Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…
After Reagan was born it took Rory some time to getting used to having a child. Reagan was just thrown at her, and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond to it. All the time Skylar had been pregnant Rory didn't have to worry about what to do about the baby, because she wasn't going to be her responsibility. But from the second that Reagan was born Rory had felt like she was hers. She had of course helped Skylar through her pregnancy, and helped paint the nursery, and pick out clothes and toys; but she never once pictured herself Reagan's mother. But then again she never once questioned her love for Reagan. So as far as she was concerned, Reagan was her daughter.
After Rory agreed to help Jess raise Reagan she practically lived with Jess. It worked out better this way for the both of them, Jess had a bought an small house big enough for the three of them, and Rory pitched in where she could. The living arrangement was made last minute, and since Jess worked the late shift so many nights and Reagan couldn't be left alone it made sense. Rory was like the 24 hour babysitter, a nanny, only she hoped she was something more to the both of them. They were only a few streets away from Lorelai's house so when Rory needed her peace, she still had her mom's home to go to. But now that they were in a fight things were different. She was back at her mom's house, back in the room she grew up in every night. At first it took some getting used to, sleeping by herself in her small bed, but given the circumstances she got used to it.
For Rory, the hardest part about the whole fight was not seeing Reagan, or Jess every single day. Their home was her home too, and now she felt like she had no home at all. Her life had become a routine, and they were the two most important things in it, and now it had been almost an entire week since she had seen either of them. She wasn't sure how long the fight was going to last, but she wanted it to end soon; she just didn't want to give in so easily.
It was a Saturday night and Rory was sitting in the living room watching TV, her feet were propped up on the table and she had a bowl of popcorn in her lap, as she popped each piece into her mouth her thoughts drifted. It was a Saturday night and she was free, for once she didn't have a baby to look after so she decided that she start acting young and living her life. She was 21 going on 40, and that's not really who she wanted to be. She was now in her second year of college and she hadn't been to one party since she started. If other people had to place her a clique there was no doubt in her mind that from what they knew they would place her in the nerds. Something she never thought she was and something she never thought she would be.
At the thought of that, she reached over her bowl of popcorn which was now sitting beside her and picked up the phone. She called the one person she knew who could show her a good time.
"Zoë here."
"Zoë hey, it's Rory."
"Hey Ror, I thought you would never call, what's going on?"
"I was just wondering if you were doing anything tonight and if you are I was thinking maybe I could tag along." she sounded a bit undecided.
"You don't even have to ask, meet me and my house in an hour."
Rory let out a small laugh, "Okay, in an hour then." She hung up the phone and a smile spread across her face, she wasn't going to be sitting home on a Saturday night for once.
She arrived at Zoë's house and waited around while she finished getting ready. For such a simple tiny girl there sure was a lot she had to do before she could leave the house. Zoë was short and had short brown hair; she was tiny with green eyes and had a personality that was better then most people. Her personality was actually probably better then their entire philosophy class put together. She stood out, and was her own person, and Rory liked that about her.
They arrived fashionably late to the frat party and already Rory was having a good time. Zoë was very entertaining, always had a good story to tell, and if not a story, an impersonation, and if not an impersonation then singing along with the radio was enough to make Rory laugh.
They walked through the door and it was like the party froze for Zoë, "Have no fear, Zoë is now…" she bowed, "…here", she stood back up and made her way over the bar, Rory followed close behind her.
As the night went on so did Rory's mood, she had been sitting at a table by herself for the last half house and wasn't feeling very social. Zoë was off somewhere doing only god knows what, while Rory watched from a distance. She could hear Zoë from across the bar calling her name and when she looked up to see where her voice was coming from someone else caught her attention.
"Hi" he smiled at her.
"Hey" She too smiled, "And so we meet again."
"That we do" Cade sat down across from her, "You here with your boyfriend? Dean was it?"
Her smiled disappeared, "Umm, no we broke up a long time ago, actually see that girl over there?" she pointed towards Zoë.
"The loud one?"
"Yeah," she laughed, "I'm here with her."
"Oh. Okay. So where is Jess?" he looked around.
"I don't know." She started to play with her nail.
"Well he's here isn't he? You guys are attached at the hip."
"Umm, no actually he's not here."
"Is everything okay with you two? I mean yeah it's been what almost 2 years since I saw you? But come on you guys have been friends forever!"
"Yeah we're still friends, were just in the middle of a rough patch."
"Is he still with that one girl or are you guys finally together?"
"He and I are still friends, and he had a daughter with that one girl, Skylar was her name."
"Wow. Well then I guess that sealed the lid for you two."
"Actually no, it's still open, there were complications and Skylar didn't make it." Rory looked down at her hands; she was a bit uncomfortable talking about Skylar.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought it up." Cade could tell Rory was uncomfortable and he too also looked away.
"No its okay, that's kind of why were fighting, he can't seem let her go, and it's like when she died his life ended. I was helping him raise his daughter Reagan but we exchanged words and he said some harsh things and I'm pretty sure he meant them."
"Rory, listen to me for a minute will you? I've seen you two together, I grew up with the both of you, and so I think I can say I know you both pretty well. You guys have been friends for what almost 12 almost 13 years and your going to let it all go to waste because of some words that he said and that I'm sure he didn't mean? What you two have is special, it's an unspoken bond that no one else can see, and no matter who comes in and out of either of your lives your still going to be the most important people to each other. Just because he can't get over his girlfriend doesn't mean he's forgotten you. You two are in love, you have been since you were 8 and I just wish you could see that. You're both wasting your time denying it, when we ran into each other those couple years ago he was with Skylar, and he loved her, but the way he looked at you was clear. It was want, and there was 10 times as much love in his eyes when you were in them." Cade put his hands on her shoulders and looked her straight in the eyes and raised his eyebrows nodding his head up and down.
Rory sighed, "Cade, your wasting your breath, you've been telling us this forever and it hasn't got us anywhere, we are just friends, and that's all we'll ever be, even if there are other feelings there, we don't want to risk losing what we have."
He took a step back from her, "I think you're wrong. You won't be losing anything; you'll just be gaining even more." He stood up from his chair and hugged her, "Just open your eyes." He whispered in her ear and then left.
Rory watched him as he walked away; she shook her head and took a sip of her drink.
By the time Rory and Zoë left the place they both had a few numbers, Rory had already thrown hers away. She had no time for a relationship, and how was she supposed to explain Jess and Reagan to anyone else… 'Oh I forgot to mention that when you date me you also date my best friend and his daughter, she's not mine I'm just helping him raise her, but no he's not my boyfriend or an ex and no he's not family, I'm just a committed friend.' … she laughed at herself, no one would ever understand.
When Rory arrived home later that night, well early that morning, she went straight to the answering machine. She pushed play and sat down in the chair staring at the machine.
"You have 5 new messages, first message sent at 6:47 PM…. Hey Rory it's me, Jess, I know it's been a week and I haven't exactly been around…BEEP" Rory pushed delete, even though she loved to hear his voice she couldn't help but still be mad at him. If he was going to apologize at least do it in person, apologizing to her machine, what was this, a 5th grade breakup?
"Next message sent at 7:18 PM… Hey Ror, it's me again, just wondering if you got my first messa… BEEP" she deleted it, along with the next three, she didn't even care to listen to them, if they were from him, good, they were gone now, and if it was someone else they would call back if it was important.
She sat there a moment longer just staring at the machine, she hated the answering machine, it was an easy way out for people, they could call and just leave a message not having to deal with the person or if you were on the other end, and you could screen your phone calls. What happened to the surprise of not knowing who it was? The answering machine was so emotionless, since when did actual face to face conversations become so out?
She was in a daze staring at the 0 that was flashing across the machine that only seconds ago was flashing 5. When there was a knock on the door, she snapped out of her thoughts and looked up, straight at the door. She already knew who it was. The glass on the door only blurred the figure but she knew him anywhere. At first she debated whether or not to answer it. But either way she was going to have to see him, she was trapped, and she knew it. If she didn't answer the door he knew where the spare key was, hell he had his own key, and he knew she was home, from her car in the driveway. If she answered it, well, he'd be there. She stood up and stared at the door for only a minute longer before making her way over to open it.
She slowly rested her hand on the doorknob and began to turn it, then even slower opened the door. There he was standing right in front of her holding a sleeping baby, his eyes begging her not to slam the door in his face.
They stood there both staring at each other, neither moving, neither saying a word. And then Rory moved to the side gesturing for Jess to come in. 'It was cold out and she didn't want Reagan to freeze' was the excuse that she gave herself.
Jess entered the house and walked into the family room, and gently set Reagan in her play pin so not to wake her. He looked at her for a minute sleeping so innocently, clueless to everything around her and then he made his way into the kitchen where he found Rory sitting at the table staring at her hands. He pulled out a chair and sat across from her, afraid to look her in the eye.
"I...ah… I called a couple of times." He looked over at the answering machine and nodded slowly as he saw 0 flashing in red. Rory didn't move or say a thing, "I tried your cell too, but it was turned off." He looked up at her, but still she showed no sign of emotion or anything. Silence was filling the air, "Yeah, so, I umm… I wasn't sure if you were blocking my calls so I came over a few times, but your car wasn't here, so I figured you were just out." He pointed to the door, and then slowly lowered his hand back down to the table.
"Jess its 3 a.m., did you come over for a reason or just so that you could inform me of your stalker abilities?" She said sternly. She was tired, and ready for bed, and he wasn't really getting to any point.
"I came here because I haven't seen you in a week." He blurted out louder then he had expected.
"True, very true, but that's because you made it pretty clear that you didn't need me, I'm nothing more then just Rory." She said coldly.
"Rory," he paused as she turned to look at him, "I didn't mean it like that, look Reagan needs you, she needs you more then she needs me. This past week has been hell, it's like she can sense that you're gone, and she cries and cries. I'm sorry for everything that was said, everything I said, everything I did….I'm sorry." He sat there waiting for a response, but still her facial expressions didn't change.
"Give me time to think about it, what you said was harsh, and you meant it, or you wouldn't have said it."
"I didn't mean it, I was just caught up in the moment and mad."
"Jess, don't say anything else, just go please, it's late and I'm tired and I just want to go to bed, I told you I'd think about it, and I will, I'll talk to you soon okay?" she gave him a small almost unnoticeable smile.
Jess stood up not taking his eyes off Rory and slowly walked over to Reagan and carefully picked her up, careful not to wake her and quietly left. Rory walked over to the window, and watched as Jess made his way back home. He had been on a late night walk when he saw Rory's car in the driveway and decided to stop to apologize. When he had trouble getting Reagan to sleep he would take her for walks and it would calm her, Reagan liked the cool crisp air and being safely held in her fathers arms. Rory watched as he walked slowly away from her, he was making his way to the bridge, but tonight she wouldn't follow. Tonight was about her, it wasn't her job to cheer Jess up at the moment, she needed to think like she told him, and that's just what she was going to do, in her room, on her own bed.
Late one night around three days later Jess slipped into the house around 1:30. He still hadn't heard from Rory, the more days that past the more he thought that maybe she wasn't going to forgive him. He noticed the babysitter asleep on the couch, and as he walked passed her, he gently put a blanket over her to keep her warm through the night. He would wake her in the morning and give her a ride home if she needed one.
The house was dark and all the lights were off except for the one in the hall, they never turned it off at night, it was like a night light. The light would creep through the crack in Reagan's door, and even though she was just a small baby, it was soothing. He poked his head in Reagan's room and she was sleeping peacefully in her crib. He walked over to her and just stared at her. She looked just like Skylar when she slept. He smiled and kissed her tiny head before making his way back out into the hall.
He walked down the hall and went into the room next to Reagan's. It was Rory's room, her old school books lined the walls, along with her other wide range of classics, and what not. He sat on the edge of her bed, and looked around him, you would think she had died or something by the way he was acting, but he missed her, he missed her a lot. He smiled at the picture that hung on the wall. It was a picture of him and her, and Reagan, it was winter and they were at the bridge, snow blanketed everything, and the lake was frozen. It was a beautiful picture, and if you took them out of it, it still would have been just as beautiful. He stood up and went to examine the picture closer before letting out a small laugh and making his way back out the door.
He walked across the hall just a few feet more and entered his room. He had expected to see Rory asleep in his bed, he had become used to her being there, even though she had her own bed, she swore that Jess's mattress was much more comfortable then her own, and often fell asleep in his bed before he got home from work, just like when they were younger, she had her side, and he had his, but she wasn't there, and she hadn't been for almost a week and a half. He quickly slipped out of his work clothes and brushed his teeth. Then he quietly slipped into his side of the bed, leaving her side untouched, just in case…
He wasn't as tired as he thought he was so he laid there and stared at the ceiling. There was something about the ceiling that calmed him, it relaxed him, it took him into his own little world where he could just stare and think. His thoughts went to Rory, She was so beautiful, even when she slept, the way her mouth was slightly open and her nose would wrinkle, it meant she was having a good dream, Jess remembered that from when they were young, he used to tease her all the time, saying she was trying to pull some sort of bewitched move on him when he wasn't paying attention, he turned to look at her side of the bed, but it was empty, just as it had been only minutes ago. He let out a small sigh and then turned his attention back to the ceiling.
"I'm sorry." he whispered knowing that she couldn't hear him, "Night Rory." He turned on his side and closed his eyes, pictures of Rory and Reagan flashing through his mind. He opened his eyes suddenly, as he felt the tears make their way to the surface, since when had the pictures of Skylar been replaced with Rory? He couldn't be forgetting her so soon, he didn't want to forget her, he held back the tears and then he felt someone's hand come across his chest.
"Jess, you still awake?" Rory asked as she lay down on her side of the bed.
"Yeah," he replied, holding back the tears.
Rory could hear the pain in his voice, "you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine…" he paused and turned to look at her, he wanted to make sure that she was really there and it wasn't just something he was making up in his mind by wanting her there so badly. When he saw her he smiled, "Hi."
"Hey." She smiled back at him; there was a long pause… "I'm sorry too."
Jess wrapped his arms around Rory. She forgave him, that's all he wanted, things were back to normal, so quickly, and he was happy.
Jess just laid there staring the ceiling again his vision becoming blurry, while one single tear slid down his cheek. He wasn't sure if it was because he was happy or sad.
But the real question was… when had the pictures of Rory been replaced with Skylar?