I hear footsteps approaching in the darkness.
"Go away Sasha."
I say before she even appears. I don't know how I know that it's her. Somehow I can just tell.
"I can't do that and you know it Brendan."
She comes and sits down next to me; I wish that she would just leave me alone. I feel her hand on my shoulder. I know that she wants me to look at her, but I just can't. We sit in silence until she is willing to break it.
"I'm sorry about your dad Brendan."
I finally look up at her, but she doesn't think badly of my tears. She simply acts as though they aren't there. She sits completely silent, waiting for me to speak. She knows that this is hard for me and she is wiling to wait. Finally, I gather the courage to speak.
"I don't know why this is affecting me so much. I mean, I'm not surprised. I've heard the rumors. I knew that he was dirty."
"Still though Brendan", she replies, "He is your father. That can't be easy."
"But, it isn't even that he is my father though. It's that he killed Davis' dad. How am I ever supposed to face Ty again? He has to hate me. Plus, my old man is a murderer, what does that say about me?"
"First of all", she answers, "Ty doesn't hate you. This is not your fault Brendan. Your father is the one that did this to Ty sr., not you. You were just a little kid. Ty does not in any way hold you responsible. Second, you are not your father. He is a murderer, not you."
I look away from her and stare at some invisible spot off in the distance.
"The entire reason that I became a cop is because of my father. My grandfather and great-grandfather were both cops. It is expected of the men in my family. I became a cop because of my dad. Doesn't that mean that I am destined to be the same kind of cop?"
"No," she replies heatedly, "everyone has control over their own destiny Brendan. Ty became a cop because of his father; does that mean that he is destined to be killed like his dad? Of course it doesn't. Was your grandfather dirty? Was your great-grandfather? I'll say it again Brendan, because I'm going to keep saying it until it gets through that thick head of yours. You are not your father Brendan. You are a great cop Brendan, you're not dirty and you're not going to be dirty. You're a great man, don't be so hard on yourself."
I stop staring into space and look directly at her.
"Why are you trying to help me Sasha? Why do you even care?"
She looks me straight in the eye and I'm surprised by the intensity in hers.
"I do care Brendan. I care about you. You are a great man. You stuck by me Brendan. When everybody else turned on me, you stuck around. You will never know how much that meant to me."
Even though she doesn't say, I know exactly what she is talking about. About six months ago my father "accidentally" exposed Sasha as our house's IAB rat. Everybody felt betrayed and everybody deserted her. Ty dumped her (if you ask me, he's a moron) and Swersky wanted to fire her. He didn't want to put her on the street by herself. He said that he wasn't going to force anybody to ride with her and he didn't think that anybody wanted to. I volunteered to ride with her. I still don't know why I did it; it just seemed like the right thing to do. Ty told me that everybody would hate me if I rode with her, but I didn't care. Most people already hated me anyway; I might as well at least give them a reason. That first night Sasha almost got killed chasing down a child murder suspect. It was my job to back her up and I didn't mean to leave her alone, but I had been hit on the head and was unconscious. That night also brought out new developments in the investigation into the murder of Officer Tyrone Davis Sr. After that night things began to change. Pointing out that she had IAB connections, Sasha volunteered to help with the case. She offered to do anything they needed. Though he still didn't trust her, Ty knew that Sasha did have the ability to get the information (she had already gotten him one confidential file). With this information in mind, Ty half-heartedly accepted her offer. One thing that didn't change much though was people's attitudes towards Sasha. No matter how much she did to help Ty, he and all of the other cops still didn't trust her as far as they could throw her. So as I was the only one willing to ride with her, Sasha basically became my new T.O. That was fine with me. I had absolutely no problem with Sasha. Besides I liked Davis and all, but he had become sort of moody lately. It was different riding with a woman, not a bad different though. Sasha added beauty to the car. No matter what happened in the last six months, no matter what anybody said or thought, and no matter who said or thought it, I stuck by Sasha. I don't know, there's just something about Sasha. Despite all the crap that the guys gave her, despite all the reasons that she had to quit, she just kept going. Sasha was strong and she refused to let anybody break her spirit.
"Brendan", Sasha broke into my thoughts, "are you okay? You haven't said anything in about ten minutes."
"What? Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking about the past."
"About your dad?" she questions.
"No", I reply with a slight chuckle, "actually about the last six months and the roller coaster that we've been on."
"It has been a crazy ride," she states with her own small laugh. "It's been insane. But we got through it together."
I look at her again, not exactly sure what to say to that.
"Together?" I question.
"Well yeah", she answers with a smile on her face, "no matter what we did stick together."
"Yeah.Yeah I guess we did." I say a little enlightened. "We make a pretty good team don't we?"
"That we do Brendan, that we do."
I look at her not exactly sure what to say now.
"You are coming back to work right Brendan?" she asks me.
"You still going to be my T.O.?" is all I can think to ask.
"Of course", she replies with a smile, "you're the only one that will ride with me."
I smile knowing that that this is still true. I also know that no matter what Sasha says, there is a chance that she is the only one willing to ride with me. Everybody already hated me because of my dad and this really isn't going to help.
"Brendan", she tells me, "we might not be the most liked cops at the house. We also might have difficult paths ahead of us. I believe though, that we will be okay as long as we stick together.
Together, I think. It is a nice word.
"So", I say, "We have to stick together."
"Partners", she tells me, "no matter what. We're partners."
I know that she is right. Even if all of the other cops loved Sasha and I, we would still be partners. Sasha and I work well together and we will always be together. I hate what my dad has done and I don't think that I could ever forgive him. Sasha is the only one that I can completely trust. I know that no matter what Sasha will stick by me. My tears having dried, I stand up and take Sasha's hand.
"Let's go." I say and we do.
We have no idea what awaits us back at the station, or what kind of problems await us in the future. No matter what happens though, we will get through it together.
Partners.
After all, Blue is thicker than Blood.