Chapter 3: Talk to the Moon

Kenshin continued through the snow storm, in search of Kaoru, along the long straight path that would eventually lead to town. 'I hope that Miss Kaoru decided to stay in town till after the storm, that I do.

But....she can be so stubborn sometimes.....' He smiled to himself, remembering the slight bruise he had received on his head yesterday from her whacking him on the head.

'She is stubborn, fiery, generous, and she always puts others before herself...' With that last thought, Kenshin quickened his pace through the storm, concentrating on getting to Kaoru.

'God, she better be okay.... I.... I couldn't forgive myself if anything were to happen to her or anyone of my friends. But specifically her... I don't know if I could stand it if I lost another love...' Kenshin stopped his steps for a brief moment, not believing what his mind had allowed his heart to say. Clearing his mind of those thoughts, he continued on in search of the woman he had grown to love. He didn't deny that he loved her, yet he could never act upon his feelings. It wasn't that he felt unworthy, for a part of him believed that they were just what each other needed and they were meant to be together, but it was complicated.

He knew he was hurting her everyday that he stayed living in her dojo. Even though he acted ignorant to her feelings, he wasn't blinded to see the far-off sadness behind her eyes when he would watch her when she thought she was alone doing chores. He hated seeing that look on her countenance and in her eyes. That look of utter loneliness and longer. That's why he loved it so much when she smiled.

Whenever she smiled at him, the sadness he abhorred was replaced with joy and happiness- because he was there with her. He could never leave her because of that. If he ever left her, that beautiful smile would be replaced with grief and tears. He knew what had happened when he left for Kyoto. Sano had 'informed' him of what had become of Kaoru when he was gone, the same way any protective brotherly figure would have done. Good thing Kaoru didn't see the bruises from his and Sano's 'conversation', because she would have worried, and Kenshin hated it when he was the reason for her to worry. He couldn't believe that Kaoru would have reacted in such a way to his departure. Kenshin's face had paled and he was shocked when Sano had told him of Kaoru's coma-like state of grief and depression.

That's why he couldn't leave her ever. He meant too much to her and she meant too much to him. But, that was also the reason Kenshin believed he could never act upon his strong feelings of love towards Kaoru. His memories of his first love Tomoe were still hauntingly fresh in his mind.

She had died because of their love for one another. Kenshin knew he could protect Kaoru from harm from other people, but he couldn't protect her from herself or from her feelings and reactions regarding himself. He knew how to use his sakabatou to protect those he loved, but he still hadn't mastered how to use his heart to protect them. He couldn't be without her, yet he couldn't be with her. Kenshin often wondered if he was doomed to cause others misery.

Any outsider would be able to see clearly that Kenshin and Kaoru belonged together. To outsiders, it seemed so simple for them to be together. But, the reasons behind why they couldn't be together were not on the outside. And until Kenshin decided to take a risk and embrace a love he had only partially experienced once before, nothing would ever change positively in his relationship with Kaoru.

And here he was, searching blindly through the dense snowstorm for the one he loved most now.

He was used to having nothing to lose, and it was easier to concentrate that way. When Kenshin left for Kyoto, he felt that having nothing to lose would give him an advantage against Shishio. But having something to lose gave one the willpower, strength, and motivation to make it out alive, that those who had nothing to lose lacked. Kenshin just hadn't fully realized that yet. It was too frightening for Kenshin right now. The last time he had someone to lose, he tragically lost them.

A knot of worry had been forming in the pit of his stomach since he set foot on the long snowy stretch of path, and it was only growing. He trudged on, before suddenly halting his steps. His eyes went wide. He heard the blood race in his ears and the blankets in his arms fell onto the snow.

To be continued....

(A/N: I'm so sorry this short chapter took so long to get posted. I kinda lost my motivation somwhere along the way to type this up and post it. But thanks to a wonderful review from The Agoraphobic, I was inspired to finally post this up here and get back on track to writing stories. So, thanks to The Agoraphobic and all other reviewers out there. Your reviews are much appreciated.)