Saying Goodbye Is Never Easy Part I

The memorial service was a somber occasion. "I can't believe Thunderbird's family refused to let us attend his funeral," Rogue said in a hushed voice. She was wearing a long black cloak over her outfit. They were all outside in the garden along with the other guests awaiting the beginning of the service.

"That brother of his, he took his death hard," Remy said as he squeezed her gloved hand.

"Didn't even know he had a brother," Rogue said. "Guess we really didn't spend as much time with Thunderbird as we should have. Do you think he was happy here?"

"Remy like to think so, but I don't know Chere," Remy sighed. "That was one angry man."

"Who? Proudstar or Proteus?"

"Both I guess," Remy shrugged. "Nothing Remy hates more than funerals."

"It's a memorial service bright boy."

"Same difference."

"I know. Even the Triplets look pretty subdued," Rogue observed. "Man nearly everyone we know is here." She looked at the crowd of Misfits, X-Men, Joes as well as several guests including Moira, Doop, Amanda and Margali, Dr. Strange and Benny as well as Sean and his team of mutants from Muir Island. Even Nick Fury was present for the occasion.

"Not everyone Chere," Remy sighed.

The person he was referring to was back in the Danger Room clawing everything in sight. "AGGGHH!" Rina screamed as she used her claws to slice up a laser. She was wearing a black dress as she was fighting.

"Kid stop it!" Logan shut off the Danger Room and went to her. "You can't keep doing this to yourself!"

"I wasn't good enough," Rina choked. "I have to get better…"

"Kid, you're already one of the best fighters we have," Logan looked around at the ruined room. "If the damages here don't prove it…"

"Why do I feel like this?" Rina asked. "Why couldn't I have gotten out of the way myself?"

"Kid…" Logan sighed as he put his arms around her.

"IT'S MY FAULT HE'S DEAD!" She screamed, tears flowing from her eyes. She collapsed sobbing into his arms.

"No it's not," Logan told her. "It's not your fault! Stop blaming yourself!"

"Why couldn't I fight Proteus?" Rina sobbed. "Why wasn't I good enough?"

"Listen to me, the truth is Proteus was just too damned strong for either of us!" Logan told her. "You think I don't feel the way you do? I've been fighting longer! If anyone should feel guilty it should be me! I couldn't protect you! As hard as I fought it wasn't enough! Proteus…He did something to us. Something we couldn't fight against. Something we had no way of preparing for. We did the best we could, but it wasn't enough. Sometimes you're going to meet an enemy like that. And all you can do…"

He trailed off and held her. Rina sniffed. "Why do I feel so bad?" She whispered. "I've seen death before. And I wasn't very close to Thunderbird."

"Because he was still your team mate," Logan sighed.

"I let fear control me…" Rina said.

"That proves you're human after all. You know something? I was scared too."

"I failed…" Rina hung her head low.

"You did exceptionally well," Logan took her head in his hand. "And we still beat the bad guy. That's all I ask. Okay?"

"I will get better," Rina nodded her head. "So no one dies again." She hugged him.

"I know you will," Logan hugged her back.

Back outside Scott was alone by the gazebo staring out into the ocean. General Hawk walked up to him. "Mind if I stand here?" He asked.

"Free country," Scott shrugged.

They stood there watching the ocean for a few moments. "Okay kid, this is where you spill it," Hawk told him. "Something tells me I have an idea what's eating at you, but maybe you'd better give me the details."

"I never had anyone…die under me before," Scott said softly. "I was in charge. I was supposed to keep the team together."

"I know how you feel son," Hawk sighed as he put his hand on Scott's shoulder. "Boy do I know that feeling. It never gets easier."

"I keep replaying the whole mission in my head," Scott told him. "Every angle, every possibility. And still the only thing I could come up with is have one of my team mates drop a car on top of another one of my team mates!"

"Well from what I've heard Proteus was not exactly the type to come quietly," Hawk told him. "I know this may sound callous right now, but the truth is you're lucky you only lost one man. It could have been a hell of a lot worse and a lot more people could have died, including the rest of your team."

"You know that is callous, but what's even more callous is that I know you're right and I agree with it," Scott sighed. "Proteus was an animal that had to be put out of everyone's misery."

"And you feel guilty because that goes against everything you were taught as an X-Man," Hawk summarized.

"Yeah," Scott sighed. "How did you…?"

"Kid I have been around that block and back more times than you can imagine," Hawk sighed as he leaned on the railing. "Especially when I became leader of the Joe team. One day I should tell you some stories about my dealings with the Jugglers. Both the new regime and the old one."

"Old regime?"

"Let's just say this new group is like a boy scout troop compared to the cabal a few years back," Hawk sighed. "I've had to do some things I'd never thought I'd stoop too in order to not only have my team survive but to save a few people from having their skulls blown up in the middle of the night. Even though one or two of them deserved to get whacked!"

"You serious?"

"Deadly," Hawk sighed. "Son no one is telling you to abandon your ideals. If anything this experience should make you want to preserve life even more. So no more people die under your watch. That's a good thing to hold onto, never forget it. But there are going to be times, hopefully not many of them, when no matter what you do, or how perfectly you plan and execute your maneuvers…Something will go wrong. The trick is minimizing those little foul ups as much as possible. You got me?"

"Yeah," Scott sighed. "Yeah. I gotcha. There's...something else."

"Spill it."

"I...I...Remember how I used to say that Thunderbird never took being an X-man seriously? How he didn't really contribute to the team?"

"And now that he's dead it proves how dedicated he really was and you feel bad for not seeing it?" Hawk guessed.

"Yeah..." Scott admitted.

"Well to be honest, Proudstar was a jerk and a bit of a slacker," Hawk said. "I mean just because he's dead don't make him a saint. But...He did have heart where it counts. Just remember in the future, just because someone doesn't act the way you think he should...Doesn't always mean he doesn't believe in what you do. Being around the Joes taught me you have to be a bit...flexible. Got me?"

"Yeah, yeah I gotcha. Thanks Hawk."

"Hey just a little wisdom from an old warrior," Hawk shrugged.

"Guess you have seen a lot huh?" Scott asked.

"Like I said I could tell you stories," Hawk shook his head.

Back at the service Rina and Logan finally showed up. "Looks like she got it out of her system," Althea noticed. The Misfits were all together, clinging to each other for support.

"It just seems so unreal," Angelica sniffed. "I mean, it wasn't that long ago when I was captured and he tried to protect me."

"I know Angelica," Pietro said in an uncharacteristically gentle tone as he hugged her.

"I'll never get a chance to repay him," Angelica sighed as she hugged back and pulled away.

"Keep him in your memory and fight with honor," Xi told her. "That is the best way I can think of to honor a warrior like him."

"Xi's right," Althea told her. "I've seen a number of deaths in the Joe team. I hate to say it comes with the territory but…"

"I guess you never know when your number's up," Fred shrugged.

"He went down fighting and took down a bad guy," Todd said. "That's as good a way to go as any I guess."

"Yeah and from what Xavier told us Proteus felt the final blow," Pietro agreed.

"It's Colossus I really feel bad for," Wanda sighed as she saw him walking with Kitty hanging on his arm.

"I can only imagine what he's thinking now," Lina said.

"Well we all know what Lance is thinking of now," Todd caught the look of rage on Lance's face.

"I don't believe this!" Lance snarled. "I confess that I killed in self defense and she gets all weird on me. She sees Tin Man kill one of her own teammates and all of the sudden she's hanging on his arm all the time? What the hell kind of logic is that?"

"Lance now is not the time for the two of you to go at it!" Wanda hissed. "Peter's been through hell. Just give him this all right?"

"Fine," Lance took a breath. "For Thunderbird's sake I'll cool it."

"Yeah the last thing we need right now is some stupid fight," Wanda grunted.

"How much you wanna bet that's what's gonna happen anyway?" Pietro asked.

In part two: More angst, some speeches, more fighting and a shocking turn of events in the Lance/Kitty/Peter saga! Don't miss it!