Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…
Rory was right, her life changed. It was such a huge change that at first she didn't see it coming. She was so busy that she didn't even have time notice. Not only did she have school to deal with, but she had a baby to help raise and then there was Jess. He still hadn't moved on from Skylar even though a significant amount of time had passed. Rory wasn't sure how much time he would actually need, but she decided to give him more, time heals all wounds right?
For Jess that didn't seem like the case. He was definitely back to his old self, but there was a piece of him missing, and it showed. Rory was the only that could see it. Everyone else saw Jess, Rory saw an empty Jess, who was still sad, and full of pain.
Rory and Jess were now raising a child together. But they still had their lives, Rory School and Jess work; he had to support them somehow. They sat down one night and figured out there schedules. They decided that Rory go ahead and schedule classes according to her liking and then Jess would work the hours that she wasn't at school, any time that overlapped Lorelai offered to baby-sit. It worked out perfectly, when Rory went to school Jess stayed home with Reagan, and when Jess went to work Rory watched the baby. It was routine, and any free time that they had they spent together. They wanted it to feel like a real family for Reagan, not a broken home.
Rory and Jess were now closer then ever. When they were young they didn't believe that two people could get any closer then they were, but Reagan proved them wrong, she connected them on a level they never thought possible.
"Jess where is Tye?" Rory asked as she was searching the family room holding a crying Reagan in her arms.
"How would I know?" he shrugged as he took the crying baby from her arms. He looked down at her and wiped away one of her tears with his thumb; he never knew he could love someone so much. It hurt him to see her cry.
"Well you are her father; I figured you might know where her favorite toy in the whole wide world is. The one thing she can't live without, the one thing she can't sleep without, the one thing that will make her stop crying. But I guess that was silly of me right?" she smiled at him.
"Did you check under the couch?"
Rory nodded.
"In her crib?"
Rory nodded again.
"Under the crib?"
"Yes Jess, I also checked the changing table, her swing, the car seat, and her stroller."
"Well then hell if I know." He sat down trying to comfort Reagan and get her to stop crying. "You know if you would have told me a year ago that I would be spending my Saturday night looking for a stuffed light up glow worm named Tye I would have called you crazy."
"I was just thinking the same thing, but the crazy thing in my case is I don't have to be." She stood up from behind the kitchen counter and glanced over at Jess who was now rocking Reagan in his arms.
"And once again I thank you, because if you weren't here I think I might have stuck her in the closet by now."
Rory smiled, "Yeah that's great parenting skills," she paused, "THE CLOSET!" she open the closet door and shuffled a few things around before she came out holding a brightly colored glow worm, "It must have been wrapped up with the coats I threw in there earlier, good thing the closet it the best place to stick a crying child huh?" she walked over to Jess and took Reagan who as soon as she saw the sight of Tye, sighed and stopped crying, gently closing her eyes and was asleep in 2 minutes. Rory set her down in her crib and went to meet Jess on the couch.
"Is this ever going to get easier?" Jess slouched down.
"I'm not sure, I mean I think it will at one point, but then it will get bad again, and then good, and then bad, and then good. In the end I think good out weighs bad." Rory moved closer to him so she was leaning against him.
"Good to know."
"Well that is unless she decides to take after you, then its BAD all the way!"
He turned and glared at her, "I wasn't bad, I was just misunderstood."
"Uh-huh, sure, if that what you want to call it."
"It is" he smiled at her.
Rory lay down on the couch with her head in Jess's lap, and looked up at him, "you know, I'm glad we're here, together, doing what were doing. I know it was under awful circumstances, and this isn't how it was supposed to be, but I'm glad it turned out this way, if I could have it any other way, I would, and you know what I mean, but we're good you know, this is always how I kind of imagined it." She was stumbling on her words; they just weren't cooperating with her and coming out how she wished they had.
Jess was running his hand through her hair, it was an old habit, and it relaxed her. "Yeah I guess it is, I just wish, well you know what I wish, but I'm glad that after everything that happened, it still turned out for the better."
"Are you okay Jess?" Rory asked as she sat up and turned to face him on the couch with her legs crossed Indian style.
"Yeah I'm okay, why do you ask?" he turned his head away from her.
"Because I know you Jess, and you're not okay." She reached out and put her hand on his arm, "Look at me Jess, I can see through you, and you know that, you can read me and I can read you. To everyone else you're back to your good old self, but to me, I see it. I see the pain, and the hole, there's a part of you missing, and don't try to tell me otherwise, because I know."
"Well what do you want from me Rory? Skylar's dead, do you just want me to forget her, to forget she ever existed? Because I remember when that was my plan and you told me no. I'm not ever going to get over her, not ever, and I try to move on, I really do, but then I wake up everyday and see Reagan and she looks just like her mother. And then everything comes flooding back to me, her death replays in my mind over and over. I'm never going to be the old Jess again, there is always going to be that hole, but I'm going to live my life Rory. To everyone else I'm back, I'm good, your just going to have to stop looking so deep into me, and realize that I'm going to be okay, but that its going to take me time." He once again looked away from her.
"Jess I didn't mean it in a bad way, I just want you to know that you don't have to pretend its better, and that I'm here for you. But I know you hurt, and that you're not okay. You can't just put on an act for me, and tell me not to look into you, because I don't even have to search to see it, its just there every time I look into your eyes. You can tell me all you want that you are going to be okay and live your life, but that requires moving on, meeting new people, maybe going on some dates, and look around you Jess. You haven't moved on, look around, there are pictures of Skylar everywhere, when they come down, that's when I'll know your okay."
"The pictures are for Reagan," Jess tried to defend himself.
"NO, they are not Jess, Reagan doesn't understand any of this, all she needs is that one picture next to her crib, and when she's older you can show her all of these pictures, they are for you Jess, stop lying to me."
"You just don't understand," his eyes started water, "I don't want to let go."
"I don't understand Jess, your right; I've never lost someone that I loved as much you as you loved Skylar. But I hate to see you like this, so weak, you were always the strongest person I knew, and now I don't know who to turn to." She pulled him into a hug.
"Yeah well you know what Rory? Get used to it." He pulled himself away from her sharply. "Because this is me now, and if you don't except that I don't know what to tell you." The anger was clear in his voice.
"Jess I didn't mean it like that, I'm just saying you can't sit here and mourn over her forever, eventually you have to live your life."
"Stop Rory, just stop, please. Don't come here and tell me how to live my life, I can take care of myself."
"Jess, I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life. I've been here every step of the way for you, I've been by your side, and I've helped you along this far. As long as I'm a part of your life and helping you, I think I deserve at least just a say. I'm not saying you have to do what I tell you, but think about Reagan Jess, she needs some happiness in her life."
"She has happiness."
"Yeah me." Rory glared at him.
"Rory you're not her mother, she doesn't need you as badly as you think she does." He was so cold, and emotionless. When he looked up he saw Rory's heart break. He wanted to take back the words as soon as he said them, the pain in her eyes made him want to cry right then and there. She had given them everything. This was his best friend and that is how he treated her? He went to apologize as soon as he saw the tears rise in her eyes, but she beat him to it.
"You think I don't know that Jess?" she hated admitting to herself that Reagan wasn't hers, but it was the truth.
"I know you don't think that." He took a step closer to her, but she took a step back at the same time, "It's just…"
Rory cut him off, "Skylar is gone Jess, move on already, get over it, just don't take it out on me or Reagan." This time it was her turn to be cold. "I know that I'm not her mother, and I would never tell her that I was. She needs to know the truth and one day she will, when the time comes. But am I really that bad Jess? I'm really so bad that you wouldn't want me to be her mother or have any say in your life? Do you really think that low of me?" she began to cry.
"Rory, I didn't mean it like that," he shouted out to her, but it was too late, she had already turned away and was halfway out the door.
Rory walked home slowly that night. The night was starting off fine. She was joking with Jess, and they were having a good time. When did his feelings change so much for her? So much that he would think she was trying to control his life. She had done so much for him, and he acted like he wasn't even grateful, maybe friendships can't really last forever… eventually everything comes to end… so they say.