Problems With Public Relations

Valerie Cooper walked into Xavier's office with Logan by her side. "Ms. Cooper what a surprise," Xavier said. "I take it you wanted to know if I had found any of those mutants you requested."

"I understand you have been quite busy lately Professor," Valerie told him. "Really I have. It's just that we need closure on this and…"

"I have been trying to assist you on this matter," Xavier informed her. He handed her some papers. "Three of the ones on my list are exactly where you thought they were. I just haven't had time to discover the exact whereabouts of any of the others."

"Three out of nearly two hundred?" Valerie took the papers.

"Lady in case you haven't noticed, on top of the fact one of our own is in the middle of the trial of the century, we've been fighting for our lives," Logan snapped. "One of our own has died fighting a major menace in Scotland and several other mutants died in a Purist attack on a school. Not to mention the fact we helped you out when Cobra attacked Washington DC and tried to conquer the country!"

"I didn't mean to sound ungrateful," Valerie apologized. "It's just things have been really busy lately and everyone wants our new branch organized and up and running by last Thursday."

"What exactly have you people been doing?" Logan folded his arms.

"Besides recruiting and other paperwork, we've been categorizing different types of powers," Valerie said. "Learning what we can about mutations. We've basically discovered that mutants are usually found in one of three different classes, Gamma, Beta and Alpha. Gamma classes are mostly mutants that only have physical mutations and no other special powers. Or powers so weak and ineffectual that they are not useful in a fight. The majority of mutants are Beta class. Mutants such as yourself, the Professor and Magneto are categorized as Alpha class, mutants with incredible power or incredible potential."

"I'm considered an Alpha class huh?" Logan grunted. "Oh well that makes me feel much better."

"You are forgetting the fourth class," Xavier frowned. "Omega."

"Actually I was getting to that," Valerie said. "Omega mutants have abilities so powerful they cannot be categorized or controlled. From what we were able to figure out, both Apocalypse and Proteus were Omega class."

"We kind of figured this out a while back," Logan grunted. "It took you all this time to figure that out?"

"Of course not," Valerie glared at him. "But we needed to set up a system to assess situations. You wouldn't want a SWAT team to hunt down a Gamma class mutant would you?"

"Or vice versa," Logan groaned. "Yeah, yeah I see your point but still…"

"The other thing I came to talk to you about is that I am recruiting mutants for the government," Valerie said.

"What about the Misfits?" Logan asked.

"They're more suited to GI Joe and will stay under their supervision," Valerie explained. "We're looking for a new team to carry out special missions. Mostly to handle other mutants. Kind of like a police force in case some mutant gets out of hand and you guys aren't around. Or from what I've heard about you, if you need policing yourselves."

"Hey the X-Men can handle any threat," Logan told her.

"It's not a question of you handling anything," Valerie told him. "Let's be honest, even with all the good you people have done the public still doesn't fully trust you. Even though the government tolerates the X-Men because you're a necessary evil, you're not officially under our control."

"Hey we don't need some pencil pushers controlling us," Logan snarled. "There are enough maniacs like Eddington trying to do that!"

"Exactly, which is why the X-Men can't be officially affiliated with the government," Xavier steeped his fingers. "If something happens to us we alone fall. However…"

"Let's just say we know it's pretty handy to have you X-Men around," Valerie said. "Even though you've made a lot of enemies you've made some pretty powerful friends as well. And although the Misfits are technically work for us they're still just kids."

"In other words you're looking for mutants you can introduce to the public that are more…" Xavier searched for the right word. "Mature."

"Exactly," Valerie said. "We've got enough troubles keeping their antics under control. Do you realize how close we came to a total meltdown because that idiot Quicksilver stole the Fonz's jacket from the Smithsonian? Fortunately when they made the show they used a few jackets and we were able to get another one. If people found out about that and some of the other things they've destroyed…"

"I get the message," Xavier winced. "Perhaps the X-Men should do more to try and put on a positive spin on mutant relations?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"You want some of us to appear with you on TV?" Kitty asked. The X-Men were assembled in the library.

"Count me out!" Rogue said. "I've already done my one public broadcast for the decade!"

"That's understandable Rogue," Xavier made a slight grin. "And I wouldn't ask you or anyone else to do something that you are not comfortable with. But hear me out. This is a chance for people to see the more human side of mutants, for lack of a better phrase."

"Yeah but to be interviewed on live television," Danielle shuddered. "With that Trish Trilby lady…"

"It's an informal question and answer session," Xavier said. "Not just to promote mutants in general but to see what good the school does."

"Okay you twisted my arm," Tabitha said. "I'll do it!"

"Oh yeah that will be quite a show," Remy scoffed.

"Don't you think we have enough appearances on Court TV?" Ray remarked.

"You keep talking like that and you'll get a time bomb right up your…" Tabitha threatened.

"Tabitha!" Xavier rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I was thinking about a few of the more…sedate students and a faculty member."

"Well I'm afraid with the trial and everything…" Ororo thought. "I can't go on television without people being reminded of Evan."

"Yeah I don't think the aunt of the mutant being tried for murder is kind of what we need," Logan said. "And I'm definitely out of the running! What about you Wings? I mean you're a pretty good candidate. What with that rich family background and all."

"Uh," Warren gulped. "That rich family of mine might not like that."

"They haven't accepted you being a mutant huh?" Ray asked.

"Let me put it to you this way," Warren sighed. "They weren't exactly thrilled when they found out I was a mutant. And me coming here didn't sit too well with them either. Every time I'm in the newspaper or on the news, my father's lawyers call me up and have a conniption. Then my mother calls and lays a huge guilt trip on me and…"

"I get the message," Scott sighed.

"I can do it," Alison spoke up.

"Are you sure?" Kitty asked. "I mean you've already been trashed in the tabloids."

"Well they can't do much more to me now can they?" Alison told them. "I mean people already know about me."

"That's what I'm worried about," Hank frowned.

"You gotta admit she has a point," Scott said. "People know who she is. And they're more likely to watch us if she's on."

"I don't know…" Hank sighed.

"Hank if you think about it this is something I really can do," Alison told him. "No matter what I do people are going to talk. Might as well confront them head on."

"All right Alison you're in," Xavier nodded. "Now we need two other students. Any other volunteers?"

The students looked at each other. "I'll do it," Bobby volunteered.

"You sure man?" Ray asked.

"Hey my folks disowned me," Bobby said. "If this ticks them off so much the better!"

"I wanna be on TV too!" Jamie said. "Please! I'm perfect for this! Hey! I'm a cute kid! What's not to like?"

"Take it from me, he does have appeal," Alison said. "And I'm sure Bobby wouldn't be too bad either."

"Well I suppose…" Xavier thought.

"Yes!" Bobby pumped his fist.

"But I expect you two to be on your best behavior," Xavier warned them. "I don't need to remind you of how important this is."

"Don't worry Professor," Bobby said. "We'll be totally professional about this."

"Yeah I can sell the cute kid thing real good," Jamie nodded. "Trust me."

"Oh brother…" Logan groaned.

"This has disaster written all over it," Hank moaned.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Come on guys it's starting!" Sam called out to the X-Men and Misfits back at the mansion on the night of the broadcast. "Tabitha is the tape in?"

"Yup," Tabitha nodded. "Wouldn't wanna miss your little sister's TV debut."

"I can't believe she had the guts to volunteer at the last minute," Amara said as she sat on the couch.

"Hey you need at least one cute innocent girl to catch the viewer's eyes," Pietro remarked. "And since Dazzler's obviously not that innocent…"

Hank grabbed him by the collar and growled. "Quicksilver…you might wish to rephrase that."

"Hey I didn't mean it like that!" Pietro said nervously.

"Yes you did," Todd said.

"SHUT UP TOAD!" Pietro yelped.

"Down boy," Cover Girl sighed as she put her hand on Hank. "You know Pietro, open mouth, insert foot."

"Yes well if he does not choose his words more carefully in the future there will be other things inserted into his mouth," Hank dropped him.

"You know you really have got to get over this over protective thing you have of Dazzler," Cover Girl folded her arms.

"Trust us on this," Scott said. "You're starting to get a little pushy."

"Wow and that's him saying that," Kurt remarked.

"Sorry," Hank sighed. "I'm just a little nervous about tonight."

"You should have went with her Hank," Cover Girl said. "For moral support if nothing else."

"I know but it would have looked like I approved of it and…and I really did a stupid thing didn't I?" Hank asked.

"Oh yeah…" Logan nodded.

"Quiet guys it's starting!" Tabitha shushed them. "Man I should have been on this!"

"You would have blown up the studio," Lance laughed.

"I'm your host Trish Trilby," Trish was speaking from a studio where Xavier, Bobby, Paige, Jamie and Alison were sitting. "Tonight we interview some of the mutants from the Xavier Institute. Would you like to introduce yourselves?"

"Hi I'm Jamie Maddrox. Everyone calls me Multiple," He made three copies of himself. "For obvious reasons."

"Oh my…" Trish blinked as the multiples disappeared.

"Hey think of it as more of me to love," Jamie grinned.

"Oh brother, what a line," Lance rolled his eyes. "Pietro have you been giving him tips?"

"Not me," Pietro looked at Remy. "Gambit is there something you would like to tell the group?"

"Well maybe I gave him a few pointers on girls," Remy shrugged.

Bobby had made a rose out of ice and presented it to Trish. "A rose for a rose," He grinned.

"Let me guess," Rogue glared at Remy. "You spent some time with Bobby too?"

"Look he asked me a few honest questions and I gave him some simple answers!" Remy defended himself.

"Simple is the word for it," Rogue folded her arms.

"I'm almost afraid to ask what you said to my sister," Sam glared at him.

"What makes you think I said anything?" Remy pouted.

"Okay here's a real neat card trick I learned," Paige was showing Trish a card trick.

"Gumbo I think you need to spend less time with the kids and more time in the Danger Room," Logan glared at him.

The interview continued as Trish kept asking questions to Xavier. "What about your relationship with the Misfits? There are rumors that there is some kind of rivalry between you and the GI Joe group."

"Rivalry is such a strong word," Xavier said. "Actually we are quite close to each other and are on rather good terms with the Misfits."

"Since when?" Kurt yelled at the TV.

"And you people call us liars?" Lance looked at Scott.

"Alvers!" Jean hissed.

"Sorry Jean but you gotta admit he has a point," Scott shrugged. "Even I can't believe the Professor said that with a straight face."

"Scott you know as well as I do we need to put as professional a face on as possible for the media," Hank said.

"Said the man who mooned Senator Kelly on national television," Arcade scoffed.

Now Trish was talking to Alison. "I understand from some sources when you disappeared you turned to drugs. Is that true?"

"I'm afraid it is. I'm not proud of what I did," Alison said. "And I'm not defending myself. At that time I really believed that the drugs would help and keep my mutation under control. But drugs only create problems, they don't get rid of them."

"So you see your mutation as a problem then?" Trish asked.

"At the time I did," Alison stood up for herself. "I was alone, scared and had no clue what I could do. It took me a long time for me to come to terms with myself and to accept my mutations and the good they can do. That's how the Xavier Institute helped me."

"Let's talk about your relationship with Hank McCoy then," Trish grinned. "Is it really true you are dating your teacher?"

"He is not my teacher," Alison made it very clear. "He was my therapist and currently he is a co-worker."

"Therapist? Doesn't that breach doctor-patient confidentiality?" Trish asked. "Is that the type of thing the Professor condones?"

"Nothing happened until I was better," Alison snapped.

"Weren't you also in a relationship as well with Warren Worthington the Third?" Trish asked. "The reclusive billionaire who turned out to be the New York Angel?"

"We're just good friends that's all," Alison said. "Those tabloid reports are nothing but lies!"

"Are you seriously telling me that you weren't tempted to have a fling with one of New York's most richest men?" Trish asked.

"No I was not, will not and have not," Alison snapped. "Hank and I are very happy."

"I am not happy," Hank folded his arms.

"Oh it's Hank now is it?" Trish grinned. "Professor don't you think that your school has enough problems without keeping a drug addict having an affair with one of your other teachers on staff?"

"Now just a minute…" Alison snapped.

"Five will get you ten she decks her," Pietro whispered to Xi.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jamie asked Trish quickly.

"Well of course you can," Trish smiled sweetly.

"Is it true you really starred in a porn movie?" Jamie asked innocently.

"WHAT?" Trish gasped. "WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT?"

"I found an interesting video called Hot Newscasters Gone Wild and…" Jamie said.

"You've been stealing stuff in my room again you little rat!" Bobby shouted.

"WHAT?" Xavier shouted.

"GAMBIT PUT IT IN THERE!" Bobby said quickly.

"YOU LYING LITTLE…" Remy roared. Everyone was giving him the look of death. "Oh come on! Who are you gonna believe? Him or Remy?"

"What do you think?" Rogue gave him a right hook that had him sailing across the room.

"We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors. GO TO COMMERCIAL! GO TO COMMERCIAL!" Trish shouted.

"The hell we will!" Alison shouted. "And you have the gall to question my morality you lying tramp!"

"Yeah this is really gonna get people on our side," Scott winced as both women got into a screaming match on live television.

"I dunno," Angelica said. "A lot of people don't like Trish either. We might just go up in some people's estimation."

Warren's cell phone rang. "That's for me," Warren sighed as he picked it up. "Hello Mother…Yes mother…But mother…Mother? Oh hello Mr. Hofferman. Yes I remember our last talk about our family name…"

"I knew this was a mistake," Hank moaned.

"And you guys thought I would make a bad impression?" Tabitha asked.

"We would have been better off if you had blown up the studio!" Logan groaned.