Division

Nitz let out a deep breath as he walked out of the main library, watching it turn into a white cloud in the cold morning air. It was the kind of winter day he really liked. It was cold enough that you didn't find yourself walking through a lake of slush at every turn, but warm enough that you didn't feel like you were going to freeze to death five minutes after you went outside.

He smiled when he spotted Jesse walking towards him. She was missing an unwanted "fashion accessory," as she had called it, which she had been using lately. "So, you're minus the crutch," he said as they met.

"Yeah, thank goodness." She stood on one foot and wiggled the other a bit. "My ankle is still kinda sore, and its taped up pretty good, but I can get around now without the crutch. Hopefully it will be completely better in a week or so."

"Now, that's the difference between you and me, Jess. You go on a Christmas break snowboarding trip, take a tumble, and sprain your ankle. Me, if I did something like that I'd fall off the mountain and break both legs."

Jesse laughed. "You would not!"

"You're right, I'd probably break both legs and an arm."

"Dude, you have such confidence in yourself," she replied sarcastically.

"A man's got to know his limitations," he said with a growl.

"I think your Eastwood imitation needs some work."

"I suppose. So, do you know what's going on over there?" Nitz asked, pointing to a long line of women standing outside the State U-nion.

"You've heard of Guy Now magazine, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, its like Maxim or something."

"Well, they're looking for girls to appear in their upcoming 'Miss Co-ed Bikini' issue and today its State U.'s turn for tryouts." Jesse crossed her arms and gave the line an amused once over. "And so dozens of wannabe starlets are standing in the cold, hoping to get their fifteen minutes, even if it means being wankoff material for pimply thirteen year olds too scared to steal one of dad's Playboys."

"It's a good thing Brodie could never pass himself off as a woman, or he'd be in line."

"Ewww, thanks a lot! The image of Brodie in a string bikini is one I do not need polluting my brain!"

Nitz chuckled. "And just imagine what kind of garish pattern it would probably be." As he reached up to adjust his cap he caught a familiar shape out of the corner of his eye. Turning his head slightly he spotted Rocko sitting on a bench, watching the women filter into the building. "Well, there's Rocko, so I'd better go over and see what he's up to."

"Like that's hard to figure out. Listen, me and the guys are going to that new place just off campus for lunch. Wanna come?"

"Sure."

Jesse grinned. "Thought you would. Catch you later, dude."

Nitz watched her walk away for a moment, and then started walking towards Rocko. "So, they wouldn't let you in?" he asked as he came to a stop in front of Rocko.

"Yeah, the bastards said they weren't allowing anyone besides the chicks trying out to come in," Rocko replied glumly. "Its not like I was gonna give them suggestions or nothing. Although I could, I know the babes around here pretty good."

"You should, given how much time you spend on campus. Why do you hang out around here so much anyways?"

Rocko laughed. "Come on, Nitz. You've been to CSJCC a couple of times. Would you hang around that dump if you didn't have to?"

"You do have a point," Nitz agreed, nodding. "Of course when it comes to State U.'s female population Cal knows them even better than you."

"Geez, thanks a lot for reminding me," Rocko growled. "I just bet that wad is with some hottie right now!"

"So, what do you think?"

Cal smiled as he watched her turn around. "You look really nice, Colleenlady," he said approvingly.

Colleen smiled. "I wanted something sexy but kind of innocent too," she said, gesturing to the conservative pink bikini she was wearing. She grabbed her long brown hair and pulled it up into a ponytail high on her head. "Do you think I'd look better with my hair up? I think it would give me more of a 'schoolgirl' thing."

Cal nodded. "You'll look even cuter if you do, lady."

She looked at Cal's desk clock. "Oh, look at the time! I really need to go so I can change before my next class." She quickly grabbed a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt from Cal's bed and slipped them on.

"That's okay. I've got another ladyfriend coming for advice soon."

Colleen laughed as he opened the door. "I'm sure a lot of girls have been asking for help today." Her smile changed to a scowl when she turned and saw another girl standing just outside the door. "Hello, Veronica," she said coldly.

The black haired woman scowled back. "So, you're busy wasting Cal's time. There's no point you know. I'm the one who's going to be chosen."

"In your dreams," Colleen growled as she pushed past Veronica and stormed down the hall.

Cal shook his head. He didn't like it when his ladyfriends were jealous of each other. After all, there was more than enough of him to go around, they didn't need to fight for his affections. He liked them all equally. And he tried not to do things to make them angry, such as telling anyone that he figured Nikki, in the room next to his, was probably going to be chosen as State U.'s representative for the bikini feature.

Lunchtime found Nitz sitting with Jesse, Brodie, and Kruger in the Slowpoke Café, which had just opened up a couple of blocks from the State U. campus. It was an old fashioned kind of place, with red and white checkered tablecloths, a long lunch counter along one wall, and lots of '50s memorabilia on the walls.

As was often the case when they got together the conversation had turned to movies. But Nitz was only paying partial attention as he ate his hamburger and fries combo. This of course didn't escape Jesse's attention. "Hey, Nitz, you still with us?" she asked as she reached for a french fry.

"Oh, uh, yeah, I do think that movie sucked, Jesse," Nitz said. He scratched the back of his neck nervously for a moment. "Sorry about not answering right away, but I've got something I need to give some serious thought to."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that. You've been sitting there with a serious look on your face the whole time we've been here."

"Now me, I never think about anything hard enough to be distracted by it," Brodie said.

"Yeah, and it shows," Jesse said with a smirk.

Kruger laughed. "You sure the #$& walked into that one."

Jesse turned back to Nitz. "Anything we can help with?"

"What's this 'we' bullshit?" Kruger interjected. "Do I look like $$ Doctor Laura to you?"

Brodie laughed. "No one's gonna mistake you for Doctor Laura. For one thing you're probably nicer than she is."

"Well, you don't have to worry, Kruger," Nitz continued. "This is something I have to figure out myself." He grabbed the ketchup bottle sitting on the table and poured some more on his fries. "So, what do you guys think of this place? Seems to me calling it the Slowpoke Café isn't such a great idea. It will make people think the service is slow."

"It reminds me of the restaurant we used to hang out in at home," Jesse said. "Not that we had any choice, there wasn't anyplace else around. Mr. Riley, the owner, was always complaining about the kids spending so much time there. But he knew everyone's birthday, and always had something special for you when it rolled around. And the french fries! He made some of the best french fries you can imagine."

Nitz chuckled at the wistful expression on Jesse's face. "And here I had the impression you were glad to be away from your home town."

"Yeah, well, maybe I diss it too much. It was where I grew up, and I do have quite a few good memories of it. It's just that it got kind of claustrophobic as I got older. There were all these things I got interested in that aren't available in a small town, and it can be kind of aggravating when everyone knows you and has an opinion on what you're doing or should be doing."

"So you're not going to move back there when you finish school I'd guess," Brodie said.

"'Fraid not," she replied, shaking her head. "You know what they say about how you can't keep them on the farm after they've seen the bright lights of the big city, even if I didn't actually live on a farm."

Nitz smiled. He just couldn't imagine Jesse milking cows, driving a tractor, or doing any of the other things he associated with farming. She'd probably look good in a pair of overalls though, he thought as he grabbed another french fry.

It was early evening by the time Nitz returned to his room. It was one of the days he had a late afternoon class, and after that he had gone to the library again to do more research for an essay he was working on. Add in a trip to pick up a couple of sandwiches for supper from the campus snack shop and it was well past 7 before he arrived back at Chilton Hall.

Before he shut the door Nitz grabbed a "Do not disturb" sign off his desk and hung it on the doorknob. It likely wouldn't keep Rocko away, but it would probably deter anyone else. His roommate Chris was out of town on a road trip with the State U. hockey team, playing forward, and wouldn't be back for a few days, so he would have some time to sit and think without much chance of interruption.

He grabbed a bottle of juice out of the small dorm room fridge and sat down with a sigh. He opened the bottle, took a drink, and then decided to turn off his computer as well. He wanted to make sure Gimpy wouldn't be able to contact him via his web cam, and he suspected the only sure way to do that was to turn off the machine completely. He needed as much time as possible to himself if he was going to decide whether or not he should break up with Kimmy.

He wondered if he was being too hasty. For years he had dreamed about being with Kimmy, and he had finally seen that dream realised. Yet only a few months later he was thinking about splitting with her. Maybe he hadn't given their relationship enough time.

But he couldn't deny he wasn't satisfied with things between them. It wasn't just that she didn't spend enough time with him. They had both gone home for Christmas break and had spent more time together than they had been in the weeks before the break. There was more to it than that. More and more he'd realised that they really didn't have all that much in common.

There was definitely a physical attraction between them, which had surprised Nitz. He hadn't expected his attraction to her to be returned in kind. Kimmy had called him handsome more than once, which he just couldn't see. He tended to think of himself as at best average in the looks department. He hadn't received much interest from the girls in high school, and being friends with a notorious "babe magnet" like Cal didn't help things. As flattering as Kimmy's statements were though Nitz wanted more than that. He wanted a deeper emotional connection than mere lust, and it just didn't seem to be there.

He snickered as a thought came to mind, namely how Rocko would react if Nitz told him something like that. He could just imagine what Rocko would say: "Geez, Nitz, you sound like a chick when you say stuff like that. Who cares about emotions and all that wussy crap when you can get her into the sack?" Yeah, he thought, that's exactly the kind of thing he would say. Which was precisely the reason why he'd dismissed without a second thought the idea of talking to Rocko about the situation.

Nitz had been completely serious when he'd told Kruger he would figure things out himself. After all, as far as he could tell Kruger's attitudes towards women weren't too far off from Rocko's, making him a poor choice for relationship advice. Brodie had casually dated a few women since they'd met, but Nitz had no idea if he'd ever had any experience with something more serious. He definitely knew Cal wouldn't be of any help, and Gimpy seemed able to relate only to women who didn't actually exist, like Queen Amidala or Dana Scully.

That left Jesse, and she was definitely off limits this time. There was of course the obvious reason that she was a less than neutral observer of his relationship with Kimmy. But more importantly there was the comment she had made months ago, that he had to figure things out for himself, that he couldn't expect her to have all the answers. He knew she was right. And in the end the only other person whose opinion truly counted was Kimmy.

Nitz leaned forward in his chair and looked out the window at the night sky, staring at the Moon as he continued to mull over his future with Kimmy, if there was one.

"Aw shit!" Rocko said angrily as he looked at a bulletin board near the Central State Junior Community College library. "What is this crap?"

"Hey, what's the problem?" a familiar voice asked.

Rocko turned and saw it was Braun, one of his fellow Alpha Alpha members. "It's the Guy Now bikini thing tryout here, its been cancelled."

"No shit," Braun replied, scratching his head. "Does it say why?"

"Yeah, they claim it's due to 'lack of interest,' whatever the hell that means. Maybe they decided the talent pool here wasn't big enough."

"That would be an insult to us! Its not like this is 'Geekess Central' like Tekerson."

Rocko grinned. "I dunno, man. There's this RA over there that's kinda hot…."

"Someone told me you tried to get into the auditions over at State U. yesterday but they wouldn't let you in."

Rocko nodded. "Yeah, but this time I had the perfect plan. I figured they'd hold it over in the cafeteria, and it's got that skylight."

Braun laughed. "And the door to the roof has a busted lock."

"Exactly. I woulda had a great view, but no, I'm not even gonna get the chance." Rocko crossed his arms and scowled. "What's a guy gotta do to see a cutie in a bikini?"

"You could go hang out at the pool in the State U. athletic building."

"Nah, they usually wear one pieces jobs there. Besides, I'm banned from there. Someone complained I was ogling the women too much." Rocko shook his head, a sad frown on his face. "What's this world coming to when a guy can't even ogle a bit without getting grief about it?"

Braun nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it's a tough world for a guy."

Chris Douglas waved a hand over his duffle bag. "Damn, what a stench," he muttered as he looked at the dirty clothing inside. If there was one thing he definitely did not look forward to after arriving back from a road trip it was doing his laundry, even if it had been a successful trip. The State U. Statesmen may have won two of three games on the road, but it didn't make his laundry any less smelly.

Knowing the laundry wouldn't wash itself he grabbed the bag and pulled open the dorm room door. As he stepped out into the corridor he saw Kimmy walking towards him. "Hey, Kimmy," he greeted her.

"Hi, Chris. Is Nitz around?" she asked with what sounded like a trace of nervousness in her voice.

"Nah, but I think he has a class that's just ending, so I bet he'll be here soon. So go ahead and wait for him if you want."

"Thanks, I really appreciate that."

Chris laughed. "You make it sound like I'm doing you some great favour. At least I know you're not gonna be like Rocko and drop cigarette ash all over the place, or spill beer on my bed."

"That bad?"

"Pretty much. I'd better run, so talk to you later."

"Have fun," she called after him as he walked away, and sat down on Nitz's bed. She absentmindedly looked around the room for a few moments, and then stood up again. She walked over to Nitz's desk and picked up the framed picture of herself sitting on it. She shook her head, wondering why she'd never given him a better picture. She'd never particularly liked this one, thinking it made her look too pale and withdrawn.

As she put the picture back down Nitz walked in. "Hey, Kimmy. What brings you here?" he asked.

"Nitz, well, we really need to talk," she replied nervously.

"Okay." He pushed the door closed. "I'm guessing you'd like some privacy." He walked over to his chair and sat down. "So, what do you need to talk to me about?"

Kimmy started to pace back and forth. "This is harder than I thought. I figured it was just a case of coming here, but now…."

"Kimmy, relax," Nitz said in a soothing voice. "Take your time."

Kimmy took several deep breaths and sat down on Chris's bed. "Nitz, it's been fun going out with you. But the last little while I've come to realise, well, that our relationship really isn't going to go any further." She looked him directly in the eye. "I think we should break up."

Nitz's eyes widened. "I don't believe it. You too," he said softly.

"Me too?"

"Yeah, I've been trying to figure out how to tell you the same thing, that we should break up."

A look of relief crossed her face. "Thank goodness! That's good to hear. I mean, not that I'm happy that you think we should break up. But I was worried you might think things were going well and be really upset about me wanting us to split."

"Yeah, that's a sensible reaction. I mean, I had this crush on you for years, so…."

Kimmy blushed. "God, that's really embarrassing for me. I only found that out after we started dating, and it was only because Lisa told me. She knew about it, and I didn't!" She slumped a little. "That must make me seem like a really horrible, clueless person."

"Come on, Kimmy, there's no reason you should have known. I couldn't even work up the courage to say hello to you until last year."

"No, I should have known," she replied, shaking her head. "And worse, I forgot who you were, remember? I did know you enough in high school to say hello when we ran into each other, but when we met again last year it took me a bit to remember you." She looked downwards. "I'm sorry for that. You deserved better."

"I still think you're being too hard on yourself."

She looked up at him and shook her head. "And I think you're not being hard enough on me. For that, and for other things, like not spending more time with you. I know it bugged you, so don't try and deny it." She looked back down at her lap. "Honestly, I don't think I should be dating anyone right now. I've got so much crammed into my life that I don't think I can give a relationship the time and effort it needs."

Nitz frowned. "I can understand that. But I…don't know if it would have made a difference in the end even if we had spent more time together."

"I don't know either. You're a nice guy, I do like you. But I just don't feel like we should be a couple. I can't really put it into words why, I just do." She looked at him hopefully. "I hope we can still be friends."

"Of course, Kimmy." They stood up, and on impulse Nitz stepped forward and hugged her. "Thank you for, I don't know, I guess giving me a chance, Kimmy."

She smiled at him as he broke the hug. "I'm really glad that I did, Nitz. Don't ever think otherwise." She walked slowly to the door. "So, I guess I'll see you around," she said as she pulled it open.

"Goodbye, Kimmy," he said, knowing there really wasn't anything more to be said.

"Goodbye, Nitz."

He stood for a moment, listening to the rhythm of her footsteps as she walked away. "It's the end of an era," he said quietly as he closed the door. So much of the last few years of his life had in one way or another revolved around Kimmy. He suspected that even his decision to go to State U. had been influenced by his crush. But now it had come to an end. Although he had hoped for a rather different outcome he had no regrets that he'd taken the risk. He had a suspicion that if he hadn't his crush would have kept going with no end in sight, and that it wouldn't have been good for him.

He sighed, grabbed a textbook off his desk, and flopped down on his bed, suddenly feeling tired. It seems the old song was right, he thought. Breaking up is hard to do, even if you did do it calmly. He was glad he had nothing planned that evening, as all he felt like doing now was lying quietly in his room and recovering from the emotional strain the last few days, and especially the last few minutes, had been.

A knock on the door drew Nitz out of his reverie. He looked at the clock on the wall and to his surprise saw it had been a couple of hours since Kimmy had left. "Come in," he called out.

Jesse walked in. "Hey, I'm heading out to a movie with Dan and Brodie. You want to tag along?"

Nitz shook his head. "Thanks for the offer, but not tonight. I'm just in the mood to sit around and do some thinking."

A smirk appeared on Jesse's face. "Okay, Nitz, spill it. What's happened this time?"

"What makes you think something has happened?" he asked, curiosity evident in his voice.

"Because you've got your 'something important has happened in my life that's a big change or revelation, but it's really not as bad as I thought it would be' look on your face."

"I don't have a look like that!" he said with a snort.

"Sure you do. It looks something like this." She made a face that reminded Nitz of someone trying something sour but not sure if they liked it or not. "Or maybe its something like this," she said as she made another face.

"Jesse, that one looks like Rocko being constipated."

"And how would you know…Um, never mind, I don't want to know how you'd know something like that."

Nitz laughed and leaned back against the headboard of his bed. "Well, if you really must know, Kimmy broke up with me tonight."

Jesse's surprise was obvious. "What, and you're not sitting there bawling your eyes out and tearing out your hair?"

"Nope," he replied, shaking his head. "She just beat me to the punch."

Jesse's expression changed to one of confusion. "Huh? You're saying you were going to break up with her?"

"Yeah. We both came to the conclusion that we really aren't the right people for each other and decided to end things. But we're going to stay friends."

"So things went out with a whimper instead of a bang."

"Yeah, pretty much." Nitz rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I think part of what happened is that I got to know Kimmy as a person. For years I was obsessed with her, but not the real her. I was obsessed with an idealised version of her that I had in my head."

Jesse nodded. "Right, that makes perfect sense. Crushes are like that. But no one can live up to something like that."

Nitz smiled ruefully. "Yeah, exactly. Even last year, when I first started spending some actual time around her, I started to find out she's not a perfect goddess, but a human being with her own set of hang-ups and imperfections, some of which I find really annoying. Like that she just can't seem to sit still for more than a few minutes, she always has to be doing something. And a lot of our personal beliefs don't really match up. Like, she's become a vegetarian, and I just can't imagine being one.'

Jesse laughed. "Me neither! You'd probably die if you didn't have at least one serving of beef a week."

"Come on, I'm not bad."

"Nah, but just about." She looked at her watch. "Well, I've got to go if I'm gonna catch the movie. Will you be all right?"

"Go, go, I'll survive," he said, waving his hand towards the door.

"If you want I can go get Kiki. She helped that time you had problems with Cal."

Nitz laughed. "Nah, I can get by without stuffed bunny therapy this time. Now get going before you miss your movie and I have to be all guilty about it."

"C'mon, Nitz, you're not that bad," she said with a grin as she walked out the door.

Jesse thought about Nitz as she sat in the theatre waiting for the movie to start. She hadn't been particularly surprised to hear Nitz and Kimmy had split. She had realised they were having problems before Christmas break. Nitz might not have talked much about what went on with Kimmy, much to Jesse's relief, but it wasn't hard to tell he had been less than happy with how things were going between them.

What did surprise her was Nitz's reaction. Instead of the near hysterics she had expected he had looked at the situation calmly and rationally, and behaved in a sensible way. Sure, she could tell he was disappointed with the way the relationship had gone, but he wasn't acting like it was the end of the world because it had ended.

As for their relationship Jesse knew exactly what she was going to do next. Nothing. She was enjoying things the way they were, and was in no hurry to change them. It would be stupid to go after Nitz when he was on the rebound in any case. The result would likely be a big mess, one way or the other. Besides, he knew how she felt about him. It was time to give him a chance to make a move, if there was any move making to be made. She couldn't be expected to do all the work.

Nitz might not have needed comforting that evening, but others did. A group of girls sat in a local bar, sharing a table with Cal, who was doing his best to console them. They had all tried out for the Guy Now bikini issue, and had received the news that day there would be a State U. student involved. Unfortunately it wouldn't be any of them.

"What has Nikki Colson got that I don't?" Colleen asked plaintively as she looked morosely into her mug of beer.

"Yeah, its not like she's really chesty or anything," another of the girls said.

Cal smiled sympathetically at them. "Don't worry, pretty ladies. I think you're all beautiful. And if I ever get to run a magazine, I'll make sure you all get to be in it."

"Oh, Cal, that's so sweet of you to say," Colleen said and reached over to hug him, followed by the other girls.

As he enjoyed the grateful hugs of his friends Cal wondered if Nikki would give him a copy of the magazine when she appeared in it.

Hmmm, are those cheers I hear? 

I'm sorry this chapter took so damn long, but I just couldn't seem to get it done. Of course if you've looked at my profile regularly you know I haven't put out any other fanfics lately either. As for the next chapter of this series I'll make no forecasts for when it will appear, but hopefully it will be much quicker than this one. If only I could be more like someone like Neuropsych, who can write a tens of thousands of words epic in a couple of weeks.