CASE IN POINT #6: Death Becomes Him

"Let's get going to the Farplane, guys!" Tidus pointed towards the bright, bubbling sphere of doom triumphantly as the group ganged up behind him.

Only one member remained far in the back.

"Auron? You comin'?" Tidus queried.

"I do not belong there," Auron replied.

"Me either," Rikku had a seat on the stairwell.

"Why don't you belong there, Rikku? You wanna spend time with Auron?" Tidus seemed a bit confused at the pair's motives.

"No, I get creeped out by dead people!" Rikku shuddered.

"And I'm dead," Auron said shortly, as though nobody had figured it out yet.

"So does that mean you guys are gonna have sex on the stairwell?" asked a random self-inserted Mary Sue as she walked by the pair.

"OH MY GOD NO I AIN'T TOUCHIN' A DEAD GUY!" Rikku shrieked. "GET AWAY FROM ME ROTTING OLD GUY!"

Auron proceeded to whip around and lop the fangirl's head off.

Splurts of blood flew from the fangirl's bloody stump of a neck, and people stopped and stared all along the Farplane Path.

"Sir Auron!" Yuna gasped. "Why did you do that?"

"BECAUSE I'M PISSED!" Auron screamed.

"Please calm down!" Lulu reasoned.

"I AM CALM! I'M CALM, I'M SERIOUS, I AM A VERY DEDICATED GUARDIAN! I'M INTELLIGENT, I'M DEVOTED TO MY CAUSE, AND I HAVE NO TIME FOR F&NG AROUND WITH AN ANNOYING LITTLE AL BHED GIRL 20 YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME!"

"Honestly, people!" Rikku shrieked, leaping up from her seat and facing the audience. "What in the hell are you smoking!? What made you think, as you played Final Fantasy X, that there was ANY indication in our characterizations that we belonged ANYWHERE NEAR each other in romantic circumstances!?"

"By all means, speculate and be creative!" Auron cut in, back in his normal, calm tone of voice. "Pick random couples and work them together! Express your creativity through the medium of fanfiction! But for the love of all that is holy, RESPECT THE CHARACTERS!"

"I am NOT RESPECTED when you make me sobby, angsty and after THAT!" Rikku yelled, pointing at Auron.

"I am NOT RESPECTED when you make me wussy, sensitive, and nurturing for the sake of THAT!" Auron shouted, pointing at Rikku.

"If you've taken anything from this fanfiction, let it be this:" Rikku stated, holding up a sign.

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THIS IS YOUR FANDOM.

(picture of FFX game box.)

THIS IS YOUR FANDOM ON CRACKED OUT OOC SLASH.

(picture of the beheaded fangirl burning in a fiery, Mary-Sued and Self Inserted HELL.)

For the love of god, no more Aurikku.

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The End