Scared Witless and Back in the World
Disclaimer: Ohh.... verily.
By: Unfortunate
Summary: Another random piece of writing from the desk of Remus Lupin, this time, as a play. More lingustic abuse abounding. This time, it's about memories and symbols.
And yet…
(Open curtains. Stage dark except for one light, pointing towards the center of the stage, slightly to the left. House lights flick off. Footsteps shuffle in the background. Suddenly, a figure appears in the light. He's glaring at the ceiling)
Sirius: Remus, I know what you are.
(Another figure enters from stage right. His hands are shaking in apprehension.)
remus (scared): I- I don't know what you mean Sirius. I am what I've always been.
Sirius: Are you?
remus (laughing nervously): Well, I suppose I am a closet Ravenclaw…
Sirius (flatly): You're a werewolf. You lied to us.
remus: I- I- (he falls into a lapsing silence)
Sirius: Were you ever going to tell me, Remus? Ever mention the fact that you're no quite like the rest of us? That you're not quite… human?
remus (getting angry): Well what was I supposed to say? Hmm? 'oh by the way, I'm a monster'. Yeah… and have you come at me with pitchforks and silver? Ha. Right.
Sirius: You could have mentioned it.
remus (angry now): When! It's not- you don't- you have no fucking clue what it's like to be a monster, Sirius. People you don't even know hate you over something you can't control!
Sirius (equally furious): I wouldn't have hated you! You didn't have to lie about it, Remus! You could have been a real friend and told me the truth!
remus: What is a 'real' friend, Sirius? I've never even had a friend until you and James and Peter! I couldn't…. I couldn't lose you…. (he rubs at his eyes)… you could never understand….
Sirius (still upset): You should have known you could trust me- us!
remus: You're popular and have loads of friends, Sirius… you could never understand me at all….
Sirius: No Remus, you don't understand. I don't bloody care that you're a werewolf. You're a great bloke. I care that you couldn't even bother to tell me the truth!
remus (shocked): You… you don't hate me?
Sirius (incredulous): What are you on, Remus? I could never hate you.
remus: But I thought that because I was a werewolf-
Sirius (interrupting): I don't care about that. You're Remus. You're only Remus.
remus (shocked still): I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm….
Sirius: Making an utter prat of yourself. (He draws remus into a manly and dignified hug)
(The light goes out abruptly. When it comes on again a figure is sitting on the edge of the stage.)
remus: See how he understood? There were a million times just like this that he'll never remember, because he's gone. A million times I've recorded safely in my memory because there aren't words to put it in. Awkward pauses that I can't express and odd looks that I can't describe. I'm no master of the quill; I'm no pensive to show you my memories. But I can give you the words he said, the words they all said. Because in the end, all I've got are words. Let me give you an image in words of Lily…
I sit at the desk, doing homework. James and Sirius have scratched obscenities all over the top of the table when they got bored with homework. I idly scratch out a line on my essay when I smell something sweet. –A sweetened perfume, like a melted chocolate bar- I get a craving for chocolate. Soft shoes scrape on the carpet of Gryffindor Tower, echoing off the common room walls, but not drowned out by the usual chatter. –No heels to catch in the rug, just soft shoes scraping gently, they sound brown to me- I can see her in the mirror –red hair dripping lazily into her left eye, two slender white finger pushing it behind her ear- I smile at the image of her. I bring a sugar quill to my lips and I remember the one time we kissed under the mistletoe –she tasted like chocolate and sugar quill, and I couldn't quite forget the taste of her, even after I'd licked my lips for the thousandth time- I reread the last line I've written on the essay. It doesn't make a lot of sense. It's not smooth. –lily's hands are smooth when they hold yours, as smooth as her hair -
Sometimes, when I don't remember that Lily and James are meant for each other, I memorize her. That way, when I'm lonely, there is always something beautiful to fall back on.
"Hello Lily."
The footsteps pause. I can imagine her turning to me, eyes curious.
"Hey, Remus. How'd you know I was here?"
I shrug, never looking away from the paper. I don't need to see her to know her. I suppose that it wouldn't be the same if I weren't a werewolf, if I had loads and loads of friends and all that, but instead, I care deeply about the friends I do have.
"Because you're a werewolf you've got better senses?"
I shrug again.
No. Not really. I don't need heightened senses to know you Lily. I've memorized every plane on your face; I could tell you the number of freckles on your left wrist (three). I think, in some ways, I loved you more then James ever could. You and I belonged together Lily, like quills and parchment. But destiny waits for no one, and I was not in your future.
In some ways, very many ways, I was in love with all of my friends. Except for maybe Peter. But our love for each other was never romantic, besides Lily and James who were always LilyandJames.
(The lights dim again. It's quiet for a few moments, until Remus comes back out, looking drawn. In his hand is clutched a note, which he strokes gently, until it folds out smoothly. A clock hangs above the stage, but there are no hands on it. There is not time here, this is only a memory)
-Remus, he reads, you're a werewolf.-
remus: Yes, I am. James knew, and told me so. He was blunt. It didn't hurt. He wasn't accusing me, he wasn't threatening me. With James, I was accepted. He might have been arrogant, he may have bullied Snape, and he may have been feckless and immature, but James Potter was a Good Man.
(James comes onstage.)
James: You think that Remus?
remus (abashed): Yeah… I suppose I do.
James: That's nice Rem, that really is. I feel all fuzzy inside.
remus: Mmm… yeah. I suppose it's odd to say that, but you really are, James.
(James looks embarrassed. He punches Remus lightly in the shoulder. Remus rubs it absentmindedly. The blackout comes in slowly.)
Voice: a puppet show, compliments of on high.
(Remus appears as a child. There is a gap in his teeth where he has lost one, and his hair is sticking up. A streak of mud runs up the right side of his jeans. He's grinning in a gap-toothed way.)
a wolf puppet appears behind the child –music sings horror in the background- and remus doesn't see it. he is bitten. the wolf disappears.
(Young Remus' leg folds slowly and he balances, wobbling on one foot. His smile fades and frown lines develop from his look of concentration.)
james and sirius appear. they lean on either side of remus, helping him balance. peter appears at remus' front and puts his hands lightly on his shoulders. lily leans against his back.
(Remus as a teenager. His balance is guaranteed, even with one leg held up. The four figures keep him upright. He is smiling again, showing white, even teeth.)
james and lily vanish. peter snaps out of view. remus staggers. sirius wavers as remus overbalances, and then he too disappers. by the time he has wavered into nothingness, remus has regained his balance.
(Remus as an adult. His age is indeterminate as his hair is gray, but his face young. He's not smiling. Slowly he rocks back and forth in a melancholy pattern, swaying. His mouth works silently, as if he's trying to tell you something. –i'msorryi'msorryi'msorry- He mouths it again and again, but no one knows what he is talking about. No one is onstage besides him.)
figures flit on, occasionally helping remus balance, occasionally trying to push him over. sirius reappears, older. he is right behind remus, holding him absolutely still. Remus relaxes into the man behind him.
(Remus is smiling. He looks relaxed and happy. Sirius is not happy except when he glances towards Remus. He shifts constantly, but holds Remus steady.)
sirius' face develops a shocked look and he disappears. remus, totally unprepared, falls.
(Remus staggers shakily to his feet, but a red stain is spreading down from his upper chest. His leg folds, then he puts it back down, as if trying to find his balance. Eventually he sits on the floor. He writes.)
remus: I've decided that I would use one word to describe each of my friends. I'd like to carve it into the tombstones.
(he coughs to clear his throat and unfolds a piece of paper)
Peter: Loyal. (to whom, it didn't matter.)
James: Loving. (he loved life, and that was that.)
Lily: Beautiful. (inside, outside)
Sirius: Unstoppable. (that was why he was so shocked when he died you know, because we never though he could be beaten. that was why his ego was so large, that was why he was just so… big. so untouchable.)
and remus: werewolf. (that's allI can see.)
(The lights go out.)