It was now a brand new day, and all of the leaders of the various hidden villages had gotten together for a big meeting called by Tsunade, the brand new Hokage! Kazekage, Tsuchikage, Raikage, Mizukage, they were all there inside their kage robes and masks, sitting at a big circular table. All of the men were also using various kage-level peeking jutsus from behind their masks to gape at Tsunade's impressive boobage as she stood by the table, preparing to start her Powerpoint presentation for them.
Tsunade motioned for Shizune, who was off to the side, to turn off the lights. The room darkened, and Tsunade then announced with momentous grandiosity, "Hey guys, welcome to Konoha Village! And thanks for coming on such short notice!"
The kages all replied in unison, "Your welcome, Hokagesama."
"Thank you! Thank you very much..." Tsunade smiled big time, then started to pace about with hands behind her back. "Ok, look, I called you guys together because last night, I came up with this great idea! I asked myself, what could I do to stop all the bloodshed and violence amongst our countries? And do you know what idea I came up with?"
As Tsunade paced back and forth, the kages' eyes were busy following the bouncing movements of Tsunade's two baby boys. Raikage did manage to say, however: "What idea is this, oh Hokagesama?"
Tsunade stopped walking, and her baby boys calmed down, much to the kages' dismay. "My fellow kages, have you ever thought about why we keep declaring wars on each other?"
"Hmmm," the kages wondered out loud. Tsuchikage then said, "No, I never really did think about that, Hokagesama. It just seems like it is part of our jobs' duties to declare war on each other, that's all."
"See, Tsuchikagesama! That's the problem right there!" Tsunade beamed, happy that someone finally understood what she was getting at. "We just fight and fight and fight, but we never know why! But I sat down and thought about it the other day, and I finally came up with the reason why we always fight!"
Tsunade was now walking back and forth again, thus the kages were happy to just sit and watch as she continued. "You see, my fellow kages, we are currently rivals with each other because we hail from different countries!"
"Ah!" Kazekage nodded enthusiastically as his peeking jutsu managed to zero in on the outlines of her nipples underneath her shirt. "Those are two very nice points you have there, Hokagesama!"
"Really? I thought I had only made one point just now. Oh, whatever! Thank you, Kazekagesama. Now, let me show you my idea on how to bring about world peace." Tsunade started up her power point presentation, and a big map of the continent was displayed for all to see, with the five countries each distinguished by a different color, the Fire Country being red, the Wind Country being blue, etc etc.
"Right now, we are five different countries, as you can see by this graphic here."
"Mmm." The kages nodded.
"But, if we do away with the borders and boundaries which keep us apart..." Tsunade moved on to the next slide, which showed a map of the entire continent colored as one big pink blob with a happy face drawn in the center. "If we do that, we can form one big country and live together as one big happy family!"
Kazekage, Raikage, Mizukage, and Tsuchikage said, "Wow, Hokagesama, that really is a good idea! Okay, let's do it!"
Tsunade rubbed her hands in glee, visions of the Nobel Peace Prize dancing in her head. "All right, that's the spirit, my fellow Kages! We should make love, not war, that's what I always say!"
The other four Kages all shouted in unision, "What was that?! We should make love?!"
"Yup!" Tsuande beamed as her hand flashed a peace sign. "You heard me right! Make love, not war!"
All the men looked at each other. Then Raikage immediately shouted, "I shall be the one who will make love to the Hokage!"
Mizukage shouted, "No way, me! Me! Dibs! I call dibs!"
Tsuchikage shouted, "Dibs is for silly children, you idiot... firsties! I call firsties!"
Tsunade shouted, "Please everyone, don't get me wrong, I was just using a figure of speech! Please don't fight! Remember, we are here to make peace!"
Kazekage was the only other calm Kage in the room. "Yeah guys, calm down. Who would want to screw a fifty year old woman anyway?"
Tsunade screamed, "Why you!" She killed the Kazekage with a blow to the head. "Older women are as just a good lay as younger women!" Then she calmed down and said, "Okay, about the peace treaty! Who's in?"
The remaining three Kages immediately shouted, "We will agree with whatever you want to do, Hokagesama! Please don't kill us!"
"Yes!" Tsunade rubbed her bloody hands in glee. "Wow, the negotiations went by so fast! This Hokage gig is easy! Nobel Peace Prize, here I come!"
The next day at the ninja school of Konoha Village ...
Class was about to start, and everyone in the classroom was babbling to each other. They were very excited about the historic development that had happened yesterday. Apparently the five Kages had gotten together and decided that they would merge all their countries to form one big country called "Happyland". Their beloved Hokage, Tsunade, was the primary force behind this new peace treaty, and she was all over the front pages of the newspapers, smiling, giving the V sign, and comparing herself to Gandhi.
Shikamaru was sitting way in a back corner of the classroom, where he could usually sleep without getting caught. "Pssht. This is gonna suck. You know what this means, right?"
Choji was sitting next to Shikamaru, because the fat nerd didn't have any other friends at school. And he was finishing his paper bag lunch already, even though it was still early morning. "What does it mean, Shikamaru?"
"It means that other kids from other countries will be coming to our school, that's what."
"Oh okay." Choji had finished the lunch inside his bag, and he started to eat the bag itself. "That will be interesting, don't you think?"
"Yeah, but in a bad way. We may officially be at peace, but there is still a lot of bad blood between the former nations."
"I see." Choji had eaten the bag now, and he started to chew on his desk. "Man, I'm hungry!"
"Choji, what the hell. Doesn't that hurt your teeth?"
"Nope. Besides, wood tastes better than you'd think."
Suddenly the class's homeroom teacher, Anko Mitarashi, crashed through a window and landed feet-first on top of her desk. "Good morning everyone!"
No one listened to her, because they were still talking to each other. She then screamed, "Shut up, you miserable brats, or I'll kill you all!"
Everyone shut up, because Anko really meant it when she said stuff like that. She had already killed seven misbehaving students this semester. The parents of the dead kids had complained, of course, but then Anko killed the parents, too. So the school decided to just let the crazy ass bitch run her classroom the way she wanted to.
An eighth casualty of a student was already lying on the floor, dying from the flying glass shards which had lodged themselves in his throat due to the window Anko had just broke. But Anko did not notice the wheezing and gargling before her, as she now happily smiled at the class's obedient silence. "That's much better! Now then, I'm sure you all heard of the big treaty that was signed yesterday! As a result, we have three new transfer students today!"
The class did a double take as Kinuta Dosu, the leader of the three Sound genins, walked into the classroom. He wasn't just walking; he was Crip-walking, feet bouncing this way and that. He was dressed like a rapper gangsta homeboy, with an askew cap and his pants hanging down at his knees. His face was still taped up. He was also wearing that big dead beaver fluffy which he always wore on his back. He was also carrying a huge boombox on his shoulder that was blasting bass lowrider beats.
Anko beckoned for him to come to the front of the class. "Hi, my name is Anko, and I'm your new homeroom teacher! Oh, and by the way!" Anko promptly took away the noisy boombox from Dosu and smashed it to pieces against the nearest wall. "No music in the classroom."
Dosu blinked, then shrugged. "No biggie. Wasn't even my stereo to begin with."
"Good, then!" Anko smiled happily. "Now kids, I want you to say hello to Dosu!"
The class clamored, "Hi, Dosu!"
Dosu flashed a Crip gangsta sign to the classroom. "Sup bitches."
Zaku and Kin, the other two Sound genins, then jumped out from their hiding spots inside Dosu's dead beaver fluffy. Kin also flashed a crip sign, but Zaku couldn't because he didn't have any arms left (remember, they got blown up during his match against Shino).
Anyway, Kin and Zaku both shouted to the class, "Sup bitches!"
Anko said, "Now kids, I want you to say hello to Kin and Zaku!"
The class clamored, "Hi, Kin! Hi, Zaku!"
Anko then said, "Anyone have any questions for our new students?"
Sakura, who was sitting at the front of the classroom like the brown-noser she was, raised her hand. "Hey, aren't you guys supposed to be, like, um, dead?"
Dosu explained, "Jigga please, we Sound nin are quite resilient. We don't die easy."
"Apparently not," said Sasuke, who was sitting behind Sakura and surrounded by fifty other fangirls. "Hey, do you know where Orochimaru is?"
Dosu snarled, "Fuck that Orochimaru bitch! I'll bust a cap in his ass if I ever see that guy again."
Kiba spoke up now. "Hey Zaku, I was just wondering. Do you need a hand with your bookbag?"
Zaku said, "Nah, I don't need any help - hey, what do you mean by 'do you need a hand'?! Are you making fun of the fact that I don't have arms anymore?!"
Kiba grinned. "Haha, no way! I wouldn't dream of it! But if you wanna fight, I'll brawl with ya anytime! Say, Zaku, you got any kunai or shuriken on you?!"
Zaku blinked. "No. Why?"
"Oh, ok, never mind. I wouldn't dream of picking a fight with an unarmed man anyway. Haha, get it?? Unarmed! Hahaha!"
Zaku screamed, "Why, you fucker!"
While Zaku threw a helpless tantrum, Shino solemnly nodded from his seat next to Kiba. "Good one, Kiba."
"Haha, yeah, I burned that bitch good! Gimme some skin, bug boy!" Kiba held out his left hand, and Shino slapped five. Kiba then held out his right hand. "You too, Hinata! Come on, gimme some - huh?"
The dog boy looked around to see that Hinata was not in her customary seat to the right. "Holy fuck, Hinata isn't here!"
"Hmm." Shino also frowned at that, because during her seven years of schooling, Hinata had never ever been late to class even once, let alone absent. "Odd."
"Yeah, weird!" Kiba scratched his head. "You know, she's been acting kinda weird lately. I wonder if she tripped and hit her head on a water sprinkler or something."
Shino agreed, "Yes, she has been exhibiting unusually aggressive behaviour lately." He then turned his head to the door. "There she is."
"Cool!" Kiba turned his head, then yelled, "What the fuck! Hinata, what happened to you???"
Hinata was already scared stiff as it was, barely able to force her feet beyond the threshold of the opened classroom door. Kiba's blaring announcement of her arrival was not helping her any, as she fought the urge to turn tail and run far far away from here.
For she was wearing her glasses. Her big huge thick geeky horn-rimmed milk-bottle glasses. Everyone was gaping at the incredible sight of a Hyuuga in glasses, and Hinata was convinced that everyone now considered her to be the ultimate, the pinnacle of nerds.
She could now see with painstaking clarity, and all she could see were stares of shock and incredulity. Even Anko-san was gaping hard at her! Hinata swallowed hard, completely sure that the only way she could possibly look more nerdy was if some bully walked up to her, broke her glasses, and forced her to tape them up at the middle.
And, to the terrified Hinata's anguish, that bully could very well be that scary Sound guy, Dosu. Dosu was walking over towards her, obviously intending to accost her. He was walking slowly and deliberately, all the while his scary lone bulging wide-open eye boring into her eyes.
Dosu's eye boring into her with that eerie malignant intensity, Hinata involuntarily staggered backwards as Dosu finally brought himself to a halt half a foot in front of her, way too close for comfort. She braced herself as that scary Dosu guy slowly said,
"Hey babe, did it just get hot in here? Or is it just you?"
A befuddled Hinata blinked from behind her monstrous frames, as she instinctively began to do that weird nervous wriggling tic of hers with her fingers. She stammered, "N-n-n-no, I don't think it's hot in here, D-D-Dosu-san - "
Hinata gasped. Wait a minute! Did this Dosu guy just use a pickup line on her?! Was he HITTING on her?!
Before she knew it, Dosu was reeling off another bad one-liner as he sauntered around to scope her from behind. "Hey baby, your daddy must be a baker, cuz you've got an awful nice set of buns - "
"Eat shit and die, fuckerrrrr!" Kiba had already seen enough from the incredibly rude Sound nin, and he was flying across the room, ready to defend his teammate and knock Dosu all the way into next week.
An instant later, however, Shino had a good grip on Kiba, holding back his friend while the dog boy lobbed all sorts of death threats towards Dosu's general direction. "Kiba, calm down! Hinata can take care of herself! We are supposed to be allies with the Sound nin now, not enemies!"
"Fuck that, I'm gonna bust a cap in the scrawny ass of that motherfucking Sound fucker fucknut!" Kiba flashed a Blood gang sign at Dosu. "Fuck you crips! Bloods for life!"
Dosu's bulging eye nearly popped open in fury as he yelled with wide open arms, "Come and get it then, blood! Piece of dogshit, come here and get your shit fucked up, you fucking shitty ass Leaf ninja!"
Kiba screamed, "Fuck you, you fakeass! You're so fake, I can smell your fakeness from a mile away, you wannabe! Fuck! Biggest wanksta EVER!"
Dosu hollered, "Fuck you, little bitch, you have no idea where I'm from! Fucking bitch, last night, I was all iced up and rolling in my cadillac and chilling in clubs and picking up mad fly bitches and tricks - "
Zaku blinked. "Uh, Dosu, we spent the night playing Monopoly at Kin's house."
Kin also blinked. "Yeah, Dosu, what are you talking about? Besides, you don't even drive a Cadillac. You drive a Toyota Tercel."
Dosu yelled with a shrill hint of panic, "Shut up, guys! Just shut up!"
Kiba screamed in laughter now, pointing a condemning finger at the redfaced Dosu (well, his face was underneath all those bandages, that is). "Ahaha, faaake! I knew it! Man, you talking all this gay shit while last night, I was running around killing bitches like you for free - "
Shino said, "Huh? I thought you said that you spent last night knitting a new sweater for Akamaru."
"Ah?" Kiba stopped in mid-gumflap, as all eyes focused on Akamaru. The doggy was perched on Kiba's head, as usual. And the doggy was sporting a new black woolen sweater with a big cartoony red heart stitched on the back.
While the embarrassed Kiba and Dosu tried their damndest to melt away from plain sight, Anko thrust a finger towards the seats. "Everyone! SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN. I swear, the next person to talk, I will break that miserable maggot's fucking fingers into a million fucking pieces!"
The genins recognized danger when they heard it, and they quickly sat down without further fuss. As Hinata sat down in her seat, she was uncomfortably aware of all the boys staring intently at her. Dosu, Kiba, Shikamaru, Choji, heck, even Shino was sneaking a peek while he pretended to adjust his sunglasses! The only guy who didn't look her way was Uchiha Sasuke, of course; he didn't give a flying fuck about anyone, save for himself.
"Oh my god," Hinata said to herself. "They're not looking at me because they think I look nerdy! They're looking at me because I look cute!"
Then she remembered what Itachisan had said yesterday, about how she looked cute in her glasses. Then she remembered what that creepy nasty Dosu guy had just said to her. And Hinata broke out into a raging blush.
"Oh my god, all these boys are actually thinking I'm cute?! Then that means - "
She immediately started to look around for that one particular boy. But much to her dismay, Narutokun was absent from class yet again. He was probably out training with that old nasty man Jiraiyasan, yet again.
With a heavy sigh, Hinata sagged in her chair. Then she jerked up as Kiba hissed, "Psst! Hey, Hinata! Hey!"
With hugely scared eyes, she immediately looked to her team's leader. "Y-y-y-yes, Kibakun?"
Kiba grinned and gave her a thumbs up. "Hey, I dig the frames! Nice!"
Kiba's infectious good humor spread over to her, and she couldn't help but smile back. "Thanks Kiba - "
Anko slugged Kiba upside the head, instantly knocking the dog boy unconscious. "NO TALKING IN CLASS, YOU LITTLE PISS ANT!" She then calmed down, as she brightly smiled and said, "Now then! Where was I? Oh yes, today, we have a special guest, kids!"
The kids were too scared of her to say anything back, so Anko just continued on. "Now, this special guest is a very famous man who has accomplished many great feats and missions! His reputation is the stuff of legends, and his name is well known throughout the world! Lucky for you scum-sucking piglet swine, this amazing man has taken some time out of his incredibly busy schedule to come over and teach you guys a few things about the way of the ninja! So, when he shows up, you better listen up, pay attention to him, and show some respect! Or else!"
The kids were murmuring now, wondering who this great man was. Sakura, the brown noser, eagerly asked with excessive enthusiasm, "When is this great ninja going to be here, Ankosan?!"
"Hmm. Well." Anko frowned as she looked at her wristwatch. "Actually, he was supposed to be here over half an hour ago. I guess he's running late."
Sasuke and Sakura immediately gagged in unison, as they realized just who this "great ninja" was supposed to be. On cue, Hatake Kakashi walked into the classroom, just now tucking away his well-worn latest issue of Make-Out Paradise. The jounin's visible eye disappeared in a jovial squint as he waved to the kids. "Halloooo, everyone! Good morning!"
Sasuke and Sakura screamed, "YOU'RE LATE!"
Kakashi's jovial squint became an even more jolly squint, somehow, as he gestured towards the hallway. "Ahhhh, Asuma-san asked me to buy some cigarettes for him - "
His two pupils screamed, "You're lying!"
"Ahhhh, well. Anyways." Kakashi coughed as he decided to ignore their accusations for now. "Ankosan, I'm sorry I'm late. Is there anything in particular you want me to teach the kids today?"
Anko shook her head. "Nah. Just make sure to teach these miserable brats a couple jutsus. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a nap." She leapt onto the classroom's couch, sprawled all over the place like a lazy cat, and immediately began to snore.
"Very well then." Kakashi noted the presence of the Sound genin trio. "Ah, I see that we have three of our newest allies here with us today! Okay, then, it's decided! To commemorate this special day of unity and peace, I will teach you kids my most powerful jutsu! I will be teaching you... Chidori!"
"What?!" Sasuke had fallen out of his chair, but he was now scrambling back up. "Chidori? But, Kakashi! I thought you said that Chidori requires Sharingan! And that only special people can do Chidori, like you and me!"
Kakashi laughed at the naivety of his pupil. "Ahhhh, hahaha! No, no, Sasukekun, I was just kidding about all that stuff! Chidori is not hard to do at all. As a matter of fact, it's quite easy to learn. I'm sure that when I'm through with everyone here, everyone will be able to do it."
"No! No way!" Sasuke's humonogous ego had taken quite the hit, as walls came tumbling down from the Uchiha sky. "This can't be! This can't be true! There's no way everyone here can do Chidori!"
One hour later, a totally crushed Sasuke was sitting huddled in his own little dark spot in a corner of the room, as numerous cries of "Chidori!" filled the air behind him.
"Chidori!" Sakura dashed across the room and plunged her crackling blue hand through a thick wall of sandbags. "Yatta! I did it! Sasukekun, did you see that? Oh Sasukekun, lookie here, I was able to do the Chidori only because of my burning love for youuuuu!"
Sasuke only groaned and buried his face deeper inside his hands...
Ino was not to be outdone by her eternal rival. "Sasukekun, don't listen to Forehead Girl! Watch me instead, okay?" Ino ran across the room and plunged a similarly electric blue hand through the sandbags. "Sasukekun! Did you see that? Oh Sasukekun!"
A black cloud was now forming over Sasuke's bowed head...
"Rarr!" The armless Zaku yelled fiercely as his hair stood on end at the top of his head, sizzling with blue chakra. "Chidori!"
Zaku lowered his headful of crackling chakra and charged headlong into the sandbags, ramming his head completely through the barrier. From the other side of the barrier, Zaku screamed with tears of joy running down his sand-covered cheeks.
"Look guys, look! I just did a jutsu! Can you believe it, I did a jutsu! And here I thought that I would never be able to do a jutsu again because of my handicap!"
Needless to say, Sasuke was openly sobbing now...
Class was finally over. Sasuke and Sakura were walking out of the door together, and Sakura was trying her hardest to cheer up the disconsolate Sasuke.
"Don't feel bad, Sasukekun! Everyone knows that you're still a great ninja, you know, the number one rookie! You're still special in my heart, at least!"
Sasuke would have none of it, as he started to bang his head against the wall. "Oh, this sucks, this sucks, this sucks, this sucks, this sucks!"
While Sakura tried to stop Sasuke from inflicting a mild concussion upon himself, Hinata sidled up by the two. "Um, S-S-Sakura? Do you know where Narutokun is?"
Sakura looked to Hinata. "Oh, hi, Hinata! Where's Naruto? Oh, he'll be coming to school late today. He has an early morning training session with Jiraiyasan."
"Oh, okay." Hinata was doing that weird finger twiddling thing of hers. "It's just that, now that I've mastered Chidori, I think it would be neat to show it to Narutokun..."
She also hoped that Naruto would come by and see her in her glasses. Maybe then, he would finally notice her, or maybe see her as someone other than just a friend...
Meanwhile, Sasuke was wailing out loud at Hinata's mention of Chidori, and he dropped to the ground, curling up into a little ball of miserable Uchiha.
Sasuke wailed, "Oh my god, this is going to suck so much when Naruto finds out! When he finds out, he is going to rub it into my face until the end of time!"
A loud boisterous shout from down the hallway. "What was that?! When I find out what?!"
Hinata looked up in delight at the sight of Naruto marching down the hallway. "Narutokun!"
"Hey Hinata! Hey everyone!" Naruto grinned as he looked down at the suddenly silent Sasuke. "What's going on?"
Sakura said, "Oh, Sasukekun's not feeling very good about himself right now."
"Huh, weird - whoa! Look out!" Naruto jumped to the side as Dosu and Kiba had taken their feud out into the hallways, each doing the Chidori as they collided into each other. "Hey you guys, watch where you're going - holy moly! Are those guys using Chidori?!"
Hinata eagerly piped up, "N-N-Narutokun, it's too bad you weren't here at school today because K-K-Kakashisan showed us how to do Ch-Ch-Chidori! Look!"
While Sasuke cried softly into his hands, Hinata did a couple hand seals and then braced her right hand... chi chi chi chi! Chidori!
Naruto enthusiastically applauded in approval at the chakra gushing from Hinata's hand. "Wow! Hinata, that's great! You can do Chidori?! Kick ass!" He scowled in frustration. "Man, now I wish I had come to school this morning! Jiraiyasan said he would meet me early morning for some training, but he wasn't at the bath house like he usually is! What gives?! Stupid ero sennin!"
"I-I-It's ok, Narutokun, I'm sure K-K-Kakashisan can show you how to do it sometime l-l-later!" Hinata started to madly blush now as she twisted this way and that. "Or m-m-maybe, if y-y-you want to, I can show you sometime, it's not that hard to do, I mean, y-y-you don't have to, but if you have the time, m-m-maybe it would be nice..."
Unfortunately for poor Hinata, Naruto was not listening, for he was busy screaming into Sasuke's ear, "Hahahaha, you suck, Sasuke! You think you're so hot, huh? Looks like Chidori isn't that big of a deal, huh?!"
Another boisterous voice now boomed throughout the hallway, albeit a much younger and brattier voice than Naruto's (if such a thing was possible). "Aha! There he is, my eternal rival!"
Everyone turned to see the brat pack trio of Konohomaru, Moegi, and Udon, with Konohmaru at the forefront as usual with his arms crossed. Naruto grinned and said, "Hey Konohomaru! What's up?"
Without any preamble whatsoever, Konohmaru thrust a defiant finger at the fox boy. "Naruto! I challenge you to a fight! Today, I will defeat you, and then I will be the leader of our group!"
"Huh?" Naruto wore that one puzzled face of his. "Challenge me to a fight? Maybe later, Konohomaru, I'm kinda busy right now, I got to find Jiraiyasensei - "
On cue, the Frog Hermit stuffed his face into the middle of the group. "Oi, Naruto! What's up!"
A fuming Naruto shouted, "Jiraiyasensei! What happened to our training session this morning?! Where were you? I looked all over for you, but I couldn't find you!"
"Oh, haha, sorry, Naruto, but our Hokage asked me to come to school today as a guest speaker! You know, because today is a special occasion, with the unification of our countries and all!"
"Guest speaker?"
"Yup! Today, I was the guest speaker for Konohomaru's class today!" Jiraiya grinned, then sombered in a momentary lapse of dampened humor. "Although, I would have much preferred to be the teacher for the high school girls' class, but Tsunade wouldn't let me."
"Nasty Ero Sennin!" Naruto crossed his arms and scowled at Jiraiya. "I bet all you did was ask if anyone had any sexy older sisters or mothers!"
Konohomaru piped up, "No no, Naruto, Jiraiyasan spent most of his time teaching us a new jutsu!"
"A jutsu? Cool!" Naruto grinned. "What did he teach you guys?"
"Some jutsu called Rasengan!"
Naruto roared at the top of his lungs, "WHAT?!"
"See! Watch this, Leader!" Konohomaru took a deep breath and focused his concentration on his right hand... and Naruto choked half to death as Konohomaru formed a perfect swirling ball of chakra inside his hand. Konohomaru was doing Rasengan?!
"But, but, HOW?!" Naruto looked to Jiraiya. "I thought you said that only you, me, and the Fourth mastered this jutsu!"
Jiraiya laughed, "Well, that's because we never bothered to teach it to anyone! But really, it is quite easy to do!"
"Nooooo!" Naruto clapped his hands onto his head as he looked back to the brat pack. "This can't be!"
Moegi was smiling brightly back as she held up a perfectly formed Rasengan for Naruto's inspection. "See, Leader! Isn't Rasengan so pretty?"
Udon, meanwhile, was using one hand to hold up his Rasengan, while he used his other hand to blow his ever runny nose. "Sniffle, sniffle, it was pretty hard to do at first, but it isn't as tough as the Gamabunta action model I am currently working on."
Konohomoaru now shouted, "So how about it, Leader! Let's have a duel!" The grandson of the 3rd then stopped, as he realized that Naruto had joined Sasuke on the ground, curled up in a little fox boy ball, sucking his thumb and crying his eyes out.
"Hey, Leader! Are you okay?"
While Sakura now tended to both of her fallen sobbing teammates, a saddened Hinata was slowly trudging away with a hanging head and a heavy heart. Naruto had not noticed her. Again. He had not looked at her like those other boys had. He had not even noticed or commented on her glasses. Sigh...
A depressed Hinata had made her way out of the school building. Once she was outside, she then blinked in astonishment as she saw, of all people, Itachisan standing out in the schoolyard! He was dressed in his Akatsuki cloak as usual, but this time, he was wearing one of those ugly bright orange vests over his cloak, you know, those worn by community service workers. He was yawning, looking like he was about to fall asleep as he lazily poked away at some fallen autumn leaves with his rake, trying to coax them into a trash bag next to his feet.
Hinata waved happily to the elder Uchiha. "Hi, Itachisan! How are you doing today?"
"Huh?" Stoner Itachi's bleary eyes slowly tracked down the source of the greeting, and he ahh'd in recognition as he lifted a greeting hand in return. "Yo, Hinata. Sup."
"I'm doing well, thank you!" Hinata skipped over to look at the trash bag by his feet. "Are you... are you raking leaves, Itachisan?"
"Yeah, I gotta do this cuz I've been sentenced to one week of community service work by the Hokage." Itachi half-heartedly banged his rake against the street asphalt. "I got busted yesterday by Kurenaisan for drug possession, and the Hokage decided that this would be the best way to rehabilitate me." Itachi's mouth suddenly split open in a monstrous yawn. "Yeahhhh, I also gotta show up at some drug rehab center every day, so they can give me counseling and stuff on why drugs are bad for you. It kinda sucks."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, at least you're not going to jail, Itachisan."
"Yeah, that is pretty cool, huh?" Itachi wanly grinned now. "I thought I was gonna get busted big time when Kurenaisan caught me, because you know, I killed my family and clan and stuff. But the Hokage was pretty cool about it, she's one hella cool chick. She was like, well, Itachi, you were a kid back then, so we can't try you as an adult, we gotta try you as a minor, and we don't send kids to the electric chair, so we'll just have to send you to some juvenile delinquent reform school."
Another yawn from Itachi. "The school's pretty cool, too, they teach you skills like how to make license plates and stuff. And its location is convenient too, duz the place is right next to the drug rehab center, so I don't gotta walk around much or take the bus or anything." He then snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah, plus, I like the cafeteria food. The chicken patties and the cornbread are the fucking bomb."
"Well, that's great, Itachisan! You're getting your life back on track!" Hinata was genuinely happy for the S-ranked criminal. "I'm glad that you've turned over a new leaf in your life!"
"Yeah, I already feel like a brand new person, man, maybe it's cuz I haven't smoked anything yet today." Itachi looked to his side, where his Akatsuki buddy, Kisame, was also stuffing leaves into a yard bag. "Yo Kisame, where's Kurenaisan? She around?"
Kisame, in all of his bright-ugly-orange-community-vest glory, growled, "No, she left to get some coffee. Come on, Itachi, let's fucking blow this joint and get out of here! We got a mission to accomplish, remember?"
"Yeah yeah, I know, I know." Itachi waved away Kisame's grumblings. "Calm down, dude, we can still do our classified top secret Akatsuki stuff while we're chilling at the reform school."
Kisame scrunched up his face in skepticism. "We can?"
"Yeah, man, we can! Come on, man, think about it! While we're in reform school, we can walk around in the middle of Konoha and do our top secret Akatsuki stuff right here! How cool is that! Plus, we get to eat chicken patties every day! For free! Free food, man!"
"Oh yeah." Kisame was starting to nod in agreement. "I see where you're coming from... yeah, it would be pretty convenient! And I do like chicken patties. Especially with ketchup and mustard. Mmm, chicken patties..."
"Now you see? Man, that's why I'm the brains of our little operation." Itachi tapped a finger against his forehead. "Kisame, you always gotta be thinking, man! Think! Always gotta stay one step ahead of the game."
Hinata now nervously interrupted, "Umm, Itachisan, s-s-sorry to interrupt you during the middle of your top secret Akatsuki s-s-stuff, but... are you still trying to kidnap N-N-Narutokun?"
"Huh?" Itachi looked down at her. "Oh, nah, we're not trying to kidnap him anymore. We're doing a different mission now."
"Oh really? Cool! What's your new mission?"
"Can't tell you, kid." Itachi was now pulling out a hand-rolled cigarette from the depths of his Akatsuki cloak. He placed the joint inside his lips, and he mumbled through the half-closed lips, "It's top secret stuff, I can't be telling no one what the fuck!"
Itachi blinked as Kurenai flashed into view, snatching away the joint from his mouth. "Oh shit! Kurenaisan! Fuck, I thought you took a break to get some coffee!"
The lady jounin sternly shook a finger, his unlit joint in one hand, a mocha cappucino in her other hand. "It's a good thing Starbucks is right around the corner, Itachikun! I swear, I can't take my eyes off you for one second!" She thrust her finger down at the ground. "Pick up your rake and get back to work!"
Itachi grinned as he bent down to pick up his rake. "No problem, babe. And only cuz you asked so nicely."
Kurenai shook her head at Itachi's insolent bad boy tone, and she turned to Hinata. "Hinata, I think you'd better go back to class. Nothing good can come from hanging around these type of guys. They are nothing but a bad influence on good girls like you."
Hinata was saddened by Kurenai's words of wisdom. "Really? Oh..." She then stammered, "B-b-but, Kurenaisensei, Itachisan isn't bad! He's nice! Yesterday, he helped me so I can see tenketsus now!"
"Don't believe a word he says, Hinata! He is an S-ranked criminal, and you can't trust men like him." Kurenai shooed away Hinata now. "Now, go, go! Go back to class!"
"Okay..." Hinata waved goodbye. "Bye bye, Kurenaisensei! Bye bye, Itachisan!"
Itachi waved while he rearranged some leaves on the ground with his rake. "Later, kid."
While the Hyuuga girl skipped back to the school building, Kurenai turned back to Itachi. "Spit it out, Itachikun! What did you do to Hinata yesterday?!"
Itachi put on a bland innocent face as he dropped his rake and held up his hands in indignation. "Nothing, Kurenaisan! Honest! I just helped her get some glasses, that's all! I swear on my mother's grave - no, wait, that's not a good example. Um, I mean, cross my heart and hope to die."
"You got her those new glasses?!" Kurenai blinked, then said, "Hmm, I guess that could be true. There's no way her father would have bought them for her, because he doesn't care about her at all... but why?"
"Cuz like, she looked like a kid who could use some confidence, you know. She looked like she was always getting stepped on and stuff, which can't be easy, man, I know what it's like to be the first born kid in a top tier clan, you've got all these expectations hanging over your head, it kinda sucks ass."
"Well, that is true..."
"Yeah, so like, I got her some glasses so she can see tenketsus and stuff. That way, it will be easier for her to kill anyone who fucks with her."
"Uh, I see." Kurenai gave him a strange look, then sighed. "Well, in the end, I guess you did help Hinata. Maybe there's hope for you after all."
"Hey babe, there's more to me than meets the eye. I've got layers, you know, kinda like how an onion's got layers."
Kurenai raised an eyebrow. "Like an onion?"
"Yeah babe, an onion! You know, some people think that an onion is like one big fruit, but it's not! Onions aren't just one big chunk like an apple! Man, they got all these layers that you can peel away with your fingers and stuff!" Itachi nodded very thoughtfully now. "Onions are way deep, Kurenaisan. And they're not even fruits, either, I think they're actually some kind of radish or something."
Trying to hide an exasperated smile, Kurenai said, "Well, Itachikun, I'll agree with you that onions do have layers." Then she frowned as she pointed back to the ground. "Now pick up that rake and get back to work! And where's Kisame? He's been awfully quiet for the last few minutes, and that's making me suspicious."
"Uh." Itachi looked to the side, where Kisame was rolling around on the ground and fighting with his own sword again. "I think his sword is giving him trouble again."
"Oh dear, don't tell me his sword is sucking away his chakra again! I swear, why does he carry around that dangerous thing?" Kurenai sighed as she started to walk over. "Hey you two, break it up! Stop fighting this instant, or I'll throw both of you into solitary confinement!"
While Kurenai tried to break up the fight between Kisame and his Samehada, Itachi grinned as he picked the rake back up and started to rake leaves again. Man, he was so fucking clever, none of these Leaf dudes had any clue about what he was planning to do! Yeah, he'd been telling the truth about helping that Hinata kid and stuff, but he had only been telling a partial truth when he told the kid that Akatsuki no longer wanted to kidnap Naruto. Oh no, Akatsuki still wanted Kyuubi, all right. They just wanted Itachi and Kisame to go about it differently this time... that poor Hinata kid. He felt kinda bad that he was gonna take away her boyfriend from her and everything, but oh well. That was life. Life sucked.
Itachi quickly popped an Ecstasy pill into his mouth while Kurenai wasn't looking. And he grinned as he said to himself, "Man, I am one baaaaad dude."
CHAPTER ENDS
Notes: Man, I don't even know where I'm going with this story. I am just writing random stuff! Oh, the joys of writer's block... Stoner Itachi is becoming a bigger part of this story than I anticipated... so, just what does Itachi have planned for Naruto? And what effect will it have on Hinata if Akatsuki takes away Naruto? Stay tuned!