Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls, never have, never will….
AN: Thank you to all who have reviewed and I think that this story will be coming to an end soon. Maybe 2 or 3 more chapters, and if inspiration strikes, maybe a few more… but as of now I can feel it coming to an end. So thank you to everyone who is reading this! I LOVE YOU ALL!....
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Rory's graduation came sooner then Jess and she had expected. She knew that he was going to be there, but a part of her was terrified that he wouldn't be. She was more nervous as to what to say to him then she was about the actual ceremony. 6:00 came and went, the ceremony went by perfectly, and Rory had now officially graduated from Yale University. She was so happy, and her mother and Luke were even more proud then she was. They came up to her while on the field and congratulated her, and soon after came her father and Sherry with her sister Gigi. She was happy that they were all there to spend this time with her, but as she scanned the crowd the only two people that were missing were the two that she wanted to see the most.
She excused herself from her family and went to sit down on a near by bench. This was supposed to be one of her prouder days, but it was turning out to be one of her sadder ones. Where was he? Why wasn't he there? He knew that this meant the world to her, and with him missing in action, none of it felt real. Just then a hand holding a bouquet of flowers popped in front of her face. A smile grew across cheeks, and she gently took the flowers from the stranger's hand. She stood up and turned around to be face to face with Jess, Reagan at his side holding his hand. She bent down and picked Reagan up in her arms, she held her tightly as she hugged the life out of her, she missed her, and she missed him.
"Is that who I think it is?" a voice came from behind Rory, Rory turned to see her mother walking towards her with her arms wide open.
"Lorelai!" Regan shouted. Rory handed Reagan over to Lorelai and then hinted to get lost. So she took her back over to see the rest of the family.
Jess and Rory stood there, alone, staring awkwardly at each other. Neither knew what to say, so they stood there a little longer.
"Hey" Jess smiled and broke the ice.
"Hi" Rory responded sweetly.
"So… Um Congratulations" he stood there awkwardly before looking away.
"Thanks" she began to play with her hands; this was a lot more difficult then she thought it would be. She didn't have anything else to say, she wanted to stay clear of everything that had happened and move on.
"So how are you?" he asked genuinely.
"I'm good, I've graduated, and yourself?"
"Eh" he shrugged. Really he wasn't exactly good or great, so what else was he was supposed to say. That he was miserable, and he couldn't sleep for the last two weeks knowing that she was mad at him.
"And Reagan?" she asked hoping to get a better answer.
"She's… well… honestly how do you expect her to be? The one person in this whole world that she loved more then anyone or anything else left. No hug, no kiss, no good-bye what-so-ever. She's young and doesn't understand, lets just face it, things aren't the same without you around."
"I didn't leave her forever, I walked out on you Jess, not her, and I could never just get up and walk away from her."
"Well then Rory, where have you been the last two weeks?" he shook his head, as he saw the sadness in her eyes.
"I just… I needed… time… and space" she said slowly.
The two of them became silent again, neither sure of what to say next, or where to go.
"Rory, really, how much longer is this going to last?" He asked, waiting for a response, but she just stood there, she had no answer, she couldn't tell him, she didn't want to tell him. "Rory please, just look at what we have become, is this really how you want us to end up? Come home, and I mean my home, our home… please. Nothing feels right with you gone, everything is a mess. It's like we are this puzzle, and we are all just tiny pieces of this puzzle we call our life, but see you… you're the most important piece, because not only are you the center piece, but without you, no one can make out the picture, and as long as you are missing, this puzzle, my life, is incomplete. We need you Rory, more then you could possibly know. I do know that sorry doesn't cut it this time, but really what is there to apologize for? Just come home and we can reconsider everything. I know things were said, and feelings were put out in the open, and I didn't exactly go about it the right way, but hey, I'm not perfect, you dropped a bombshell on me. I know this isn't going to be as easy as last time, but god Rory, we need you… I need you" he was on the verge of tears.
Rory stood there, she didn't want to tell him, but now was as good as time as any, she quickly blurted out, as if she didn't hear a word he just said, "I got a job Jess."
He smiled, "That's great Ror, and you're already on your way, see, congratulations!"
She didn't smile back, instead she continued. "Its for a record company, I'll be doing some scouting, and some reporting, it's a great job Jess, and I know its not the top of the line, but I have to get my foot in there somewhere to work my way to the top. This was a great opportunity and I couldn't let it pass me by, or someday later I would regret it. And I don't want to have any regrets Jess." Her eyes were glassed over, the tears on the verge of dropping.
"Rory don't cry, don't give me excuses, this is so great, and I'm so proud that you have come so far. You deserve everything that you have" he wanted to reach out and hug her, but now was the not the time.
"It's for Capitol Records." She stated.
"Good label." He smiled.
"No Jess, you don't understand, its Capitol Records in Los Angeles, I'm moving, I'm leaving Jess, I'm going to California for the job." A single tear now rolled down her cheek.
Jess stood there, once again not sure what exactly to say. Everything seemed to be falling apart lately, he wasn't even sure he had heard her correctly, "But… bu… why… bu… how" he couldn't even conjure up a full coherent sentence. "Don't they have a New York branch?" he asked, sounding desperate.
She nodded her head, "Yes, but I chose the L.A. one, I want to get away"
Jess felt like he couldn't breathe, she was voluntarily leaving him. She had chosen to go 3,000 miles across the country by choice, His breathing became erotic and soon he felt nothing but anger over come him, "I thought I knew you Ror, I thought I understood you, but how can you stand there and look at me, look me right in the eyes and tell me that you would never walk out on her" he pointed over to wear Lorelai was playing with Reagan, "Don't you see what you are doing to not only me but her as well, you're walking out on her Rory, right out of her life."
"You think that's what I'm doing Jess?" she defended herself, "You think I'm walking out on her? You don't even know the love I have for her, I love her so much, I would die for her Jess, and I'm here for her, I will always be here for her, I don't care if I have to fly, ride the bus, catch a boat, hell I don't care if I even have to run across the country to be with her when she needs me, I'll do it, I just wont be here everyday that's all. I'm not her mother Jess, but hey you know that better then anyone don't you? This is just something that I have to do Jess, I need a life of my own, and I can't go on living yours. There are things I want that you can never give me. Like I want a boyfriend, someone who when they date me they don't have to date you as well, I want someone who I can love and will love me back, someone who I can spend time with and start a family with, I want kids Jess, kids of my very own. You can't offer me those things. Besides, you'll never love me the way that I love you, I'll never be your wife and we'll never be a real family and no matter how much I hate to admit it, Reagan with never be my daughter. Look at you Jess, you live perfect amazing and wonderful life, and I am so glad that I got to be a part of it for the time that I did, but now I need more, and I will never fit perfectly into your life, I'll always be Rory, standing in the shadows to both of you. I have to do this Jess, for me, this is what I want, it's what I need." She stopped when the tears became too much to handle.
"What are talking about Rory? I need you, what are we supposed to do without you?" he cried back.
"You just don't get it do you Jess?"
"Apparently I don't get a lot of things tonight" he replied sarcastically.
"This isn't about you Jess, it was never about you or her, this is about me. The last four years I have done nothing but be there for you, taking care of you and solving all your problems, I have been at your every beck and call. Everything revolved around you, my world, my life, revolved around you. But now its time that everything revolves around me, For once it's my turn up at bat. I have always put you first, no matter who it was, or what it was you were always number one, over me, over my boyfriends, even over my own mother Jess, you were at the top of my list, its always been about you, but not this time. This time I have my life," she held out her left hand, "and you have your life," she held out her right hand, "and this time they don't involved each other. Go on, go ahead and live your wonderful life, and let me have a chance to start my own."
"Is that how you see us Rory? Is that how you see me? All you do is give, give, give, and never get anything in return?"
"No Jess that's not what I mean, you have given so much, and I thank you for that."
"Then what is it huh? What about us Rory?"
"God Jess, haven't you heard what I just said, there is no us, there will never be an us, this isn't even about you, it's about me!" she started to shout at him, "there are certain things that I want and need that as long as I stay here I will never have them," she took a deep breath and then calmly continued, "We are still best friends Jess, we will always be best friends, but best friends don't live together for their entire lives, there comes a point when they have to let go… I'm sorry Jess" and she turned around and began to walk away, leaving Jess standing alone for the second time in two weeks both speechless and with a broken heart.
"Rory?... Wait!" Jess yelled after her and ran to catch up.
She stopped walking and had turned around harshly to face him, "What is it now Jess?"
"Do you remember that night when we we're fifteen? It was the night you had gotten your Chilton acceptance letter, and couldn't decide whether or not to stay or go. Do you remember what you told me?" he grabbed her hand.
She looked down at her hand in his and then back up at him into his eyes before coldly replying, "No."
"Yeah well I do. You said that we were never going split up, that when you went to college I'd live you, and you'd commute, and when time moved away from school we would still live together. You said that our two families would share a house, and we would be together forever, you said we'd grow old together… no matter what."
She looked at him, surprised that he remembered that, and took her so seriously, "Yeah well what did I know? I was young and stupid, but most of all I wasn't in love." she turned around once again to leave.
"But I was," he stopped her dead in her tracks, he said it just loud enough for her to hear, she turned back around to look at him, "I still am, I love you Rory."
She didn't say a word; she just stood there staring, in shock.
"I love you." He repeated again.
She let out a small laugh, soon she felt water fill her eyes, "Funny how things turn out, how fast times change, you're a little late for that now" she barely whispered, and then she turned and walked off.
Why was his timing always wrong, first with Skylar, then with Reagan and now this? It was two weeks ago she let him know how she felt and he didn't do anything about it then, he didn't chase after her, he didn't call her, he wouldn't even speak to her, and now that everything was at risk, now that he was going to lose her, he makes it clear to her how he felt. But it was too late, she was taking the job, what he had just done was nothing but a selfish act and she wasn't going to buy into it.
Once back in Stars Hallow she took a walk around town, funny how her feet led her directly to the bridge, she smiled and went to take a seat right in the middle, then she started remembering the good times, one in particular was stuck in her head. She thought back to the day when Chilton was her biggest problem…
Jess was sitting on the bridge for about an hour now. He had been there so long that the cold wood under him was now warm. He looked around him, looking for any sign of her, but she wasn't anywhere. Today was the day she had got her acceptance letter into Chilton, and since she told him things hadn't been the same. He was happy for her, he really was, but he didn't want her to leave him. High school is a time when most people grow apart, and with the both of them going to different schools it was only a matter of time before it would happen to them. He told her that he was happy for her, and she smiled, but he knew she wasn't happy. He asked her to tell him what was wrong, but she just waved her hand at him and walked off. He hadn't seen her since. So he was waiting at the bridge… she knew he was there, so why was she still nowhere to be seen?
He stood up and brushed off his pants, he took one last look around hoping that maybe she would be standing there, but she wasn't. His head hung low and he slowly made his way off the bridge, and over to her house.
He walked right in and took a look around; no one was home, so he made his way into her room and sat down on her bed, waiting for her to come to him.
Time passed and he took one of her many books off the shelf and began to read, he was halfway through the book when she came rushing through the door. She quickly shut the door behind her, and turned around to see Jess sitting on his side of the bed.
She was a bit shocked to see him there; "Hi" she gave him a weak smile.
He just nodded his head, "I was at the bridge, but you never showed."
She ignored his comment and slowly made her way over to the bed and sat down in front of him, "I'm glad you're here."
"You are? I thought you were avoiding me."
"Why would I be avoiding you?" she jerked her head to look at him.
He shrugged his shoulders and waited for her to continue.
"I'm not going." She looked down at the papers in her hand.
"Yes you are."
"No… I'm not." She shook her head slightly.
Jess could read her, and he saw in her eyes that she really didn't want to go, he could see the pain that it causing her to have to choose between him and the school. But he couldn't be the one responsible for that. He didn't want her to pass up this opportunity because she was afraid of losing him, he knew that no matter what happened or what she chose they would remain friends till the end, "Yes you are to going, because I'm not going to let you pass this up. Rory I'm here for you no matter what, no matter what happens are where you go, I'll always be right here in Stars Hallow waiting for you,, even if you don't want me, or don't need me. This school is a once in a lifetime chance for you, You are so smart, and you want to go to Harvard or Yale, or some other big fancy school, and if you stay at Stars Hallow High I know you could still make it, but Chilton will look so much better on your applications, it will move you to the front of the line where you deserve to be. You're smart, you deserve what you want, and I'm not going to be the one that holds you back from your dreams."
Rory smiled at Jess's attempt to cheer her up and help her make her decision but she had her mind set, "I'm not going Jess, no matter what you say." She lay down on her half of the bed, with her back towards him.
Jess sat there for awhile letting the silence fill the air, he watched Rory out of the corner of his eye and he could see her shaking, she was crying. Jess got up and walked over to her side of the bed, he kneeled down beside her and looked her right in the eyes as tears fell down her cheeks, "Move." He motioned for her to move over and he lay down next to her, with his arms around her, "You're going and that's final."
"I can't Jess." She cried, "I can't leave you, I don't want to leave you."
"Rory, I've said this before and I'll say it again… I'm not going anywhere, we still live in Stars Hallow, and we'll see each other everyday."
"Its not that." she looked up at him.
"Then what is it?" he gently moved her hair off her forehead.
"Even if we see each other everyday we'll still grow apart."
"No, we won't, look at us Rory; we've made it this far, why would we give up now? And besides I won't let it happen. But let me ask you this… what's going to happen when you go off to college Rory? I'm not going with you; I can't even get into anywhere you want to go."
"You could if you tried." her faced lightened up a bit.
"And you and I both know that's not going to happen." He smiled.
"Well then you'll move and live in an apartment with me, or I'll commute and stay near you."
He let out a small laugh, "Okay, but what about after college? Eventually we will meet other people, and fall in love and get married, and we'll get different jobs at different places, maybe even in different states, we can't live together forever."
"Yes we can." She replied innocently, and then she turned into him and rested her head on his chest and smiled. "Wherever you go I'll be right behind you. When we get married, we'll share a house, a HUGE house with both our families, and if that doesn't work out then we'll be neighbors, and if we are in different states then we'll have private jets and underground tunnels that lead to one another's houses. We'll find a way to be together, because we are going to grow old together, we are going to live together forever."
"Keep dreaming Gilmore." He patted the top of her head.
"I will" she grabbed his hand and held onto it, "But I'm still not going." She said stubbornly.
"Yes… you are."
"No… I'm not"
"Are" he looked down at her.
"Not" she looked up at him
"You are," he assured her, "either you are, or I'm getting up and walking out right now."
She moved off of him, and looked at him in shock; "You wouldn't" she glared.
"I would," he swung one leg off the bed.
"Okay… okay… I'll go." She sighed.
"You promise?" he looked down at her.
She nodded and rolled her eyes, "I guess"
He smiled at her, "Well that was easy…Okay then, I guess I'm staying." and he brought his leg back up onto the bed.
She rested her head back down on his chest, "Were you really going to leave?"
"I guess we'll never know." He winked at her.
"You are such a Jerk!" she playful hit him on the stomach.
He smiled at her a cocky smile gloating that he won the argument and then he kissed her on the top of the head.
They laughed as the both just lay there, falling asleep, both happy that they were the arms of the other. Jess started thinking about what had just happened. He knew that she really didn't want to go and she knew that he really didn't want her to leave, but neither said a word, they kept their mouth shut for the others sake. All that mattered now was that they still had each other, they still had moments like these, moments when all they needed was each other and they knew that they could be happy for the rest of their lives as long as things remained this way.
Rory snapped back to reality and a single tear slid down her cheek. She missed those moments. She missed Jess and now that she was leaving she was going to miss him more then ever. She was thinking that maybe this wasn't such a good idea, maybe there could be a them, maybe there was an 'us'. But she had made her choice, she took the job and she was leaving… tomorrow…