Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will…

AN: Okay, I know most of you are probably annoyed with the fact that Jess and Rory are still ONLY friends, but the way I'm writing this is that it is awkward for the both of them, I mean when you've been friends with someone for your whole life, and helped them raise a child, its almost like they are family, and so even admitting that you could like someone that is like your brother is weird… it's not easy to just come out with your feelings and jump ahead to the next step. Also Jess was so dependent on Skylar, so dependent that he's holding on to every last shred he can find, he refuses to let her go, which would allow him to admit to himself that Rory is there for him, and the one that he wants. In this case it's going to have to take something for him to realize that. All these years Rory hasn't wanted to come out and say 'Yo Jess look at me', because she wants him to come to terms with it on his own, and figure it out for himself, she feels that if she tells him, its  like 'oh… okay, I guess', and not true love. I think right now the friendship boat is all that they can handle and I mean that for the last chapter, but I can promise you one of them is going to crack in this chapter… and open the door for the lit to begin, but it's still going to be a windy road, just to warn you… also I needed the time gap, the four years, in order to go where I'm going, so it all works out… THANK YOU to all who are still sticking by here, and reading this, I love you all… really…so go ahead and read to find out…

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It was a nice Saturday morning. The air was warm with a cool breeze. Jess and Rory had planned this day for a week now. It was the first day in almost 2 months that they were going out to spend the day as a family.

Reagan woke up particularly early this Saturday morning and wasted no time before waking Jess and Rory up with her. She snuck into Jess's room where both he and Rory were sleeping and slowly climbed up onto the bed. Then she stood up and started jumping yelling at the top of her lungs, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!"

Rory and Jess both turned to look at the little girl with a huge smile on her face, "No… It's sleepy time." Rory mumbled before rolling over and putting a pillow over her head, but not before adding, "Jess shut her up."

Jess groaned and looked up at his daughter who was standing right above him staring at him and laughing, "What are you doing?" he asked her with his eyes still closed.

"I'm a rooster, watch, COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!" she screamed even louder this time.

"Impressive." Jess smiled as he picked her up and carried her downstairs. "Now what do you want to eat? A Pop tart? Cereal? Toast?"

"I want ice cream!"

"Ice cream for breakfast? I don't think so kiddo, try again." He poked her in the stomach making her squirm in his arms

"Cake!"

He shook his head, "Nope."

"Cookies!" she giggled.

"Try something that isn't a dessert." He set her down on the ground as he opened up the cupboards, and starting searching for anything to feed her.

"Lucky Charms!" she shouted when she saw the box.

"Now that I can do!" he smiled at her.

She waddled out of the kitchen and made her way into the family room. She turned on the TV and went straight to the cartoons, and then she took a seat on the floor as she waited for her dad to bring her her cereal.

"Here you go." He handed her a bowl and a spoon, "Eat up." He sat on the couch behind his daughter and watched as she made a mess all over the carpet and herself, "What are we watching?"

"Powerpuff Girls Dad," she turned to look at him as she said this and rolled her eyes, well it was more of just look up because she didn't really know how to roll her eyes, Rory tried to teach her, but she just didn't catch on to the whole 'rolling' part.

He laughed, so much attitude for such a small thing. He only imagined what he was like at that age.

They sat there for awhile longer after Reagan finished her cereal. She had crawled up onto the couch and sat in her dads lap. She spread herself out and gripped her stuffed glow worm Tye. Jess smiled, he loved that she loved him so much.

After Powerpuff Girls was over Jess stretched and Reagan mimicked him. "I have an idea, how about you go wake up Rory while I go get dressed" he looked down at her.

She bent her head up as far as it could go so she could look at Jess and then jumped off him racing up the stairs.

Jess followed behind her quickly, he caught up to her and swooped her up off the ground and then set her down right on top of Rory with a 'thump'!

"Wake-y wake-y time." Jess smiled when Rory opened her eyes.

She moaned a slight moan and then turned to see Reagan in bed next to her staring. "Morning" she mumbled.

Reagan giggled, and just continued to stare.

"So are you excited about today?" she sat up in bed rubbing her eyes.

Reagan nodded her head vigorously, "We're gonna see the giraffes, and the monkeys, and the hippos, and the penguins…"

"… and the llamas, and the bears, and the tigers…" Rory cut in…

"… and lions and zebras…" Reagan smiled…

"… and the snakes, and elephants." Rory finished. They both sat there giggling.

An hour and a half later all three were dressed and ready to head out on their day at the zoo. They filled the car with everything they thought they could possibly need and were on their way.

            "To the Zoo…" Rory smiled from the passenger seat.

            "Here we come!" Regan finished from her car seat in the back.

            They arrived at the Hartford Zoo in just under an hour. Reagan had named all of the animals she knew over twenty times, and Jess and Rory sat and listened to it all, each time telling her a new animal, by the time she was on her last roll, she had forgotten every animal, and was back down to the originals.

            Jess stepped out of the car and retrieved Reagan from the back seat.

            Rory stood up and stretched, "That felt like the longest car ride of my life." she mumbled under breath.

            Jess looked over at her, "Ditto" he smiled and winked. He grabbed Reagan's hand and led her to the Zoo gates. "So what do you want to see first?" he looked down at her.

            "Ummmm… the FLAMINGOS!" she paused what she was doing, and stopped dead in her tracks. She jerked her hand out of her fathers and lifted one leg up, she folded her arms under her, and smiled, "Look daddy, I'm a Flamingo!" she laughed before she lost her balanced and dropped her foot back to the floor.

            "Wow and a great one at that! Now all you need is the pink outfit and the orange legs and your set." He reached out his hand, and she took it. "Did you see that Rory? Reagan's a flamingo."

            "I saw," she smiled, "I think I may go practice it so I can be as great as her."

            Reagan looked up at Rory, "You're going to need a lot of practice, it's not as easy as it looks."

            "Well then maybe you could teach me sometime and your dad too." She nudged Jess in the arm.

            He looked over at her and glared, "Ah… I don't think I want to be a Flamingo." He shook his head.

            "Come on dad, I can teach you." Reagan's eyes lit up.

            "Yeah come on Daddy-O, we can be a whole family of Flamingos" Rory laughed, she could see in his eyes just how much he hated the thought of even pretending to be one.

            "Ahh-hahaha" Jess rolled his eyes and continued on his way.

            The Zoo wasn't too crowded and most of the animals had been awake, so Reagan had the chance to see many exciting thing. The Giraffes eating off the leaves, the Hyena's laughing their evil laugh, even the monkeys were playing around. They finally came up the Panda Bears and a look of sadness came over Reagan's face. The mother bear had been cleaning the baby bear, before snuggling up to it.

Reagan looked up at Rory and Jess, "Daddy?"

"Huh?" Jess responded who was reading the sign in front of the display.

"How come I don't have a mommy?"

Jess's eyes darted from Reagan to Rory and then back to Reagan, "you do have a mommy, everyone has a mommy, it's just that your mommy can't be with you."

"Then why isn't Rory my mommy?" she had a look of pain in her eyes, the look of want, something that should never be seen in a child's eyes unless it was over candy or a toy.

Jess was afraid of how to answer this because he wanted to tell Reagan the truth but at the same time be careful of Rory's feelings. He had screwed up in this department before and didn't want to do it again, "Because sweetie Rory and I aren't married, and we'd have to be married in order for her to be your mommy." Jess glanced over at Rory to make sure she was okay seeing as how this had been a sensitive subject in the past, but she seemed to be okay.

"Then why don't you get married?" Reagan asked innocently.

"It's not that simple sweetie, but I promise you one day, you'll have a mommy." He knelt down so he was eye level with her.

"You promise, promise? Pinky promise?" she asked holding out her pinky to him.

"Pinky promise" he took her pinky in his own.

They all stood there a moment longer, watching the mother and baby bear sleep, Reagan seemed to be happy again, Jess was a little concerned about Rory, and Rory was breaking on the inside.

They went about the rest of the day as normal, neither one of them bringing up the 'mother' conversation.

Later that night when they arrived home, Jess put Reagan to bed and then came to meet Rory on the couch.

"You okay?" he asked sitting too close to her, "you seemed kind of out of it since this afternoon."

Rory scooted over so there was about a foot of space between Jess and her; she looked over at him with tears in her eyes.

"What is it Ror? What's wrong?" he went to move closer to her again, but she put her hand up to stop him. He looked at her confused and sighed and rested back into the couch, "Did I do something?"

"No, its not you."

"Then what is it?"

"I can't do this anymore Jess." She began to cry

"Do what?"

"When did I become so weak? Huh Jess? When? I used to be so strong. I used to be the one you came to when you had a problem, because I could deal with anything, I was the one that could solve my own problems, because I was strong and I didn't let anything affect me, and now look at me, I'm sitting here on the couch crying my eyes out." She looked away from Jess and at the wall. "I've always been able to push my emotions back and hide them from the rest of the world, you taught me that, and when I wanted to it was easy but it's been too long and now they are just eating me alive. They are slowly killing me, and I don't know what to do anymore besides let them out."

"What emotions Rory? I thought you told me everything."

"I did, I do, and I just couldn't tell you this, because you'd think I was such an awful person. You see Jess, I can hide my feelings, and when you started to date Skylar, I bet you had no idea the jealousy that was running through my veins. How badly I wanted to be her. I waited for the day that you two would split, and the longer I waited the longer you guys stayed together, and the closer you got. So I forgot about my feelings, I hid them somewhere where I couldn't even find them. And then she died. And you're going to hate me for this, and I hate myself for this, because it shows you just how awful I am, but when she died, a part of me was happy. Like really happy, where I couldn't even wipe the smile off my face because I thought with her gone it could open up a door for us. That maybe you'd finally see what was standing right in front of you. But then you asked me to help you raise Reagan, because I was like family… and so I figured the door had been shut and I'd just have to wait a little longer… but that longer turned into forever when you said that I could never be her mother, that broke my heart Jess and I tried to keep my distance, but I realized that I could never live without you or her, so I came back, because no matter what feelings I had, or how weak I was becoming, you were the only one that could keep me sane. Things got good between us and I started to let my emotions show, but then they started showing up, all the dates, and now I just sit here, and I watch as you go from one girl to another, I sit and wonder when am I going to be next, why aren't I one of those girls. And the time never comes; I'm still left sitting here, waving you off on another date with another woman." She had tried to hold back the tears but they were falling uncontrollably now, and Jess didn't say a word, he sat there waiting for her to get every last word out. "But today at the Zoo, when Reagan asked why she didn't have a mother, and why I couldn't be her mother, it made me realize something. It made me realize that I am more of a mother to her then Skylar ever was, then anyone ever can be, but you can't see that, because you're still so hung up on her, and that's when it dawned on it me, and I lost it. I realized that even though the girls keep coming and going, one day one is going to come, and stay. You're going to fall in love with her, and you're going to marry her, and I'm going to be just Rory, and she's going to be Reagan's mother. It's not fair Jess, I've worked so hard for everything, and in the end I'm just going to lose it all. I'm going to lose the only two people in this whole world that make me want to be someone, that make me happy, I'm going to lose it all to a stranger. And I don't want to sit around and wait for it to happen, I don't want to be here to see it happen." She looked over at him, her face wet with salty tears. "I just want to know one thing Jess…"

"Huh?" he asked not moving any part of his body; afraid that if he did this would all become too real.

"Why can't you love me?" she paused to catch her breath, "I mean really love me, Me Jess! Rory… your best friend… why?"

Jess was silent, he wasn't sure what to say, he loved her, he always loved her, and more then just a friend, but he didn't want to tell her like this.

"That's what I thought."

"What are you saying Rory?" there were now tears in his eyes as well.

"I'm saying that I graduate in two weeks Jess, and we'll see where it goes from there." She leaned over and put her hand on his cheek before gently kissing him on the lips. It was almost an exact replay of the kiss they had when they were 13, all of the emotion and all of the feeling were still there if not more. Rory pulled away now sobbing harder then ever, "I'm going to go home Jess." She stood up off the couch and walked out the door to her mother's house.

Jess sat there, he couldn't move. He still couldn't believe everything that she had just told him, he was replaying it all in his mind over and over, he was in shock, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to react. So he didn't. He sat there and stared blankly at the spot on the couch where she had just been sitting.