near anyone. All they wanted to do was try and talk to him, but he wasn't listening to a word they said, he just nodded and went along with them. And if they weren't trying to talk to him they wanted to play with Reagan, at first he didn't mind but the more people started to come over and play the more he hated seeing their smiles. Finally when he got the opportunity and when no one was looking he snuck off to his room. He took his beautiful daughter Reagan with him and sat in his room, holding her all day. His room where Skylar and he had spent so many good times, as he looked around everything held a memory, everything in that room had at one time or another meant something. As he sat there he didn't know what to think. The room was causing him more pain, but at the same time it was helping him. He was sad for all the things that they would miss out on but he was happy for the times they had spent together. He didn't move, hours passed and he sat there, looking at his little girl that reminded him so much of Skylar.
Rory had watched Jess as he made his way into his room. She decided it best not to run after him, instead she left him alone, he needed to deal with this on his own, and if he wanted to be alone she would let him be, anything that would help bring the old Jess back, the Jess that she missed so much. She didn't expect him to be gone for so long, after a couple of hours slowly crawled by she made her way over to his room. She knocked lightly on the door and then entered. She knew Jess wouldn't get up to open the door, she knew he didn't even hear the knock; he hadn't heard anything since Skylar died. She poked her head into the room and saw Jess sitting on the edge of the bed, Reagan asleep in his arms. She slowly walked to where he was sitting and sat down on the bed next to him so their legs were touching. He looked over at her and his eyes filled with tears, she hugged him tightly and he cried on her shoulder. It was as if he had been waiting for her to follow him. He kept everything bottled up inside him until Rory was there. He needed someone to help him, and not just anyone, but Rory, he needed her more then he thought he could ever possibly need anyone.
They sat there for a long time, and they didn't say a word to one another, Rory wasn't sure what to say to him to make him feel better, and Jess couldn't get any words out. As they sat there Jess slowly stopped crying. He sat up and looked at Rory, not sure what to say or do, he just looked at her.
"Are you going to be okay?" she asked very concerned, even though she knew there was no way that he could be okay. Why did people always ask if they were 'going to be okay?' Like if they said 'Yes I'll be fine' we would believe them, and no one ever said 'no', because they could never admit to not being okay, so why bother even asking?
He looked at her with so much pain in his eyes, "I just couldn't face all of those people, telling me how sorry they were and asking me questions about what I'm going to do now. I can barely get by on my own; I don't need them reminding me of what I'm trying to forget." He looked up at the ceiling and bit his lower lip trying to hold back tears.
"Is that what you are trying to do? Forget?"
"Why remember something that you can never have again, because the truth is you will never be able to get it back no matter how hard you try, and it will only hurt you more."
"Oh Jess," Rory forced him to look at her, "you cant forget her, you'll never be able to forget her no matter how hard you try, plus it wouldn't solve anything, she's living in you now, through you," Rory put her hand on his chest over his heart, "She's in there now, and she'll always be there, she'll always have her own little place in your heart. You have to remember her Jess, you have to keep her alive with your memories but at the same time you have to move on, and raise Reagan."
"But I need help," he looked down at Reagan who was still asleep in his arms, and then back up at Rory, "Will you help me raise her?" there was a hint of begging in his voice, "I know that is asking a lot of you, but I don't know who else to turn to, you're all I have Rory, and I know that over the years we have grown apart, but remember our promise? No matter whom we date or who comes into our lives, we are friends forever."
"Yeah I remember, but we let the strangers come into our lives and change everything, we should have known it wouldn't have lasted" Rory said shaking her head. Small tears were forming in her eyes now.
"Well look where it's brought us Rory, right back to where we started. All that time we spent apart there wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about you, or miss you. Besides Skylar you were my life, and all those years we weren't together a part of me was missing without you. So will you help me?" his eyes grew big.
"Jess, you don't have to give me excuses, I'm your best friend, I'm family, of course I'll help you, and I wouldn't make you do this all on your own." She tried to smile at him, but there was so much pain that she couldn't bring herself to do it.
"They weren't excuses, it was the truth. I've missed you more then I could ever express."
"I've missed you too" Rory looked up at him and into his eyes; they were still filled with so much pain, and it didn't seem to be going away. She could also see how tired he was. He had huge circles under his eyes which were red from lack of sleep and all the crying. Rory stood up and took Reagan from Jess's arms and carefully put her in her crib trying not to wake her. Rory walked back over the Jess's bed and folded down the covers, "Here Jess, lay down" she patted the pillow, "you need to get some sleep".
"I can't sleep," he still sat at the edge of the bed; he didn't even look at her. "I haven't been able to for days, all I can do is think of her, and then the second that I do actually start to fall asleep Reagan starts to cry, I just don't think its going to happen."
"Just lay down and don't worry about a thing, I have it taken care of," she started to back away from the bed making room for Jess to get in.
When he got into bed, Rory turned around to pick up the baby and make her way to the door, but Jess interrupted her, "Rory?" he asked quietly, she turned back around to face him, "Stay here.. With me?... Lay down next to me please?" he asked one more time before she smiled and made her way to the other side of the bed crawling in next to him. She moved close to him and put her arms around him letting him know that she would always be there for him, and then for the first time in days he fell asleep.
Rory slowly got up and walked over to Reagan and picked her up out of her crib, she took her downstairs and while the rest of the guests slowly started to leave she began to clean up, while keeping an eye on the baby.
As she was scrubbing the dishes her mind began to wander. She thought about her life and her future. She thought about how she used to see her life, and never once did she imagine her helping Jess raise his child, not their child. She stopped what she was doing and looked out the window, the sky was grey, and the clouds were moving quickly, then she saw one ray of sunlight breaking through the clouds looking down at her, when it dawned on her. Her life was now changed, she had taken on a new challenge, which would forever change how things used to be.